Rummage sale

There is a lot about life that perplexes Cicero. This is one more example and he wonders if he might seek explanation and understanding from some of his many readers.

The issue is quite simple.

From time to time Cicero is forced to endure the torture of doing some shopping. Otherwise he would starve.

And so having wandered  the food emporium and gathered together his few items of sustenance he waits in line while  the assistant scans the mountains of food and supplies that many others seem to like to buy. Sometimes he can whizz through but mostly he queues behind 3, 4 or even 5 or more trolleys filled to over flowing with all kinds of foodstuffs that increasingly the nannies among us are condemning with the same enthusiasm that they have banned or taxed just about everything else that gives mankind pleasure.

And should one be stuck behind these trollies it can take quite a time to get through. Indeed there are many parallels with the queues one has to join when one returns to the land of our birth and our birth right as the Apparatchiks who man our borders make everyone queue to screen everyone regardless of passport to ensure no one of whom UKIP might disapprove sneaks through.

In this situation it can take 5 minutes for the contents of the trolley to be scanned. Plenty of time you might think for the trolley driving missus, for they are usually of the distaff persuasion, to get ready. But no. For it is only when every item has been scanned, bagged and the sum of the goods purchased totalled, and not a second before, that the driver of the trolley decides to rummage through her handbag and search for her purse and the means to pay. 

And searching through a handbag is no easy matter. It is not like the purse is ever at the top. It takes the survival and exploring skills of Bear Grylls to rummage through a woman’s handbag.

So this is what Cicero wants to know?

Why do woman not use the dead time when their goods are being whizzed through the technology to find the means to pay and have it ready in their hand, or at least have it somewhere locatable? There must be a simple explanation.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.

Ba ba, black sheep

Is it only me...but it seems to me that there are times when we behave more like sheep than the product of countless millennia of human evolution and development.

Queues have been a lot in the news over recent days but I am not going to share with you my thoughts on the sheer irrationality and madness of people lining up to queue for petrol even though we had plenty of petrol and there was never any likelihood of petrol being in short supply for at least week if we all behaved like me. In other words if we all kept calm and carried on, to paraphrase The Stereophonics....or was it Coldplay?

No instead I want to replay with you a recent experience while boarding a plane.

As usual when boarding a plane there are various stages we have to pass through, nearly all of which involve us standing in line. First there is the check in phase; then the awful so called security check which is really about seen-to-be-doing-something assurance than real security; then the wander through the strategically placed duty free shopping mall; followed by the coffee and eats experience; before being herded to the gate for a final sit down; and then at last we are called to board the plane.
At this point we all jump up and rush to queue up to have our tickets and boarding passes checked yet again before being allowed to proceed to board the plane.

Now it might only be me but it baffles me why we all do this.

Your seat has been allocated to you already so why jump up and queue. It is not as if you are going to get the best seat or even get served by the better looking trolley dolly by being first on. So why rush to queue? Why not linger a wee while longer with your paper and coffee and watch with bemused detached interest your fellow passengers jostle and push for pole position in the queue? It is a pointless and needless activity. The plane is not going to go and leave you behind, especially if you have luggage in the hold. That is deemed a security risk.

It does seem we must have ovine characteristics in the human DNA genome that evolution has failed to dislodge. In other words we behave like sheep and feel obliged to join a queue when we see one. Maybe we fear missing out on something.

I wonder if this is a Brit thing. A northern European Anglo Saxon trait? I can’t imagine the Latinos behaving like this. How did they manage to shift the sheep DNA from their genome? I would like to know.

So my advice if you flying over the holidays-stay seated in your seat when you are invited to board. Wait until the sheep have gone. And then stroll leisurely onto the plane and to your seat which will be sitting there waiting for you and still unoccupied.

Have a great week. And a fabulous Easter.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.