Jack the knife

Is it only me...but this is really snow joke but I have a cunning plan to fix.

Once again we have almost ground to standstill after a few flurries of snow. We are always so badly prepared.

Fortunately on this occasion the disruption and chaos did not seem to last as long as before otherwise like always we would have been really caught out.

And it was so pleasing to hear some hapless Apparatchik from our Highways Agency, the people who on average close a motorway for 6 hours after a prang, defending the performance of the Wombles for keeping the roads open, despite the fact that people had been stranded overnight on the M25 and countless other roads closed by jack knifed lorries. If this was a good performance I would hate to see what a bad performance looks like. I’m sure those stranded will take great comfort knowing that the Wombles performed out of their skin.

Interesting to hear too the Head Honcho at Heathrow Airport smugly satisfied with his performance because only half the flights were cancelled. And that’s a good performance. Clearly I work to different standards to these people.

Now even though the eco-mentalists believe, contrary to the obvious point, that these occurrences of snow in winter are yet more evidence of global warming, and I will let you work out the logic of that, it is clear to me, despite my lack of a scientific background, that winter snow is as predictable as Christmas in December. Given this drastic measures are called for to keep our roads and motorway network running more smoothly than the Highways Agency and the Wombles seem capable of achieving.

If we adopt the principles of root cause analysis, a technique introduced by the Japanese to improve the quality of their Datsuns, Hondas and Nissans with devastating effect, my analysis based on the evidence presented by Radio 5 traffic announcers, would appear to show that the root cause of many road closures in the snow and ice is caused by lorries jack knifing.

And when a lorry jack knifes it tends to spread-eagle itself across as many lanes as possible causing a blockage. And heaven forbid should a Womble be able to re-open a road in under 6 hours. He would be letting the others down.

Now it might only be me but the answer is devastatingly obvious. At the first sign of snow and ice ban the lorries from the road unless they are equipped with anti-jack knife gear, should such technology exist.

Now you might think this a touch draconian but we do after all ban lorries and other high sided vehicles from certain roads and bridges in high winds so there is a precedent. And surely this would help the Wombles keep the roads open, assuming they agree this is what they are paid to do, when the first flurry of snow appears and prevent drivers from having to spend more days and nights parked up in their cars on our motorway network.

Now that’s the roads fixed, all I have to do now is get our airports and rail network snow resistant. Think I will leave that for another week.

Have a great week.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.