Sorry for absence from these pages last week-leaves on the line and all that. Did you even notice that Cicero was not here?
This week, as trailled when we were last together, we are going to continue to discuss the role of social media in effective brand building. Now you will know from previous discussions that Cicero is not a big fan of sequels but in this case we are hoping to produce another Toy Story 2 and not a Jaws 2 or even 3.
You will recall that when we last came together on these pages we discussed whether or not your brand was suited to appearing on Facebook or Twitter and we argued that only those brands with characteristics that lent themselves to being talked about should seek to acquire Twitter followers and Facebook friends. And given the number of brands out there trying to use social media but who are there in name only and just about clinging on, it would seem that that there are many brands using social media only because it is the latest bandwagon rather than really truly understanding how to use these new platforms for real marketing benefit.
But even if you have agreed that your brand fits the criteria of a talked about brand, please ask yourself these questions before jumping on the bandwagon. You can be assured that failure to ask and answer these questions can have serious consequences for your brand-at best you will look like you have no friends, a real Billy No Mate of a brand, but at worse those who are following you will be stabbing you in the back. Do you really want that?
And so the first question to ask, are you willing to engage in a public dialogue with your friends and followers? Think about it-up to now your communications with customers and prospects has been monologue but these new channels are designed to allow dialogue. This can be troubling for some.
A while back reporters on the Washington Post, the journal that gave a new word to the English language, ‘Watergate’, were banned from using Twitter accounts (personal or Post branded) to speak on behalf of the company, on this basis:
‘......when we write a story, our readers are free to respond and we provide them a venue to do so...... but once we enter a debate personally through social media, this would be equivalent to allowing a reader to write a letter to the editor–and then publishing a rebuttal by the reporter. It’s something we don’t do.’
And so we have an organisation, a great brand to boot, more than happy to embrace social media to promote content, but not so much when it comes to engaging and using the medium as intended. In other words they were using a dialogue medium with a monologue mindset.
Is your business like that? What kind of mindset do you have in your business?
Secondly, is your business geared up to engage in dialogue in real time? You might have the will to do so but do you have the capability? Too often there are businesses out there who either do not want to deal with customers by e-mail or when they do, promise to reply with something like 5 working days. You cannot do this with social media. You need to dedicate resources, and empowered resources at that, to monitor what is being said to you and about you, and to be able to respond in real time.
And thirdly, can you produce enough interesting, engaging and relevant content to keep your twitterati followers and friends satisfied? These media are content hungry and if you want your brand to offer something of value to customers and prospects alike, you need to be able to provide a constant stream of content. Go on Facebook or even visit some company websites and see when last updated. Out of date or non current material highlights that you don’t care. It’s like a shop with a broken light bulb.
Yes social media can be a great force for good for brand and can demonstrate modernity, trust and a willingness to engage but if you are going to put yourself on Facebook or Twitter, please get it right. Get it wrong and your brand will end up damaged. And there is no greater crime.
Is it only me..........but I doubt Nelson would have turned a blind eye to this.
Last week it was reported that a Navy medic had been court-martialled because he did not want to carry a gun and learn how to shoot it on ‘moral grounds’. I think he must have got his application forms mixed up and he thought he was joining the Boy Scouts rather than the Royal Navy.
What did he think was going to happen when he joined the Royal Navy? Maybe he just didn’t realise that the ships of Drake, Raleigh and Nelson were part of our Armed Forces. Look closely and you will see the word ‘Armed’, Mr Jack Tar. Is that not a bit of a hint to you? Or did you just think that it was for people with arms? And what did you think the great big metal tubes stuck onto that big grey boat where you slung your hammock, were for? Balance.
Now I can accept that you might not want to fight on ‘moral grounds’ and I take my hat off to anyone who refuses to fight for king and country on moral grounds but what you don’t do, if those are your sincerely held views, is join one of our Armed Forces. (There we go again, it is so obvious you can’t help mentioning it.)
Presumably if you take this stance and join an institution like the Royal Navy you don’t think it immoral for someone else to carry arms to cover your backside. And when we say arms here we mean the kind that can shoot ordnance over vast distances. Not the kind that contain fingers.
Now maybe it’s just me but when the likes of Drake, Raleigh, Nelson and Perry signed up, they did so in the full knowledge that at some point they might be required to fight. Indeed, for some of the aforementioned, fighting Johnny Foreigner was exactly why they signed up. It is surely not too much to ask that today’s successors to the aforementioned make at least some attempt to follow their lead.
As a taxpayer I pay for 24x7 armed guard security coverage so that I can go to my bed knowing that when I wake up this will still be a green and pleasant land where we, Britons, will never ever be slaves. I don’t want those providing the levels of security I pay for being able to pick and choose which enemy they are going to fight or even if they will turn up for duty looking armed and dangerous. You joined up, deal with it or quit and join the RAC.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
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Showing posts with label brands. Show all posts
Showing posts with label brands. Show all posts
Friday, 22 July 2011
Friday, 8 July 2011
Twittering on
It seems that last weeks’ musings almost got too much for one devoted reader. Difficult to believe that Cicero’s words of wit and wisdom might have brought a tear to someone’s eyes. Another first for Cicero though it was probably grit.
It is unlikely that this week’s thoughts will provoke a similar emotional response but we will see.
In today’s world it seems that every business and every brand has or wants its own Facebook site, its own Twitter account, and almost on a daily basis Cicero is asked his thoughts on the relevance of these new media applications. This is of course rather strange given the generation to which Cicero belongs but I suppose it is a testament to the marketing genius of the Man that his advice is sought on a wide manner of marketing issues.
But should all brands have a Facebook site and tweet?
Now on the one hand Cicero would advise that for brands to be seen as modern and up to date being au fait with today’s manner of communications would help signify this. And it could be argued, as some have done, that by not employing these customer communication and engagement tools your brand might somehow be seen as untrustworthy and unwilling to talk directly to its customers.
But before we all get carried away and jump on this particular bandwagon Cicero would advise more considered thought. After all getting it wrong could be even more brand damaging.
It is clear from a cursory view of the social media horizon that some brands are better at brand building through social media than others, if the number of Facebook Friends and Twitter Followers some brands have is anything to go by and the level of engagement these Friends and Followers have with the brand.
But Cicero would contend that those brands which are successful on these media are those which offer extraordinary functional benefits, or where the brand offers fabulous social benefit such as charities or a cause, or where the brand is a powerful expression of self. In other words me too brands are unlikely to cut it and maybe only brands whose offering is truly innovative and differentiated should think about using social media to leverage innovative and differentiation.
To better understand this, walk down your High St and consider the brands on offer there, assuming of course they have not yet shut down. How many of these would you like to follow on Facebook or Twitter? How many of these would you like to engage in conversation with?
When Cicero was a young pup and long before anyone had even thought of something like Twitter, a very clever man identified four reasons for people to talk about brands. The first is because of product-involvement: the experience is so novel and pleasurable that it must be shared. The second is self-involvement: sharing knowledge or opinions is a way to gain attention, show connoisseurship, feel like a pioneer, have inside information, seek confirmation of a person's own judgment, or assert superiority. The third is other-involvement: the speaker wants to reach out and help to express neighbourliness, caring, and friendship. The fourth is message-involvement:the message is so humorous or informative that it deserves sharing.
Now these findings may come from a different era but Cicero fancies they might still apply to today’s brands.
And so before you start to twitter on, do you really know what kind of brand you might have? Does your brand fill any of the criteria above?
And next week Cicero will consider what your brand must do to make your twittering on effective. Don’t miss it.
Is it only me...............but why can’t people leave well alone.
Last week I bought a new mobile phone. My old one had been dropped on its head too many times and for reasons that no one could explain, some chip or other had got busted so that when the phone was in use, I could no longer hear the party at the other end of the call. And let me tell you that is a huge disadvantage in a phone given that it makes two way conversations a tad difficult.
And so I went looking for a new phone.
My requirements are simple-I want a phone to make and receive calls and I want a phone through which I might send the occasional text that friends and acquaintances might know that I am still alive. I do not want a camera, I do not want it to play music, I do not want to watch my favourite TV programmes on it and nor do I want it make me a cup of tea in the morning.
Do you know how difficult it is to find a phone that it is just a phone?
And then when you do find a phone that seems to meet even the most basic of requirements and you get it home and take it from the box, to use the instrument you have to learn a whole new language as the Graphical User Interface, or GUI for short (I can tell you impressed by that one) has changed out of all recognition in the name of ‘progress’. So far I have missed 5 calls because I can’t find the answer button.
Now this might only be me but why can’t technological companies leave well alone. Not all of us are digital natives, many of us of a certain age, and there are a lot of us out there as the pension and welfare industry are about to find out, are immigrants to this world.
Our needs are simple, basic and straightforward. We want a phone that is a phone. End of. And we want the buttons, GUIs and layout standardised. Life is too short for us to waste it learning new languages every time we buy a new phone. Hope you are all listening. Or should I send a text.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
It is unlikely that this week’s thoughts will provoke a similar emotional response but we will see.
In today’s world it seems that every business and every brand has or wants its own Facebook site, its own Twitter account, and almost on a daily basis Cicero is asked his thoughts on the relevance of these new media applications. This is of course rather strange given the generation to which Cicero belongs but I suppose it is a testament to the marketing genius of the Man that his advice is sought on a wide manner of marketing issues.
But should all brands have a Facebook site and tweet?
Now on the one hand Cicero would advise that for brands to be seen as modern and up to date being au fait with today’s manner of communications would help signify this. And it could be argued, as some have done, that by not employing these customer communication and engagement tools your brand might somehow be seen as untrustworthy and unwilling to talk directly to its customers.
But before we all get carried away and jump on this particular bandwagon Cicero would advise more considered thought. After all getting it wrong could be even more brand damaging.
It is clear from a cursory view of the social media horizon that some brands are better at brand building through social media than others, if the number of Facebook Friends and Twitter Followers some brands have is anything to go by and the level of engagement these Friends and Followers have with the brand.
But Cicero would contend that those brands which are successful on these media are those which offer extraordinary functional benefits, or where the brand offers fabulous social benefit such as charities or a cause, or where the brand is a powerful expression of self. In other words me too brands are unlikely to cut it and maybe only brands whose offering is truly innovative and differentiated should think about using social media to leverage innovative and differentiation.
To better understand this, walk down your High St and consider the brands on offer there, assuming of course they have not yet shut down. How many of these would you like to follow on Facebook or Twitter? How many of these would you like to engage in conversation with?
When Cicero was a young pup and long before anyone had even thought of something like Twitter, a very clever man identified four reasons for people to talk about brands. The first is because of product-involvement: the experience is so novel and pleasurable that it must be shared. The second is self-involvement: sharing knowledge or opinions is a way to gain attention, show connoisseurship, feel like a pioneer, have inside information, seek confirmation of a person's own judgment, or assert superiority. The third is other-involvement: the speaker wants to reach out and help to express neighbourliness, caring, and friendship. The fourth is message-involvement:the message is so humorous or informative that it deserves sharing.
Now these findings may come from a different era but Cicero fancies they might still apply to today’s brands.
And so before you start to twitter on, do you really know what kind of brand you might have? Does your brand fill any of the criteria above?
And next week Cicero will consider what your brand must do to make your twittering on effective. Don’t miss it.
Is it only me...............but why can’t people leave well alone.
Last week I bought a new mobile phone. My old one had been dropped on its head too many times and for reasons that no one could explain, some chip or other had got busted so that when the phone was in use, I could no longer hear the party at the other end of the call. And let me tell you that is a huge disadvantage in a phone given that it makes two way conversations a tad difficult.
And so I went looking for a new phone.
My requirements are simple-I want a phone to make and receive calls and I want a phone through which I might send the occasional text that friends and acquaintances might know that I am still alive. I do not want a camera, I do not want it to play music, I do not want to watch my favourite TV programmes on it and nor do I want it make me a cup of tea in the morning.
Do you know how difficult it is to find a phone that it is just a phone?
And then when you do find a phone that seems to meet even the most basic of requirements and you get it home and take it from the box, to use the instrument you have to learn a whole new language as the Graphical User Interface, or GUI for short (I can tell you impressed by that one) has changed out of all recognition in the name of ‘progress’. So far I have missed 5 calls because I can’t find the answer button.
Now this might only be me but why can’t technological companies leave well alone. Not all of us are digital natives, many of us of a certain age, and there are a lot of us out there as the pension and welfare industry are about to find out, are immigrants to this world.
Our needs are simple, basic and straightforward. We want a phone that is a phone. End of. And we want the buttons, GUIs and layout standardised. Life is too short for us to waste it learning new languages every time we buy a new phone. Hope you are all listening. Or should I send a text.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
Thursday, 2 June 2011
Carrots, sticks and chocolates
Greetings.
Hopefully you have enjoyed the last of our Bank Holidays, at least for a wee while. Seems like April and May have been one long holiday. Now maybe we can get back to wealth creating before the summer beaches beckon.
For those of you still wondering-yep, we still have a hole in our High St with no signs of a suture being imminent. Ye Gods, the Japanese have re-built not just a motorway but their entire country in the time these taxpayer-funded Navvies have taken.
And the big question of the week-did you get your Olympic tickets?
As you know Cicero is a big fan of brands which ruthlessly demonstrate great customer service. And if you have ever been in his proximity when he has experienced brand-destroying bad customer service, you will immediately get a sense of his attitude towards poor customer service. It is not pretty and his feelings can be measured on the Richter scale.
Now you may not know this but Cicero is also a big fan of gowf, or golf as it is now known in these parts.
And a few weeks back Cicero’s aged amicus with whom he traverses the fairways was experiencing trouble with the machine with which he transports his golf implements around the course. In short, it was broken. Something to do with wheel bearings which as you know is a bit of a mystery to Cicero.
Cicero’s amicus dropped an e-mail to the manufacturer of said machine and within two days he was sent a replacement part, free of charge. No quibbling. No attempting to wriggle out. No charge. Brilliant. Cicero and his amicus were well and truly amazed.
That is what you call great customer service and it was all the better for being a complete surprise.
Cicero was musing on this experience when he read an article by one almost as learned as Cicero who was describing his experience with a boot manufacturer, Shipton and Heneage. It is entirely possible that you will not have heard of them but you can learn lots from them. Cicero hadn't and did.
For a start the marketing copy on their website is brilliant. It has real personality and conveys a great sense of what the brand is about, its heritage and its pedigree. It might only make and sell boots but this company knows a lot about the kind of brand it wants to be and delivers this in spades.
But the brand really got going when the boots arrived for it contained more than boots. For inside the box were two pairs of socks and a shoe brush. Another brand which seeks to quietly delight its customers. And what a great way to welcome you to the brand.
For many other businesses at this point, when you have handed over your sesterces, you stop being a prospect and become a customer and this is the point when all niceties go out of the window. It is almost like ‘now you have joined us we can stop trying’. Imagine that. Do you know anyone who behaves like that? But this is not the Shipton and Heneage way, obviously.
Someone once told Cicero that brands can motivate customers in three ways-by giving you a carrot to reward your behaviour; by applying the stick to make you lose out if you don’t act; or to offer a chocolate as a pleasant surprise for responding.
Providing chocolate is the most unusual type of incentive but it will get your brand talked about. And can you imagine any of the big service brands with whom we interact every day of every week behaved in a way we weren’t expecting? Nope. Quelle surprise.
So what kind of brand do you want to be known as-a carrot, stick or chocolate brand? If you go for chocolate, your brand can become very distinctive. And talked about.
Is it only me.........but this is becoming like ‘Carry On, doctor’.
I have been following with keen interest and mounting exasperation the debate around the future of the NHS. Have you?
Now it seems that many out there, supposedly speaking on our behalf, which is code for protecting their own vested interests, are getting their Jockeys in a knot because the Two Caesars (or at least one of them) is supposedly keen on introducing competition and the private sector into the NHS.
What is wrong with that?
Why exactly is competition such a hated word in the lexicon of the NHS? I know that NHS employees are State Apparatchiks but some of them are quite well educated and so should surely see the merits of competition. Are they so afraid of competition that they fear for their jobs? It might be worth pointing out that where there is no competition you end up with Sepp Blatter and FIFA. Do we really want that for the NHS? I think not.
And what is wrong with the introduction of the private sector into the NHS? One argument put forward by the Defenders of the Vested Interest is that the introduction of the private sector means money leaving the NHS. Now let me point one thing out and this might come as a shock to those of you of a more statist dirigiste persuasion-money leaves the NHS and flows to the private sector every minute of every day. Have you got over that shock of that yet?
Drug companies? Private sector. The people who run the computer systems? Private sector. Manufacturers of X ray equipment, CRT scanning equipment, bandages and elastoplasts? Private sector.
And there is good reason for this-it keeps cost down.
Now it might only be me but in my book the NHS only has to deliver against three key principles-it keeps us healthy; it does this at lowest possible cost; and it is free at point of delivery. End of. And if that means it has to use the private sector and introduce competition so be it.
And may I suggest that no one really cares unless of course you are an NHS Apparatchik who fears they won’t be able to stand the heat but is reluctant to leave the kitchen.
So my message to the Two Caesars-just get on with sorting out the NHS, it needs it. The time for listening and pandering to the Vested Interest Groups is over. We elected you to lead, so lead.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
Hopefully you have enjoyed the last of our Bank Holidays, at least for a wee while. Seems like April and May have been one long holiday. Now maybe we can get back to wealth creating before the summer beaches beckon.
For those of you still wondering-yep, we still have a hole in our High St with no signs of a suture being imminent. Ye Gods, the Japanese have re-built not just a motorway but their entire country in the time these taxpayer-funded Navvies have taken.
And the big question of the week-did you get your Olympic tickets?
As you know Cicero is a big fan of brands which ruthlessly demonstrate great customer service. And if you have ever been in his proximity when he has experienced brand-destroying bad customer service, you will immediately get a sense of his attitude towards poor customer service. It is not pretty and his feelings can be measured on the Richter scale.
Now you may not know this but Cicero is also a big fan of gowf, or golf as it is now known in these parts.
And a few weeks back Cicero’s aged amicus with whom he traverses the fairways was experiencing trouble with the machine with which he transports his golf implements around the course. In short, it was broken. Something to do with wheel bearings which as you know is a bit of a mystery to Cicero.
Cicero’s amicus dropped an e-mail to the manufacturer of said machine and within two days he was sent a replacement part, free of charge. No quibbling. No attempting to wriggle out. No charge. Brilliant. Cicero and his amicus were well and truly amazed.
That is what you call great customer service and it was all the better for being a complete surprise.
Cicero was musing on this experience when he read an article by one almost as learned as Cicero who was describing his experience with a boot manufacturer, Shipton and Heneage. It is entirely possible that you will not have heard of them but you can learn lots from them. Cicero hadn't and did.
For a start the marketing copy on their website is brilliant. It has real personality and conveys a great sense of what the brand is about, its heritage and its pedigree. It might only make and sell boots but this company knows a lot about the kind of brand it wants to be and delivers this in spades.
But the brand really got going when the boots arrived for it contained more than boots. For inside the box were two pairs of socks and a shoe brush. Another brand which seeks to quietly delight its customers. And what a great way to welcome you to the brand.
For many other businesses at this point, when you have handed over your sesterces, you stop being a prospect and become a customer and this is the point when all niceties go out of the window. It is almost like ‘now you have joined us we can stop trying’. Imagine that. Do you know anyone who behaves like that? But this is not the Shipton and Heneage way, obviously.
Someone once told Cicero that brands can motivate customers in three ways-by giving you a carrot to reward your behaviour; by applying the stick to make you lose out if you don’t act; or to offer a chocolate as a pleasant surprise for responding.
Providing chocolate is the most unusual type of incentive but it will get your brand talked about. And can you imagine any of the big service brands with whom we interact every day of every week behaved in a way we weren’t expecting? Nope. Quelle surprise.
So what kind of brand do you want to be known as-a carrot, stick or chocolate brand? If you go for chocolate, your brand can become very distinctive. And talked about.
Is it only me.........but this is becoming like ‘Carry On, doctor’.
I have been following with keen interest and mounting exasperation the debate around the future of the NHS. Have you?
Now it seems that many out there, supposedly speaking on our behalf, which is code for protecting their own vested interests, are getting their Jockeys in a knot because the Two Caesars (or at least one of them) is supposedly keen on introducing competition and the private sector into the NHS.
What is wrong with that?
Why exactly is competition such a hated word in the lexicon of the NHS? I know that NHS employees are State Apparatchiks but some of them are quite well educated and so should surely see the merits of competition. Are they so afraid of competition that they fear for their jobs? It might be worth pointing out that where there is no competition you end up with Sepp Blatter and FIFA. Do we really want that for the NHS? I think not.
And what is wrong with the introduction of the private sector into the NHS? One argument put forward by the Defenders of the Vested Interest is that the introduction of the private sector means money leaving the NHS. Now let me point one thing out and this might come as a shock to those of you of a more statist dirigiste persuasion-money leaves the NHS and flows to the private sector every minute of every day. Have you got over that shock of that yet?
Drug companies? Private sector. The people who run the computer systems? Private sector. Manufacturers of X ray equipment, CRT scanning equipment, bandages and elastoplasts? Private sector.
And there is good reason for this-it keeps cost down.
Now it might only be me but in my book the NHS only has to deliver against three key principles-it keeps us healthy; it does this at lowest possible cost; and it is free at point of delivery. End of. And if that means it has to use the private sector and introduce competition so be it.
And may I suggest that no one really cares unless of course you are an NHS Apparatchik who fears they won’t be able to stand the heat but is reluctant to leave the kitchen.
So my message to the Two Caesars-just get on with sorting out the NHS, it needs it. The time for listening and pandering to the Vested Interest Groups is over. We elected you to lead, so lead.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
Friday, 15 April 2011
Offensive marketing
Greetings.
Interesting to note that the comments made here on Mummy Leave are continuing to resonate, and from some of the most unlikely of sources. It seems that we may have united the Sisterhood by giving them a common enemy. Glad to be of service.
You will know by now that Cicero just hates shopping. In fact he would rather stab his eyes with knitting needles than drag his ageing and weary body around the shops. With two exceptions-he loves book shops and he has no objection to shopping for music though increasingly he is shopping for these online and cutting out the whole trailing around the shops experience.
Cicero has been reflecting on the kind of music he buys and he has noted that his repertoire is becoming increasingly limited to a handful of known and trusted (usually old!) artistes and musical combos. He reads the reviews of new bands and thinks they might sound interesting, maybe worth a purchase, but lest he wastes bawbees buying music he might not like, Cicero always errs on the side of caution and buys music from artistes he knows and recognises and trusts. And so you will find a lack of garage, techno, grunge or even garage grunge techno house sounds in his very extensive and eclectic music collection.
This may just be an age thing but this helpful piece of self analysis might have wider ramifications.
Now you might at this point be wondering where this is going but if you will hold on for a few more lines you will soon see the point we are trying to make.
Now this record buying experience got Cicero wondering how tougher economic times will affect how consumers might buy brands. Will they trade down and shop around more looking for a bargain or will they stick with the brands they know and trust, just like Cicero and his CD collection? And what are the implications of this for us marketing folk?
And so we spoke to some people and we found out that only a third of people claim that as money gets tight they will shop around more with the rest saying they are unlikely to change their shopping habits.
So what factors are driving consumer choice?
Interestingly only a quarter of shoppers claim to buy on price. 63 per cent claim that they will buy brands that offer the best value, 59 per cent buy brands they trust and 47 per cent go on brand recognition. So as you can see it is not just Cicero who fears making a mistake when he is down the shops.
In American football terms if you’re not on offense you are on defence and while businesses might be tempted to go on defence and just hope to ride out these tricky times, consider this.
The Profit Impact of Marketing Strategy Database (PIMS) has been tracking the business performance of over 3000 business units for over 40 years and has been described by Tom Peters as ‘’the most extensive strategic information database in the world’’, allowing businesses to identify those critical strategic factors that enable a business to achieve an improved sustainable position. This key source of business intelligence has identified that those brands that went on the offensive and continued to invest in marketing emerged into the recovery phase with higher return on capital and improved market share.
When money is tight customers want to be sure they are making the right choice. They don’t want to waste money buying something that is not what they wanted so they will increasingly buy brands they know and trust. This is not the time to cut but to maintain investment in brands and continue to develop and to deliver a trusted, relevant and distinctive brand positioning.
There are consumers out there buying almost exclusively on price alone but these are the minority and are least likely to be brand loyal. So why chase this market?
Businesses now need to focus on brand loyalists and on trying to grow their share of wallet or purse and successful brands must be seen to offer better value than the competition - focus on telling customers why your brand is worth the price by emphasising the added value and functional advantages that it offers.
Now is the time for your marketing to become truly offensive. As you know Cicero is great at being offensive.
Is it only me.......but there is a Plan B.
Last week I went shopping. I know that will come as a great surprise and shock to you but from to time it is something I have to do. I am not sure that after last week’s experience I will be hurrying back to the High St.
One of my stops was the M&S Food Hall. As we know M&S make great food and wonderful ads but they omit to tell you that when you buy some of their yummy food that they will charge you to be issued with a bag so you can easily transport their scrummy food to your kitchen.
Did you know this?
I was shocked and truly flabbergasted. And so I stood my ground and tried to reason with them. Fat chance. M&S is now in the thrall of the eco-mentalists. Yet there are arguments are so unconvincing that I am convinced that this is nothing to do with eco-mentalism but an attempt to widen margin.
Firstly I can have as many small green bags as I like for free. It was therefore possible for me to load my grocery into 10 green bags instead of one big bag. How does that help the environment? Surely even the dumbest eco-mentalism must concede the nonsense of this.
Secondly it is only the food hall that has put in place such a dumb policy. And this is a dumb policy. So I can buy a suit, a jumper, a pair of socks even, and be given free and gratis a carrier bag. So why is it only with food that I cannot be given a bag?
And thirdly, as I questioned, does anyone have any idea how much landfill space is taken up by plastic bag waste? Let me tell you. Only 0.3%. Disposable nappies take up more space but I don’t hear anyone think of trying to ban them. And if they did just listen out for the shrieks and howls of outrage from Harry Harperson and the Guardianistas. Never in the field of eco-mentalist conflict has so much been done for so little. I will repeat even if every carrier bag which went to waste came from M&S which it won’t, we would only save 0.3% of landfill space per year.
What nonsense. If M&S and their customers want to kow tow to the eco-mentalists that’s fine, but don’t fine those of us who can see through the fallacy of their arguments and who are un-believers.
Now it might only be me but I do think it morally reprehensible that a big mass market retailer brand should seek to inflict its values on those who might not share these values. And in any event, contrary to what M&S and its eco-mentalist friends might say, there is a Plan B.
Other retailers do not use sticks to beat recalcitrant shoppers like me into line but instead apply the principles of behavioural economics and behave like liberal paternalists. At Waitrose you have to ask for a bag. The default setting is no bags. At Tesco you get extra Clubcard points if you don’t take a bag. There are other ways.
And here is a free idea for M&S. Give the bags away for free but instead of splashing your logo across the plastic why not print the bags with slogans like ‘The carrier of this bag is a climate change denier’ or ‘This bag means more landfill waste’ or ‘The carrier of this bag is too mean to pay 5p for a proper bag’. And so on. You get the message. Only the most recalcitrant would opt for a bag with an offensive message.
Happy to help.
Please don’t come calling for the next couple of weeks. Cicero will be away enjoying the holiday break, refreshing his body and thoughts, and more importantly avoiding That Wedding and its associated flim-flammery. Enjoy the break.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
Interesting to note that the comments made here on Mummy Leave are continuing to resonate, and from some of the most unlikely of sources. It seems that we may have united the Sisterhood by giving them a common enemy. Glad to be of service.
You will know by now that Cicero just hates shopping. In fact he would rather stab his eyes with knitting needles than drag his ageing and weary body around the shops. With two exceptions-he loves book shops and he has no objection to shopping for music though increasingly he is shopping for these online and cutting out the whole trailing around the shops experience.
Cicero has been reflecting on the kind of music he buys and he has noted that his repertoire is becoming increasingly limited to a handful of known and trusted (usually old!) artistes and musical combos. He reads the reviews of new bands and thinks they might sound interesting, maybe worth a purchase, but lest he wastes bawbees buying music he might not like, Cicero always errs on the side of caution and buys music from artistes he knows and recognises and trusts. And so you will find a lack of garage, techno, grunge or even garage grunge techno house sounds in his very extensive and eclectic music collection.
This may just be an age thing but this helpful piece of self analysis might have wider ramifications.
Now you might at this point be wondering where this is going but if you will hold on for a few more lines you will soon see the point we are trying to make.
Now this record buying experience got Cicero wondering how tougher economic times will affect how consumers might buy brands. Will they trade down and shop around more looking for a bargain or will they stick with the brands they know and trust, just like Cicero and his CD collection? And what are the implications of this for us marketing folk?
And so we spoke to some people and we found out that only a third of people claim that as money gets tight they will shop around more with the rest saying they are unlikely to change their shopping habits.
So what factors are driving consumer choice?
Interestingly only a quarter of shoppers claim to buy on price. 63 per cent claim that they will buy brands that offer the best value, 59 per cent buy brands they trust and 47 per cent go on brand recognition. So as you can see it is not just Cicero who fears making a mistake when he is down the shops.
In American football terms if you’re not on offense you are on defence and while businesses might be tempted to go on defence and just hope to ride out these tricky times, consider this.
The Profit Impact of Marketing Strategy Database (PIMS) has been tracking the business performance of over 3000 business units for over 40 years and has been described by Tom Peters as ‘’the most extensive strategic information database in the world’’, allowing businesses to identify those critical strategic factors that enable a business to achieve an improved sustainable position. This key source of business intelligence has identified that those brands that went on the offensive and continued to invest in marketing emerged into the recovery phase with higher return on capital and improved market share.
When money is tight customers want to be sure they are making the right choice. They don’t want to waste money buying something that is not what they wanted so they will increasingly buy brands they know and trust. This is not the time to cut but to maintain investment in brands and continue to develop and to deliver a trusted, relevant and distinctive brand positioning.
There are consumers out there buying almost exclusively on price alone but these are the minority and are least likely to be brand loyal. So why chase this market?
Businesses now need to focus on brand loyalists and on trying to grow their share of wallet or purse and successful brands must be seen to offer better value than the competition - focus on telling customers why your brand is worth the price by emphasising the added value and functional advantages that it offers.
Now is the time for your marketing to become truly offensive. As you know Cicero is great at being offensive.
Is it only me.......but there is a Plan B.
Last week I went shopping. I know that will come as a great surprise and shock to you but from to time it is something I have to do. I am not sure that after last week’s experience I will be hurrying back to the High St.
One of my stops was the M&S Food Hall. As we know M&S make great food and wonderful ads but they omit to tell you that when you buy some of their yummy food that they will charge you to be issued with a bag so you can easily transport their scrummy food to your kitchen.
Did you know this?
I was shocked and truly flabbergasted. And so I stood my ground and tried to reason with them. Fat chance. M&S is now in the thrall of the eco-mentalists. Yet there are arguments are so unconvincing that I am convinced that this is nothing to do with eco-mentalism but an attempt to widen margin.
Firstly I can have as many small green bags as I like for free. It was therefore possible for me to load my grocery into 10 green bags instead of one big bag. How does that help the environment? Surely even the dumbest eco-mentalism must concede the nonsense of this.
Secondly it is only the food hall that has put in place such a dumb policy. And this is a dumb policy. So I can buy a suit, a jumper, a pair of socks even, and be given free and gratis a carrier bag. So why is it only with food that I cannot be given a bag?
And thirdly, as I questioned, does anyone have any idea how much landfill space is taken up by plastic bag waste? Let me tell you. Only 0.3%. Disposable nappies take up more space but I don’t hear anyone think of trying to ban them. And if they did just listen out for the shrieks and howls of outrage from Harry Harperson and the Guardianistas. Never in the field of eco-mentalist conflict has so much been done for so little. I will repeat even if every carrier bag which went to waste came from M&S which it won’t, we would only save 0.3% of landfill space per year.
What nonsense. If M&S and their customers want to kow tow to the eco-mentalists that’s fine, but don’t fine those of us who can see through the fallacy of their arguments and who are un-believers.
Now it might only be me but I do think it morally reprehensible that a big mass market retailer brand should seek to inflict its values on those who might not share these values. And in any event, contrary to what M&S and its eco-mentalist friends might say, there is a Plan B.
Other retailers do not use sticks to beat recalcitrant shoppers like me into line but instead apply the principles of behavioural economics and behave like liberal paternalists. At Waitrose you have to ask for a bag. The default setting is no bags. At Tesco you get extra Clubcard points if you don’t take a bag. There are other ways.
And here is a free idea for M&S. Give the bags away for free but instead of splashing your logo across the plastic why not print the bags with slogans like ‘The carrier of this bag is a climate change denier’ or ‘This bag means more landfill waste’ or ‘The carrier of this bag is too mean to pay 5p for a proper bag’. And so on. You get the message. Only the most recalcitrant would opt for a bag with an offensive message.
Happy to help.
Please don’t come calling for the next couple of weeks. Cicero will be away enjoying the holiday break, refreshing his body and thoughts, and more importantly avoiding That Wedding and its associated flim-flammery. Enjoy the break.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
Thursday, 24 March 2011
For whom the bell tolls
Bonjour.
Very little feedback on last week’s words of wit and wisdom so obviously not thought provoking or unreasonable enough for you, the only true test for this column. Dearie me.
But we did get a comment from a doctor, no less. We are moving up in the world. And the really scary thing about his comment is that he agrees with our diagnosis on the NHS. Even he, with initials before and after his name, can’t get an appointment either. This is more serious than we thought. We shall return to this topic.
Anyone else from the NHS care to comment?
And someone did ask why someone like Cicero is using the NHS with all its flaws, defects and problems. It is assumed that Cicero would pay for medical treatment to avoid having to queue with the great unwashed. You forget whence Cicero comes...why pay again for something which has already been paid for and when it can be obtained for ‘free’?
Today we are going to set a wee test and I would like as many of you possible to write in with your thoughts. There will be a prize. And even though this competition will test your creative juices it will have great relevance to all of us in business. Even Apparatchiks can play this game though its real world relevance might be limited though there is no need why it should be.
One day the great Ernest Hemingway was challenged, no doubt in a bar over a couple of Ryes and soda, his tipple of choice, to write a story in six words or less.
Ern thought about it for a moment, grabbed pen and paper and wrote this emotional, intriguing and cliff hanging yarn
‘For sale. Baby’s shoes. Never worn.’
Now this tale might lack the polish and finish of say ‘The Da Vinci Code’. It might not be enough to amuse you on a long journey. And it is unlikely to be made into a movie. But it is one helluva of a story and the sequel is sure to be umissable.
And so your test this week is to come up with a similar work in fiction in six words or less and as promised there will be a prize for the winner.
But let’s not stop there for we can apply the Hemingway test to many situations.
For example last week Cicero was challenged to apply the Hemingway Test to come up with a reason why anyone should want to buy the Luvvie Brand where he is currently plying his trade.
Could you come up with a compelling, engaging, relevant and distinctive story to explain your brand in six words or less? Go on, try it. Yes, that’s you, do it now. Even if you are working in Third Sector as we now call charities, this applies to you. Remember you too are in competition for donations and handouts so you too must be able to do the Hemingway Test.
And just think too of all the money that could be saved on mission and vision statements if Head Honchos could develop in less than 6 words a compelling story why their people should get out of bed and come into work inspired and motivated to build the brand across every touch point.
You may have heard this before but it is always apposite to quote the cleaner at NASA asked by JFK what her job was replied
‘My job, sir, is to help put a man on the moon’.
Nothing long winded about that. And exciting, inspiring and motivating. Hemingway would be proud. Now let’s see if you can do any better.
Is it only me..........but here’s a funny thing
Within hours of the recent tragedy in Japan my phone was awash with text jokes finding humour in this situation. And in parallel my inbox was soon filled with humour in the same vein. Now this is not the place to disseminate further this kind of humour so if you came here looking for sick jokes, then you have come to the wrong place, pal.
Now the same thing happened after the Christchurch earthquake, the death of Michael Jackson, indeed after any sad event sick, deranged and depraved humour swiftly criss-crosses the globe. Indeed there were even jokes from those with racist tendencies following the recent victory of the Welsh tribes over the Pictish tribes. How sick can you get?
Indeed I have heard from one devotee reader of these pages whose works takes him away from civilisation for long periods of time, that when he eventually reaches shores and approaches a mobile phone signal sick texts are what alerts him and his mates to news of tragic import that they will have missed while they were ruling the waves on our behalf. Surely a better source of reliable news than the usual news outlets. Sir John Reith, eat your heart out!
Now we may think that jokes in such taste are inherently bad and sick but I am sure that many psychologists will agree that black humour can be a very effective antidote to tragedy and provide an escape value for society allowing it to grieve and share emotions safely. Well at least that’s my defence and for those of you in receipt of my texts and mails in this vein, please remember that I am in fact performing a useful social service.
Now it might only be me but I am always curious as to where these jokes that travel and cross borders with such ease, actually start. Who is sitting there with pen and finger poised over PC or phone or iThingymybob keyboard scanning the news from around the world looking for the any item announcing the arrival of any one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse?
I would love to trace these so called jokes back to their source. Is there a factory or somewhere in the Developing World or a sweat shop in the back streets of some northern town where labourers toil for long hours earning a pittance working without the protection of Employment, Health and Safety and Minimum Wage Laws turning out these gags? If so we should inform the Guardianistas. They hate this kind of thing.
If anyone knows how and where these jokes start can they please let us know.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
Very little feedback on last week’s words of wit and wisdom so obviously not thought provoking or unreasonable enough for you, the only true test for this column. Dearie me.
But we did get a comment from a doctor, no less. We are moving up in the world. And the really scary thing about his comment is that he agrees with our diagnosis on the NHS. Even he, with initials before and after his name, can’t get an appointment either. This is more serious than we thought. We shall return to this topic.
Anyone else from the NHS care to comment?
And someone did ask why someone like Cicero is using the NHS with all its flaws, defects and problems. It is assumed that Cicero would pay for medical treatment to avoid having to queue with the great unwashed. You forget whence Cicero comes...why pay again for something which has already been paid for and when it can be obtained for ‘free’?
Today we are going to set a wee test and I would like as many of you possible to write in with your thoughts. There will be a prize. And even though this competition will test your creative juices it will have great relevance to all of us in business. Even Apparatchiks can play this game though its real world relevance might be limited though there is no need why it should be.
One day the great Ernest Hemingway was challenged, no doubt in a bar over a couple of Ryes and soda, his tipple of choice, to write a story in six words or less.
Ern thought about it for a moment, grabbed pen and paper and wrote this emotional, intriguing and cliff hanging yarn
‘For sale. Baby’s shoes. Never worn.’
Now this tale might lack the polish and finish of say ‘The Da Vinci Code’. It might not be enough to amuse you on a long journey. And it is unlikely to be made into a movie. But it is one helluva of a story and the sequel is sure to be umissable.
And so your test this week is to come up with a similar work in fiction in six words or less and as promised there will be a prize for the winner.
But let’s not stop there for we can apply the Hemingway test to many situations.
For example last week Cicero was challenged to apply the Hemingway Test to come up with a reason why anyone should want to buy the Luvvie Brand where he is currently plying his trade.
Could you come up with a compelling, engaging, relevant and distinctive story to explain your brand in six words or less? Go on, try it. Yes, that’s you, do it now. Even if you are working in Third Sector as we now call charities, this applies to you. Remember you too are in competition for donations and handouts so you too must be able to do the Hemingway Test.
And just think too of all the money that could be saved on mission and vision statements if Head Honchos could develop in less than 6 words a compelling story why their people should get out of bed and come into work inspired and motivated to build the brand across every touch point.
You may have heard this before but it is always apposite to quote the cleaner at NASA asked by JFK what her job was replied
‘My job, sir, is to help put a man on the moon’.
Nothing long winded about that. And exciting, inspiring and motivating. Hemingway would be proud. Now let’s see if you can do any better.
Is it only me..........but here’s a funny thing
Within hours of the recent tragedy in Japan my phone was awash with text jokes finding humour in this situation. And in parallel my inbox was soon filled with humour in the same vein. Now this is not the place to disseminate further this kind of humour so if you came here looking for sick jokes, then you have come to the wrong place, pal.
Now the same thing happened after the Christchurch earthquake, the death of Michael Jackson, indeed after any sad event sick, deranged and depraved humour swiftly criss-crosses the globe. Indeed there were even jokes from those with racist tendencies following the recent victory of the Welsh tribes over the Pictish tribes. How sick can you get?
Indeed I have heard from one devotee reader of these pages whose works takes him away from civilisation for long periods of time, that when he eventually reaches shores and approaches a mobile phone signal sick texts are what alerts him and his mates to news of tragic import that they will have missed while they were ruling the waves on our behalf. Surely a better source of reliable news than the usual news outlets. Sir John Reith, eat your heart out!
Now we may think that jokes in such taste are inherently bad and sick but I am sure that many psychologists will agree that black humour can be a very effective antidote to tragedy and provide an escape value for society allowing it to grieve and share emotions safely. Well at least that’s my defence and for those of you in receipt of my texts and mails in this vein, please remember that I am in fact performing a useful social service.
Now it might only be me but I am always curious as to where these jokes that travel and cross borders with such ease, actually start. Who is sitting there with pen and finger poised over PC or phone or iThingymybob keyboard scanning the news from around the world looking for the any item announcing the arrival of any one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse?
I would love to trace these so called jokes back to their source. Is there a factory or somewhere in the Developing World or a sweat shop in the back streets of some northern town where labourers toil for long hours earning a pittance working without the protection of Employment, Health and Safety and Minimum Wage Laws turning out these gags? If so we should inform the Guardianistas. They hate this kind of thing.
If anyone knows how and where these jokes start can they please let us know.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
Monday, 21 March 2011
Dear John
In the words of Neil Diamond, hello again, my friend.
Did you read last week’s comments? If so you will know that we have knowingly converted to our rational point of view our first Apparatchik Guardianista. Welcome to our world, hopefully you will stay a convert. It is never too late to learn and as Professor Brian Cox once said ‘things can only get better’. Bet you never thought that Cicero knew so many contemporary cultural references.
Last week Cicero received a ‘Dear John’ letter.
Now before you all get your hankies out and weep for Cicero at this emotional tragedy, there is something you need to know.
Now contrary to popular belief Cicero is very au fait with the digital world and to ensure his knowledge and understanding is up to date has subscribed to many newsletters and e-mails from companies around the world offering to keep him up to speed with all the latest developments.
Those of you who also follow this practice will be aware that in-boxes rapidly become filled and so last week Cicero took the unprecedented decision to unsubscribe. Shock, horror!
And do you know what this company said in return, and here we are quoting verbatim
‘Remove me! You have now been removed from our database. Good luck’
It felt as if unsubscribers had moved beyond the pale and been surgically taken out. And why was good luck required. Surely it is possible to subsist without the help and influence of this company.
Now this is a big trick that marketers are missing and like all other touch points surely it should be possible for breaking up to be not quite as painful. After all you may well have invested a lot of money and energy getting a subscriber so why just say ‘see you around sometime’ when the divorce happens. Why not make a wee bit more effort to keep the door open?
Many brands are failing to embrace the marketing opportunity created by consumers unsubscribing from their marketing emails. They are dismissing consumers who fall out of love with their emails as lost causes rather than enabling them to enhance their relationship with the brand in a different way.
It would have been nice when waving goodbye if Cicero’s ex dot com buddy had at least said thank you for your custom and for your interest.
Perhaps too it could have asked for feedback. How about giving customers the opportunity to tell you exactly where you went wrong, and to let you know just how much all of your email communication flaws and bad habits deterred them.
Another option might be to offer customer the option of less frequent emails. This is exactly what M&S does. Or even more relevant e-mails.
These are just a few suggestions. There will be many more approaches out there to help ease the pain of digital break ups. And if you have any great examples, please do share.
Get it right and your Dear Johns need not be adieu but merely au revoir and a bientot too.
Is it only me.................but how do you get to see a doctor?
Now fortunately I am blessed with good health apart from of course from failing eyesight as tempus fugit, the odd dodgy knee and a few patches of rough skin. Other than that I am hale and hearty and rarely need to trouble the medical profession. And despite the massive transfer of my wealth into the NHS on a monthly basis I do not begrudge paying it though I do wish that the Apparatchiks who run this esteemed institution did learn to spend my money a wee bit more wisely than hitherto and did spend as if it was their own money and with less profligacy.
However the other week I ailed and required the services of the medical profession and I learnt just how difficult it is to see a doctor, despite you would have thought the quacks considering me essential to treat given that I, and quite a few others like me, are the people who bankroll the NHS.
Now in theory it should be possible to get a same day appointment. The key word here is theory. The phone lines open at 8am and by 8.05 same day appointments had disappeared faster than Take That tickets disappear though it is mystery to me why these would disappear with great alacrity. Still no accounting for taste. Anyway the Moll who runs the reception services could offer me no adequate explanation why appointments should disappear so quickly. It is not like we have a shortage of quacks, we must have at least 10. So I can only surmise that a) there is an epidemic where I lay my hat b) I reside in a particularly ill area c) appointment slots are being bought up by touts and sold on to the highest bidder.
Now the natural thing when you are unable to book for later in the day is to request an appointment for the following day. But no that is not possible. Despite this being the logical and rational approach, well at least to those of us with imagination and common sense, I was informed by the Doctor’s Moll that this was impossible as I would have to ring back the next day.
Next day same result.
Day after same result.
Day after that I was cured.
Now I know this might be a way to save the NHS money but it might only be me but how exactly do you get an appointment these days to see a doctor. Some people manage it and they can’t all be buying appointment slots from the touts. It seems that if you are chronically sick and/or feckless and unemployed you know how the system works, you have been inducted into the mysteries of the appointment booking system and taught the password. But quite frankly these sorts of people are not the ones paying for the service.
On the other hand, the occasionally sick and full time funders of the service are out in the cold, fighting for the appointment booking scraps, never mind whether it fits with a window in their busy Blackberries. May I suggest that this is the wrong way round and the occasional sick should be prioritised and restored to health with great speed to earn the wealth we need to keep the service going for others?
A few years back I suggested an innovation-appointments for commuters. And behold this innovation was taken up though too few to make a difference and to get one of these you have to schedule your sickness a few weeks in advance.
We need more innovation. Any ideas?
Have a great week. And stay healthy.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
Did you read last week’s comments? If so you will know that we have knowingly converted to our rational point of view our first Apparatchik Guardianista. Welcome to our world, hopefully you will stay a convert. It is never too late to learn and as Professor Brian Cox once said ‘things can only get better’. Bet you never thought that Cicero knew so many contemporary cultural references.
Last week Cicero received a ‘Dear John’ letter.
Now before you all get your hankies out and weep for Cicero at this emotional tragedy, there is something you need to know.
Now contrary to popular belief Cicero is very au fait with the digital world and to ensure his knowledge and understanding is up to date has subscribed to many newsletters and e-mails from companies around the world offering to keep him up to speed with all the latest developments.
Those of you who also follow this practice will be aware that in-boxes rapidly become filled and so last week Cicero took the unprecedented decision to unsubscribe. Shock, horror!
And do you know what this company said in return, and here we are quoting verbatim
‘Remove me! You have now been removed from our database. Good luck’
It felt as if unsubscribers had moved beyond the pale and been surgically taken out. And why was good luck required. Surely it is possible to subsist without the help and influence of this company.
Now this is a big trick that marketers are missing and like all other touch points surely it should be possible for breaking up to be not quite as painful. After all you may well have invested a lot of money and energy getting a subscriber so why just say ‘see you around sometime’ when the divorce happens. Why not make a wee bit more effort to keep the door open?
Many brands are failing to embrace the marketing opportunity created by consumers unsubscribing from their marketing emails. They are dismissing consumers who fall out of love with their emails as lost causes rather than enabling them to enhance their relationship with the brand in a different way.
It would have been nice when waving goodbye if Cicero’s ex dot com buddy had at least said thank you for your custom and for your interest.
Perhaps too it could have asked for feedback. How about giving customers the opportunity to tell you exactly where you went wrong, and to let you know just how much all of your email communication flaws and bad habits deterred them.
Another option might be to offer customer the option of less frequent emails. This is exactly what M&S does. Or even more relevant e-mails.
These are just a few suggestions. There will be many more approaches out there to help ease the pain of digital break ups. And if you have any great examples, please do share.
Get it right and your Dear Johns need not be adieu but merely au revoir and a bientot too.
Is it only me.................but how do you get to see a doctor?
Now fortunately I am blessed with good health apart from of course from failing eyesight as tempus fugit, the odd dodgy knee and a few patches of rough skin. Other than that I am hale and hearty and rarely need to trouble the medical profession. And despite the massive transfer of my wealth into the NHS on a monthly basis I do not begrudge paying it though I do wish that the Apparatchiks who run this esteemed institution did learn to spend my money a wee bit more wisely than hitherto and did spend as if it was their own money and with less profligacy.
However the other week I ailed and required the services of the medical profession and I learnt just how difficult it is to see a doctor, despite you would have thought the quacks considering me essential to treat given that I, and quite a few others like me, are the people who bankroll the NHS.
Now in theory it should be possible to get a same day appointment. The key word here is theory. The phone lines open at 8am and by 8.05 same day appointments had disappeared faster than Take That tickets disappear though it is mystery to me why these would disappear with great alacrity. Still no accounting for taste. Anyway the Moll who runs the reception services could offer me no adequate explanation why appointments should disappear so quickly. It is not like we have a shortage of quacks, we must have at least 10. So I can only surmise that a) there is an epidemic where I lay my hat b) I reside in a particularly ill area c) appointment slots are being bought up by touts and sold on to the highest bidder.
Now the natural thing when you are unable to book for later in the day is to request an appointment for the following day. But no that is not possible. Despite this being the logical and rational approach, well at least to those of us with imagination and common sense, I was informed by the Doctor’s Moll that this was impossible as I would have to ring back the next day.
Next day same result.
Day after same result.
Day after that I was cured.
Now I know this might be a way to save the NHS money but it might only be me but how exactly do you get an appointment these days to see a doctor. Some people manage it and they can’t all be buying appointment slots from the touts. It seems that if you are chronically sick and/or feckless and unemployed you know how the system works, you have been inducted into the mysteries of the appointment booking system and taught the password. But quite frankly these sorts of people are not the ones paying for the service.
On the other hand, the occasionally sick and full time funders of the service are out in the cold, fighting for the appointment booking scraps, never mind whether it fits with a window in their busy Blackberries. May I suggest that this is the wrong way round and the occasional sick should be prioritised and restored to health with great speed to earn the wealth we need to keep the service going for others?
A few years back I suggested an innovation-appointments for commuters. And behold this innovation was taken up though too few to make a difference and to get one of these you have to schedule your sickness a few weeks in advance.
We need more innovation. Any ideas?
Have a great week. And stay healthy.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
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