Working at the car wash

Those of you who have been fortunate enough to get to know Cicero’s German-made chariot will be aware that it is usually wears a patina of what is commonly known as dirt and dust and must not be approached while wearing anything dressy, pristine or light in colour, and most certainly not when wearing white. 

In an effort to rectify this, Cicero took his chariot to the hard-working east Europeans who work like dervishes to keep the nation’s chariots clean and bright and in doing so help refute Monsieur Farage’s opinions that nothing good came from Europe.

It was interesting to watch these young men from the lands beyond the Danube and the Elbe go about their business. They were working in an extremely enclosed tight space, crowded with chariots, and darting from jet wash to waxing to chamois leather with no thought for their own safety. And do you know what-not one of them wore a High Viz jacket, the fashion wear accessory of choice for anyone in any kind of work environment these days. Or so it seems.

Cicero is sure that these welcome strangers to our shores have received nothing as seemingly essential as a safety briefing. And yet despite this no one seems close to have come to anything more injurious than getting wet.

Gentlemen from the eastern tribes, Cicero salutes you all. You are our role models. Though it cannot be long before the Health and Safety Gauleiters catch up with you and force you to conform.  

And to highlight the continuing absurdities of these people, you might like to pay heed to Cicero’s recent experience. And should you suffer from health and safety OCD read no further.

For in an effort to relieve the oppressive heat under which Dear Cicero and his fellow co-workers were recently being forced to toil to fund not only their own lifestyles but also those of the Apparatchik Army who live in taxpayer funded luxury, Cicero opened the fenestration in his workplace.

How very daring.

Quicker than it takes to say litigation, his competence in this highly skilled task was being questioned why health and safety was being breached and why no yellow-green vest was being worn when fenestration fiddling. His defence that he had been opening widows without incident since long before health and safety was invented when we had common sense, cut no ice with the Gauleiters who threatened to remove all privileges.

Ridiculous.

Health and safety was invented to improve the safety in dangerous industries like mining, construction, deep sea fishing and the like. It was not designed for bureaucrats and salariats. Or even car cleaning operatives.

In this instance common sense lost out, yet again. The world is going slowly mad. Our personal freedoms are being slowly eroded, our decision making dulled and our sense of personal responsibility strangled.

Time to learn from those tribesmen from the East. Time to live a wee bit dangerously.

Sit felix. Et sit fortunatus.