Oranges aren't the only fruit

Is it only me...but surely this is not good use of David Cameron’s time.

It is with some incredulity that I read a recent interview with Ed Miliband, the Dippy One, when he criticised The One Caesar, Mr Cameron, for failing to stop the sale of half price chocolate oranges in WH Smith’s. Really, Mr Miliband, maybe here there is a clue here as to why you and your obsolete party are lagging in the polls.

At this point, let me declare an interest-I like chocolate oranges and I especially like cut price chocolate oranges.

It seems that when in Opposition The One Caesar made a speech promising that when he became Caesar he personally would make the sale of cheap chocolate illegal-or some other similar promise. Now maybe, Mr Miliband, you might want to take a long hard look at the campaign promises made and subsequently broken by the previous leaders that you actually served. Believe me I can assure you that banning the sale of cut price chocolate is a mere trifle compared to what your lot said when you were trying to win and stay in power. Student tuition fees, need I say more?

But there is a more important issue at stake here than who promised what to whom and when.

Now as I am no longer an Apparatchik charged with defending our borders, liberties and freedoms, I am no longer privy to the contents of the Two Caesar’s in box but I can guess the kind of issues that the Her Maj’s First Minister might be dealing with as I write this and you read this. These are likely to include the wars we are still fighting; the lack of growth in the economy; the possible break-up of the Euro with all its consequent implications; our constant whining and whingeing that we are not spending enough of the Taxpayer’s money on our pet causes; the need to raise more money from tax; the demand to reduce the amount we borrow; and of course the impending break up of the United Kingdom.

Did you see cut price chocolates anywhere on that list? And it is my guess that in the list of priorities in Number 10 (and hopefully No 11 too) if cut price chocolates figures anywhere above No 985, something is wrong. Indeed in the list of government priorities only Health and Safety and Wonky Weather should rank below the need to reduce the price of chocolate oranges. It would not surprise me though if somewhere in the deepest darkest bowels of Whitehall there was not a Steering Group of Apparatchiks toiling away producing reports, Ministerial Submissions and strategic legislative, policy and communication options to reduce the price of chocolate oranges at our stations.

Now I for one, and not just for reasons of vested interest, do not want one cell of The One Caesar’s brain devoted to reducing the price of chocolate oranges. I do not want one cent of my hard earned taxes being used to pay for Apparatchiks to consider how this might be done. And I do not want one minute wasted through my elected representatives debating and producing more pointless hot air on this subject.

Other than Mr Miliband, does anyone else want to see our political elite prioritising this issue? Do let me know.

Have a great week.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.