Playing the blues

Is it only me....but even Blue Noses need to pay their taxes.

Now as you might know I originally come from a Celtic Northern Tribe living far to the north of The Wall of Hadrian, from a city dominated by its soccer teams, the Hoops or the Bhoys and the Gers, whose supporters are known affectionally as Blue Noses.

It is important to state for readers of these words, and for those north of the Wall of Hadrian these things are important, that by birth, pedigree and inclination I am a Blue Nose though these days I am a Blue Nose Lite with strong liberal tendencies which is a contradiction in terms to the Blue Nose Taliban.

And for the education of others bemused by what I am talking about, you can never be a Blue Nose or a Bhoy. You have to choose at birth and stick with it. And for many, birth chooses you as a Bhoy or Blue Nose. I hope you following this.

But moving on.

It will not have escaped your attention that in recent days the Gers, or Rangers FC to give them their Sunday name, has gone into administration owing a significant sum of money, and we are talking many millions here, to the Tax Apparatchiks.

This is big bad news. Not just for all who play for and work at the Gers; not just for the legions of Blue Noses worldwide spread like a contagion by the Diaspora to every far flung corner of the world; not just for Scottish football which requires the Gers and the Bhoys to be strong and powerful to keep the money flowing in to support every man, woman, boy and girl who plays the game north of the border; but for the very psyche of the Scots people as it approaches the 700th Anniversary of Bannockburn when it sent the English hordes back home to think again and as it stands on the threshold of independence.

You think I’m kidding.

It is said that the first devolution vote was lost in 1979 because of the damage to our psyche, whatever that might be, caused by the dismal failure of Ally McLeod and his team of Scottish football no hopers to bring home the World Cup from Argentina in 1978. Soccer is that big a deal to us.

Now clearly the Gers could have avoided their wee problem with the Tax Apparatchiks by buying them lunch as some banks and mobile phone companies are alleged to have done. Either the situation was so dire that the Gers did not even have enough loose change or luncheon vouchers lying around to run to lunch; or the Head Tax Apparatchik was a Bhoys fan and hell would have to freeze over before he would be seen tucking in with a Blue Nose.

I have not heard this claimed yet but it won’t be long before we hear a Blue Nose blubbing and greeting (which means crying not saying hello) that his beloved Gers has been made bust for sectarian reasons. And I wouldn’t bet against the religious beliefs of the key Tax Apparatchiks being investigated. Let us hope and pray they are Jewish.

I have however started to hear a few bleeding heart commentators and politicians start to claim special case status for the Gers and requesting that the Tax Apparatchiks go easy on them.

Now it might only be me but this is wrong. Day in, day out the Tax Apparatchiks are taking businesses of all shapes and sizes to court for not paying their tax bills and for taking steps to evade, not avoid, tax. And every day as a result businesses either write large cheques which pays for our schools, hospitals and Apparatchik pensions, or they go bust. And every time a company goes bust there is a human dimension.

It is no different for the Gers. And nor should it have been any different for Vodafone, Goldman Sachs and anyone else who escaped paying their due tax in return for lunch. Just because you employ 11 men who kick a ball around every Saturday does not give you special exemption. After all our schools, hospitals and Apparatchik pensions still need to be paid.

It will be a tragedy if the long history of the Gers should end, in the words of T S Elliott, ‘not with a bang but with a whimper’ but we can’t keep on making special cases. Every case is special to someone. And there is no way that chasing a ball can be deemed a special case.

If there is anyone out there who thinks otherwise please let me know.

And to every Blue Nose out there, and remember before you send the boys round, that includes me, have a great week.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.