Hello.
Cicero was asked during the week by a correspondent unversed in the Latin vernacular to explain the meaning of the sign off at the foot of your weekly dose of wit and wisdom.
And so for those of you lacking in a classical education, these words mean ‘Be happy. Be lucky’. Surely a great philosophy to get you through the week ahead.
So now you know.
And before Cicero forgets, you might like to know that this is Movember and so, to draw attention to men’s health issues and to raise money for these, and in particular prostate cancer, Cicero will not be shaving through this month. Watch this space for updates.
Moving on.
Last week Cicero met an old colleague, a renowned Marketing Grand Fromage or MGF, whose name we had better keep hidden to avoid super injunctions and other writs, and to keep a friend.
‘How you doing?’, asked Cicero by way of a greeting, ‘And how’s business in these tough economic climes?’
‘Great to see you. It’s been a while. Business is tough but not too bad-could be a worse. But these punters wind me up. Some of them are so thick and cause us nothing but hassle.’
Cicero was dumbstruck. So dumbstruck that he was unable to respond. ‘Punters’? ‘Thick’? ‘A hassle’? This is no way to talk about the people who pay our wages and keep us in the style to which we have become accustomed. Where’s the respect?
And this set Cicero thinking. A lot can be learnt from this brief conversation.
Paying close attention to customer complaints is a leadership "best practice." But how many of us out there in the real world pay close attention to things people say about their customers. And few things say more about organizational culture and character than how your people complain about the customers and clients they serve.
Put aside hypocritical bullshit bingo slogans like "The Customer is King" and "The Customer is Always Right." When frustrated and on deadline, your people rarely talk about their most challenging and/or most important customers that way. What employees say — and how they say it — when the going gets tough speaks volumes.
Respectful criticism and critique should always be welcome. But all too frequently there's condescension and contempt. The smartest and ablest experts in knowledge-intensive and creative industries, like marketing, sometimes appear quickest to mock their customers' perceived ignorance and incompetence. This behavior isn't cathartic but corrosive.
Tone at the top is crucial. Remember Gerald Ratner when he famously described what his shops sold as ‘total crap’. He was torn apart.
The larger question, however, remains: Why would any Head Honcho or MGF in any organization say or do things that disrespect their customers?
If contempt for customers is part of the "brand experience"— yes, Mr O’Leary this means you — then such dismissiveness makes business sense.
But if these comments authentically represent organizational perspectives, then no one should be surprised when customers and clients choose to return the favour and walk.
When marketers wonder aloud "will the dogs eat the dog food" when they launch a new product or when sales people joke among themselves about how they got the customer to overpay, the organization is allowing a disrespect discourse to harden into a cultural norm. Making fun of customers isn't funny but dysfunctional, self-destructive and ultimately corrosive.
And this is the real leadership challenge-to let people feel free to critique and discuss customer relationships without it becoming disrespectful and rude. For it is possible to learn much from understanding why your people think the way they do and to take actions to improve. Indeed it is possible to learn as much from the complaints your people make about your customers as from the complaints your customers make about your people.
Your customers might be bad but they do pay your wages and we must never ever forget that. Unless of course you too wish do a Ratner.
And now Cicero wishes he had thought of that response to his MGF friend.
Is it only me.......but not everyone in this country is unemployed, some of us actually work.
Last week I had something delivered at home. Or at least someone I had bought something from tried to deliver something to me at home. Not unsurprisingly I was not in. Foolishly I had gone out to earn some bawbees rather than stay at home waiting ceaselessly on the off chance that some courier or parcel service might walk up my path with my parcel. I know. It’s my fault. I should have stayed at home. How else after all was I going to get my purchase delivered?
Now it never ceases me to amaze me how some businesses think everyone in this country is either unemployed or a house husband or wife. And yet many of them don’t appear to realise that an 8% unemployment rate equates to a 92% employment rate therefore there is a 9 to 1 chance that people are going to be out.
I am one of the 92% who has a tendency to be more out than in should anyone try to deliver something to me in during what is still known in many parts as the working week. In other words there is no point in anyone trying to get me at home on a weekday between my core working hours of 9 to 5. Indeed when you factor travel and discretionary hours time, there is very little point in trying to catch me at home unless you do so during the wee sma’ hours when only binge drinkers and ne’er do wells are out.
And of course when you are not at home but at work trying to do your bit to pull the economy out of its stall pattern, your parcel gets taken back to the parcel depot, you are left with a card telling you that should you wish to retrieve your purchase you will have to drive across two counties to collect....and of course they only work working hours too. Kafka would be proud.
Now some of the more technologically advanced Parcel Postman Pats will send you a text to let you know that their van with your goods in it is on its way to you. This is quite a breakthrough but this innovation is only useful should you work in the local smithy and are able to get back home within the hour. It fails to take account that in the post industrial knowledge based economy we now have, people no longer eke out a living in the garden shed or in the local fields. The world has moved on even if Parcel Postman Pat hasn’t.
Now it might only be me but it is time for these people to wake up and realise that we are not all unemployed benefit scrounging no marks. Some of us have a job and as a result we have a tendency to be out during the day. But the solution is simple. Change your business model.
Instead of trying to deliver during the day, deliver in the evenings and at weekends when it should be easier to find people at home. I know some think of me as a genius but that surely isn’t rocket science. In this day and age, with a 24x7 economy, there is no longer any need to pay people extra to work outside ‘working hours’, such arrangements are only made for public sector workers because ‘they’re worth it’.
And there must be financial benefits if Parcel Postman Pat can maximise the number of one touch deliveries he makes without the need to return the parcel to the depot.
It’s simple really. Anyone else got a business problem they want me to solve?
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
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Showing posts with label e-mail marketing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label e-mail marketing. Show all posts
Friday, 4 November 2011
Tuesday, 16 August 2011
The woman on the Clapham omnibus
Greetings.
In case you were wondering, Cicero’s local Via remains dug up and unsutured. This is now getting silly. In the time since this Via was re-dug up Japanese Navvies would have re-built at least a couple of nuclear power stations. And given that yet again no Navvies, Japanese or otherwise, have been seen making an attempt to repair the Via, Cicero can only conclude that this job is being dragged out for as long as our taxes will permit. Hopefully, though doubtfully, the Apparatchik who negotiated this deal did so on a fixed price and not time basis. At least that way we have not given the Navvies a blank cheque. Really cannot understand why progress so snail like.
Cicero as you know is a man of the people and likes to share the everyday experiences of the Vulgate. While on a particularly jerky and bone jarring bus journey recently, with bodies being flung backwards and forwards and from side to side, the woman sitting next to Cicero turned to him and said ‘all bus drivers should travel as a passenger from time to time’.
And it’s not just bus drivers who need to take time out and look at the customer experience from the customer’s viewpoint. How many times do we really think about how customers consume and engage with our brand?
This is the point at which our brand becomes real for our customers and yet few marketing resources get devoted to this aspect of brand management. No doubt because ownership and accountability of the customer journey across many touchpoints is fragmented and scattered across the organisational hierarchy. And so Marketing Head Honchos prefer to stay out of this particular fray.
Somebody smarter than Cicero once pointed out that if everyone is responsible for customer service, no one is accountable. And so in Cicero’s book Marketing Head Honchos cannot duck this responsibility and accountability. They must roll up their sleeves and get dirt under their finger nails. Their brand needs them.
But when it comes to customer journeys which drive the customer experience, where does one start?
There are many customer journeys but most if not all can be mapped onto the following core generic processes:
• Pre-buying research
• Buy and on-boarding
• Post purchase service and maintenance
• Repeat buying
• Ending the relationship
Within each of these generic processes the customer will go through a series of journeys. Think of it like a London Tube Map with each core process represented by a start station and end station with a series of activities or stations along the way.
And at each stage of the customer journey, ask yourself these 7 questions:
• What do we want the customer to do now?
• What does the customer want to do?
• Is there any reason we can’t allow the customer to do this?
• What would make it easy for the customer to get through this stage?
• How can we explain this better to customer?
• What do we want customer to do next?
• Where is it painful for the customer?
Now in the ideal world we would have bucket loads of research to help us determine what the consumer wants from each stage of this process. You might be lucky and have this but more often than not, you won’t. But don’t despair. You are a consumer. You have common sense. Apply it and put yourself in the skin of the customer to determine how it could be improved. At end of day it is about ensuring you are easy to do business with. It’s simple.
It really is about time we saw our business from the customer’s viewpoint. The woman on the juddering and shuddering Clapham omnibus had it so right.
Is it only me.......but I don’t know you from Adam.
Last week I was wandering down the High St of one of our major cities, without a care in the world and for once totally minding my own business, and I was chugged. Not once, not twice but five times in the space of 20 minutes by representatives from three different charitable organisations.
Now for those of you unfamiliar with the term, chugging is when you are set upon by unnaturally friendly and hyper enthusiastic young people who take you hostage with their smiling bonhomie in manic conversation until you have handed over your bank details.
I find it galling and annoying that it is not possible to walk through our shopping thoroughfares these days without being set upon by assorted chuggers, Big Issue vendors and those with a slurred accent and wide staring eyes looking for 20p for a cup of coffee or help with their train fare though where you can get a cup of coffee or a train ticket in these inflationary times for 20p is beyond me. Believe me, our High Streets are rapidly becoming an assault course of outstretched hands to be negotiated.
My usual trick with Chuggers demanding charitable donations with menaces is to engage them in conversation about the aims and objectives of their cause and since most of them are students no doubt working on some kind of commission deal, like used car or double glazing salesmen, rather than being motivated by the cause or issue for which they are seeking to raise money, it is not too long before I have shown up their lack of knowledge about their cause and they decide to target some other hapless victim.
Like the junk mail that pours through our letter boxes or the spam mail offering to grow my body parts to unnaturally large proportions, this kind of approach to marketing and selling must work or they wouldn’t do it, though for the life of me I fail to understand how donation raising with menaces does provide a sustainable income stream but then there are people born every minute.
Now it might only be me but given that I don’t know my Chugger from Adam, or Eve, and given that these Chuggers believe that attacking me with an Eve works on my vanity and ego, I am more likely to get an Eve, why does anyone think that I am going to hand over my bank details to a complete stranger, even though she might look pretty.
Let me assure you that no matter how attractive, obsequiously friendly or enthusiastically manic, my Chugger might be, there is absolutely no way short of water boarding in the High Street, and there is no evidence that this has been tried yet, that my bank details will be prised away from me to support the provision of blind guide dogs to feed starving children in Somalia. I think that was the cause for which I was being chugged.
And finally Cicero will not now be around until September. He is off on a well deserved break and to stock up his reservoir of absurdities and knowledge. Be well and stay good.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
In case you were wondering, Cicero’s local Via remains dug up and unsutured. This is now getting silly. In the time since this Via was re-dug up Japanese Navvies would have re-built at least a couple of nuclear power stations. And given that yet again no Navvies, Japanese or otherwise, have been seen making an attempt to repair the Via, Cicero can only conclude that this job is being dragged out for as long as our taxes will permit. Hopefully, though doubtfully, the Apparatchik who negotiated this deal did so on a fixed price and not time basis. At least that way we have not given the Navvies a blank cheque. Really cannot understand why progress so snail like.
Cicero as you know is a man of the people and likes to share the everyday experiences of the Vulgate. While on a particularly jerky and bone jarring bus journey recently, with bodies being flung backwards and forwards and from side to side, the woman sitting next to Cicero turned to him and said ‘all bus drivers should travel as a passenger from time to time’.
And it’s not just bus drivers who need to take time out and look at the customer experience from the customer’s viewpoint. How many times do we really think about how customers consume and engage with our brand?
This is the point at which our brand becomes real for our customers and yet few marketing resources get devoted to this aspect of brand management. No doubt because ownership and accountability of the customer journey across many touchpoints is fragmented and scattered across the organisational hierarchy. And so Marketing Head Honchos prefer to stay out of this particular fray.
Somebody smarter than Cicero once pointed out that if everyone is responsible for customer service, no one is accountable. And so in Cicero’s book Marketing Head Honchos cannot duck this responsibility and accountability. They must roll up their sleeves and get dirt under their finger nails. Their brand needs them.
But when it comes to customer journeys which drive the customer experience, where does one start?
There are many customer journeys but most if not all can be mapped onto the following core generic processes:
• Pre-buying research
• Buy and on-boarding
• Post purchase service and maintenance
• Repeat buying
• Ending the relationship
Within each of these generic processes the customer will go through a series of journeys. Think of it like a London Tube Map with each core process represented by a start station and end station with a series of activities or stations along the way.
And at each stage of the customer journey, ask yourself these 7 questions:
• What do we want the customer to do now?
• What does the customer want to do?
• Is there any reason we can’t allow the customer to do this?
• What would make it easy for the customer to get through this stage?
• How can we explain this better to customer?
• What do we want customer to do next?
• Where is it painful for the customer?
Now in the ideal world we would have bucket loads of research to help us determine what the consumer wants from each stage of this process. You might be lucky and have this but more often than not, you won’t. But don’t despair. You are a consumer. You have common sense. Apply it and put yourself in the skin of the customer to determine how it could be improved. At end of day it is about ensuring you are easy to do business with. It’s simple.
It really is about time we saw our business from the customer’s viewpoint. The woman on the juddering and shuddering Clapham omnibus had it so right.
Is it only me.......but I don’t know you from Adam.
Last week I was wandering down the High St of one of our major cities, without a care in the world and for once totally minding my own business, and I was chugged. Not once, not twice but five times in the space of 20 minutes by representatives from three different charitable organisations.
Now for those of you unfamiliar with the term, chugging is when you are set upon by unnaturally friendly and hyper enthusiastic young people who take you hostage with their smiling bonhomie in manic conversation until you have handed over your bank details.
I find it galling and annoying that it is not possible to walk through our shopping thoroughfares these days without being set upon by assorted chuggers, Big Issue vendors and those with a slurred accent and wide staring eyes looking for 20p for a cup of coffee or help with their train fare though where you can get a cup of coffee or a train ticket in these inflationary times for 20p is beyond me. Believe me, our High Streets are rapidly becoming an assault course of outstretched hands to be negotiated.
My usual trick with Chuggers demanding charitable donations with menaces is to engage them in conversation about the aims and objectives of their cause and since most of them are students no doubt working on some kind of commission deal, like used car or double glazing salesmen, rather than being motivated by the cause or issue for which they are seeking to raise money, it is not too long before I have shown up their lack of knowledge about their cause and they decide to target some other hapless victim.
Like the junk mail that pours through our letter boxes or the spam mail offering to grow my body parts to unnaturally large proportions, this kind of approach to marketing and selling must work or they wouldn’t do it, though for the life of me I fail to understand how donation raising with menaces does provide a sustainable income stream but then there are people born every minute.
Now it might only be me but given that I don’t know my Chugger from Adam, or Eve, and given that these Chuggers believe that attacking me with an Eve works on my vanity and ego, I am more likely to get an Eve, why does anyone think that I am going to hand over my bank details to a complete stranger, even though she might look pretty.
Let me assure you that no matter how attractive, obsequiously friendly or enthusiastically manic, my Chugger might be, there is absolutely no way short of water boarding in the High Street, and there is no evidence that this has been tried yet, that my bank details will be prised away from me to support the provision of blind guide dogs to feed starving children in Somalia. I think that was the cause for which I was being chugged.
And finally Cicero will not now be around until September. He is off on a well deserved break and to stock up his reservoir of absurdities and knowledge. Be well and stay good.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
Monday, 1 August 2011
It was the chocs wot won it!
Someone has tried to accuse Cicero of historical inaccuracy. As if.
In last week’s thoughts a certain Mr Perry was linked to British naval stalwarts such as Drake, Raleigh and Nelson, and one correspondent tried to point out that the Perry who opened up Japan was an American naval officer. You are quite right but the Perry who was in Cicero’s thoughts is truly a present day British naval hero, fully deserving to be linked in the same sentence to historical Royal Navy legends.
You are not going to believe this.
You will recall a few weeks back Cicero’s rant (and yes, this was a rant) about length of time it was taking to fix a short stretch of road in his neighbourhood compared to speed at which Japanese Navvies worked. Well the self same bit of tarmac has been ripped up yet again and once more drivers are being inconvenienced by the traffic chaos. This takes publicly funded job creation programmes to a whole new level-dig a trench in the road, take ages to fix, dig it up again and then presumably take another age to fix. You will be kept posted on the latest developments though to Cicero’s untrained eye progress looks like it is going to be slow. To date not one Navvie, Japanese or otherwise, has been spotted working.
Cicero was communing last week with like minded marketing Head Honchos when he heard a great story. It was so good that he wanted to share it with you.
Once upon a time there was a block of offices where some suits worked for a major financial services business, not one owned by us the taxpayer, for the avoidance of doubt. Each evening an army of cleaners moved into this capitalist palace to make it all spick and span for the workers to do their stuff the next day.
Now all of us no doubt have a cleaning service which operates behind the scenes each and every night restoring cleanliness and hygiene to our workplace so we can give of our best in an environment which fully complies with the necessary hygiene standards.
Now how many times do you give a thought to your cleaning service and the cleaners who toil to clean up your mess? It is doubtful if you devote half a brain cell to this topic. You will only notice the cleaners if they are not there or don’t do their job.
Now back to the cleaners in the financial services office.
They knew and realised that they were not noticed or appreciated and they also knew that they were just a commodity which more often than not would be bought on price. And they determined to find a point of difference and so each night they would leave a chocolate on each desk they cleaned.
Now after a while their contract came round for renewal and the bean counting procurement people who bought these kinds of services with the same attention to detail that they bought pens, rubbers and elastic bands, decided not to renew their contract and went instead for a competitor.
There was uproar. Not because the offices were not being cleaned to the required standard but because people missed their chocs. So much uproar in fact that the original cleaning company was re-instated. It was the chocs wot won it!!!!
Now too often you will hear folk, and marketing folk are included in this, saying that they work in a commodity business. This is sloppy thinking. All businesses are commodities if you think of it-Coke is only fizzy brown water, Vodafone is just mobile telecommunications business like any other, Persil just a washing powder and there are plenty of these around. But does anyone want to bet that that they do not see themselves as a commodity?
As the cleaning company has shown with a little bit of creative understanding, any business can make itself distinctive and interesting in its market place. And that is the way to win and keep business.
Now this might only be me......but maybe we should all adopt this mentality.
Normally we end our weekly conversation with me pointing out some of the absurdities of the world in which we live. But now for something completely different. Today I want to leave you with a tale that should inspire you to live every day as if it is going to be your last.
Last week I came across the story of Alex Lewis who was diagnosed at 17 with bone cancer which had spread to his lungs but even while undergoing intensive treatment he was determined to cram as much life as possible into the time he had left. In three years he experienced what some people take a lifetime to achieve, including meeting and marrying the love of his life. He died shortly after his 22nd birthday.
Alex vowed to live each day with as much zest and energy as he could muster. He didn't want his life to be defined by his illness and crammed a lifetime of thrill and adventure into the time he had left. He went parachute jumping in New Zealand, dune buggy riding in Dubai and cliff diving in Cornwall. He took a spur of the moment trip to Australia, booking tickets just two days before he travelled to meet friends there for beach parties.
‘’It makes you realise just how precious life is. Life is actually amazing, but to make the most of every minute you do have to look at everything in a positive way," Alex said. "I'm having almost the time of my life in a way. I mean, imagine if you could feel like I do now, but just for your whole life - that would be incredible because you'd make the most of everything. You'd feel like I'm not wasting time."
Shortly before he died he told his family how incredible his life had been and how he felt like he had a complete life even though it had been cut short.
Now it might only be me but I think that this outlook is something we can all learn from.
Have a great week and hopefully we can all live it to the full.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
In last week’s thoughts a certain Mr Perry was linked to British naval stalwarts such as Drake, Raleigh and Nelson, and one correspondent tried to point out that the Perry who opened up Japan was an American naval officer. You are quite right but the Perry who was in Cicero’s thoughts is truly a present day British naval hero, fully deserving to be linked in the same sentence to historical Royal Navy legends.
You are not going to believe this.
You will recall a few weeks back Cicero’s rant (and yes, this was a rant) about length of time it was taking to fix a short stretch of road in his neighbourhood compared to speed at which Japanese Navvies worked. Well the self same bit of tarmac has been ripped up yet again and once more drivers are being inconvenienced by the traffic chaos. This takes publicly funded job creation programmes to a whole new level-dig a trench in the road, take ages to fix, dig it up again and then presumably take another age to fix. You will be kept posted on the latest developments though to Cicero’s untrained eye progress looks like it is going to be slow. To date not one Navvie, Japanese or otherwise, has been spotted working.
Cicero was communing last week with like minded marketing Head Honchos when he heard a great story. It was so good that he wanted to share it with you.
Once upon a time there was a block of offices where some suits worked for a major financial services business, not one owned by us the taxpayer, for the avoidance of doubt. Each evening an army of cleaners moved into this capitalist palace to make it all spick and span for the workers to do their stuff the next day.
Now all of us no doubt have a cleaning service which operates behind the scenes each and every night restoring cleanliness and hygiene to our workplace so we can give of our best in an environment which fully complies with the necessary hygiene standards.
Now how many times do you give a thought to your cleaning service and the cleaners who toil to clean up your mess? It is doubtful if you devote half a brain cell to this topic. You will only notice the cleaners if they are not there or don’t do their job.
Now back to the cleaners in the financial services office.
They knew and realised that they were not noticed or appreciated and they also knew that they were just a commodity which more often than not would be bought on price. And they determined to find a point of difference and so each night they would leave a chocolate on each desk they cleaned.
Now after a while their contract came round for renewal and the bean counting procurement people who bought these kinds of services with the same attention to detail that they bought pens, rubbers and elastic bands, decided not to renew their contract and went instead for a competitor.
There was uproar. Not because the offices were not being cleaned to the required standard but because people missed their chocs. So much uproar in fact that the original cleaning company was re-instated. It was the chocs wot won it!!!!
Now too often you will hear folk, and marketing folk are included in this, saying that they work in a commodity business. This is sloppy thinking. All businesses are commodities if you think of it-Coke is only fizzy brown water, Vodafone is just mobile telecommunications business like any other, Persil just a washing powder and there are plenty of these around. But does anyone want to bet that that they do not see themselves as a commodity?
As the cleaning company has shown with a little bit of creative understanding, any business can make itself distinctive and interesting in its market place. And that is the way to win and keep business.
Now this might only be me......but maybe we should all adopt this mentality.
Normally we end our weekly conversation with me pointing out some of the absurdities of the world in which we live. But now for something completely different. Today I want to leave you with a tale that should inspire you to live every day as if it is going to be your last.
Last week I came across the story of Alex Lewis who was diagnosed at 17 with bone cancer which had spread to his lungs but even while undergoing intensive treatment he was determined to cram as much life as possible into the time he had left. In three years he experienced what some people take a lifetime to achieve, including meeting and marrying the love of his life. He died shortly after his 22nd birthday.
Alex vowed to live each day with as much zest and energy as he could muster. He didn't want his life to be defined by his illness and crammed a lifetime of thrill and adventure into the time he had left. He went parachute jumping in New Zealand, dune buggy riding in Dubai and cliff diving in Cornwall. He took a spur of the moment trip to Australia, booking tickets just two days before he travelled to meet friends there for beach parties.
‘’It makes you realise just how precious life is. Life is actually amazing, but to make the most of every minute you do have to look at everything in a positive way," Alex said. "I'm having almost the time of my life in a way. I mean, imagine if you could feel like I do now, but just for your whole life - that would be incredible because you'd make the most of everything. You'd feel like I'm not wasting time."
Shortly before he died he told his family how incredible his life had been and how he felt like he had a complete life even though it had been cut short.
Now it might only be me but I think that this outlook is something we can all learn from.
Have a great week and hopefully we can all live it to the full.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
Thursday, 24 March 2011
For whom the bell tolls
Bonjour.
Very little feedback on last week’s words of wit and wisdom so obviously not thought provoking or unreasonable enough for you, the only true test for this column. Dearie me.
But we did get a comment from a doctor, no less. We are moving up in the world. And the really scary thing about his comment is that he agrees with our diagnosis on the NHS. Even he, with initials before and after his name, can’t get an appointment either. This is more serious than we thought. We shall return to this topic.
Anyone else from the NHS care to comment?
And someone did ask why someone like Cicero is using the NHS with all its flaws, defects and problems. It is assumed that Cicero would pay for medical treatment to avoid having to queue with the great unwashed. You forget whence Cicero comes...why pay again for something which has already been paid for and when it can be obtained for ‘free’?
Today we are going to set a wee test and I would like as many of you possible to write in with your thoughts. There will be a prize. And even though this competition will test your creative juices it will have great relevance to all of us in business. Even Apparatchiks can play this game though its real world relevance might be limited though there is no need why it should be.
One day the great Ernest Hemingway was challenged, no doubt in a bar over a couple of Ryes and soda, his tipple of choice, to write a story in six words or less.
Ern thought about it for a moment, grabbed pen and paper and wrote this emotional, intriguing and cliff hanging yarn
‘For sale. Baby’s shoes. Never worn.’
Now this tale might lack the polish and finish of say ‘The Da Vinci Code’. It might not be enough to amuse you on a long journey. And it is unlikely to be made into a movie. But it is one helluva of a story and the sequel is sure to be umissable.
And so your test this week is to come up with a similar work in fiction in six words or less and as promised there will be a prize for the winner.
But let’s not stop there for we can apply the Hemingway test to many situations.
For example last week Cicero was challenged to apply the Hemingway Test to come up with a reason why anyone should want to buy the Luvvie Brand where he is currently plying his trade.
Could you come up with a compelling, engaging, relevant and distinctive story to explain your brand in six words or less? Go on, try it. Yes, that’s you, do it now. Even if you are working in Third Sector as we now call charities, this applies to you. Remember you too are in competition for donations and handouts so you too must be able to do the Hemingway Test.
And just think too of all the money that could be saved on mission and vision statements if Head Honchos could develop in less than 6 words a compelling story why their people should get out of bed and come into work inspired and motivated to build the brand across every touch point.
You may have heard this before but it is always apposite to quote the cleaner at NASA asked by JFK what her job was replied
‘My job, sir, is to help put a man on the moon’.
Nothing long winded about that. And exciting, inspiring and motivating. Hemingway would be proud. Now let’s see if you can do any better.
Is it only me..........but here’s a funny thing
Within hours of the recent tragedy in Japan my phone was awash with text jokes finding humour in this situation. And in parallel my inbox was soon filled with humour in the same vein. Now this is not the place to disseminate further this kind of humour so if you came here looking for sick jokes, then you have come to the wrong place, pal.
Now the same thing happened after the Christchurch earthquake, the death of Michael Jackson, indeed after any sad event sick, deranged and depraved humour swiftly criss-crosses the globe. Indeed there were even jokes from those with racist tendencies following the recent victory of the Welsh tribes over the Pictish tribes. How sick can you get?
Indeed I have heard from one devotee reader of these pages whose works takes him away from civilisation for long periods of time, that when he eventually reaches shores and approaches a mobile phone signal sick texts are what alerts him and his mates to news of tragic import that they will have missed while they were ruling the waves on our behalf. Surely a better source of reliable news than the usual news outlets. Sir John Reith, eat your heart out!
Now we may think that jokes in such taste are inherently bad and sick but I am sure that many psychologists will agree that black humour can be a very effective antidote to tragedy and provide an escape value for society allowing it to grieve and share emotions safely. Well at least that’s my defence and for those of you in receipt of my texts and mails in this vein, please remember that I am in fact performing a useful social service.
Now it might only be me but I am always curious as to where these jokes that travel and cross borders with such ease, actually start. Who is sitting there with pen and finger poised over PC or phone or iThingymybob keyboard scanning the news from around the world looking for the any item announcing the arrival of any one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse?
I would love to trace these so called jokes back to their source. Is there a factory or somewhere in the Developing World or a sweat shop in the back streets of some northern town where labourers toil for long hours earning a pittance working without the protection of Employment, Health and Safety and Minimum Wage Laws turning out these gags? If so we should inform the Guardianistas. They hate this kind of thing.
If anyone knows how and where these jokes start can they please let us know.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
Very little feedback on last week’s words of wit and wisdom so obviously not thought provoking or unreasonable enough for you, the only true test for this column. Dearie me.
But we did get a comment from a doctor, no less. We are moving up in the world. And the really scary thing about his comment is that he agrees with our diagnosis on the NHS. Even he, with initials before and after his name, can’t get an appointment either. This is more serious than we thought. We shall return to this topic.
Anyone else from the NHS care to comment?
And someone did ask why someone like Cicero is using the NHS with all its flaws, defects and problems. It is assumed that Cicero would pay for medical treatment to avoid having to queue with the great unwashed. You forget whence Cicero comes...why pay again for something which has already been paid for and when it can be obtained for ‘free’?
Today we are going to set a wee test and I would like as many of you possible to write in with your thoughts. There will be a prize. And even though this competition will test your creative juices it will have great relevance to all of us in business. Even Apparatchiks can play this game though its real world relevance might be limited though there is no need why it should be.
One day the great Ernest Hemingway was challenged, no doubt in a bar over a couple of Ryes and soda, his tipple of choice, to write a story in six words or less.
Ern thought about it for a moment, grabbed pen and paper and wrote this emotional, intriguing and cliff hanging yarn
‘For sale. Baby’s shoes. Never worn.’
Now this tale might lack the polish and finish of say ‘The Da Vinci Code’. It might not be enough to amuse you on a long journey. And it is unlikely to be made into a movie. But it is one helluva of a story and the sequel is sure to be umissable.
And so your test this week is to come up with a similar work in fiction in six words or less and as promised there will be a prize for the winner.
But let’s not stop there for we can apply the Hemingway test to many situations.
For example last week Cicero was challenged to apply the Hemingway Test to come up with a reason why anyone should want to buy the Luvvie Brand where he is currently plying his trade.
Could you come up with a compelling, engaging, relevant and distinctive story to explain your brand in six words or less? Go on, try it. Yes, that’s you, do it now. Even if you are working in Third Sector as we now call charities, this applies to you. Remember you too are in competition for donations and handouts so you too must be able to do the Hemingway Test.
And just think too of all the money that could be saved on mission and vision statements if Head Honchos could develop in less than 6 words a compelling story why their people should get out of bed and come into work inspired and motivated to build the brand across every touch point.
You may have heard this before but it is always apposite to quote the cleaner at NASA asked by JFK what her job was replied
‘My job, sir, is to help put a man on the moon’.
Nothing long winded about that. And exciting, inspiring and motivating. Hemingway would be proud. Now let’s see if you can do any better.
Is it only me..........but here’s a funny thing
Within hours of the recent tragedy in Japan my phone was awash with text jokes finding humour in this situation. And in parallel my inbox was soon filled with humour in the same vein. Now this is not the place to disseminate further this kind of humour so if you came here looking for sick jokes, then you have come to the wrong place, pal.
Now the same thing happened after the Christchurch earthquake, the death of Michael Jackson, indeed after any sad event sick, deranged and depraved humour swiftly criss-crosses the globe. Indeed there were even jokes from those with racist tendencies following the recent victory of the Welsh tribes over the Pictish tribes. How sick can you get?
Indeed I have heard from one devotee reader of these pages whose works takes him away from civilisation for long periods of time, that when he eventually reaches shores and approaches a mobile phone signal sick texts are what alerts him and his mates to news of tragic import that they will have missed while they were ruling the waves on our behalf. Surely a better source of reliable news than the usual news outlets. Sir John Reith, eat your heart out!
Now we may think that jokes in such taste are inherently bad and sick but I am sure that many psychologists will agree that black humour can be a very effective antidote to tragedy and provide an escape value for society allowing it to grieve and share emotions safely. Well at least that’s my defence and for those of you in receipt of my texts and mails in this vein, please remember that I am in fact performing a useful social service.
Now it might only be me but I am always curious as to where these jokes that travel and cross borders with such ease, actually start. Who is sitting there with pen and finger poised over PC or phone or iThingymybob keyboard scanning the news from around the world looking for the any item announcing the arrival of any one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse?
I would love to trace these so called jokes back to their source. Is there a factory or somewhere in the Developing World or a sweat shop in the back streets of some northern town where labourers toil for long hours earning a pittance working without the protection of Employment, Health and Safety and Minimum Wage Laws turning out these gags? If so we should inform the Guardianistas. They hate this kind of thing.
If anyone knows how and where these jokes start can they please let us know.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
Monday, 21 March 2011
Dear John
In the words of Neil Diamond, hello again, my friend.
Did you read last week’s comments? If so you will know that we have knowingly converted to our rational point of view our first Apparatchik Guardianista. Welcome to our world, hopefully you will stay a convert. It is never too late to learn and as Professor Brian Cox once said ‘things can only get better’. Bet you never thought that Cicero knew so many contemporary cultural references.
Last week Cicero received a ‘Dear John’ letter.
Now before you all get your hankies out and weep for Cicero at this emotional tragedy, there is something you need to know.
Now contrary to popular belief Cicero is very au fait with the digital world and to ensure his knowledge and understanding is up to date has subscribed to many newsletters and e-mails from companies around the world offering to keep him up to speed with all the latest developments.
Those of you who also follow this practice will be aware that in-boxes rapidly become filled and so last week Cicero took the unprecedented decision to unsubscribe. Shock, horror!
And do you know what this company said in return, and here we are quoting verbatim
‘Remove me! You have now been removed from our database. Good luck’
It felt as if unsubscribers had moved beyond the pale and been surgically taken out. And why was good luck required. Surely it is possible to subsist without the help and influence of this company.
Now this is a big trick that marketers are missing and like all other touch points surely it should be possible for breaking up to be not quite as painful. After all you may well have invested a lot of money and energy getting a subscriber so why just say ‘see you around sometime’ when the divorce happens. Why not make a wee bit more effort to keep the door open?
Many brands are failing to embrace the marketing opportunity created by consumers unsubscribing from their marketing emails. They are dismissing consumers who fall out of love with their emails as lost causes rather than enabling them to enhance their relationship with the brand in a different way.
It would have been nice when waving goodbye if Cicero’s ex dot com buddy had at least said thank you for your custom and for your interest.
Perhaps too it could have asked for feedback. How about giving customers the opportunity to tell you exactly where you went wrong, and to let you know just how much all of your email communication flaws and bad habits deterred them.
Another option might be to offer customer the option of less frequent emails. This is exactly what M&S does. Or even more relevant e-mails.
These are just a few suggestions. There will be many more approaches out there to help ease the pain of digital break ups. And if you have any great examples, please do share.
Get it right and your Dear Johns need not be adieu but merely au revoir and a bientot too.
Is it only me.................but how do you get to see a doctor?
Now fortunately I am blessed with good health apart from of course from failing eyesight as tempus fugit, the odd dodgy knee and a few patches of rough skin. Other than that I am hale and hearty and rarely need to trouble the medical profession. And despite the massive transfer of my wealth into the NHS on a monthly basis I do not begrudge paying it though I do wish that the Apparatchiks who run this esteemed institution did learn to spend my money a wee bit more wisely than hitherto and did spend as if it was their own money and with less profligacy.
However the other week I ailed and required the services of the medical profession and I learnt just how difficult it is to see a doctor, despite you would have thought the quacks considering me essential to treat given that I, and quite a few others like me, are the people who bankroll the NHS.
Now in theory it should be possible to get a same day appointment. The key word here is theory. The phone lines open at 8am and by 8.05 same day appointments had disappeared faster than Take That tickets disappear though it is mystery to me why these would disappear with great alacrity. Still no accounting for taste. Anyway the Moll who runs the reception services could offer me no adequate explanation why appointments should disappear so quickly. It is not like we have a shortage of quacks, we must have at least 10. So I can only surmise that a) there is an epidemic where I lay my hat b) I reside in a particularly ill area c) appointment slots are being bought up by touts and sold on to the highest bidder.
Now the natural thing when you are unable to book for later in the day is to request an appointment for the following day. But no that is not possible. Despite this being the logical and rational approach, well at least to those of us with imagination and common sense, I was informed by the Doctor’s Moll that this was impossible as I would have to ring back the next day.
Next day same result.
Day after same result.
Day after that I was cured.
Now I know this might be a way to save the NHS money but it might only be me but how exactly do you get an appointment these days to see a doctor. Some people manage it and they can’t all be buying appointment slots from the touts. It seems that if you are chronically sick and/or feckless and unemployed you know how the system works, you have been inducted into the mysteries of the appointment booking system and taught the password. But quite frankly these sorts of people are not the ones paying for the service.
On the other hand, the occasionally sick and full time funders of the service are out in the cold, fighting for the appointment booking scraps, never mind whether it fits with a window in their busy Blackberries. May I suggest that this is the wrong way round and the occasional sick should be prioritised and restored to health with great speed to earn the wealth we need to keep the service going for others?
A few years back I suggested an innovation-appointments for commuters. And behold this innovation was taken up though too few to make a difference and to get one of these you have to schedule your sickness a few weeks in advance.
We need more innovation. Any ideas?
Have a great week. And stay healthy.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
Did you read last week’s comments? If so you will know that we have knowingly converted to our rational point of view our first Apparatchik Guardianista. Welcome to our world, hopefully you will stay a convert. It is never too late to learn and as Professor Brian Cox once said ‘things can only get better’. Bet you never thought that Cicero knew so many contemporary cultural references.
Last week Cicero received a ‘Dear John’ letter.
Now before you all get your hankies out and weep for Cicero at this emotional tragedy, there is something you need to know.
Now contrary to popular belief Cicero is very au fait with the digital world and to ensure his knowledge and understanding is up to date has subscribed to many newsletters and e-mails from companies around the world offering to keep him up to speed with all the latest developments.
Those of you who also follow this practice will be aware that in-boxes rapidly become filled and so last week Cicero took the unprecedented decision to unsubscribe. Shock, horror!
And do you know what this company said in return, and here we are quoting verbatim
‘Remove me! You have now been removed from our database. Good luck’
It felt as if unsubscribers had moved beyond the pale and been surgically taken out. And why was good luck required. Surely it is possible to subsist without the help and influence of this company.
Now this is a big trick that marketers are missing and like all other touch points surely it should be possible for breaking up to be not quite as painful. After all you may well have invested a lot of money and energy getting a subscriber so why just say ‘see you around sometime’ when the divorce happens. Why not make a wee bit more effort to keep the door open?
Many brands are failing to embrace the marketing opportunity created by consumers unsubscribing from their marketing emails. They are dismissing consumers who fall out of love with their emails as lost causes rather than enabling them to enhance their relationship with the brand in a different way.
It would have been nice when waving goodbye if Cicero’s ex dot com buddy had at least said thank you for your custom and for your interest.
Perhaps too it could have asked for feedback. How about giving customers the opportunity to tell you exactly where you went wrong, and to let you know just how much all of your email communication flaws and bad habits deterred them.
Another option might be to offer customer the option of less frequent emails. This is exactly what M&S does. Or even more relevant e-mails.
These are just a few suggestions. There will be many more approaches out there to help ease the pain of digital break ups. And if you have any great examples, please do share.
Get it right and your Dear Johns need not be adieu but merely au revoir and a bientot too.
Is it only me.................but how do you get to see a doctor?
Now fortunately I am blessed with good health apart from of course from failing eyesight as tempus fugit, the odd dodgy knee and a few patches of rough skin. Other than that I am hale and hearty and rarely need to trouble the medical profession. And despite the massive transfer of my wealth into the NHS on a monthly basis I do not begrudge paying it though I do wish that the Apparatchiks who run this esteemed institution did learn to spend my money a wee bit more wisely than hitherto and did spend as if it was their own money and with less profligacy.
However the other week I ailed and required the services of the medical profession and I learnt just how difficult it is to see a doctor, despite you would have thought the quacks considering me essential to treat given that I, and quite a few others like me, are the people who bankroll the NHS.
Now in theory it should be possible to get a same day appointment. The key word here is theory. The phone lines open at 8am and by 8.05 same day appointments had disappeared faster than Take That tickets disappear though it is mystery to me why these would disappear with great alacrity. Still no accounting for taste. Anyway the Moll who runs the reception services could offer me no adequate explanation why appointments should disappear so quickly. It is not like we have a shortage of quacks, we must have at least 10. So I can only surmise that a) there is an epidemic where I lay my hat b) I reside in a particularly ill area c) appointment slots are being bought up by touts and sold on to the highest bidder.
Now the natural thing when you are unable to book for later in the day is to request an appointment for the following day. But no that is not possible. Despite this being the logical and rational approach, well at least to those of us with imagination and common sense, I was informed by the Doctor’s Moll that this was impossible as I would have to ring back the next day.
Next day same result.
Day after same result.
Day after that I was cured.
Now I know this might be a way to save the NHS money but it might only be me but how exactly do you get an appointment these days to see a doctor. Some people manage it and they can’t all be buying appointment slots from the touts. It seems that if you are chronically sick and/or feckless and unemployed you know how the system works, you have been inducted into the mysteries of the appointment booking system and taught the password. But quite frankly these sorts of people are not the ones paying for the service.
On the other hand, the occasionally sick and full time funders of the service are out in the cold, fighting for the appointment booking scraps, never mind whether it fits with a window in their busy Blackberries. May I suggest that this is the wrong way round and the occasional sick should be prioritised and restored to health with great speed to earn the wealth we need to keep the service going for others?
A few years back I suggested an innovation-appointments for commuters. And behold this innovation was taken up though too few to make a difference and to get one of these you have to schedule your sickness a few weeks in advance.
We need more innovation. Any ideas?
Have a great week. And stay healthy.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
Friday, 20 February 2009
Marketing and the Age of Chivalry
Today I am going to talk models. And before you get too excited let me explain that I do not mean the Kate Moss, Claudia Schiffer, Elle MacPherson type of model. I just am not that kind of person and this corner of the blogosphere is not for that kind of talk. No I mean the kind of models so beloved of consultants and experts and gurus and, since I would like to be regarded in that category, I want to introduce you today to my model for communications and to demonstrate quite convincingly I am sure you will agree, that marketing is indeed a chivalrous calling.
Over the past few weeks I have been reviewing the communication activities of businesses and it is becoming clear to me that many businesses, driven by the need to encourage customers and potential customers to buy from them, are bombarding their market with ‘buy me now’ messages without introducing themselves first to their potential customer.
Would you buy from a stranger? Would you hand over money to someone you only had the vaguest inkling of who they were and what they were offering? Would you trust someone if you thought they were not right for you?
And yet this is exactly what many businesses expect their market to do, day in day out. They send out direct mail, e-blasts, e-mails and the like, screaming ‘call me now’, ‘buy me now’, ‘click here’, without first going through the principles of courtship. A customer needs to be wooed, they need to know who you are, what you stand for. They need to learn to trust you, to know that you are right for them before they will get into bed with you, before they will buy from you.
And this is where my model comes in, a model that explains the journey that you need to take the consumer through with your communications. A journey that is going to involve wooing, courtship and seduction but only if we get it right. Who said marketing was not sexy? To me good marketing is about courtship, it’s about preserving the Age of Chivalry.
In recent weeks I have come to know one business very well. It is a great business but it is not stopping to think how it can get more of its target market to think positively of them, to get to be top of mind in their market’s mind, to be first choice. Instead it is single-mindedly intent on selling; on getting customers to buy; on having a one night stand. As a result response rates and the cost effectiveness of its marketing are declining and shrinking dramatically as the pool of interested buyers gets fed up, stagnant and exhausted. It’s time for this business to use my model to increase the pool of buyers aware of its offer, who see its offer as relevant and who then want to buy. And this is where my model, my customer journey, route map comes in.
The act of purchase means that you are being chosen and to get to this point your business has to have been noticed by the customer; they have to like what they see; you have to be relevant to them and their emotional and rational needs; and you have to be top of mind at the time of purchase. These are links in the chain and stage posts on the customer journey, each fashioned by different communications medium over differing periods of time. Not all communications are the same. Each has a different but complimentary role to play. And like everything else you are only as strong as your weakest link.
In the business I described above I am trying to get them to do less product push marketing through direct mail and e-blasts and encouraging them to build awareness, relevance and being top of mind through a sustained PR and events campaign which will show them in a positive and expert light to their target market. If my theory holds true, and I am sure it will, less ‘buy me’
marketing will improve response rates as they broaden the pool of people aware of them, thinking positively of them and wanting to buy. More wooing leads to a more fruitful and longer lasting relationship. If it’s true in life, it’s true in business.
And so as you see effective marketing depends on us marketers preserving the Age of Chivalry.
Is it me?
But has anyone else noticed that, after our recent albeit brief descent into a new Ice Age, the enviro- and eco-mentalists are no longer talking about global warming. They have re-branded. So instead of global warming we now have climate change. Like any lazy marketing director trying to change a dodgy brand proposition, the strategy is to call yourself something different rather than change the proposition and to hope no-one notices. The underlying proposition remains dodgy but there is now new lipstick on the pig. Am I the only one who thinks like this?
Have great week.
Sit felix. Et sit fortanatus.
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