Hellish weekend

Welcome.

And no the road has not yet been fixed. And yes it remains dug up and unsutured. But it is time to move on and so we are going to dwell no longer this week on the state of the roads around the Cicero Villa.

Time this week to consider what it means to be a customer. But first a wee story.

Once upon a time a man (it could have been a woman but let’s keep it simple) died and went to heaven. As is the norm he arrived at the Pearly Gates and was met by St Peter (or the Muslim, Sikh, Hindu equivalent) who made him a special offer.

‘For this weekend only we have a deal going with the Devil. You are expected in here but for the weekend you can sample Hell. For the next 2 days and 2 nights you can experience all that Hell has to offer but when you come back to these Gates, you must give me a decision and you will have to live with that decision for eternity.’

‘Sounds fair enough to me, in for a penny, in for a pound’, replied the former man, and off he went to try out all that Hell had to offer.

And he was pleasantly surprised. It was great. He met many of his old friends and colleagues, the weather was fantastic and every whim and need was catered for. It was a bit like a Club Med exclusive holiday.

After his 2 days were over he dragged himself off and went back to the Pearly Gates to give St Peter his answer.

‘Now you know the deal’, said St Peter, ‘you can either come in here or go back to Hell but whatever you decide, then you will have to live with the consequences forever.’

‘After much consideration’, replied the man, ‘Hell was not what I thought it would be like and all my mates are there and so I choose Hell’.

And with that the gates to Heaven slammed shut and the man was immediately dumped back in Hell. But this time it was so different-it was dark, very hot and totally soulless. In short it was hellish.

After a wee while in the place the man eventually spied the Devil and called him over.

‘Hey, I was here over the weekend for a couple of days and it was very different-it was like a holiday in paradise before. What happened? Where’s the fun? The great weather? The sea, the sun, the Sangria?’

‘Ah’, said the Devil, ‘yesterday you were a prospect, today you’re a customer’.

And for many of us this tale captures what it means to be a customer.

Think about it. Banks, phone companies, utility companies and many others reserve the best deal for new customers while existing customers have to pay the price. Many think this wrong.

But we only have ourselves to blame.

Companies offering their best deals to existing customers would soon go out of business and wouldn’t attract any new customers. We choose to buy insurance, a new mobile phone, our gas company, on the basis of price. And we stick there through thick and thin even though we know new customers are getting a better deal. What do we expect?

So what’s the answer?

Firstly we as consumers must learn that there is more than price to consider when shopping around. And we should shop around and move our business around more. Make it really painful for brands to take our custm for granted. Not enough of us are doing that at the moment.
And brand owners must not take the lazy way of winning business-cutting price. Instead they should try to build a brand and brand loyalty based on more than just price.

Until that happens we are all fated to spend together in Hell.

Is it only me..............but I can’t stay mum on this.

Last week in my capacity as a Head Honcho I was asked to sign off about 3 weeks holidays by one who has the pleasure and privilege of working with me on a daily basis.

Nothing unusual in that, you might think. Signing off and agreeing to holiday leave is a fairly regular and non-controversial occurrence in offices up and down the land. In this instance however the person in question has just returned from a year’s maternity leave and is now endeavouring to squeeze 3 weeks leave before the year end.

I was a wee bit amazed that my esteemed colleague had so much leave available given that she has not be seen in the office for the past 9 months so you can imagine my incredulity when informed that even though someone has been playing Mummy for the past few months they are still entitled to all the benefits and privileges of a worker even though they have not been present in the office.

And yes you have heard me right. Even if you have been away from the office for a year bringing up baby, you are still entitled to your ration of annual leave. Seemingly it’s the law.

Now let me say at the outset that my issue here is not with the person requesting leave but with the dumb Apparatchik and Politico who agreed to such a practice in the first instance. Methinks I detect the hand of Harry Harperson from the Last Lot behind this madness.

I would love to understand the rationale for this for I can see none.

Some people may go on about fairness and equality but what is fair and equal about this. I do believe it right and fair that Mummys, Yummy or otherwise, should be entitled to come back to work but is it fair that Mummys who have been away from their desk for a year should have the same rights and privileges as the Stakhanovites who have toiled long and hard at their desks and workstations to keep the business going through one of the toughest economic periods we have seen? These are the folks who need time away from work to refresh and re-charge batteries and who deserve every pat on the back and going.

And has anyone considered the unintended consequences of policies like this? Do Harry Harperson and her Guardianista equality advisers not see that small businesses in particular will find ways, lawful of course, to avoid giving employment opportunities to women of child bearing age?

Now maybe it’s only me who thinks this way but I really can’t stay mum on this issue. No doubt I will get letters from the Guradianista Sisterhood but someone has to speak up and point out that the Emperor has no clothes.

Have a great week....especially if you are having a baby.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.