Playing the blues

Is it only me....but even Blue Noses need to pay their taxes.

Now as you might know I originally come from a Celtic Northern Tribe living far to the north of The Wall of Hadrian, from a city dominated by its soccer teams, the Hoops or the Bhoys and the Gers, whose supporters are known affectionally as Blue Noses.

It is important to state for readers of these words, and for those north of the Wall of Hadrian these things are important, that by birth, pedigree and inclination I am a Blue Nose though these days I am a Blue Nose Lite with strong liberal tendencies which is a contradiction in terms to the Blue Nose Taliban.

And for the education of others bemused by what I am talking about, you can never be a Blue Nose or a Bhoy. You have to choose at birth and stick with it. And for many, birth chooses you as a Bhoy or Blue Nose. I hope you following this.

But moving on.

It will not have escaped your attention that in recent days the Gers, or Rangers FC to give them their Sunday name, has gone into administration owing a significant sum of money, and we are talking many millions here, to the Tax Apparatchiks.

This is big bad news. Not just for all who play for and work at the Gers; not just for the legions of Blue Noses worldwide spread like a contagion by the Diaspora to every far flung corner of the world; not just for Scottish football which requires the Gers and the Bhoys to be strong and powerful to keep the money flowing in to support every man, woman, boy and girl who plays the game north of the border; but for the very psyche of the Scots people as it approaches the 700th Anniversary of Bannockburn when it sent the English hordes back home to think again and as it stands on the threshold of independence.

You think I’m kidding.

It is said that the first devolution vote was lost in 1979 because of the damage to our psyche, whatever that might be, caused by the dismal failure of Ally McLeod and his team of Scottish football no hopers to bring home the World Cup from Argentina in 1978. Soccer is that big a deal to us.

Now clearly the Gers could have avoided their wee problem with the Tax Apparatchiks by buying them lunch as some banks and mobile phone companies are alleged to have done. Either the situation was so dire that the Gers did not even have enough loose change or luncheon vouchers lying around to run to lunch; or the Head Tax Apparatchik was a Bhoys fan and hell would have to freeze over before he would be seen tucking in with a Blue Nose.

I have not heard this claimed yet but it won’t be long before we hear a Blue Nose blubbing and greeting (which means crying not saying hello) that his beloved Gers has been made bust for sectarian reasons. And I wouldn’t bet against the religious beliefs of the key Tax Apparatchiks being investigated. Let us hope and pray they are Jewish.

I have however started to hear a few bleeding heart commentators and politicians start to claim special case status for the Gers and requesting that the Tax Apparatchiks go easy on them.

Now it might only be me but this is wrong. Day in, day out the Tax Apparatchiks are taking businesses of all shapes and sizes to court for not paying their tax bills and for taking steps to evade, not avoid, tax. And every day as a result businesses either write large cheques which pays for our schools, hospitals and Apparatchik pensions, or they go bust. And every time a company goes bust there is a human dimension.

It is no different for the Gers. And nor should it have been any different for Vodafone, Goldman Sachs and anyone else who escaped paying their due tax in return for lunch. Just because you employ 11 men who kick a ball around every Saturday does not give you special exemption. After all our schools, hospitals and Apparatchik pensions still need to be paid.

It will be a tragedy if the long history of the Gers should end, in the words of T S Elliott, ‘not with a bang but with a whimper’ but we can’t keep on making special cases. Every case is special to someone. And there is no way that chasing a ball can be deemed a special case.

If there is anyone out there who thinks otherwise please let me know.

And to every Blue Nose out there, and remember before you send the boys round, that includes me, have a great week.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.

Above the law

Is it only me...but this is not legal.

I was hoping that these words would provide a safe haven and refuge from all the hysteria surrounding the sacking of England’s Head Honcho in charge of football but sadly we must intervene with some words of wit and caution.

Now to be honest when it comes to England and football I adopt ‘A Gone with the Wind’ approach and quite frankly, I couldn’t give a damn. However it does incense me when despite everything else going on in the world the broadcast media in this country seem to have made the editorial decision that this is the only thing that matters to anyone. Really? And it was for this reason that I was going to ignore it and I apologise to all you good folk for breaching this vow to myself. I am so weak!

Putting to one side the observation that if I was alleged to have made racist remarks in my workplace, I would be suspended forthwith; and ignoring the fact that no one else I know, though I do know very few in this position, has the power to arrange their court schedule to suit their diary; there is one other aspect of this issue that sorely troubles me and provides yet further evidence that football and those who play this game seem to think that they are above the law.

From every corner of the green and pleasant land that many have come to call England, the cry has gone up, with the vigour and emotional loquacity of Henry V before Agincourt, that the next England Head Honcho must be an Englishman.

This is illegal.

Under EU law there is freedom of movement of labour meaning that English jobs cannot be reserved for Englishmen and that any EU national has the right to be considered for any job within the EU. I don’t think, though I might be wrong, that when the various EU treaties incorporating this right were being discussed, that anyone on our side of the discussions negotiated a veto or opt out from this directive for England Head Honchos in charge of soccer.

I also believe UK law also applies here and that women too must be considered for this role and given equal opportunity to apply and be considered. The same applies to every other minority in this country though it baffles me how women can be considered a minority though in world of Soccer Head Honchos operating at a senior level we are still waiting for that Maggie Thatcher moment.

It might only be me but soccer is not above the law and to apply the law in the case of England’s Head Honcho, the best person regardless of gender, race, age and creed must be given the job, provided of course they were born in the EU or have the relevant work permit.

And I offer this advice as a well-meaning Celt who only wants to see England do well! And that was said with all sincerity.

Have a great week.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.