Caffe latte

Is it only me ...but surely man can carry a cup.

The other day I needed a caffeine hit to revive me and to kick start the neurons in my brain lest it went into idle mode...and we would not want that, would we?

As is the case these days you are never far from a coffee boutique on our retail devastated High Streets so it did not take me long before I was placing my order with the Barista and he went through his ritual of pulling and pushing levers and emitting loud blasts of steam. I sometimes think that a Barista is just a fancy continental name for a stoker.

And once we had gone through the coffee making ritual I was presented with a warm cup of the caffeine nectar. Bliss.

‘No need to put the lid on’, I said helpfully, ‘I need to add milk.’
‘Sorry’, came the reply, ‘we have to apply the lid....’ and then came the kicker ‘.........its health and safety.’

At this statement enough steam was coming from my ears to steam heat the Coffee Stoker’s milk for the rest of the week. And it was only Monday!

So even though I was feet away from the station where the milk was kept, we could not be trusted enough by the Health and Safety Gualeiters, despite millions of years of evolution, homo sapiens is not considered capable of walking as bipeds small and even reasonably long distances while carrying hot liquids without spilling said liquid. These people have a lot to answer for.

I really do not understand why the Health and Safety Gauleiters insist in turning every mundane task into a bureaucratic assault course of regulatory red tape and even the simplest of activity is seen as a threat to life and limb. I sometimes wonder how I got to my advanced age despite the health and safety risks that seemingly I am increasingly being exposed to.

Now it might only be me but once and for all it is time to take a stance against these fascists. They are bullies, pure and simple, and they lurk in the corners of every business. Too often we are afraid of incurring their wrath lest they take action to close us down and thereby we hang on every one of their pronouncements as if they were religious Fatwas or codicils to the Ten Commandments. These people may be zealots but like all bullies they don’t like it when people stand up to them.

Every day of the week most of us, excluding the Health and Safety Gaulieters naturally and their disciples, will successfully manage to carry a cup of coffee from point A to point B without the need for a lid. I am assuming that most of us will do this in our homes at the very least. We will not spill it. We will not cause an accident. We will reach our end destination with all limbs intact. This is maybe something that those who work in the Health and Safety Industry should realise though to combine ‘Health and Safety’ with ‘Industry’ is clearly an oxymoron.

Their job is to advise and it is our job to consider and quantify the likelihood of said risk occurring and to make sensible and common sense judgements on how we should respond. We have common sense, the Gaulieters don’t.

To the Gaulieters I say, advise. To everyone else, I say decide. Believe me their words should not be taken as gospel. Now can I please have a coffee with milk?

Have a great (and safe) week. And for more considered conversation check out this week’s thoughtful piece at www.themarketingcomic.blogspot.com.


Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.