Spreading the virus

Welcome.

It was disappointing to see the lack of response to last week’s competition and chance to win a stunning prize. Maybe you are just not the creative expressive type. Still we will give you another week to submit your Man Booker winning six word work of fiction.

A few years back Cicero had the great misfortune of being in Sydney when the Angles narrowly beat the Convicts to win the Rugby World Cup. It was of course a misfortune because as a Celt there is nothing Cicero hates more than to see the Anglo-Saxon tribes win any sporting contest. Sorry but it is best to be up front on these matters. That way we all know where we stand.

While there Cicero was astounded to note how through mobile texting the Anglo Saxon supporters were able to mobilise parties at the drop of a hat. On one memorable occasion a few days prior to the Final, over 5000 Anglo Saxons were summoned to Bondi Beach for pre-match choir practice. It was a stirring sight to watch a crowd of middle aged sun burnt pink Angles with over tight England rugby shirts straining to contain a lifetime pub work, belt out their annoying repertoire with references to chariots, dark satanic mills and requests for the Supreme Being to look after Liz.
And remember this was pre-Facebook, Twitter and other such communications nonsense so God knows how many would turn up today should, God forbid, Anglo Saxons ever find themselves in the same position. But for Cicero the Bondi Beach Event was a seminal moment in understanding the power of viral.

No one broadcast the arrangements for the Bondi Event. Instead news was passed on through mobile phone texting with Anglo Saxons passing on the arrangements like Usain Bolt in the sprint relay. It was very impressive. And since then Cicero has been pondering how to develop a similar approach for businesses.

You can see a similar result being achieved with the spread of bad taset jokes through texts and e-mails. It looks simple and effortless and yet when businesses try it, it rarely works. Why is this?

Sure there have been some notable business successes-the Cadburys gorilla ad being a great example and check this out for another great example http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F7XbtbQfM3k. You’ll love it.

So what combines all these great examples of successful viruses-or should that be viri?

All are relevant. All are engaging. All are interesting. All offer the sender an emotional reward for forwarding-you feel loved and relevant and tells your mates you are in the know. And so you want to pass them on so your friends don’t feel as if they are missing out. And that is why they work. Where would Susan Boyle be without a virus? Would anything have happened in Tunisia, Egypt and Libya without a good virus? Just think how a virus could be used in campaigning activity if we dissect the DNA of successful viruses and clone this.

It is not always the case but there are some viruses out there which can be good to spread. Do any examples strike you?

Is it only me............but this is not yummy, mummy.

At the place where I now ply my marketing trade and disseminate my marketing wisdom there is shall we say a surfeit of women of child bearing age. And from time to time we lose distaffs to pregnancy and Mummy Leave. This is no bad thing as we are going to need lots and lots of the little blighters to help pay for our old age so the more the merrier, that’s my motto.

Now clearly we do not want to lose women of talent from the market place and it is therefore important that we make it as easy as possible for women to return to their jobs and not face discrimination just because they met someone with whom they wanted to have children. I do understand that. I am not a total Neanderthal even if some of you may care to differ.

Last week indeed in my managerial capacity I had to deal with one distaff who was electing to return to work after 12 months absence. Naturally my aim was to make re-entry as smooth and as slick as possible. I was a New Man and I thought I discharged my legal and leadership obligations with great aplomb.

But one point did stick in my craw.

In making arrangements for re-entry my Returning Mummy pointed out that though she was due back at a point 12 months after she left she would be taking her 6 weeks holiday at that point.

‘Holidays?’ I spluttered, ‘What holidays?’ resisting the temptation to point out that she has just been on holiday for the past 12 months unlike the rest of us straining every sinew to keep the business going through an economic slowdown.

On checking with our resident People Person I learnt something new-and it was a deeply shocking new bit of knowledge at that. Now you might not know this either and so in the interests of Health and Safety I would advise you to sit down and make sure there are no sharp objects or hot liquids anywhere within arm’s reach.
It seems that Mummys on Mummy Leave still accrue holiday rights even though they are on holiday. It is the law.

Now it might only be me, though on this I’m pretty sure that I might have the support of 50% of the population plus the backing on any Distaffs for whom Mummy Leave does not apply, but this is ridiculous. How the hell does someone who has been on holiday and out of the business for the past 12 months still think they are entitled to the holiday they would have got if they had not been away? How do they have the nerve to even ask for holiday without blushing, law or no law?

No doubt this is a Harry Harperson initiative introduced by the Last Lot, no doubt cheered on by the Guardianistas whom as we know pay no heed to the impact such daftness has on those creating value. However the Last Lot have now gone and I would urge the Two Caesars if they are serious about restoring growth to our shattered economy to look again at this madness and, without impacting on the return to work rights of our Mummys, apply some common sense to their holiday entitlement.

And if you are a Mummy or want to become one, please help me understand how you justify asking for yet more holiday.

Have a great week.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.