Have yourself a very merry Christmas...

What month is it?

At this point you might be thinking that Cicero has finally lost his marbles and gone gaga. I am sure I can hear someone say ‘Poor man, he had such a brilliant mind once upon a time’.

Please, there is no need for faux sympathy and tears.

Obviously I know what month it is-October but only just. The sun still has some warmth in it and the trees remain wreathed in leaves, albeit starting to convert from soft green to crisp rusty brown. Some of the old grey cells are still working, mes amis, as M Poirot might say.

However a recent shopping experience did put doubt into my mind.

For while wandering around a local shopping mega-emporium in the dog days of September, Cicero was mightily disconcerted to see the shelves and other merchandising space replete with goods for Christmas. There were Christmas cards, decorations, trees and all kinds of other tat which we associate with the Bacchalian revels of December.

It’s September for God’s sake! There’s still 3 months to go! The kids have just gone back to school! ‘Strictly’ has only just begun! What’s going on?

And if you look around you bit by bit Christmas messages are beginning to seep into the marketing messages that daily bombard us-‘Book now for Christmas’; ‘sign up for your Christmas party’; ‘Christmas tat on sale here’.

At the place where Cicero earns his bawbees, Cicero is currently being chased on a daily basis for his Christmas card list. Even though the ‘X-Factor’ wannabees are still at Boot Camp.

It is not that I am agin Christmas and all the shenanigans that go with it. But I just like Time’s winged chariot to be lower in the sky before I start to dedicate brain cells to this festival.

Cicero would like to propose a law that there can be no mention, talk or discussion of the C-Word until after Bonfire Night.

It seems sensible that we don’t give a thought to the C-Festival until we have left Halloween and Bonfire Night behind us. Let’s take our festivities one at a time and not rush them. Let’s enjoy them, savour them, imbibe them even, before we move on to the next one. And let’s not confuse the human brain by disturbing nature’s logical and rational and ordered chronological sequence of events.

It’s time for the Two Caesars to do something useful with their days and introduce the necessary legislation forthwith. Instead of messing around with taxes on plastic bags and anything else the eco- and enviro-mentalists might be asking you to do; helping people buy houses with my money; or squabbling over who and who is not allowed to be married, please do this. For me. This might be the most transformative piece of legislation of the millennium so far.

And until Betty Windsor has signed off this legislation as good to go, Cicero will continue to ignore the C-Fest until Guy Fawkes has been reduced to cinders and ash, yet again. And if you are waiting for me to compile my C-Card list, you have another month or so before I will even begin to think about it.

What is the earliest sign you have seen of the C-Fest this year?