Greetings, amici.
Thank you for sending through details of useless apps. No one has yet sent me information on a useful app which just goes to prove my point. You have until midnight on Friday 4th June to send me through your thoughts on useful and useless apps and then we will decide a winner.
You will also note that in last week’s comments one of you has implied that Cicero is a Luddite, a dinosaur, a has been. You cannot be serious. Cicero refutes, rejects and resents such accusations. How can such things be said?
And it seems that there is some interest in discovering more about the writer of this wisdom. Indeed someone has dared to suggest that Cicero might be a composite. Surely it is doubtful that more than one could possess such wisdom and insight.
Unlike the Stig, a character on a motoring TV programme, Cicero does not hide behind a helmet and a racing suit. Even when traversing the capital on his way to the VTSSB on his wee bike, Cicero ignores the pleas of our Health and Safety Gauleiters and even refuses to wear a helmet.
There is one way to recognise Cicero. He always wears his trademark bold stripey socks. We must all look to be distinctive, to stand out from the crowd. Surely that is a marketing adage and marketing ourselves should be no different. Don’t you agree? And in these tough times for State Apparatchiks and others this is going to be increasingly important.
Which reminds Cicero of an incident last week in the VTSSB.
Below is an extract from a Cicero’ speech in the VTSSB last week to the Appartachiks. It might lack the polish of the prose in ‘Pro Sulla’ but it does contain useful nuggets of wisdom and insight for us all.
‘Colleagues, the two Caesars have decided and decreed that for us the times are to be a-changing. We have been living beyond our means and we must now all tighten our belts. This will be difficult for us all but we can get through this and I am here to help you.
‘Change is never easy. We hate change. It unsettles us. We grow fearful. But change is constant and we must learn to deal with it, to accept it, to embrace it.
‘Change is rarely democratic. It is dictatorial. It is imposed on us. It is done unto us.
‘And that is why we hate it.
‘But my advice to you today, my dear colleagues is to take ownership of those aspects of the change that you can influence and can do something about. You cannot determine what is going to happen to your job. The Caesars will decide that. But you can start to create options for yourself or you can wait for the fates to decide your fate. The choice is yours.
‘I would always want to create options. It means I am in a wee bit more control of my life and it’s my life, your life, we are talking about here. So get the CVs ready, practice the interview technique, search the job columns. Take control of what you can.
‘And when writing your CV, think of yourself as a brand. You are Marketing Petits Fromages. Think marketing. And market yourself using the tools and techniques you would use to market anything else. It is no different. You now have responsibility for marketing the ultimate product. You.
‘Why are you different and better than anyone else? What is your USP, your unique selling point? If you don’t know that, can’t work it out, how are you going to expect others to know what they are buying? Test your thinking on those who know you best to check you truly deliver your brand promise, that you genuinely walk the talk.
‘And once you have worked out what you are going to stand for, think about how you are going to communicate that in your CV. Think tone of voice, think look and feel, think language. Your CV is your brochure. Your call to action. Are you an Ariel kind of person, modern and progressive, or Times New Roman, classic and timeless with a wee bit of old fashioned added? Heaven forbid you might be a Monotype Corsiva. Remember Cicero’s Golden Rule of Marketing-everything communicates.
‘Think too about routes to market. How you going to reach the people you want to reach i.e. those who are recruiting. Use all the routes to market, you can find and think of. Why restrict yourself to just one or two? Employer websites, newspapers, head-hunters and recruitment agencies are the obvious places to start but what about your network and your network’s network. How are you going to reach them? Most jobs are not in fact advertised so how are you going to promote your brand to recruiters who don’t show themselves? How are you going to reach your hard to reach audience?
‘Colleagues, as Mr Dylan said ‘you’d better start swimming or you’ll sink like a stone, for the times they are a-changing’. Let us start swimming together. Let us start now. Let’s get on with it………….’
The rest of Cicero’s address is indecipherable at this point.
It is not just in VTSSBs that the times are a-changing. The times are a-changing everywhere all the time for all of us. Hopefully you might now be a wee bit prepared and ready to deal with these times now that Cicero has shared his thinking with you. May the force be with us all.
Is it only me……but surely we should be proud of this?
Cicero was wending his weary way home from his VTSSB the day Betty went to greet the new Caesars and all their little helpers and closed all the roads in central London between Buck House and Parliament.
On a newspaper stand he saw the headline ‘Peace Camp-our shame’. This was a reference to a tribe of squatters who have pretty much taken up permanent residence on the green opposite the Houses of Parliament in the name of peace. Admittedly, this is a bit of an eyesore on the green sward though doubtfully Betty and Phil would have paid it too much attention. They will have seen a lot worse surely.
Now it might only be me, and it usually is, but surely it is wrong for us to be ashamed of this. Should we not be fiercely proud?
Does this not represent all that is great in a democracy such as ours? Does it not celebrate freedom of speech? Does it not represent our individual and collective rights and liberties? Does it not demonstrate our tolerance as a society for the diversity of thoughts, opinions and views that swirl and meld within us?
In many countries, even so called democratic ones, such freedom of expression would not be tolerated. Those who held them would be shunted into gulags or force fitted with an orange suit and despatched to Guantanomo Bay never to be heard from again. Or they would be swept up off the streets like used cigarette butts and dumped somewhere else, usually with a blue lamp outside, until Betty and Phil had done their business. Is that what we want?
So let us not be ashamed as our newspaper editor wants us to be, but proud that in our society diverse thoughts can co-exist contiguously with so called mainstream thinking.
Are you proud? Or are you ashamed?
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
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Friday, 28 May 2010
Friday, 21 May 2010
Stuck in a rut
It seems that while last week’s quality assured words of wisdom and enlightenment met with general and widespread approbation, the burst of Latin wrong footed a few of you. Apologies. It still comes as a surprise and a shock that as a result of the monstrous neglect by the Head Honchos and State Apparatchiks who run our educational establishments of one of the finest languages ever seen, that few are now Latin literate.
Maybe we should start a campaign; or set up a Facebook page; or set up a No 10 Petition, assuming that our new Caesars are as committed to open government as the last Caesar was, to lobby for the return of Latin in our educational establishments.
Cicero was even accused of showing off. As if.
Last week we talked about ego marketing and this week we are going to be introduced to default marketing. And you thought marketing was all about advertising, the 4 Ps and meeting customer needs. Clever marketing is so much more than that as you are now all finding out.
In our VTSSB we have a leaflet which encourages people to go online or phone a number for more information. You will have leaflets like this in your business too. Crucially the web address was first and in slightly larger print and obviously this is where more of our customers went. This was good for us as it was cheaper to serve them but it was also bad for us as it gave us less opportunity to close the sale.
And so we switched the calls to action around and led with the phone number. Do you know what? Phone calls and sales spiked. We had changed the default. And that is default marketing.
Let us look at organ donations. In countries where ‘opt in’ is the norm, such as the UK, organ donor rates barely reach 20%. By contrast in countries where ‘opt out’ is the norm the rates often exceed 90%.
As sentient human beings we go with the flow, we are happy complying with the status quo. And when faced with a difficult or complex choice we stick with what we know best and carry on doing what we always have done and avoid making a decision. As animals we are comfortable to stay stuck in our ruts.
It is the role of the marketer and the marketing tools she deploys (did you note what happened there?) to break the cycle of default, to change the habit. And it is not an over exaggeration that all human progress depends on this happening and on the marketer being successful. Otherwise the status quo prevails and human behaviour stays stuck in a rut. And nothing should be more antagonistic to marketers than this.
And therefore adjusting our market’s default settings can be a powerful marketing approach.
Some examples of this have already been provided where we shifted the choice architecture. We can also edit choice by removing the most offending options or by introducing products and services that extend choice. The development of hybrid cars is an example of this.
And think about how supermarkets have bowed to the eco-mentalists outrageous claims that plastic bags damage Gaia and now only offer such weapons of mass destruction on request. Default marketing or mind manipulation, you choose? But it works.
Finally at our VTSSB we are grappling with the marketing challenge of switching people to use our online services. Default marketing is critical to this. By promoting 3Ws as primus inter pares with our other channels, by adding to the complexity of our other channels and by ensuring that transacting through 3Ws is quicker and less hassle than anything else we are changing the default, smashing the status quo and moving out of the rut.
Any more examples of great default marketing out there you want to share?
And hopefully, you can now see that unsticking the rut your customers might be stuck in, is not just about spending a lot of money with ITV or with fancy dan London luvvie dream factories. There are low cost low tech solutions out there if you think about them.
Is it only me…………but can we stop applying ourselves?
Do you have an iPhone? If you are like Cicero, then this technology will have passed you by and you might not know what we are about to talk about. If you do have one of these fancy modern gizmos you will no doubt be into apps. Why? It is beyond Cicero’s comprehension why these super geeky gizmos attract so much attention.
Discussions about apps have overtaken house prices as the topic of conversation at the smartest of dinner parties as the guests, usually the male ones, seek to outdo each other with the latest pointless and useless app. Is this what Aristotle, Newton, Berners-Lee and all the other great scientists who stood on the shoulders of each other have reduced the human condition to?
Cicero has seen pointless apps which will tell you the make, carrier and destination of planes flying overhead. Why would anyone think that Cicero would want to know that? He has also seen apps that let you know your sleeping patterns through the night and which allow you to pour a virtual pint of a well known Irish alcoholic beverage. As has already been said pointless and useless . And hugely worrying that otherwise rational executive sentient beings should display symptoms of ACD or App Compulsive Disorder.
And here is another really worrying thing. There are mags dedicated to promoting these geeky gizmos. Yes, mags, plural. Worrying, isn’t it. And what is even more worrying is that these ads feature scantily clad women to promote said gizmos. This is the kind of marketing last seen in ‘Ashes to Ashes’. Most Marketing Grand Fromages have moved on from using lust as a marketing technique. Maybe it says a lot about the kind of people suffering ACD.
If you are sufferer, don’t despair totally. Cicero is well acquainted with a sufferer who is also one of the accountancy professions finest, who has a glittering career and a happy marriage so ACD is not necessarily an impediment.
Now it might only be me and maybe Cicero can be called a luddite but for those of you suffering from ACD, here is something else to pre-occupy your brain cells for a bit-re-arrange these words to form a well known phrase or saying ‘ A life get’.
Have you ever come across a useful app? Let us know. And do please share with us the most pointless one. There will be a lot of contenders for that last one. A wee prize is on offer for the most pointless app but usual Cicero rules apply.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
Maybe we should start a campaign; or set up a Facebook page; or set up a No 10 Petition, assuming that our new Caesars are as committed to open government as the last Caesar was, to lobby for the return of Latin in our educational establishments.
Cicero was even accused of showing off. As if.
Last week we talked about ego marketing and this week we are going to be introduced to default marketing. And you thought marketing was all about advertising, the 4 Ps and meeting customer needs. Clever marketing is so much more than that as you are now all finding out.
In our VTSSB we have a leaflet which encourages people to go online or phone a number for more information. You will have leaflets like this in your business too. Crucially the web address was first and in slightly larger print and obviously this is where more of our customers went. This was good for us as it was cheaper to serve them but it was also bad for us as it gave us less opportunity to close the sale.
And so we switched the calls to action around and led with the phone number. Do you know what? Phone calls and sales spiked. We had changed the default. And that is default marketing.
Let us look at organ donations. In countries where ‘opt in’ is the norm, such as the UK, organ donor rates barely reach 20%. By contrast in countries where ‘opt out’ is the norm the rates often exceed 90%.
As sentient human beings we go with the flow, we are happy complying with the status quo. And when faced with a difficult or complex choice we stick with what we know best and carry on doing what we always have done and avoid making a decision. As animals we are comfortable to stay stuck in our ruts.
It is the role of the marketer and the marketing tools she deploys (did you note what happened there?) to break the cycle of default, to change the habit. And it is not an over exaggeration that all human progress depends on this happening and on the marketer being successful. Otherwise the status quo prevails and human behaviour stays stuck in a rut. And nothing should be more antagonistic to marketers than this.
And therefore adjusting our market’s default settings can be a powerful marketing approach.
Some examples of this have already been provided where we shifted the choice architecture. We can also edit choice by removing the most offending options or by introducing products and services that extend choice. The development of hybrid cars is an example of this.
And think about how supermarkets have bowed to the eco-mentalists outrageous claims that plastic bags damage Gaia and now only offer such weapons of mass destruction on request. Default marketing or mind manipulation, you choose? But it works.
Finally at our VTSSB we are grappling with the marketing challenge of switching people to use our online services. Default marketing is critical to this. By promoting 3Ws as primus inter pares with our other channels, by adding to the complexity of our other channels and by ensuring that transacting through 3Ws is quicker and less hassle than anything else we are changing the default, smashing the status quo and moving out of the rut.
Any more examples of great default marketing out there you want to share?
And hopefully, you can now see that unsticking the rut your customers might be stuck in, is not just about spending a lot of money with ITV or with fancy dan London luvvie dream factories. There are low cost low tech solutions out there if you think about them.
Is it only me…………but can we stop applying ourselves?
Do you have an iPhone? If you are like Cicero, then this technology will have passed you by and you might not know what we are about to talk about. If you do have one of these fancy modern gizmos you will no doubt be into apps. Why? It is beyond Cicero’s comprehension why these super geeky gizmos attract so much attention.
Discussions about apps have overtaken house prices as the topic of conversation at the smartest of dinner parties as the guests, usually the male ones, seek to outdo each other with the latest pointless and useless app. Is this what Aristotle, Newton, Berners-Lee and all the other great scientists who stood on the shoulders of each other have reduced the human condition to?
Cicero has seen pointless apps which will tell you the make, carrier and destination of planes flying overhead. Why would anyone think that Cicero would want to know that? He has also seen apps that let you know your sleeping patterns through the night and which allow you to pour a virtual pint of a well known Irish alcoholic beverage. As has already been said pointless and useless . And hugely worrying that otherwise rational executive sentient beings should display symptoms of ACD or App Compulsive Disorder.
And here is another really worrying thing. There are mags dedicated to promoting these geeky gizmos. Yes, mags, plural. Worrying, isn’t it. And what is even more worrying is that these ads feature scantily clad women to promote said gizmos. This is the kind of marketing last seen in ‘Ashes to Ashes’. Most Marketing Grand Fromages have moved on from using lust as a marketing technique. Maybe it says a lot about the kind of people suffering ACD.
If you are sufferer, don’t despair totally. Cicero is well acquainted with a sufferer who is also one of the accountancy professions finest, who has a glittering career and a happy marriage so ACD is not necessarily an impediment.
Now it might only be me and maybe Cicero can be called a luddite but for those of you suffering from ACD, here is something else to pre-occupy your brain cells for a bit-re-arrange these words to form a well known phrase or saying ‘ A life get’.
Have you ever come across a useful app? Let us know. And do please share with us the most pointless one. There will be a lot of contenders for that last one. A wee prize is on offer for the most pointless app but usual Cicero rules apply.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
Friday, 14 May 2010
An ego the size of a house
Habemus novum Caesarem. Iam habemus duo novos Caesares.
Yes, we now have two new Caesars for the price of one-a real BOGOF deal which is no doubt what those wearing red rosettes would like to say those now residing in their former manor.
It matters not a whit to us, State Apparatchiks manning our VTSSBs, how many Caesars we have or what colour rosettes they are wearing. All will be served with equal levels of slavish devotion. And our borders and your security are still in the safest of hands.
Moving away from politics you will recall that a few weeks back we talked about holding horses and black and blue ink. Well it seems that these words are read by a genuine ink expert who writes to inform us that black ink has greater security properties than blue ink which is why we are always ordered by bureaucratic busy bodies to write official stuff in black ink and not blue ink. Now we learn something new every day. Hopefully that was not a State secret which has just been disclosed.
You should also be advised that we now have an honorary (which means you don’t get paid) amanuensis for these words. Indeed just like Caesar we now have two of them. This should eliminate the typographical errors which sometimes creep into the enlightenment published here. It would seem that Cicero has groupies keen to perform this valuable service on behalf of us all. We are all indebted. At least it means that these words should from now on be even better than before. These now come quality assured after having been whizzed virtually to the borders with our Celtic cousins. Although it would be better if someone could speak the language of Ovid, Virgil and Catullus.
And an apology must be offered to all charity workers who were described as such last week. If this is you, sorry. It seems that you wish to be described as charity professionals. We are happy to set the record straight.
It is often said that by those who speak in clichés that there is no ‘i’ in team. Yes you are right. Well done. It is great to know that these annoying people can spell. But there is an ‘i’ in marketing and that ‘I’ can be very useful to those of us working in marketing.
Let me explain.
What is ‘I’ in Cicero’s native tongue? Sorry to be so pedantic on this but as you will know the Latin for ‘I’ is ego. And never under-estimate the power and influence of ego in marketing. For ego can be an immensely powerful driver to encourage our customers to buy from us or to achieve the behaviour shift we require.
It is true-associating something with our positive self image and appealing to our egos can be an effective marketing strategy. We are all driven by a desire to maintain a positive self image and to project self esteem. We all need our egos stroked regularly, even Marketing Grand Fromages, especially marketing Grand Fromages.
It has been proven for example that men will give more to charity when approached by an attractive young woman. They do not want to appear mean and so dig deep. It might be shallow but if it works for you and your business, go for it. Maybe that is what is meant by a charity professional. (We will now get letters on this).
And another example to illustrate this point.
Hotel rooms these days are too mean to wash towels. They hide behind the eco-mentalism excuse but in reality we all know it’s about costs.
A sign in one hotel experimenting with different ways to shift and influence behaviour which asked for people to re-use their towels generated a 35% response. This went up to 45% when the sign said that most guests re-used their towels at least once during their stay. And went up again to a whopping 62% when the sign that the previous occupant of this room was kind to the environment and re-used his towels.
Wham! The ego and the competitive spirit of subsequent guests were hooked and the necessary behaviour changes flowed like re-cycled water.
Think about all the examples of great marketing out there, encouraging us to buy or to behave in a given way by appealing to our self esteem, by stroking our egos. It might not all be about advertising but subtly and across many influences, brands, charities and even State Apparatchiks are working across the channels and touch points to give our egos a firm and warm stroke. And bet you do not even notice it.
And so Cheryl Cole strokes the ego of women. Men can play tennis like a Federer, football like a Henri and golf, and maybe more, like Tiger, if only they use a certain kind of shaver. And by using Oxo Cubes you will get the perfect family.
There might not be an ‘i’ in team but there is a huge and very important ‘I’ in marketing. Go on and use it your advantage.
Is it only me………but is this the result we wanted?
Cicero would like to add one final thought to the millions of others that have been published in recent days and weeks on the election of a new Caesar. He would like to get this very important thought off his chest.
Over past few days it has often been said by our ruling classes that the carefully calibrated result of the election is because we the populus were unwilling to trust just one party to address the issues and challenges we faced. Hence we the populus voted for the kind of power sharing system we now appear to have.
This is an errant nonsense.
To deliver a result like this it would surely have to be pre-planned. Surely also it would mean a big meeting where the millions of us who voted, and perhaps some of those who failed to get out of the pub in time to scribble their X, got together and agreed how we would vote to engineer this result. If such a meeting was ever called or even if there was a teleconference to discuss this issue, no invite reached Cicero.
Now, it might only be me but unless such a meeting was held and no one invited Cicero given his oft radical thoughts, surely the result we got was a totally random outcome of the millions of individual decisions we all made before and after we stepped behind the wee municipal-issue curtain. And it would be really interesting to know if anyone out there really did want this random outcome or whether any minds would have been changed if we had known this was the outcome they were going to get. Democracy while wonderful can be strange.
What do you think?
And one final thought. Maybe next time we should just let Simon Cowell and Mrs Ashley Cole decide. They decide just about everything else. Now that would be a real X Factor.
The thought is just too scary to contemplate.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
Yes, we now have two new Caesars for the price of one-a real BOGOF deal which is no doubt what those wearing red rosettes would like to say those now residing in their former manor.
It matters not a whit to us, State Apparatchiks manning our VTSSBs, how many Caesars we have or what colour rosettes they are wearing. All will be served with equal levels of slavish devotion. And our borders and your security are still in the safest of hands.
Moving away from politics you will recall that a few weeks back we talked about holding horses and black and blue ink. Well it seems that these words are read by a genuine ink expert who writes to inform us that black ink has greater security properties than blue ink which is why we are always ordered by bureaucratic busy bodies to write official stuff in black ink and not blue ink. Now we learn something new every day. Hopefully that was not a State secret which has just been disclosed.
You should also be advised that we now have an honorary (which means you don’t get paid) amanuensis for these words. Indeed just like Caesar we now have two of them. This should eliminate the typographical errors which sometimes creep into the enlightenment published here. It would seem that Cicero has groupies keen to perform this valuable service on behalf of us all. We are all indebted. At least it means that these words should from now on be even better than before. These now come quality assured after having been whizzed virtually to the borders with our Celtic cousins. Although it would be better if someone could speak the language of Ovid, Virgil and Catullus.
And an apology must be offered to all charity workers who were described as such last week. If this is you, sorry. It seems that you wish to be described as charity professionals. We are happy to set the record straight.
It is often said that by those who speak in clichés that there is no ‘i’ in team. Yes you are right. Well done. It is great to know that these annoying people can spell. But there is an ‘i’ in marketing and that ‘I’ can be very useful to those of us working in marketing.
Let me explain.
What is ‘I’ in Cicero’s native tongue? Sorry to be so pedantic on this but as you will know the Latin for ‘I’ is ego. And never under-estimate the power and influence of ego in marketing. For ego can be an immensely powerful driver to encourage our customers to buy from us or to achieve the behaviour shift we require.
It is true-associating something with our positive self image and appealing to our egos can be an effective marketing strategy. We are all driven by a desire to maintain a positive self image and to project self esteem. We all need our egos stroked regularly, even Marketing Grand Fromages, especially marketing Grand Fromages.
It has been proven for example that men will give more to charity when approached by an attractive young woman. They do not want to appear mean and so dig deep. It might be shallow but if it works for you and your business, go for it. Maybe that is what is meant by a charity professional. (We will now get letters on this).
And another example to illustrate this point.
Hotel rooms these days are too mean to wash towels. They hide behind the eco-mentalism excuse but in reality we all know it’s about costs.
A sign in one hotel experimenting with different ways to shift and influence behaviour which asked for people to re-use their towels generated a 35% response. This went up to 45% when the sign said that most guests re-used their towels at least once during their stay. And went up again to a whopping 62% when the sign that the previous occupant of this room was kind to the environment and re-used his towels.
Wham! The ego and the competitive spirit of subsequent guests were hooked and the necessary behaviour changes flowed like re-cycled water.
Think about all the examples of great marketing out there, encouraging us to buy or to behave in a given way by appealing to our self esteem, by stroking our egos. It might not all be about advertising but subtly and across many influences, brands, charities and even State Apparatchiks are working across the channels and touch points to give our egos a firm and warm stroke. And bet you do not even notice it.
And so Cheryl Cole strokes the ego of women. Men can play tennis like a Federer, football like a Henri and golf, and maybe more, like Tiger, if only they use a certain kind of shaver. And by using Oxo Cubes you will get the perfect family.
There might not be an ‘i’ in team but there is a huge and very important ‘I’ in marketing. Go on and use it your advantage.
Is it only me………but is this the result we wanted?
Cicero would like to add one final thought to the millions of others that have been published in recent days and weeks on the election of a new Caesar. He would like to get this very important thought off his chest.
Over past few days it has often been said by our ruling classes that the carefully calibrated result of the election is because we the populus were unwilling to trust just one party to address the issues and challenges we faced. Hence we the populus voted for the kind of power sharing system we now appear to have.
This is an errant nonsense.
To deliver a result like this it would surely have to be pre-planned. Surely also it would mean a big meeting where the millions of us who voted, and perhaps some of those who failed to get out of the pub in time to scribble their X, got together and agreed how we would vote to engineer this result. If such a meeting was ever called or even if there was a teleconference to discuss this issue, no invite reached Cicero.
Now, it might only be me but unless such a meeting was held and no one invited Cicero given his oft radical thoughts, surely the result we got was a totally random outcome of the millions of individual decisions we all made before and after we stepped behind the wee municipal-issue curtain. And it would be really interesting to know if anyone out there really did want this random outcome or whether any minds would have been changed if we had known this was the outcome they were going to get. Democracy while wonderful can be strange.
What do you think?
And one final thought. Maybe next time we should just let Simon Cowell and Mrs Ashley Cole decide. They decide just about everything else. Now that would be a real X Factor.
The thought is just too scary to contemplate.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
Tuesday, 11 May 2010
Don't burn your bridges
Non habemus novum Caesarem! We do not yet have a new Caesar!
At the time of writing this week’s episode of wit and wisdom we still await to learn who is to be our new Caesar. The populus have spoken but no one understands what they have said hence the reason why we still await news on which Caesar we are going to get.
And meanwhile those of us in the apparatchik world stand by our beds in our VTSSBs awaiting our orders. Which envelope shall it be today? The red one? The blue one? Or the multi-coloured rainbow one? Although it should be noted that there is no brown in a rainbow. It is a bit like the Play School windows for those of you of a certain generation. Maybe the time you get to read next week’s dose of intelligent insight we will know which Caesar we have got.
And back to the real world.
Cicero still lacks an amanuensis to ensure and assure the quality of these writings. This is an honorary job with reward deriving from working close up to the great writer, wit and intellect that is Cicero. No wonder there are no takers.
However we are informed that the maths calculation that featured last week was correct and that only one error of grammar and spelling was spotted. The old touch is clearly returning.
Changing subject again. Hopefully you can keep up with the twists and turns of Cicero’s mind.
The other evening while awaiting news on which Caesar he was to serve with apolitical devotion, Cicero was deep in conversation with an esteemed worker from the third sector. For those of you who don’t know what the third sector is it is charities. Seemingly it is just like the Football League where the old Fourth Division is now the Second Division in new money. It is a mystery why we just can’t stick to old names. Why do we insist in constantly changing our labels?
Anyway said charity worker expressed the view that one of Cicero’s many admiring qualities is his willingness to believe that anything and everything is always possible for everyone. And it is true. For it is a core tenet of the Ciceronic value system that it is only our own inhibitions that stop us, our people and our business from achieving what others say is impossible.
To illustrate this point let us start to build some bridges.
If you have ever been to Sydney you will know that one of the bestest things to do when there is to walk up and over the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Not by the road but up and over the Mecanno. It is a fabulous experience. And the story behind the development of this is a tale of persistence and resilience and of never taking no for an answer and is a perfect illustration of how it is within all of us to achieve great things if we put our minds to it.
The guy who came up with the original idea, Paul Cave, spent ten years of his life overcoming more than 60 reasons from nanny governments, health and safety gauleiters and no doubt some eco mentalists who all said this was a really dumb idea and was never going to happen. And as he himself said “If someone had said this was going to take 10 years, I never would have started it, so sometimes it’s good not to know.”
With this kind of attitude how do Australia ever manage to lose the Ashes?
Cave’s self-appointed job description became to pre-empt objections and have an answer for anything they might come up with. He was prepared to tackle the problem of reduced visibility from traffic by creating suits that blended with the Bridge; covering the maintenance costs of the Bridge as part of the proposed lease agreement; and answering problems with proximity to the train tracks during the climb (State Rail rules didn’t allow people to be within five metres of the Bridge without orange safety jackets, and this took two years to resolve despite climbers being harnessed to the Bridge with cages built around the ladders). Other measures included adding breath testing to the pre-climb procedure, and taking out $50 million public risk insurance. Every single reason why not was listened to and dealt with so that eventually the why nots became ‘no problem, mate.’
And through it all Cave held to his belief that what he was doing was right and that his business would succeed.
Climbers include blind and deaf people, even pregnant women, as Cave and the team continually lift the bar to ensure the experience is open to as many people as possible. There are even aims to get wheelchair users to the summit but he is still working on that one.
What a guy!
But there are lessons here for all of us in our everyday business lives. We can if we believe hard enough make the impossible daunting and then just a wee bit difficult and eventually possible. We can do this with patience and persistence and a touch of real creativity to do down the nay sayers, the resistors, the obstructionists. Everything is always possible if we stick at it and demonstrate a real commitment to make it happen and to constantly raising the bar. In that way we, our people and our businesses can and will succeed and go forward. Now get out there and make it happen. Only you is stopping you from being great.
Is it only me……but who do they think I am?
You will know as a regular reader of Cicero’s wisdom and wit that great marketing comes when you get the right message to the right person at the right time. The holy trinity of marketing.
Over the recent Bank Holiday weekend with the weather so inclement Cicero decided to tidy up his in-box, the digital equivalent of tidying up your sock drawer. As you can see Cicero does lead an interesting and exciting life.
It might amaze you to know that said in-box contained a serial number of e-mails promoting degrees from obscure universities in return for cash, a wide variety of drugs and medicines to do God-knows-what-to-your body, a range of penile extension products, products to restore hair growth and umpteen requests from Russian beauties. If any of this of any interest to you, please pass on your details and the addresses will be forwarded.
Do you get these too?
Now it might only be me but why do they think I might interested in any or all of these products. A clear example of wrong message to wrong person at wrong time. Do they really think that Cicero with his proven intellect requires to pay money for a degree? Or is in need of drugs to keep him going? And as for penile extension products, as if. And the same goes for hair growth as those who know me will testify. And do they really think that Cicero will be tempted by a Russian beauty when we all know they end up looking like the back end of the tractor on the collective by the time they are 40.
So if you are one of those spamming furiously and sending this stuff out, please note Cicero is not in the market for any of these products. Get to know your customer.
You have to wonder how this type of marketing makes money but guess it does or it would not continue.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
At the time of writing this week’s episode of wit and wisdom we still await to learn who is to be our new Caesar. The populus have spoken but no one understands what they have said hence the reason why we still await news on which Caesar we are going to get.
And meanwhile those of us in the apparatchik world stand by our beds in our VTSSBs awaiting our orders. Which envelope shall it be today? The red one? The blue one? Or the multi-coloured rainbow one? Although it should be noted that there is no brown in a rainbow. It is a bit like the Play School windows for those of you of a certain generation. Maybe the time you get to read next week’s dose of intelligent insight we will know which Caesar we have got.
And back to the real world.
Cicero still lacks an amanuensis to ensure and assure the quality of these writings. This is an honorary job with reward deriving from working close up to the great writer, wit and intellect that is Cicero. No wonder there are no takers.
However we are informed that the maths calculation that featured last week was correct and that only one error of grammar and spelling was spotted. The old touch is clearly returning.
Changing subject again. Hopefully you can keep up with the twists and turns of Cicero’s mind.
The other evening while awaiting news on which Caesar he was to serve with apolitical devotion, Cicero was deep in conversation with an esteemed worker from the third sector. For those of you who don’t know what the third sector is it is charities. Seemingly it is just like the Football League where the old Fourth Division is now the Second Division in new money. It is a mystery why we just can’t stick to old names. Why do we insist in constantly changing our labels?
Anyway said charity worker expressed the view that one of Cicero’s many admiring qualities is his willingness to believe that anything and everything is always possible for everyone. And it is true. For it is a core tenet of the Ciceronic value system that it is only our own inhibitions that stop us, our people and our business from achieving what others say is impossible.
To illustrate this point let us start to build some bridges.
If you have ever been to Sydney you will know that one of the bestest things to do when there is to walk up and over the Sydney Harbour Bridge. Not by the road but up and over the Mecanno. It is a fabulous experience. And the story behind the development of this is a tale of persistence and resilience and of never taking no for an answer and is a perfect illustration of how it is within all of us to achieve great things if we put our minds to it.
The guy who came up with the original idea, Paul Cave, spent ten years of his life overcoming more than 60 reasons from nanny governments, health and safety gauleiters and no doubt some eco mentalists who all said this was a really dumb idea and was never going to happen. And as he himself said “If someone had said this was going to take 10 years, I never would have started it, so sometimes it’s good not to know.”
With this kind of attitude how do Australia ever manage to lose the Ashes?
Cave’s self-appointed job description became to pre-empt objections and have an answer for anything they might come up with. He was prepared to tackle the problem of reduced visibility from traffic by creating suits that blended with the Bridge; covering the maintenance costs of the Bridge as part of the proposed lease agreement; and answering problems with proximity to the train tracks during the climb (State Rail rules didn’t allow people to be within five metres of the Bridge without orange safety jackets, and this took two years to resolve despite climbers being harnessed to the Bridge with cages built around the ladders). Other measures included adding breath testing to the pre-climb procedure, and taking out $50 million public risk insurance. Every single reason why not was listened to and dealt with so that eventually the why nots became ‘no problem, mate.’
And through it all Cave held to his belief that what he was doing was right and that his business would succeed.
Climbers include blind and deaf people, even pregnant women, as Cave and the team continually lift the bar to ensure the experience is open to as many people as possible. There are even aims to get wheelchair users to the summit but he is still working on that one.
What a guy!
But there are lessons here for all of us in our everyday business lives. We can if we believe hard enough make the impossible daunting and then just a wee bit difficult and eventually possible. We can do this with patience and persistence and a touch of real creativity to do down the nay sayers, the resistors, the obstructionists. Everything is always possible if we stick at it and demonstrate a real commitment to make it happen and to constantly raising the bar. In that way we, our people and our businesses can and will succeed and go forward. Now get out there and make it happen. Only you is stopping you from being great.
Is it only me……but who do they think I am?
You will know as a regular reader of Cicero’s wisdom and wit that great marketing comes when you get the right message to the right person at the right time. The holy trinity of marketing.
Over the recent Bank Holiday weekend with the weather so inclement Cicero decided to tidy up his in-box, the digital equivalent of tidying up your sock drawer. As you can see Cicero does lead an interesting and exciting life.
It might amaze you to know that said in-box contained a serial number of e-mails promoting degrees from obscure universities in return for cash, a wide variety of drugs and medicines to do God-knows-what-to-your body, a range of penile extension products, products to restore hair growth and umpteen requests from Russian beauties. If any of this of any interest to you, please pass on your details and the addresses will be forwarded.
Do you get these too?
Now it might only be me but why do they think I might interested in any or all of these products. A clear example of wrong message to wrong person at wrong time. Do they really think that Cicero with his proven intellect requires to pay money for a degree? Or is in need of drugs to keep him going? And as for penile extension products, as if. And the same goes for hair growth as those who know me will testify. And do they really think that Cicero will be tempted by a Russian beauty when we all know they end up looking like the back end of the tractor on the collective by the time they are 40.
So if you are one of those spamming furiously and sending this stuff out, please note Cicero is not in the market for any of these products. Get to know your customer.
You have to wonder how this type of marketing makes money but guess it does or it would not continue.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
Friday, 30 April 2010
Don't frighten the horses
As we hurtle headlong into choosing a new Caesar for the country, and by this time next week (dependent on when you read this) we will know which Caesar we have chosen, work continues apace in the VTSSB to ensure that the administration can swiftly pick up the reins and ensure the ongoing protection, safety and security of its people. It’s an impressive effort by the State and us apparatchiks. No matter which Caesar we pick the apparatchiks will be ready and poised to execute the will of the populus. Isn’t democracy wonderful?
And please note Cicero’s studied and seeming indifference to the choice of Caesar. He has truly morphed into a State Apparatchik.
For those of you with a tendency to point out Cicero’s failure to use proper grammar and spelling when publishing these humble words, it should be pointed out that Cicero is writing in a language which is not his mater’s tongue and using technology with which he is totally unfamiliar. If you are familiar with his previous works such as De Re Publica, Philippicae or even De Legibus (though not one of his best works) you will be aware that Cicero’s grammar is always polished and poised and his spelling immaculate. Sadly in this day and age he lacks a amanuensis to quality assure the words before they are published…….but if anyone knows of someone wiling to do the job, please do get in touch. You know how.
And in meantime Cicero will try to pay more attention not just to what is said but how it is written. Hopefully this will help you if you are paying more attention to presentation than content.
In 1940 following Britain’s retreat from France, the country had its back to the wall. Equipment was in short supply. And there was a dreadful shortage of manpower. And so the British Army in a drive to improve the efficiency of its troops undertook a review of its operations and activities to see how it could be made more efficient, how it could do more for less. Sound familiar?
In the Royal Artillery it found that every gun came with a team of five gunners to load and fire it. And yet on review and having checked and re-checked their maths and sums and calculations the Army decided that the gun could be fired with four men, an instant saving of 20% if Cicero’s maths are correct. If not there will be someone out there with a more recent qualification in maths who will put us right.
Back to the guns.
There was now a surplus man. Sure he was busy. He was not doing nothing. But he was not critical to the firing of the gun. The gun could be fired without him. Not sure what he was doing. He might have been responsible for doing the washing up or doing manicures and pedicures or giving a massage but you will agree that none of this is critical to lobbying a shell a significant distance.
On investigation it was discovered that it was the job of this man to hold onto the horses so they were not frightened and bolt when the gun was fired. And of course by this time guns were no longer pulled by horses but no one had thought to tell this gunner who just found something else to do.
Sounds obvious, doesn’t it?
But how many times in our business and with our teams do we just seek to add incremental improvements to a process or just continue on doing things because that is way we have always done things without ever questioning whether the original purpose is still relevant. How many people do we have holding the horses in our business?
A week or so ago Cicero sat with some people wondering how something developed over 100 years ago could be improved. As the suggestions were flying in thick and fast, one bright spark asked not whether it needed improving but whether the thing still needed to be done in the first place. Would we invent it today if it did not exist? Great question and one that stumped everyone. Maybe we were still holding the horses.
And the great thing about this thinking is that is works as well for the big things as the small things. Sure it can help us decide if that business or product or key process is still necessary. But thinking like the gunners will help us deicide if that regular meeting we have which was urgent and necessary once upon a time is still required. And what about that report you churn out once a month to stop an issue that was critical an age ago. And what about that thing we ask our customers to do because we could not do it any other way at the time.
Let me give you an example. Do you know why you get told forcibly by some State Apparatchik on a form to write in black biro? It is not just to be officious, though there is that, but because once upon a time copiers could only copy black ink. No longer. But nobody has told the man designing the form who is still holding the horses. And so we get bossed about.
And so ask not how to improve things but ask instead whether or not the job still needs to be done in way it always has. Don’t look for the incremental but seek out the radical. And make sure you are not the one left holding the horses.
Is it only me……….but you would think that smokers might have the message by now.
As you know Cicero commutes vast distances every day to and from his VTTSB to ensure that you and your kith and kin might go about your business secure and protected. And every day somebody from somewhere on the train announces that it is verboten to smoke on this train. This of course seems to suggest that there are some trains on which you are not verboten to self asphyxiate which as we know is not the case as our nanny state has decreed that smoking is verboten everywhere there are other humans.
But we are digressing again………
Every day, on every journey and after every stop concentration and focus is disturbed, sleep broken and music interrupted while we listen to these pronouncements. Cicero reckons that he must hear these verbotens up to 12 times a day. Surely those have decided to turn their lungs into kippers have got the message now. Surely you must now understand that society has decreed that you are not wanted and that you must only exercise your habit behind closed doors and drawn curtains and only if no one else is present. Can you not take the hint? Do you really need to be reminded on every train journey that you are not wanted?
Silence is a wonderful and rare thing. If you cannot improve on silence then don’t try to. So stop telling me that smoking is verboten. This does not improve on silence.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
And please note Cicero’s studied and seeming indifference to the choice of Caesar. He has truly morphed into a State Apparatchik.
For those of you with a tendency to point out Cicero’s failure to use proper grammar and spelling when publishing these humble words, it should be pointed out that Cicero is writing in a language which is not his mater’s tongue and using technology with which he is totally unfamiliar. If you are familiar with his previous works such as De Re Publica, Philippicae or even De Legibus (though not one of his best works) you will be aware that Cicero’s grammar is always polished and poised and his spelling immaculate. Sadly in this day and age he lacks a amanuensis to quality assure the words before they are published…….but if anyone knows of someone wiling to do the job, please do get in touch. You know how.
And in meantime Cicero will try to pay more attention not just to what is said but how it is written. Hopefully this will help you if you are paying more attention to presentation than content.
In 1940 following Britain’s retreat from France, the country had its back to the wall. Equipment was in short supply. And there was a dreadful shortage of manpower. And so the British Army in a drive to improve the efficiency of its troops undertook a review of its operations and activities to see how it could be made more efficient, how it could do more for less. Sound familiar?
In the Royal Artillery it found that every gun came with a team of five gunners to load and fire it. And yet on review and having checked and re-checked their maths and sums and calculations the Army decided that the gun could be fired with four men, an instant saving of 20% if Cicero’s maths are correct. If not there will be someone out there with a more recent qualification in maths who will put us right.
Back to the guns.
There was now a surplus man. Sure he was busy. He was not doing nothing. But he was not critical to the firing of the gun. The gun could be fired without him. Not sure what he was doing. He might have been responsible for doing the washing up or doing manicures and pedicures or giving a massage but you will agree that none of this is critical to lobbying a shell a significant distance.
On investigation it was discovered that it was the job of this man to hold onto the horses so they were not frightened and bolt when the gun was fired. And of course by this time guns were no longer pulled by horses but no one had thought to tell this gunner who just found something else to do.
Sounds obvious, doesn’t it?
But how many times in our business and with our teams do we just seek to add incremental improvements to a process or just continue on doing things because that is way we have always done things without ever questioning whether the original purpose is still relevant. How many people do we have holding the horses in our business?
A week or so ago Cicero sat with some people wondering how something developed over 100 years ago could be improved. As the suggestions were flying in thick and fast, one bright spark asked not whether it needed improving but whether the thing still needed to be done in the first place. Would we invent it today if it did not exist? Great question and one that stumped everyone. Maybe we were still holding the horses.
And the great thing about this thinking is that is works as well for the big things as the small things. Sure it can help us decide if that business or product or key process is still necessary. But thinking like the gunners will help us deicide if that regular meeting we have which was urgent and necessary once upon a time is still required. And what about that report you churn out once a month to stop an issue that was critical an age ago. And what about that thing we ask our customers to do because we could not do it any other way at the time.
Let me give you an example. Do you know why you get told forcibly by some State Apparatchik on a form to write in black biro? It is not just to be officious, though there is that, but because once upon a time copiers could only copy black ink. No longer. But nobody has told the man designing the form who is still holding the horses. And so we get bossed about.
And so ask not how to improve things but ask instead whether or not the job still needs to be done in way it always has. Don’t look for the incremental but seek out the radical. And make sure you are not the one left holding the horses.
Is it only me……….but you would think that smokers might have the message by now.
As you know Cicero commutes vast distances every day to and from his VTTSB to ensure that you and your kith and kin might go about your business secure and protected. And every day somebody from somewhere on the train announces that it is verboten to smoke on this train. This of course seems to suggest that there are some trains on which you are not verboten to self asphyxiate which as we know is not the case as our nanny state has decreed that smoking is verboten everywhere there are other humans.
But we are digressing again………
Every day, on every journey and after every stop concentration and focus is disturbed, sleep broken and music interrupted while we listen to these pronouncements. Cicero reckons that he must hear these verbotens up to 12 times a day. Surely those have decided to turn their lungs into kippers have got the message now. Surely you must now understand that society has decreed that you are not wanted and that you must only exercise your habit behind closed doors and drawn curtains and only if no one else is present. Can you not take the hint? Do you really need to be reminded on every train journey that you are not wanted?
Silence is a wonderful and rare thing. If you cannot improve on silence then don’t try to. So stop telling me that smoking is verboten. This does not improve on silence.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
Monday, 26 April 2010
Look into my eyes
Ave, amici.
And should you be reading this in some far flung airport lounge or executive suite in some swanky hotel still stranded far from home and loved ones while a thick blanket of volcanic ash smothers this green and pleasant land, hopefully you will find comfort and solace in these few humble words.
Hopefully you will be on your way back soon now we have at last seized back control from the eco-mentalists and Health and Safety Gauleiters who seem to be enjoying these few days of power and influence over us.
Once upon a time a bunch of Head Honchos from a major rail company went to visit their luvvie London ad agency. They were shown into a waiting room strewn with litter, discarded junk food junk, strong strength lager cans and cigarette ends. They waited. And then they waited some more. And then a wee bit more. Nobody came to see them. Nobody told them what was going on. They felt abandoned and left to stew in society’s detritus.
And then just as the Head Honchos were packing up to leave angrily, the Head Luvvie, trailing his train of luvvie acolytes and other Beautiful People, appeared and announced
‘Gentlemen, now you know what it is like for your customers’.
Shocked and surprised by this experience the Railway Head Honchos scurried back to their offices and set up project teams to address the issues raised by the experience they had just enjoyed. Or would endured be a better word? History does not record how successful these working groups were but the Head Honchos had just looked into the eyes of their business. And they did not like what they had seen.
How often do your Head Honchos look into the eyes of your business? How often do you look into the eyes of your business. This is a game we can all play-Marketing Grand Fromages, project managers, even risky people.
Let us talk airline food.
Do you remember the days when airlines used to fly? And do you recall the time when airlines used to feed you? Now some airlines do continue to feed you especially when you are either paying obscene amounts of money or when travelling long distance. Otherwise you now pay very little for your ticket and pay through the nose for everything from a cup of coffee to the ‘luxury’ of getting on plane first. Indeed one airline is now set to charge for taking a pee. Now consider the irony-you pay to fill your bladder and then you have to pay again to empty it.
Moving swiftly on…………
Returning to airline food. If you do recall those halcyon days of flying and of being re-fuelled in-flight you will recall that the in flight dining experience, especially in those sections of the plane where long limbed lanky passengers like Cicero used to sit, was unlikely to win a Michelin star.
Now Cicero has long contended that the best way to improve the quality of airline food was to serve it up to the Head Honchos in their board room or swanky office. Nothing works better, nothing improves the customer experience quicker, than when those with influence in your business, and that includes you, look at your business through customer eyes. When did you and your Head Honchos last do this?
And one last tip.
Why do you not give your customer facing staff access the same computer platform that you give your customers? Or at the very least wherever possible ask your customer facing people to use the public website for all their transactions and dealings. Think of the benefits. It will save your business money as the components are re-usable; your people will be looking at the same screens as your customers; and if it does not work for your staff you will be sure to know about it, your business would be compelled would be compelled to respond more quickly and the bugs will quickly vanish.
And the same goes for providing information. If the only source of information your people had about you was the public site, you can bet the site would be maintained to a very high standard and would be extremely effective for your customers.
Again you are all looking at the business through the eyes of your customers and your front line staff.
And so this week’s top tip for your business…..if you want to improve the airline food that your business serves up to its customers, if you want to change the experience you offer to your customers for the better, you, no matter where you work, should look into the eyes of your business. You must be prepared to look at this as a customer. And you must find ways to get your Head Honchos to do the same. You and they might be shocked at what they see but the results will be dramatic. Promise.
Is it only me………but I fear the enemy is now within?
It with some bemusement that Cicero has been watching the skies above us over the past week or so. According to the scientists the skies above us are thick with volcanic ash making it too dangerous for us to fly. And yet the skies above us are bright blue. How come? Now Cicero has seen ash and with all the wisdom that can be mustered it is not blue.
Now while the crisis was its height Cicero witnessed one scientist flying a plane straight into the so called ash cloud and announcing with all the gravitas that a scientist could muster ‘there was no way it was possible to fly a plane in complete safety with all the ash that was up there’.
Now here’s the thing-this scientist chappie was not wearing a white coat but a hard hat and a high visibility vest as he made his scientific pronouncements. He was in a plane, for God’s sake. What good did he think a high visibility vest and a hard hat was going to do him. It was a parachute he was going to need not a hard hat in the event of an emergency.
But the hard hat and vest were clues. This man was not a scientist but a member of the Health and Safety Gestapo working hard to ensure the elimination of even the teeny weeniest element of risk from our lives even at the expense of massive economic and personal disruption.
And Cicero is struck too by the glee shown by the eco- and enviro-mentalists that planes have been wiped from our skies, albeit temporarily.
Now this might only be me but Cicero has reached the clear conclusion that the enemy is now within and that the eco-mentalists and the Health and Safety Gestapo last week had joined forces to inflict serious and substantive misery on us. Now you might see the dangers of allowing their views to permeate our thinking. Be warned.
Trust your own eyes. And not the views of the men in white coats, hard hats or high visibility vests. The sky is clear. It is blue. The sun is out. Ergo it is safe to fly.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus
And should you be reading this in some far flung airport lounge or executive suite in some swanky hotel still stranded far from home and loved ones while a thick blanket of volcanic ash smothers this green and pleasant land, hopefully you will find comfort and solace in these few humble words.
Hopefully you will be on your way back soon now we have at last seized back control from the eco-mentalists and Health and Safety Gauleiters who seem to be enjoying these few days of power and influence over us.
Once upon a time a bunch of Head Honchos from a major rail company went to visit their luvvie London ad agency. They were shown into a waiting room strewn with litter, discarded junk food junk, strong strength lager cans and cigarette ends. They waited. And then they waited some more. And then a wee bit more. Nobody came to see them. Nobody told them what was going on. They felt abandoned and left to stew in society’s detritus.
And then just as the Head Honchos were packing up to leave angrily, the Head Luvvie, trailing his train of luvvie acolytes and other Beautiful People, appeared and announced
‘Gentlemen, now you know what it is like for your customers’.
Shocked and surprised by this experience the Railway Head Honchos scurried back to their offices and set up project teams to address the issues raised by the experience they had just enjoyed. Or would endured be a better word? History does not record how successful these working groups were but the Head Honchos had just looked into the eyes of their business. And they did not like what they had seen.
How often do your Head Honchos look into the eyes of your business? How often do you look into the eyes of your business. This is a game we can all play-Marketing Grand Fromages, project managers, even risky people.
Let us talk airline food.
Do you remember the days when airlines used to fly? And do you recall the time when airlines used to feed you? Now some airlines do continue to feed you especially when you are either paying obscene amounts of money or when travelling long distance. Otherwise you now pay very little for your ticket and pay through the nose for everything from a cup of coffee to the ‘luxury’ of getting on plane first. Indeed one airline is now set to charge for taking a pee. Now consider the irony-you pay to fill your bladder and then you have to pay again to empty it.
Moving swiftly on…………
Returning to airline food. If you do recall those halcyon days of flying and of being re-fuelled in-flight you will recall that the in flight dining experience, especially in those sections of the plane where long limbed lanky passengers like Cicero used to sit, was unlikely to win a Michelin star.
Now Cicero has long contended that the best way to improve the quality of airline food was to serve it up to the Head Honchos in their board room or swanky office. Nothing works better, nothing improves the customer experience quicker, than when those with influence in your business, and that includes you, look at your business through customer eyes. When did you and your Head Honchos last do this?
And one last tip.
Why do you not give your customer facing staff access the same computer platform that you give your customers? Or at the very least wherever possible ask your customer facing people to use the public website for all their transactions and dealings. Think of the benefits. It will save your business money as the components are re-usable; your people will be looking at the same screens as your customers; and if it does not work for your staff you will be sure to know about it, your business would be compelled would be compelled to respond more quickly and the bugs will quickly vanish.
And the same goes for providing information. If the only source of information your people had about you was the public site, you can bet the site would be maintained to a very high standard and would be extremely effective for your customers.
Again you are all looking at the business through the eyes of your customers and your front line staff.
And so this week’s top tip for your business…..if you want to improve the airline food that your business serves up to its customers, if you want to change the experience you offer to your customers for the better, you, no matter where you work, should look into the eyes of your business. You must be prepared to look at this as a customer. And you must find ways to get your Head Honchos to do the same. You and they might be shocked at what they see but the results will be dramatic. Promise.
Is it only me………but I fear the enemy is now within?
It with some bemusement that Cicero has been watching the skies above us over the past week or so. According to the scientists the skies above us are thick with volcanic ash making it too dangerous for us to fly. And yet the skies above us are bright blue. How come? Now Cicero has seen ash and with all the wisdom that can be mustered it is not blue.
Now while the crisis was its height Cicero witnessed one scientist flying a plane straight into the so called ash cloud and announcing with all the gravitas that a scientist could muster ‘there was no way it was possible to fly a plane in complete safety with all the ash that was up there’.
Now here’s the thing-this scientist chappie was not wearing a white coat but a hard hat and a high visibility vest as he made his scientific pronouncements. He was in a plane, for God’s sake. What good did he think a high visibility vest and a hard hat was going to do him. It was a parachute he was going to need not a hard hat in the event of an emergency.
But the hard hat and vest were clues. This man was not a scientist but a member of the Health and Safety Gestapo working hard to ensure the elimination of even the teeny weeniest element of risk from our lives even at the expense of massive economic and personal disruption.
And Cicero is struck too by the glee shown by the eco- and enviro-mentalists that planes have been wiped from our skies, albeit temporarily.
Now this might only be me but Cicero has reached the clear conclusion that the enemy is now within and that the eco-mentalists and the Health and Safety Gestapo last week had joined forces to inflict serious and substantive misery on us. Now you might see the dangers of allowing their views to permeate our thinking. Be warned.
Trust your own eyes. And not the views of the men in white coats, hard hats or high visibility vests. The sky is clear. It is blue. The sun is out. Ergo it is safe to fly.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus
Thursday, 15 April 2010
I'm alright Jack
It seems that last week’s thoughts on the dangers posed to cyclists might have disturbed you and Cicero is mightily glad for the expressions of concern received from you. You can now imply by the presence of these words and sleep soundly for at least a few more nights that Cicero has survived the perils on our roads for one more week.
However in the Ciceronic philosophy of life each week that passes without incident means we are one week closer to ending up smeared like crunchy peanut butter on wholegrain toast all over the radiator grille of an artic or bendy bus.
Cicero would however like to challenge the views of one correspondent who considered Cicero to be a vulnerable adult requiring all who worked with or close by to have to undergo some sort of CRB check. Cheeky or what?
It is also worth pointing out that we have not yet heard from any Health and Safety Gauleiter out there on their views on the inherent risks posed to the health and safety of a bike riding bi-ped by fitting indicator and brake lights. Come on, stand up and be accountable. You are among friends here.
Now here’s a challenge for you. How many times have you been in a discussion in your business when the problem is not with us in the room but with them who are not in the room?
If you can count on two hands or less the number of times this has occurred to you in your business, then you are either very lucky , suffering from delusion or are admitting to terminological inexactitudes, playing fast and loose with the actuality.
Am small example of this syndrome, which we shall call I’m-alright-Jack-Syndrome, occurred to Cicero the other day in discussion with some customer service apparatchik, not in the VTSSB we must point out hastily before we get letters and comments.
It was over a minor matter but it was clear that the attitude was ‘if left to me this would not happen but they have determined that this is way it had to be done’. A classic example of I’m-alright-Jack Syndrome. It took a few minutes of further discussion in Cicero’s calm and considered way before we could identify who ‘they’ were and before Cicero could put the apparatchik on the path to customer service enlightenment and wisdom.
In advanced cases of I’m-alright-Jack Syndrome, which too are very common, those suffering from this condition will loudly point out that ‘I’m doing a fantastically brilliant job, you are doing ok but them over there are real Klutzes and don’t deserve to breathe the same air as me’.
Do you recognise this syndrome? Do you suffer from it? Of course not. You will no doubt be thinking that you have been immunised from this deadly disease which corrodes and undermines individuals, teams and businesses, but there are people in other parts of your building who need treatment for it. And if you are thinking to yourself like then yes you do have I’m-alright-Jack-Syndrome.
Performance management and post implementation reviews are great places to spot the symptoms of this condition. ‘I would have done a brilliant job if it had not been for those knuckle heads over there’.
Can this be cured?
Of course it can. And the cure for this condition is simple and straightforward. It is for each and everyone of us to step up the plate and to take personal responsibility for our successes and our failings. It is not about passing blame to them or pointing the finger at them or passing the buck to them. We need to recognise that what they do is not important. It is time to understand that while we can influence and change ourselves it is a pointless waste of emotion to worry about others or issues beyond our control. It is time for all of us to take personal responsibility and to challenge those around us who don’t.
Get with it, folks, work together and we have the power like smallpox to cure I’m-alright-Jack syndrome for good and eradicate it from these shores.
Is it only me…..but don’t we count?
Now here’s a conundrum for you.
Have you ever been polled to ask how you are going to vote in the forthcoming General Election? Nor has Cicero.
Do you know anyone who has been asked to take part in such a survey? No again.
And yet each day it seems our newspapers, TV and radio seem to be reporting the latest opinion survey of our voting intentions. And each one of said surveys involves about 1000 of us chosen at random to represent the people living in this green and pleasant land.
If we start to do the maths this soon becomes an awfully lot of people. And if you multiply this number by the number of elections that Cicero has witnessed the odds lessen considerably that someone close and dear, or even vaguely familiar in a Facebook kind of way, must have taken part. And yet no one in Cicero’s sphere of influence, nobody in the network, no one within 6 degrees, has to Cicero’s considerable knowledge ever participated in one of these surveys.
Now this leads one to the inescapable conclusion that Cicero and his friends are not considered representative of those who live on this scepter’d isle. This surely cannot be the case. How dare anyone suggest that Cicero and his very important people are not representative of something?
Alternatively it might just be that those who undertake these surveys just make the numbers up each week. It may just be me but this could explain why we are seeing regular swings of support for the parties with a real inconsistency of poll numbers. At least it keep things interesting over the next few weeks and gives our print and media politicos something to say. Heaven forbid there is some kind of conspiracy going on to sell newspapers or to make democracy seem interesting.
And should you get a call, please do let us know.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
However in the Ciceronic philosophy of life each week that passes without incident means we are one week closer to ending up smeared like crunchy peanut butter on wholegrain toast all over the radiator grille of an artic or bendy bus.
Cicero would however like to challenge the views of one correspondent who considered Cicero to be a vulnerable adult requiring all who worked with or close by to have to undergo some sort of CRB check. Cheeky or what?
It is also worth pointing out that we have not yet heard from any Health and Safety Gauleiter out there on their views on the inherent risks posed to the health and safety of a bike riding bi-ped by fitting indicator and brake lights. Come on, stand up and be accountable. You are among friends here.
Now here’s a challenge for you. How many times have you been in a discussion in your business when the problem is not with us in the room but with them who are not in the room?
If you can count on two hands or less the number of times this has occurred to you in your business, then you are either very lucky , suffering from delusion or are admitting to terminological inexactitudes, playing fast and loose with the actuality.
Am small example of this syndrome, which we shall call I’m-alright-Jack-Syndrome, occurred to Cicero the other day in discussion with some customer service apparatchik, not in the VTSSB we must point out hastily before we get letters and comments.
It was over a minor matter but it was clear that the attitude was ‘if left to me this would not happen but they have determined that this is way it had to be done’. A classic example of I’m-alright-Jack Syndrome. It took a few minutes of further discussion in Cicero’s calm and considered way before we could identify who ‘they’ were and before Cicero could put the apparatchik on the path to customer service enlightenment and wisdom.
In advanced cases of I’m-alright-Jack Syndrome, which too are very common, those suffering from this condition will loudly point out that ‘I’m doing a fantastically brilliant job, you are doing ok but them over there are real Klutzes and don’t deserve to breathe the same air as me’.
Do you recognise this syndrome? Do you suffer from it? Of course not. You will no doubt be thinking that you have been immunised from this deadly disease which corrodes and undermines individuals, teams and businesses, but there are people in other parts of your building who need treatment for it. And if you are thinking to yourself like then yes you do have I’m-alright-Jack-Syndrome.
Performance management and post implementation reviews are great places to spot the symptoms of this condition. ‘I would have done a brilliant job if it had not been for those knuckle heads over there’.
Can this be cured?
Of course it can. And the cure for this condition is simple and straightforward. It is for each and everyone of us to step up the plate and to take personal responsibility for our successes and our failings. It is not about passing blame to them or pointing the finger at them or passing the buck to them. We need to recognise that what they do is not important. It is time to understand that while we can influence and change ourselves it is a pointless waste of emotion to worry about others or issues beyond our control. It is time for all of us to take personal responsibility and to challenge those around us who don’t.
Get with it, folks, work together and we have the power like smallpox to cure I’m-alright-Jack syndrome for good and eradicate it from these shores.
Is it only me…..but don’t we count?
Now here’s a conundrum for you.
Have you ever been polled to ask how you are going to vote in the forthcoming General Election? Nor has Cicero.
Do you know anyone who has been asked to take part in such a survey? No again.
And yet each day it seems our newspapers, TV and radio seem to be reporting the latest opinion survey of our voting intentions. And each one of said surveys involves about 1000 of us chosen at random to represent the people living in this green and pleasant land.
If we start to do the maths this soon becomes an awfully lot of people. And if you multiply this number by the number of elections that Cicero has witnessed the odds lessen considerably that someone close and dear, or even vaguely familiar in a Facebook kind of way, must have taken part. And yet no one in Cicero’s sphere of influence, nobody in the network, no one within 6 degrees, has to Cicero’s considerable knowledge ever participated in one of these surveys.
Now this leads one to the inescapable conclusion that Cicero and his friends are not considered representative of those who live on this scepter’d isle. This surely cannot be the case. How dare anyone suggest that Cicero and his very important people are not representative of something?
Alternatively it might just be that those who undertake these surveys just make the numbers up each week. It may just be me but this could explain why we are seeing regular swings of support for the parties with a real inconsistency of poll numbers. At least it keep things interesting over the next few weeks and gives our print and media politicos something to say. Heaven forbid there is some kind of conspiracy going on to sell newspapers or to make democracy seem interesting.
And should you get a call, please do let us know.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
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