A nudge towards independence

Once again Cicero is going to allude to the wee stramash that is currently going on to the north of the Wall of Hadrian. For there is much that many of us who reside to the south can learn.

And by the time you get to read this, the result may be known, but whether Eck Salmond and his acolytes have won the debate or not, the learnings remain relevant.

As you know Cicero is a great fan of behavioural science or ‘nudge’ as it is known to some. And it would appear that Eck is a keen student of this approach also. Unlike Posh Dave and the Two Caesars.

You might think that a referendum question is easy to formulate.

No.

The same question can be asked in a variety of ways. Dependent on the answer that is required. And Eck knows for sure exactly what answer he wants. Do the Two Caesars?

For example the voters of the Celtic clans are going to be asked ‘Should Scotland be an independent country? Yes or No.’

It could have asked ‘Do you want Scotland to remain as part of the United Kingdom? Yes or no?’

Same question. Same outcome. Or so you might think.

But here Eck played a blinder and in a vote where every vote might count, an understanding of behavioural science might end up nudging Eck over the line and the Celtic tribes into independence and freedom.

No matter the question, yes is positive, it is constructive, it is optimistic. No is the exact opposite. Everything that is good about saying yes is as bad when we say no.

We want to say yes. We don’t want to say no. Sales people learn this with their mother’s milk and if you listen carefully to their patter will try to get their mark into a yes frame of mind as early and as often as they can in the conversation.

And Eck is a great salesman, whatever you might think of his political patter.

Thinking about it is no wonder that the ‘No’ people have been struggling to paint an optimistic vision for the the northern clans and tribes staying with the two Caesars when they start out with one hand tied behind their back and their legs tied together.

The ‘Aye’ or ‘Naw’ question being asked may not be the silver bullet to independence and freedom but Cicero, always a keen student and thinker of behavioural science thinks, in the tight race this is shaping up to be, might just add a few yes extra yes votes to the pile and might end up in rUK needing a new flag.

Have a great week.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus. 

To be a nation again

It may not have escaped your notice that in just a few weeks the tribes to the north of the Wall of Hadrian are going to decide whether or not the Union Flag should continue to have a blue background. And one or two other things besides.

This is a debate from which Cicero has stood aside. Mainly because he is disenfranchised in this election and just as we tell Mr Putin to stop interfering in the affairs of a sovereign nation, he believes that those who live to the south of the Wall should not interfere in the politics and affairs of those fortunate to live in the enlightened land to its north.

But there is one thought that Cicero has observed and would like to share.

Any observer would note that those who are encouraging the tribes to say aye are expected to have all the answers, to have very i dotted and t crossed, and every loose end tied up before Xs are applied to the ballot paper.

Eck himself, or Alex Salmond as the press know him, is often criticised on this. Especially when it comes to the bawbees the new nation will use.

But as Cicero would like to point out this is impossible. So cut the guy some slack. And maybe this is a flaw in the process. Maybe the Celtic tribes should have two votes. Heaven forbid.

For it is striking that on many issues Eck on his own cannot decide the final outcome. He needs others to come to the table and they are not going to come to the table until they know whether it is aye or naw.

Take the bawbee issue, for example. Eck can say what he would like to see happen but until the Two Caesars or even the Last Lot say what they want, no one will know for sure what will be the shape and the bawbees the tribes will have in their pocket.

Same for nuclear weapons. Same for EU membership. Same for pensions, health and everything else for that matter. It takes two to tango and so far there is only Eck on the dance floor.

So let us be clear.

At this stage Eck is only being given a mandate to negotiate. He is clear about what he wants. No one else is. And until they show their hand no one can be sure if Eck’s vision for a free and independent Scotland is what they will get.

This is not an argument that it is all too uncertain and risky so the answer ought to be naw.

Instead it is an argument for a 2 stage process. Stage one to give Eck a mandate from the peoples to negotiate a fair settlement for an independent Scotland.  Followed by a second vote to ensure that everyone happy (well at least 51%) happy that all every i has been satisfactorily dotted and every t fully crossed.

Only then can the tribes be sure that this will work or not and that they are not buying a pig in a poke.

Two votes? God help all who live up there.

Have a great week

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.

Buds are for flowers

Cicero would like to apologise that due to unforeseen and unavoidable family matters his presence has been lacking for a few weeks. Hopefully you will all be re-assured to welcome his return to the blogosphere.

Yesterday evening when wending his weary home from the centre for creative and marketing excellence where he is currently privileged to ply his trade, Cicero had to stop at a local petrol station to fill up his chariot.

This was naturally quite straightforward.

The madness started when he stepped up to pay for his fuel

.

When asked to specify what pump he had used, the acne disfigured youth who was manning the pay station and with whom Cicero was totally unfamiliar, referred to Cicero as ‘mate’.

When he was informed of the amount owed, Cicero was now known as ‘buddy’.

And when asked to enter the four digits that compose his PIN he was now ‘bud’.

This level of faux and faked familiarity shows the contempt with which this well-known petroleum retailer shows its customers. Cicero wants respect not familiarity from those to whom Cicero hands over his bawbees. The occasional ‘sir’ would not go amiss.

And surely given the name is on the card it  is not beyond the wit of the pimply and acned yoof who seem to man pay stations everywhere these days-something to do with Minimum Pay it is wagered- to use this information to apply the correct soubriquet (Mr, Mrs, Miss, Ms) and use the name.

We call this respect for those who pay the wages of those who choose to serve us, the customer.

So let this be a warning to any out there who may get the chance to serve Cicero in the coming days, weeks, months, years. Do not think of him or refer to him as a mate, buddy, bud, pal or any other word that implies friendship or kinship unless and until and not before he has acknowledged your friendship and admitted you to his small and close rank of friends.

Until that point he is Mr Cicero or even Sir.

Got it.

Buds are for flowers not customers.

Have a great week.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus. 

Stadium Anthem

No doubt you will have found time in your schedules this week to watch the Opening Ceremony of the Commonwealth Games, beamed live to you from the Mean City to the north of the Wall of Hadrian, they call Glasgow.

You will no doubt have your own opinions on the entertainment value of this spectacle but one item in particular irked Cicero and induced splenetic rage as he watched.

Why did they have to sing the National Anthem to serenade Betty when she arrived in the stadium with Chookie?

Totally inappropriate, Cicero spluttered.

It is not that he is anti-royalist, Cicero is after all strictly apolitical as you will know.

But this was an event held in Glasgow, Scotland. Scotland was the host nation. It was the history and culture of Scotland that was the centre piece of the Ceremony. And in case anyone was in any doubt where the games were, the biggest cheer of the evening was reserved for the Scots as they entered the stadium under the Cross of St Andrews.

So why was Betty not serenaded with ‘Flower of Scotland’?

If these games had been held in Canada, New Zealand or Australia, do you think ‘God save the Queen’ would be sung? Of course not. We would have what passes for their National Anthems. So why did anyone think it right that the Celts and Picts should be denied their cultural inheritance and be forced to listen to and to sing an anti Scots song (listen to third verse for proof of this). This is cultural imperialism.

What will be sung when Scotland win their Gold Medals? ‘Flower of Scotland’ of course. So it must be the National Anthem of the Celts and Picts.

At the London Olympics North Korea were mightily offended and went on strike when the South Korea flag appeared next to their country’s name. This is a diplomatic offence of the same order and will no doubt garner a few more yes for the Big Vote.

Surely someone should have spotted this before the faux pas was committed. Heads should roll.

We should however be grateful that Betty’s Serenade was not drowned out with the sound-turned-up volley of jeers, boos and cat calls that usually greet the Serenade when sung North of the Wall of Hadrian. That would have been embarrassing for all concerned

.

So thank God for the good grace and sense of the people of Glasgow. We should of course expect not anything less from such a friendly, hospital and personable tribe.

As they themselves said and sang out loud in front of our own very eyes,

‘Come in, come in, it’s nice to see you,

How’s yoursel’ you’re looking grand,

Tak’ a seat and ha’e a drammie,

Man, you’re welcome here’s my hand.

Even Betty and Chookie.

Have a great day.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.

Epic fail

Cicero is aghast. No surprise there then. 

You may have seen or heard about the letter sent by a primary school to its kiddy-winkles along with their SAT results. If you have not seen or heard about this, where have you been? According to Cicero’s sources the letter has like the Black Death and Spanish Flu swept everyone along in its path and gone viral. (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-lancashire-28319907)

Given the praise that has been lavished on it you would think it was a newly discovered letter of Pliny rather than a note from a teacher to her kiddies.

And the purpose of this wee note? To let her brood know that it was not the results from the tests that made her weans ‘special and unique’.That her kids were more than their SAT result.  In other words the results from the tests didn’t matter. Failure was permissible.

It is precisely this no ambition, no expectation attitude that is undermining this country and holding it back.

Misplaced confidence like this in the end makes people look foolish. The cotton-wool world created by this people where no-one fails is why we have a generation with few skills and an expectation that things are handed to them on a plate.

Is it any wonder with that kind of attitude that we loiter near the bottom of most league tables for educational attainment?

And it is so so depressing that so so many people think it ok to share such an attitude.

Cicero has even heard of under-graduates who are being forced to spend the summer visiting the library to ‘better their marks’. No. You failed your exams and you are having to re-sit. We do not need euphemisms to hide this fact. 

And it is a similar attitude that means sports competitions are often neutered and rendered meaningless because no one must be seen to lose; why a local newspaper has stopped printing children’s football league tables so as not to heap humiliation on those at the bottom; and schools sports days are a joke.

It is a wonder with this attitude that we won anything at the Olympics. But of course there we were significantly helped there by the disproportionate number of athletes educated at elite schools where you pay for the privilege of being first, last and anything in between.

Failure should be embraced. Not hidden away from. It breeds winners, resilience and bounce-back-ability. Skills we surely want the generation that is going to pay our pensions to have in abundance. This is the way to succeed.

And it gives a kick up in the arse to those who failed to pull their finger out for their SATS, A Levels or degrees.

And this is why it is so wrong for trendy-lefty trained educators to declare publicly and with great gusto that it is ok to fail.

This is nonsense.

Have a great day.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.

Exit stage left

In order to eat and to eat well Cicero must from time to time visit one of the many supermarket chains that have today helped destroy the nation’s High St and which have rendered obsolete the local butcher, baker and candlestick maker.

Naturally he has a favourite but this is a medium that does not accept nor do product placement so the brand name, or even colours of said supermarket of choice, will not be divulged in these musings.

But through force of circumstance he had to use another brand this weekend. It was a chastening experience to see how others shop. But he also learnt something interesting. And this might explain a lot.

In this supermarket to indicate how chariots should leave the Chariot Park, there was a big sign and arrow marked ‘OUT’.

At Cicero’s food emporium of choice the customers are encouraged to leave via the exit. Clearly this is a supermarket that encourages speakers of Latin and readers of Cicero, Ovid and Livy.  An emporium which does not feel the need to talk down to its customers.

Cicero likes this.

It is also interesting to note that in the Dumb Down Supermarket there are lanes for those whose baskets contain ‘ten items or less’. This is grammatically incorrect and as well as targeting those who have not bothered to learn Latin, this is clearly a brand whose customers couldn’t give a damn about the correct use of English grammar, a language they are supposed to be native in.

Naturally Cicero’s chosen emporium, Educated Supermarket, knows what is right and wrong when it comes to English and its lanes are for those with ‘ten items or fewer’.

Surely everyone knows that it is fewer when you can count items individually. Hence ten items or fewer. But it is ‘less milk in my tea’. Cicero knows you know this.

It is also likely that Dumb Down Supermarket and its customers will struggle with the correct use of apostrophes, gerunds and gerundives and split infinitives but further investigation is required on these topics.

But here’s the thing.

Dumb Down Supermarket is struggling. It is attracting fewer customers and who are buying and spending less. Educated Supermarket is doing very well and going from strength to strength.

Is there a cause and effect at work here? Cicero thinks so.

So to succeed as a shop keeper these days in a market that is fiercely competitive, the strategy is simple-use Latin wherever possible and know your English grammar. This will show your breeding.

Have a great day.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.

Better together?

For those of Cicero’s many devotees who do not live to the north of the Wall of Hadrian, you may not know, but in a few weeks time there is every likelihood that the UK may be no more. Of course this will only happen should the Celts and Picts who inhabit this rugged land say yes. And they might.

Now this is a debate that to date Cicero has pointedly refused to enter. In his mind it is for the Northern Tribes to reach their own conclusion, and they should be trusted to do the right thing, without interference from beyond their shores.

And to this end Cicero would ask that Obama, El Pape, the Two Caesars and anyone else who was not weaned on Irn Bru and Haggis shut their gobs and haud their wheesht.

For every time a non Celt opens their mouth and pontificates about the UK’s constitutional settlement, they put their feet in it. Both of them. Sideways.

And when they do, yet another Celt or Pict votes  yes.

And this affliction reaches deep into the Populus as this example illustrates.

In a recent conversation with some Angles Cicero was advised that the business in whose premises coffee was being consumed had outlets in Scotland and the UK.

Let me repeat.

These Angles considered Scotland to be separate from the UK.

Now this might be wishful thinking. Or a presumption that the Celts will say yes. Or more likely ignorance.

Do these people not know that for the last 307 years Scotland and England have been joined together in a false construct of nationhood called the United Kingdom?

And this is not the only occurrence of such ignorance that Cicero has come across. Too often Angles say England when they mean Britain and Britain when they mean England. Unless they desist from such malapropisms the Union may well be rent asunder. Though some might assert that that is no bad thing. Cicero is hauding his wheesht.

With thinking like this it is hardly surprising that the Celts might think that if the Angles don’t see them as part of the same nation, why should they bother perpetuating a so-called Union which no one believes exist anyway.

Better together? You must be joking. You don’t even who know a Union exists.

Have a great day.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.