Prisoner 46664

Following last week’s comments on the snow and wonky weather, aka global warming, it has been pointed out that we should not judge the extent to which the world may or may not be warming up based on the weather outside our own front door. Exactly outside whose front door should such assessments be made? This sounds like typical eco-mentalist obfuscation.

And please note this is the last dose of wit and wisdom and spiritual enlightenment you are going to get this year. But there are plenty of back copies to keep you amused through the Saturnalian revels. And we will back for more fun and frolics in 2011 once the lums start to reek, as the Celtic tribes to the North say-which means when the chimneys start to smoke to everyone else.

You will know that Cicero no longer has responsibility for the protection of your security and the maintenance of your freedom and that for the past few months he has been advising businesses on how to do marketing better.

In recent weeks Cicero has been spending a lot of time trying to develop a set of words to describe various wannabe brands. This is the kind of thing that gives marketers their kicks. It is legal, doesn’t spoil your nose and still gives a great buzz. Sad I know.

No matter the brand, company, category, product, or service, the most common list of attributes everyone wants to be associated with goes something like this: honesty, accessibility, innovation, invention, forward thinking, collaborative, friendly, and easy to work with, trustworthy, leader, fun. Recognise the exercise? Now who wouldn't want to be all those things? Anyone want to be the opposite?

You might now better understand how difficult is the life of a marketing guru when every other brand has the same words on their list. This is not at all helpful when you are trying to make brands distinctive.

And so here is an exercise which is useful to move things forward.

‘Shout out the attributes of Nelson Mandela’ asked your favourite Marketing Guru ‘I’ll write them on the white board.’

"Brave," came the first response. "Courageous!" quickly followed. As did a whole list of attributes like "altruistic, heroic, peaceful, wise, thoughtful, giving, caring, loving, fearless" and so and so on. You will by now have caught the drift.

"What is the problem with this list?"

Deathly silence.

Then your Marketing Guru pointed to a colleague in the room, let's call him Bernard, and mused, "The problem with the list is that it describes Nelson Mandela, and it describes Bernard, a caring, wise, thoughtful, loving, giving and peaceful father and husband. But Bernard is not Nelson Mandela. Sorry, Bernard.

‘So what does Nelson Mandela stand for?’

‘Freedom’ they shouted with one voice.

"That," said Cicero, ‘is not just the difference between Bernard and old Mandiba, that is the difference between a true brand stance and an easy list of attributes.

‘ Understand your stance in the world, understand your true values, what you're actually up to and the why, your reason to get up in the morning — get that right, pursue that mission with full force and fury — and all the attributes you desire will surely follow’

Thirty people created a list of attributes that could describe anyone. But those same people also recognized instantly that Nelson Mandela is not a collection of attributes but a man of purpose, stance, value and pure mission in the world.

And from this we learn that that your brand will never be remembered for attributes but you will be remembered for what you do with them. Nail your market stance and all else will follow. It's not so much what you make and what you sell but why you do that matters and how you do it.

Don’t chase and measure yourself against a long list of attributes, many of which are just the price of entry for all. But instead always work hard to stay on mission and always execute against your stance and not against attributes. Measure the market's understanding of your reason to be — who you are and why you do what you do.

And if you can do all that, my son (and daughter of course), you will have built a great and strong brand. Just like Prisoner 46664. The man we know today as Nelson Mandela.

Is it only me........but what is happening to our sportsmen?

I don’t know if anyone else has noticed but aren’t our footballers getting soft? I might be mistaken, and sometimes when you get old your memory does start to play tricks, but I thought football was a tough, physical, manly sport played by real men. No longer.

Sure the laws have been tightened up so that the kind of guys who revelled in names like ‘Chopper’, ‘Razor’ and ‘Machete’ did not permanently disable you when they tried to get the ball from you, so I guess we must consider that good thing. This not an argument to re-instate football as a blood sport more suited to the Coliseum in Rome than the Emirates.

However I do draw the line at Fancy Dan Footballers with grotesque wages unable to spend a mere 90 minutes in the cold without feeling the need to insulate themselves from a drafty breeze. In my day, and here we are talking long before some Mad Scientist decided that our weather was warming, the only thing that stood between our pale white chafed skin tinged with pinky-blue shading was a thin nylon pair of shorts and top, though we did tend to wear thick socks. We got warm by running around for ninety minutes, a novel thought I know but it did seem to work.

But this does not seem enough for our Fancy Dans.

First they wore under-garments. I could live with that on basis that these help keep your muscles warm which is essential to avoid injury. Little did I know that this was merely the first step to them dressing like wimps. Then they started to wear gloves. And now they are wearing some fashion accessory called a snood, whatever that might be. In my book if it goes around your neck it’s a scarf.

Where will this wimpy behaviour end? It can’t be long before they start to wear trilby hats in the cold weather to go alongside their matching glove and scarf, sorry snood, combo, and overcoats in team colours for when it is especially cold. We might even get to see our Fancy Dan heroes in cashmere pashminas some day soon.

Now it might just be me but could I just point out that the football pitch is exactly that and not a fashion cat walk. It is where you do manly stuff like get stuck into other men who are wearing different colour tops from yours. Got it?

Do you have any views you might wish to share on this matter?

Have a great week and enjoy the Saturnalian revels.

We will see each other after our lums have started to reek.

Felix dies Nativitatis