In case you were wondering the road is now mended and being used as a road once again. And in record time too. Maybe someone of influence and import has been reading these words and took the hint that Japanese Navvies whould be employed to replace those from this scept’red isle.
Now the 6 words that Cicero never ever wants anyone to hear are ‘that’s just the way it is’.
Firstly that is an excuse for an intelligent explanation as to why things are. And secondly it is just the way it is because that is how we let it be. It is not a law of nature that some things cannot be changed if it is in the interests of good customer service or a more effective and efficient business.
But Cicero constantly hears this refrain from colleagues unwilling or unable to question and change the way things are done; from front line operatives in businesses Cicero graces with his custom who are too indolent or disempowered to do anything about it; from other citizens who accept shoddy service because...well just because that is the way it is.
Cicero screams at this passivity, apathy, acceptance.
Last week Cicero met a truly amazing man. And if you are of a certain age you too will know of him because for a while he hit and remained in the news headlines. The tale he told was not about him however and so for the purposes of these words of wit and wisdom, he will remain in the background.
He told me the story of five monkeys which might help explain why that is just the way it is.
Start with a cage containing five monkeys. You will also need a banana, a hosepipe and a substantial supply of very cold water. Place half the monkeys in the cage, along with the banana, but make sure the banana requires some effort for the monkeys to obtain.
Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and at the top of a pole. Before long, a monkey will go to the pole and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the pole, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water. After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result: all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the pole, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.
Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the pole. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the pole, he will be assaulted. Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the pole and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the pole, he is attacked. Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the pole or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.
After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the pole to try for the banana. Why not? Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been done around here.
If you always do what you’ve always done: you’ll always get what you’ve always got! New uncertainties require new solutions and sometimes we have to unlearn as well as learn to find new solutions. And that is monkey business!
Is it only me....but this is truly hair raising.
Sometimes I see, read or hear stuff in the media that makes me really despair for the future of this country and to scream out ‘NO! I DONT BELIEVE IT’. For no matter what those of us who are right minded try to do there is always some influential Guardianista-type acting as a common sense preventer.
So what is this week’s the-world’s-gone-mad incident?
Now we all know that the schools are in this country are a mess. With their increasing emphasis as a tool for social engineering and for ensuring that we dumb down to ensure that the lazy, the thick and the couldn’t-care-less are given the same opportunities as those who are bright, interested and engaged, it is no wonder that we are failing to turn out kids who can read, write, add up and know their Latin.
In the same week as the Two Caesars together with their little helpers talk about raising standards and addressing the problems of failing schools at primary and secondary level, their efforts and those of the good teachers who day in, day out seek to inspire their charges, are undermined by Guardianista-made law as interpreted by Guardianista-judges.
As all good schools and right thinking parents know, good discipline underpins a good education which is why those put in charge of failing schools know that enforcing good discipline and uniform codes is a must.
And yet what happen when a school tries to enforce its code on hair styles, and in particular the use of corn braiding which is said to be associated with gang culture, and when its headmaster insists on "a traditional schoolboy haircut"? It runs foul of some Guardianista attitude.
Firstly the family claim it's part of his cultural identity and then incredulously this attitude is supported by the courts who deem the policy racist.
We should all give up now.
Now it might only be me but if we are going to give headmasters and our teachers accountability and responsibility for improving the educational welfare of our kids, and boy is this needed, then all branches of society must support and back them. Even the Guardian. A ‘traditional schoolboy hair cut’ never did me any harm.
Have a great week
Et sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
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Friday, 24 June 2011
Friday, 17 June 2011
A geology lesson
Do you think Cicero should start to tweet? Thought it might help keep you in touch with his musings and with each other. What do you think?
As pointed out here a few weeks back when telling you about the tear in our local road, it is a source of constant amazement how long it takes us to get things done in this green and pleasant land, especially when anyone connected to the State is involved. But fair's fair, even though the Japanese would have built a high speed railway in time taken to repair this tear, our road has at last been sutured. Well done to all concerned.
Only one teensy weensy problem now-flushed with the success of repairing one one hundred yard stretch of tarmac, our Navvies have now moved up the road a wee bit and are now repeating their exercise of painfully slow inactivity. We are now promised another 6 weeks of traffic disruption. Are there no Japanese Navvies going spare?
We will keep you posted on this, in event you might be interested.
Well it would seem that Cicero’s comment last week that family and health more important than work caused a wee storm. Really don’t understand why that might be.
One colleague approached Cicero during the course of the past few days puzzled that he had allowed his Acolyte to leave his post so easily.
‘Let me tell you a story, my dear, ‘said Cicero (for colleague was a Distaff), ‘that was once told me that might help explain better.
‘One day a philosophy professor stood before his class with some items on the table in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large jar and proceeded to fill it with some rocks, about 2" in diameter.
‘He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
‘So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks.
‘He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
‘The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
‘He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "Yes."’
‘"Now," said the professor, "Think that the jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children -- things that if everything else were lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter - like your job, your house, your car...The sand is everything else. The small stuff.”
“If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued "there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take your partner out for a meal. There will always be time to go to work and do all the other stuff.’’
‘Now’, said Cicero to his Distaff colleague, ‘do you understand why I said what I said and did what I did? In my book it is imperative that you take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
‘I get it’, said Cicero’s colleague, ‘wandering off to sort out the rocks and pebbles in her life’.
Now you might think that that is where the story ends. You would be wrong. For there is another, and equally helpful way to look at the rocks, pebbles and sand.
From time to time many of us will have a problem with prioritisation, not just of things personal but also in our work.
Now see the rocks as representing our most important activities in our in tray, the pebbles our less meaningful activities and the sand just the chaff.
Most of us focus our attention on the small things in life, the sand and pebbles. But if you fill up the jar with the pebbles and the sand there is no room for the rocks, those tasks that really matter, the tasks that will really drive our businesses forward.
To get the most of our time in the office the lessons are clear-put the big rocks into the empty jar first and then the pebbles and finally the sand and all three materials fit inside the jar. It is the only way it works.
You can learn so much from geology these days.
Is it only me.............but this doesn’t add up.
The other day I was in a well known High St Emporium buying some treats. The kid manning the till did as all kids in these places do-she swiped my treats to calculate how much I owed her. The bill came to £6.14. I can be very abstemious when buying treats.
It was my mistake. I handed over £10 and in an instant the machine the kid was operating had calculated the change.
But not wanting my pockets bulging with all sorts of coppers and other small bawbees thereby ruining the line of my toga and to make things easier for the kid, I handed over an additional 14p so that she might just return me four shiny bronze coins.
It was like I had asked the kid to calculate pi to 29 decimal places.
I kid ye not but the kid did not have the brain cells to calculate in her head how much she now owed me. ‘I have it rung up now’ was the answer and no amount of patient reasoning would encourage the kid to forsake the machine and to calculate the change for herself.
Now it might only be me but just what are they teaching children in today’s schools?
Clearly it is not the basics of addition, subtraction, multiplication and division without the aid of a calculator. It is staggering that we are sending kids out into the world of work when their brains cannot fend for themselves without electronic aids. And these are the ones in work, God knows what the ones not in work are not capable of doing.
Might I suggest that if our education establishments are so incapable of teaching our kids to calculate change correctly, and it is shocking that they are not taught to do this, that our retailers give them some basic lessons in arithmetic. Taxi drivers have to pass ‘The Knowledge’ so why can’t our in-store kids be made to do something similar before they get to serve the Public.
Just a thought but it seems to me to add up.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
As pointed out here a few weeks back when telling you about the tear in our local road, it is a source of constant amazement how long it takes us to get things done in this green and pleasant land, especially when anyone connected to the State is involved. But fair's fair, even though the Japanese would have built a high speed railway in time taken to repair this tear, our road has at last been sutured. Well done to all concerned.
Only one teensy weensy problem now-flushed with the success of repairing one one hundred yard stretch of tarmac, our Navvies have now moved up the road a wee bit and are now repeating their exercise of painfully slow inactivity. We are now promised another 6 weeks of traffic disruption. Are there no Japanese Navvies going spare?
We will keep you posted on this, in event you might be interested.
Well it would seem that Cicero’s comment last week that family and health more important than work caused a wee storm. Really don’t understand why that might be.
One colleague approached Cicero during the course of the past few days puzzled that he had allowed his Acolyte to leave his post so easily.
‘Let me tell you a story, my dear, ‘said Cicero (for colleague was a Distaff), ‘that was once told me that might help explain better.
‘One day a philosophy professor stood before his class with some items on the table in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large jar and proceeded to fill it with some rocks, about 2" in diameter.
‘He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
‘So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks.
‘He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
‘The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
‘He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "Yes."’
‘"Now," said the professor, "Think that the jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things - your family, your partner, your health, your children -- things that if everything else were lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter - like your job, your house, your car...The sand is everything else. The small stuff.”
“If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued "there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take your partner out for a meal. There will always be time to go to work and do all the other stuff.’’
‘Now’, said Cicero to his Distaff colleague, ‘do you understand why I said what I said and did what I did? In my book it is imperative that you take care of the rocks first - the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
‘I get it’, said Cicero’s colleague, ‘wandering off to sort out the rocks and pebbles in her life’.
Now you might think that that is where the story ends. You would be wrong. For there is another, and equally helpful way to look at the rocks, pebbles and sand.
From time to time many of us will have a problem with prioritisation, not just of things personal but also in our work.
Now see the rocks as representing our most important activities in our in tray, the pebbles our less meaningful activities and the sand just the chaff.
Most of us focus our attention on the small things in life, the sand and pebbles. But if you fill up the jar with the pebbles and the sand there is no room for the rocks, those tasks that really matter, the tasks that will really drive our businesses forward.
To get the most of our time in the office the lessons are clear-put the big rocks into the empty jar first and then the pebbles and finally the sand and all three materials fit inside the jar. It is the only way it works.
You can learn so much from geology these days.
Is it only me.............but this doesn’t add up.
The other day I was in a well known High St Emporium buying some treats. The kid manning the till did as all kids in these places do-she swiped my treats to calculate how much I owed her. The bill came to £6.14. I can be very abstemious when buying treats.
It was my mistake. I handed over £10 and in an instant the machine the kid was operating had calculated the change.
But not wanting my pockets bulging with all sorts of coppers and other small bawbees thereby ruining the line of my toga and to make things easier for the kid, I handed over an additional 14p so that she might just return me four shiny bronze coins.
It was like I had asked the kid to calculate pi to 29 decimal places.
I kid ye not but the kid did not have the brain cells to calculate in her head how much she now owed me. ‘I have it rung up now’ was the answer and no amount of patient reasoning would encourage the kid to forsake the machine and to calculate the change for herself.
Now it might only be me but just what are they teaching children in today’s schools?
Clearly it is not the basics of addition, subtraction, multiplication and division without the aid of a calculator. It is staggering that we are sending kids out into the world of work when their brains cannot fend for themselves without electronic aids. And these are the ones in work, God knows what the ones not in work are not capable of doing.
Might I suggest that if our education establishments are so incapable of teaching our kids to calculate change correctly, and it is shocking that they are not taught to do this, that our retailers give them some basic lessons in arithmetic. Taxi drivers have to pass ‘The Knowledge’ so why can’t our in-store kids be made to do something similar before they get to serve the Public.
Just a thought but it seems to me to add up.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
Thursday, 9 June 2011
The ripple effect
Salvete.
It is always interesting to note how you respond to these words of wit and wisdom and that is why using the comment facility is always very helpful and interesting. Good to know what you like, what you don’t and what generates shrieks of howls and outrage.
And it is very noteworthy that the words that generate the most ire and angst are those thoughts which follow ‘is it only me.........’ Does anyone ever read Cicero’s thoughts on how to do better marketing, how to be a better leader and how to run a better business? Maybe you just agree with every word that is written and lap up Cicero’s philosophies like a cat lapping the cream.
No matter we will persevere with our thoughts on all matters interesting and hope that these continue to float your educational and entertainment boat.
And to last week’s Anonymouses,or should that be Anonymice, your comments are so wrong on so many levels but as always we defend your right to say it.
During the week Cicero was accosted by a young Acolyte whom he now mentors, guides and teaches in the rural idyll where he now works.
‘Cicero, I am sorry to have to do this but I urgently need some time off to tend to the sickness needs of one who is dear to me. I hope that will be ok with you. I may need to be away from the office for a few weeks and I know how busy we are and how much this will drop you in it but there really is nothing I can do.’
‘Never fear’, said Cicero with a kindly twinkle in his eye, ‘but your health and the needs of friends and family are always more important than our work. We will manage. I will see to it that we will. As a leader it is my job to make sure our people here are properly supported’.
‘Are you sure you can manage?’ asked the Acolyte.
‘Listen carefully now and you will learn how adaptable we can all be if we all try.
‘People said Man United would not withstand the loss of Van Nistelroy or Roy Keane or David Beckham or Ronaldo. Sure the loss of these great players rocked the team back for a wee while but they got over it and now they say Ronald who?
‘Now I want you to imagine a bucket of water. Now think of you submerging your hand in the water. Now quickly and suddenly remove your hand and watch what happens.
‘When you do this for a wee while the water is rippled and rough but it will soon calm down and it will be as if your hand was never in it.
‘Teams and organisations are exactly the same.
‘It will be difficult for us to manage for a wee while and it will be disruptive but somehow we will find a way will dealing with it. We will have to.’
‘So you are saying that I am not important and what I do is irrelevant’, said the Acolyte.
‘I am not saying that at all. You are important and you are doing a great job which we all value and respect but no one, not even Cicero, difficult as that might be to believe, is irreplaceable. People leave, fall sick, move on, and some of us even take holidays, and while each of these events is disruptive, it is our job as leaders to ensure the organisation returns to normal as soon as possible and continues.
‘Now off you go, my child, and tend to your own people. I will work things out here’.
And with that Cicero’s Acolyte left and Cicero swiftly moved to the calm waters for the rest of the team, for the business and for its customers.
Is it only me...but would anyone notice?
You may have seen the news that this week that Harry Harperson’s favourite people, The Equality and Human Rights Commission, went on strike for an hour in protest at planned job cuts. No doubt they would also like Harry Harperson and other nanny interventionists back in power. Well they’re not so get over it.
Did you even know that they had been on strike?
Union representatives also expressed a concern that the cuts could move the agency away from helping the individual and ‘were aimed at turning the body into a think tank’. In other words they would lose their interfering and nannying role. Good, I say.
You know I actually went onto their website. I thought I should not condemn unless I know what I am talking about. And among the piffle were such gems as ‘ A Map of Gaps’, a 700 page Triennial Review entitled ‘How Fair is Britain’ (there is also a similar study for Wales because clearly that is not part of Britain), and ‘Gypsies and Travellers-how to live together’. I kid ye not. Does anyone’s life feel poorer for not having read these riveting reads?
Could I just point out that the 60s and 70s were the last and probably the only truly meritocratic period in our history. A time when people who had not gone to public school and/or to Oxbridge could make it to the top of the greasy pole. And these people did it without Apparatchiks and Quangocrats a plenty to help them. They got there because they had drive, ambition and intelligence. Today we are no doubt spending a fortune on said Quanagocrats and we are less equal and less meritocratic than ever.
Doh, it does not take a genius to work that one out.
Now as usual it might only be me but who do you think would notice if this bunch of Quangocrats went on strike? It’s not like that this body of Apparatchiks empty our bins or dig up our roads, and speaking of which my road remains an open sore, or any other essential service? Indeed maybe these Quangocrats are the least useful across our Public Sector? Is this not the most pointless strike ever in the history of industrial relations in this country....and that is saying something. It beats me what the union barons were thinking about when they decided that the comrades and comradesses who work at the EHRC should down tools and walk out.
No their role is to boss us around, to interfere and try to make us all pc. Can anyone other than the Guardianistas and Polly Townbee, name one useful and constructive thing that this body has ever done for people other than prisoners, criminals or immigrants who are always first in line to claim an infringement to their human rights? We have laws to ensure equality and human rights. And we have courts to enforce these rights. Why do we need a quango on top of this?
Sorry I forgot there is one person who would notice they are on strike-my apologies,
Harry.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
It is always interesting to note how you respond to these words of wit and wisdom and that is why using the comment facility is always very helpful and interesting. Good to know what you like, what you don’t and what generates shrieks of howls and outrage.
And it is very noteworthy that the words that generate the most ire and angst are those thoughts which follow ‘is it only me.........’ Does anyone ever read Cicero’s thoughts on how to do better marketing, how to be a better leader and how to run a better business? Maybe you just agree with every word that is written and lap up Cicero’s philosophies like a cat lapping the cream.
No matter we will persevere with our thoughts on all matters interesting and hope that these continue to float your educational and entertainment boat.
And to last week’s Anonymouses,or should that be Anonymice, your comments are so wrong on so many levels but as always we defend your right to say it.
During the week Cicero was accosted by a young Acolyte whom he now mentors, guides and teaches in the rural idyll where he now works.
‘Cicero, I am sorry to have to do this but I urgently need some time off to tend to the sickness needs of one who is dear to me. I hope that will be ok with you. I may need to be away from the office for a few weeks and I know how busy we are and how much this will drop you in it but there really is nothing I can do.’
‘Never fear’, said Cicero with a kindly twinkle in his eye, ‘but your health and the needs of friends and family are always more important than our work. We will manage. I will see to it that we will. As a leader it is my job to make sure our people here are properly supported’.
‘Are you sure you can manage?’ asked the Acolyte.
‘Listen carefully now and you will learn how adaptable we can all be if we all try.
‘People said Man United would not withstand the loss of Van Nistelroy or Roy Keane or David Beckham or Ronaldo. Sure the loss of these great players rocked the team back for a wee while but they got over it and now they say Ronald who?
‘Now I want you to imagine a bucket of water. Now think of you submerging your hand in the water. Now quickly and suddenly remove your hand and watch what happens.
‘When you do this for a wee while the water is rippled and rough but it will soon calm down and it will be as if your hand was never in it.
‘Teams and organisations are exactly the same.
‘It will be difficult for us to manage for a wee while and it will be disruptive but somehow we will find a way will dealing with it. We will have to.’
‘So you are saying that I am not important and what I do is irrelevant’, said the Acolyte.
‘I am not saying that at all. You are important and you are doing a great job which we all value and respect but no one, not even Cicero, difficult as that might be to believe, is irreplaceable. People leave, fall sick, move on, and some of us even take holidays, and while each of these events is disruptive, it is our job as leaders to ensure the organisation returns to normal as soon as possible and continues.
‘Now off you go, my child, and tend to your own people. I will work things out here’.
And with that Cicero’s Acolyte left and Cicero swiftly moved to the calm waters for the rest of the team, for the business and for its customers.
Is it only me...but would anyone notice?
You may have seen the news that this week that Harry Harperson’s favourite people, The Equality and Human Rights Commission, went on strike for an hour in protest at planned job cuts. No doubt they would also like Harry Harperson and other nanny interventionists back in power. Well they’re not so get over it.
Did you even know that they had been on strike?
Union representatives also expressed a concern that the cuts could move the agency away from helping the individual and ‘were aimed at turning the body into a think tank’. In other words they would lose their interfering and nannying role. Good, I say.
You know I actually went onto their website. I thought I should not condemn unless I know what I am talking about. And among the piffle were such gems as ‘ A Map of Gaps’, a 700 page Triennial Review entitled ‘How Fair is Britain’ (there is also a similar study for Wales because clearly that is not part of Britain), and ‘Gypsies and Travellers-how to live together’. I kid ye not. Does anyone’s life feel poorer for not having read these riveting reads?
Could I just point out that the 60s and 70s were the last and probably the only truly meritocratic period in our history. A time when people who had not gone to public school and/or to Oxbridge could make it to the top of the greasy pole. And these people did it without Apparatchiks and Quangocrats a plenty to help them. They got there because they had drive, ambition and intelligence. Today we are no doubt spending a fortune on said Quanagocrats and we are less equal and less meritocratic than ever.
Doh, it does not take a genius to work that one out.
Now as usual it might only be me but who do you think would notice if this bunch of Quangocrats went on strike? It’s not like that this body of Apparatchiks empty our bins or dig up our roads, and speaking of which my road remains an open sore, or any other essential service? Indeed maybe these Quangocrats are the least useful across our Public Sector? Is this not the most pointless strike ever in the history of industrial relations in this country....and that is saying something. It beats me what the union barons were thinking about when they decided that the comrades and comradesses who work at the EHRC should down tools and walk out.
No their role is to boss us around, to interfere and try to make us all pc. Can anyone other than the Guardianistas and Polly Townbee, name one useful and constructive thing that this body has ever done for people other than prisoners, criminals or immigrants who are always first in line to claim an infringement to their human rights? We have laws to ensure equality and human rights. And we have courts to enforce these rights. Why do we need a quango on top of this?
Sorry I forgot there is one person who would notice they are on strike-my apologies,
Harry.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
Thursday, 2 June 2011
Carrots, sticks and chocolates
Greetings.
Hopefully you have enjoyed the last of our Bank Holidays, at least for a wee while. Seems like April and May have been one long holiday. Now maybe we can get back to wealth creating before the summer beaches beckon.
For those of you still wondering-yep, we still have a hole in our High St with no signs of a suture being imminent. Ye Gods, the Japanese have re-built not just a motorway but their entire country in the time these taxpayer-funded Navvies have taken.
And the big question of the week-did you get your Olympic tickets?
As you know Cicero is a big fan of brands which ruthlessly demonstrate great customer service. And if you have ever been in his proximity when he has experienced brand-destroying bad customer service, you will immediately get a sense of his attitude towards poor customer service. It is not pretty and his feelings can be measured on the Richter scale.
Now you may not know this but Cicero is also a big fan of gowf, or golf as it is now known in these parts.
And a few weeks back Cicero’s aged amicus with whom he traverses the fairways was experiencing trouble with the machine with which he transports his golf implements around the course. In short, it was broken. Something to do with wheel bearings which as you know is a bit of a mystery to Cicero.
Cicero’s amicus dropped an e-mail to the manufacturer of said machine and within two days he was sent a replacement part, free of charge. No quibbling. No attempting to wriggle out. No charge. Brilliant. Cicero and his amicus were well and truly amazed.
That is what you call great customer service and it was all the better for being a complete surprise.
Cicero was musing on this experience when he read an article by one almost as learned as Cicero who was describing his experience with a boot manufacturer, Shipton and Heneage. It is entirely possible that you will not have heard of them but you can learn lots from them. Cicero hadn't and did.
For a start the marketing copy on their website is brilliant. It has real personality and conveys a great sense of what the brand is about, its heritage and its pedigree. It might only make and sell boots but this company knows a lot about the kind of brand it wants to be and delivers this in spades.
But the brand really got going when the boots arrived for it contained more than boots. For inside the box were two pairs of socks and a shoe brush. Another brand which seeks to quietly delight its customers. And what a great way to welcome you to the brand.
For many other businesses at this point, when you have handed over your sesterces, you stop being a prospect and become a customer and this is the point when all niceties go out of the window. It is almost like ‘now you have joined us we can stop trying’. Imagine that. Do you know anyone who behaves like that? But this is not the Shipton and Heneage way, obviously.
Someone once told Cicero that brands can motivate customers in three ways-by giving you a carrot to reward your behaviour; by applying the stick to make you lose out if you don’t act; or to offer a chocolate as a pleasant surprise for responding.
Providing chocolate is the most unusual type of incentive but it will get your brand talked about. And can you imagine any of the big service brands with whom we interact every day of every week behaved in a way we weren’t expecting? Nope. Quelle surprise.
So what kind of brand do you want to be known as-a carrot, stick or chocolate brand? If you go for chocolate, your brand can become very distinctive. And talked about.
Is it only me.........but this is becoming like ‘Carry On, doctor’.
I have been following with keen interest and mounting exasperation the debate around the future of the NHS. Have you?
Now it seems that many out there, supposedly speaking on our behalf, which is code for protecting their own vested interests, are getting their Jockeys in a knot because the Two Caesars (or at least one of them) is supposedly keen on introducing competition and the private sector into the NHS.
What is wrong with that?
Why exactly is competition such a hated word in the lexicon of the NHS? I know that NHS employees are State Apparatchiks but some of them are quite well educated and so should surely see the merits of competition. Are they so afraid of competition that they fear for their jobs? It might be worth pointing out that where there is no competition you end up with Sepp Blatter and FIFA. Do we really want that for the NHS? I think not.
And what is wrong with the introduction of the private sector into the NHS? One argument put forward by the Defenders of the Vested Interest is that the introduction of the private sector means money leaving the NHS. Now let me point one thing out and this might come as a shock to those of you of a more statist dirigiste persuasion-money leaves the NHS and flows to the private sector every minute of every day. Have you got over that shock of that yet?
Drug companies? Private sector. The people who run the computer systems? Private sector. Manufacturers of X ray equipment, CRT scanning equipment, bandages and elastoplasts? Private sector.
And there is good reason for this-it keeps cost down.
Now it might only be me but in my book the NHS only has to deliver against three key principles-it keeps us healthy; it does this at lowest possible cost; and it is free at point of delivery. End of. And if that means it has to use the private sector and introduce competition so be it.
And may I suggest that no one really cares unless of course you are an NHS Apparatchik who fears they won’t be able to stand the heat but is reluctant to leave the kitchen.
So my message to the Two Caesars-just get on with sorting out the NHS, it needs it. The time for listening and pandering to the Vested Interest Groups is over. We elected you to lead, so lead.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
Hopefully you have enjoyed the last of our Bank Holidays, at least for a wee while. Seems like April and May have been one long holiday. Now maybe we can get back to wealth creating before the summer beaches beckon.
For those of you still wondering-yep, we still have a hole in our High St with no signs of a suture being imminent. Ye Gods, the Japanese have re-built not just a motorway but their entire country in the time these taxpayer-funded Navvies have taken.
And the big question of the week-did you get your Olympic tickets?
As you know Cicero is a big fan of brands which ruthlessly demonstrate great customer service. And if you have ever been in his proximity when he has experienced brand-destroying bad customer service, you will immediately get a sense of his attitude towards poor customer service. It is not pretty and his feelings can be measured on the Richter scale.
Now you may not know this but Cicero is also a big fan of gowf, or golf as it is now known in these parts.
And a few weeks back Cicero’s aged amicus with whom he traverses the fairways was experiencing trouble with the machine with which he transports his golf implements around the course. In short, it was broken. Something to do with wheel bearings which as you know is a bit of a mystery to Cicero.
Cicero’s amicus dropped an e-mail to the manufacturer of said machine and within two days he was sent a replacement part, free of charge. No quibbling. No attempting to wriggle out. No charge. Brilliant. Cicero and his amicus were well and truly amazed.
That is what you call great customer service and it was all the better for being a complete surprise.
Cicero was musing on this experience when he read an article by one almost as learned as Cicero who was describing his experience with a boot manufacturer, Shipton and Heneage. It is entirely possible that you will not have heard of them but you can learn lots from them. Cicero hadn't and did.
For a start the marketing copy on their website is brilliant. It has real personality and conveys a great sense of what the brand is about, its heritage and its pedigree. It might only make and sell boots but this company knows a lot about the kind of brand it wants to be and delivers this in spades.
But the brand really got going when the boots arrived for it contained more than boots. For inside the box were two pairs of socks and a shoe brush. Another brand which seeks to quietly delight its customers. And what a great way to welcome you to the brand.
For many other businesses at this point, when you have handed over your sesterces, you stop being a prospect and become a customer and this is the point when all niceties go out of the window. It is almost like ‘now you have joined us we can stop trying’. Imagine that. Do you know anyone who behaves like that? But this is not the Shipton and Heneage way, obviously.
Someone once told Cicero that brands can motivate customers in three ways-by giving you a carrot to reward your behaviour; by applying the stick to make you lose out if you don’t act; or to offer a chocolate as a pleasant surprise for responding.
Providing chocolate is the most unusual type of incentive but it will get your brand talked about. And can you imagine any of the big service brands with whom we interact every day of every week behaved in a way we weren’t expecting? Nope. Quelle surprise.
So what kind of brand do you want to be known as-a carrot, stick or chocolate brand? If you go for chocolate, your brand can become very distinctive. And talked about.
Is it only me.........but this is becoming like ‘Carry On, doctor’.
I have been following with keen interest and mounting exasperation the debate around the future of the NHS. Have you?
Now it seems that many out there, supposedly speaking on our behalf, which is code for protecting their own vested interests, are getting their Jockeys in a knot because the Two Caesars (or at least one of them) is supposedly keen on introducing competition and the private sector into the NHS.
What is wrong with that?
Why exactly is competition such a hated word in the lexicon of the NHS? I know that NHS employees are State Apparatchiks but some of them are quite well educated and so should surely see the merits of competition. Are they so afraid of competition that they fear for their jobs? It might be worth pointing out that where there is no competition you end up with Sepp Blatter and FIFA. Do we really want that for the NHS? I think not.
And what is wrong with the introduction of the private sector into the NHS? One argument put forward by the Defenders of the Vested Interest is that the introduction of the private sector means money leaving the NHS. Now let me point one thing out and this might come as a shock to those of you of a more statist dirigiste persuasion-money leaves the NHS and flows to the private sector every minute of every day. Have you got over that shock of that yet?
Drug companies? Private sector. The people who run the computer systems? Private sector. Manufacturers of X ray equipment, CRT scanning equipment, bandages and elastoplasts? Private sector.
And there is good reason for this-it keeps cost down.
Now it might only be me but in my book the NHS only has to deliver against three key principles-it keeps us healthy; it does this at lowest possible cost; and it is free at point of delivery. End of. And if that means it has to use the private sector and introduce competition so be it.
And may I suggest that no one really cares unless of course you are an NHS Apparatchik who fears they won’t be able to stand the heat but is reluctant to leave the kitchen.
So my message to the Two Caesars-just get on with sorting out the NHS, it needs it. The time for listening and pandering to the Vested Interest Groups is over. We elected you to lead, so lead.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
Thursday, 26 May 2011
Do you know who I am?
Hello.
Have you all gone to sleep? Only asking, given lack of comment being left below these words of wisdom over past few weeks. Maybe we are not being provocative enough. Hopefully this week’s dose of enlightenment will change that.
Now as you know Cicero hates shopping and loathes shops with all the zealotry of a Taliban fundamentalist. But of course Cicero has to shop. He could not possibly be seen about town in last year’s toga and sandals.
To get round this wee problem he has taken to buying stuff from the World Wide Web. God bless, Tim Berners-Lee.
And in the interests of research of course so that Cicero might better advise Marketing Grand Fromages, he has in recent weeks been signing up with a variety of retailers so that they might keep him up to date with all the latest news from the fashion catwalks.
You will as fashion aficionados yourself be familiar with how this process works. You hand over a few bits of information about yourself so that the retailer in theory is able to send you information and offers relevant to you. And the more relevant the offer, the more likely you are to buy. It is really quite simple.
And yet Cicero cannot believe how so many retailers can get it so wrong. And when they get it wrong they undermine their brand, lose sales opportunities and increase the likelihood that any emails received will go from in-box to trash can without even touching the sides.
To give you one example.
A major retailer whose name rhymes with ‘text’ and who despite collecting enough information on me at the outset, have and continue to send me details of the latest fashions and fabrics......for women. Now they might know something that many of you may also think but it can be confirmed that Cicero has not, nor ever will have, any interest whatsoever in fashions for Distaffs. And should anyone think or know otherwise, beware the Super Injunction. It baffles that they should make an error of this magnitude but other cases are known of similar careless unthinking errors from these guys.
And then this week Cicero got an e-mail from another purveyor of togas and sandals. Talk about chalk and cheese. This was good.
It came from the owner of the business, not a faceless company apparatchik. It felt really 1-1. He even knew Cicero was a man. And this man’s passion and enthusiasm for his brand really shone from the page. Why can’t all brands behave in this way?
Cicero was thanked for being a customer. He was ‘delighted to have me as a customer’. He even described Cicero as ‘fantastic’ and as ‘one of their best customers’. Wow!
As a result he made this aged customer feel really special. And so you can bet your last sesterces that Cicero would buy from this man again. See, genuine customer engagement programmes really do have the power to work.
Effective customer engagement marketing is so simple-just show you recognise, know and understand me. Why do some businesses keep getting it so wrong? Even Abba understood this-it is all about ‘knowing me, knowing you’. Sorry couldn’t resist.
Is it only me..............but the earth isn’t moving for me.
Near to where I live, at a busy road junction, there are some road works which has meant that the traffic has needed to be controlled by temporary lights. And the result is chaos.
Now not being of Irish extraction I have no idea why the road is being dug up but the Council trained Navvies have dug up a foot wide trench for about 50 yards. To my untrained eye it is my guess that they are putting in some new pipes. They have been doing this for about 3 weeks now and given that their wee trench is still open to the elements, again I would surmise that we are still a wee while away from the wound in the road being sown up, sutured and traffic once again allowed to flow as nature intended.
In the meantime I am baffled why such a small tear in the highway has taken so long to be repaired. Of course, silly me, this is a State run project, why should I expect this to be done with anything other than great inefficiency and great disruption to the public such people are supposed to serve?
But consider this.
A few weeks back Japan was hit by a massive earthquake and tsunami causing untold disruption and mayhem, death and destruction. Far more than caused by the digging up of my local High St. And yet there they managed to have a 25 mile stretch of ripped up, torn up and seriously rippled motorway back up and running with Hondas, Toyotas and Nissans moving along it smoothly within 2 weeks. Let me repeat that-the Japanese restored to full working order a severely destroyed 25 mile stretch of motorway within 14 days. And they did this at the same time as nuclear power plants were threatening to do a Hiroshima; when much of their infrastructure was in tatters; and when the rice and sushi was unable to get to the shops for the road diggers packed lunches.
Now it might only be me but surely we have every right to expect that our Council Navvies should be able to replace and repair a 50 yard slit trench a lot quicker than the 3 weeks taken so far. Indeed if my maths are correct if they were Japanese the slit trench would have been dug up and repaired before lunch on the first day.
But then of course such working practices would put Council Navvies out of a job and we couldn’t have that, could we? Would that not infringe their human right of a job for life?
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
Have you all gone to sleep? Only asking, given lack of comment being left below these words of wisdom over past few weeks. Maybe we are not being provocative enough. Hopefully this week’s dose of enlightenment will change that.
Now as you know Cicero hates shopping and loathes shops with all the zealotry of a Taliban fundamentalist. But of course Cicero has to shop. He could not possibly be seen about town in last year’s toga and sandals.
To get round this wee problem he has taken to buying stuff from the World Wide Web. God bless, Tim Berners-Lee.
And in the interests of research of course so that Cicero might better advise Marketing Grand Fromages, he has in recent weeks been signing up with a variety of retailers so that they might keep him up to date with all the latest news from the fashion catwalks.
You will as fashion aficionados yourself be familiar with how this process works. You hand over a few bits of information about yourself so that the retailer in theory is able to send you information and offers relevant to you. And the more relevant the offer, the more likely you are to buy. It is really quite simple.
And yet Cicero cannot believe how so many retailers can get it so wrong. And when they get it wrong they undermine their brand, lose sales opportunities and increase the likelihood that any emails received will go from in-box to trash can without even touching the sides.
To give you one example.
A major retailer whose name rhymes with ‘text’ and who despite collecting enough information on me at the outset, have and continue to send me details of the latest fashions and fabrics......for women. Now they might know something that many of you may also think but it can be confirmed that Cicero has not, nor ever will have, any interest whatsoever in fashions for Distaffs. And should anyone think or know otherwise, beware the Super Injunction. It baffles that they should make an error of this magnitude but other cases are known of similar careless unthinking errors from these guys.
And then this week Cicero got an e-mail from another purveyor of togas and sandals. Talk about chalk and cheese. This was good.
It came from the owner of the business, not a faceless company apparatchik. It felt really 1-1. He even knew Cicero was a man. And this man’s passion and enthusiasm for his brand really shone from the page. Why can’t all brands behave in this way?
Cicero was thanked for being a customer. He was ‘delighted to have me as a customer’. He even described Cicero as ‘fantastic’ and as ‘one of their best customers’. Wow!
As a result he made this aged customer feel really special. And so you can bet your last sesterces that Cicero would buy from this man again. See, genuine customer engagement programmes really do have the power to work.
Effective customer engagement marketing is so simple-just show you recognise, know and understand me. Why do some businesses keep getting it so wrong? Even Abba understood this-it is all about ‘knowing me, knowing you’. Sorry couldn’t resist.
Is it only me..............but the earth isn’t moving for me.
Near to where I live, at a busy road junction, there are some road works which has meant that the traffic has needed to be controlled by temporary lights. And the result is chaos.
Now not being of Irish extraction I have no idea why the road is being dug up but the Council trained Navvies have dug up a foot wide trench for about 50 yards. To my untrained eye it is my guess that they are putting in some new pipes. They have been doing this for about 3 weeks now and given that their wee trench is still open to the elements, again I would surmise that we are still a wee while away from the wound in the road being sown up, sutured and traffic once again allowed to flow as nature intended.
In the meantime I am baffled why such a small tear in the highway has taken so long to be repaired. Of course, silly me, this is a State run project, why should I expect this to be done with anything other than great inefficiency and great disruption to the public such people are supposed to serve?
But consider this.
A few weeks back Japan was hit by a massive earthquake and tsunami causing untold disruption and mayhem, death and destruction. Far more than caused by the digging up of my local High St. And yet there they managed to have a 25 mile stretch of ripped up, torn up and seriously rippled motorway back up and running with Hondas, Toyotas and Nissans moving along it smoothly within 2 weeks. Let me repeat that-the Japanese restored to full working order a severely destroyed 25 mile stretch of motorway within 14 days. And they did this at the same time as nuclear power plants were threatening to do a Hiroshima; when much of their infrastructure was in tatters; and when the rice and sushi was unable to get to the shops for the road diggers packed lunches.
Now it might only be me but surely we have every right to expect that our Council Navvies should be able to replace and repair a 50 yard slit trench a lot quicker than the 3 weeks taken so far. Indeed if my maths are correct if they were Japanese the slit trench would have been dug up and repaired before lunch on the first day.
But then of course such working practices would put Council Navvies out of a job and we couldn’t have that, could we? Would that not infringe their human right of a job for life?
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
Monday, 23 May 2011
Mini financial crisis
Salve.
If you came here last Friday expecting to read Cicero’s latest dose of wit and wisdom, you will have been disappointed. Apologies if that was you but Cicero was once again taking a wee break to ensure he was sano in corpore as well as sano in mente. It is good of you to persevere to get your weekly fix. Hopefully you will find the wait worthwhile.
And while he was away Cicero came across this interesting story which he feels many should read and take on board.
Many years ago a very clever designer called Alec Issigonis designed the world’s first smart car. It was called the Mini and for its time it was truly revolutionary. For the first time ever a miniature vehicle that was a genuine car.
First he put the engine in sideways. This saved masses of space under the bonnet. It didn’t need any transmission-whatever that might be. Then he used sliding windows instead of the wind-down kind. This saved lots of space on the width of the doors. He used smaller wheels to save on height.
He left the welds on the outside, to save on manufacturing costs. It was the smallest-ever genuine four-seater car.
And, fifty years on, it’s considered the most influential car of the 20th century.
In 1959, Issigonis showed the original designs to the head of the British Motor Corporation, Leonard Lord who asked “How much will it cost?” Issigonis said “I don’t know. I’m a designer not a production engineer.” Lord said “The Ford Anglia is selling for £600. I want this priced at under £500.”
So that’s what they did.
The Mini sold for £470.It was a massive hit worldwide. It even beat every car in the world to win the Monte Carlo Rally. Not once, but four years running.
Everyone fell in love with it.
In a really smart marketing move, Minis were given to stylish celebrities like Paul McCartney, John Lennon, Peter Sellers. So they’d be seen in newspaper photographs getting out of them.
It became a truly classless icon. Today it would have its own Twitter and Facebook site and surely even a super-injunction, this year’s must have accessory.
Ford, who made the competitive Anglia, was mystified. How could BMC sell it so cheaply?
So the engineers at Ford got hold of a Mini. They stripped it down. Every nut and bolt, every weld and clip. They found it was well built. They reported that it would cost Ford £35 more per car to build than BMC were selling it at. And Ford was a much more efficient carmaker than BMC. So BMC had to be losing between £50 and £100 on every Mini they sold.
Years later, when the BMC management were asked about this they shrugged their shoulders.
So what? They were a state-owned company, everything was subsidised. This means it was paid for by the taxpayers of the time. Good to know that State employees in these olden days had the same attitude as today’s Apparatchiks. But they had a runaway success on their hands. So successful that they eventually sold 5 million Minis, worldwide.
What was the problem?
Well, actually, that was the problem. They sold 5 million cars at a loss of at least £50 each.
That adds up to a loss of over £250,000,000. Not a smart way to run a company. Even Cicero can see that and he knows nothing about cars.
Which is probably why BMC doesn’t exist anymore.And Ford does. And why it is never sensible for State Apparatchiks to run anything remotely like a business.
Chasing volume, increased sales, is a kneejerk reaction for marketers. But it’s not always a sensible route to go. Selling something cheaper usually means more people will buy it. But it might make more sense to put the price up and sell less. At the time BMC went out of business they were only making £5 profit on ever car sold. At the same time Mercedes were making around £1,000 profit on every car sold. For BMC to make the same profit as Mercedes, they would need to sell 200 times as many cars.
And that was never going to happen.
In the case of the Mini someone didn’t do their job. That’s why I think it always makes sense to question a brief or an instruction. It is never the right thing to blindly accept it or do what you are told because someone with the right job title gives it to you. Anything worthwhile should stand up to scrutiny by common sense. And common sense is available to everyone. But then we also know that sense is never common.
Is it only me.......but we don’t all have 20:20 vision.
Now over the years I have spent many nights in hotels. Big ones, small ones, some nice, some not so nice. But over the years taking a shower has become increasingly difficult. Sadly this is an age related-affliction.
Firstly showers don’t all work in the same way and it would be very helpful if there was an ISO standard to regulate how showers work. Often you are confronted with a multitude of levers and dials regulating pressure of water and temperature and in my experience the more stylish the hotel and the more stylish the shower, the more complicated and obtuse the operating instructions.
There you are in your hotel suite wearing nothing but a perplexed facial look, staring at the polished chrome trying to work out how to switch the damn thing on without getting scalded or inducing hypothermia or being blown backwards onto the shower wall through sheer nozzle force. Believe me but in some hostelries it has taken me a good few moments before I have cracked the ideal permutation of levers and dials. Sometimes it feels more like safe cracking than showering.
But there is another problem.
In every hotel bathroom you get a small array of bottles. Again the posher the hotel the more wee bottles you get-potions for this and that, shower gels, shampoos, conditioners, anti ageing cream and so on and so forth. I have not yet seen stuff for conditions like acne and other embarrassing conditions but am sure that somewhere out there some really posh hotel will offer that.
But my problem with these is that the writing on these wee bottles is so small that I live in dread that I am going to put something totally inappropriate on some part of my anatomy that I shouldn’t. To read the size of print that those who design these wee bottles put on their labels, either I need put on my Gregory Peck’s or practice my Braille. But who wears their Gregory’s in the shower?
Now it might only be me but I cannot be the only one who has eye sight problems and who requires a pince nez make the printed word legible. We are not all young, hip and trendy with 20:20 vision so could wee bottle makers please make their labels legible. We should start a campaign for legible labels on bottles in hotel bathrooms. I am convinced there is a gap market for these.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
If you came here last Friday expecting to read Cicero’s latest dose of wit and wisdom, you will have been disappointed. Apologies if that was you but Cicero was once again taking a wee break to ensure he was sano in corpore as well as sano in mente. It is good of you to persevere to get your weekly fix. Hopefully you will find the wait worthwhile.
And while he was away Cicero came across this interesting story which he feels many should read and take on board.
Many years ago a very clever designer called Alec Issigonis designed the world’s first smart car. It was called the Mini and for its time it was truly revolutionary. For the first time ever a miniature vehicle that was a genuine car.
First he put the engine in sideways. This saved masses of space under the bonnet. It didn’t need any transmission-whatever that might be. Then he used sliding windows instead of the wind-down kind. This saved lots of space on the width of the doors. He used smaller wheels to save on height.
He left the welds on the outside, to save on manufacturing costs. It was the smallest-ever genuine four-seater car.
And, fifty years on, it’s considered the most influential car of the 20th century.
In 1959, Issigonis showed the original designs to the head of the British Motor Corporation, Leonard Lord who asked “How much will it cost?” Issigonis said “I don’t know. I’m a designer not a production engineer.” Lord said “The Ford Anglia is selling for £600. I want this priced at under £500.”
So that’s what they did.
The Mini sold for £470.It was a massive hit worldwide. It even beat every car in the world to win the Monte Carlo Rally. Not once, but four years running.
Everyone fell in love with it.
In a really smart marketing move, Minis were given to stylish celebrities like Paul McCartney, John Lennon, Peter Sellers. So they’d be seen in newspaper photographs getting out of them.
It became a truly classless icon. Today it would have its own Twitter and Facebook site and surely even a super-injunction, this year’s must have accessory.
Ford, who made the competitive Anglia, was mystified. How could BMC sell it so cheaply?
So the engineers at Ford got hold of a Mini. They stripped it down. Every nut and bolt, every weld and clip. They found it was well built. They reported that it would cost Ford £35 more per car to build than BMC were selling it at. And Ford was a much more efficient carmaker than BMC. So BMC had to be losing between £50 and £100 on every Mini they sold.
Years later, when the BMC management were asked about this they shrugged their shoulders.
So what? They were a state-owned company, everything was subsidised. This means it was paid for by the taxpayers of the time. Good to know that State employees in these olden days had the same attitude as today’s Apparatchiks. But they had a runaway success on their hands. So successful that they eventually sold 5 million Minis, worldwide.
What was the problem?
Well, actually, that was the problem. They sold 5 million cars at a loss of at least £50 each.
That adds up to a loss of over £250,000,000. Not a smart way to run a company. Even Cicero can see that and he knows nothing about cars.
Which is probably why BMC doesn’t exist anymore.And Ford does. And why it is never sensible for State Apparatchiks to run anything remotely like a business.
Chasing volume, increased sales, is a kneejerk reaction for marketers. But it’s not always a sensible route to go. Selling something cheaper usually means more people will buy it. But it might make more sense to put the price up and sell less. At the time BMC went out of business they were only making £5 profit on ever car sold. At the same time Mercedes were making around £1,000 profit on every car sold. For BMC to make the same profit as Mercedes, they would need to sell 200 times as many cars.
And that was never going to happen.
In the case of the Mini someone didn’t do their job. That’s why I think it always makes sense to question a brief or an instruction. It is never the right thing to blindly accept it or do what you are told because someone with the right job title gives it to you. Anything worthwhile should stand up to scrutiny by common sense. And common sense is available to everyone. But then we also know that sense is never common.
Is it only me.......but we don’t all have 20:20 vision.
Now over the years I have spent many nights in hotels. Big ones, small ones, some nice, some not so nice. But over the years taking a shower has become increasingly difficult. Sadly this is an age related-affliction.
Firstly showers don’t all work in the same way and it would be very helpful if there was an ISO standard to regulate how showers work. Often you are confronted with a multitude of levers and dials regulating pressure of water and temperature and in my experience the more stylish the hotel and the more stylish the shower, the more complicated and obtuse the operating instructions.
There you are in your hotel suite wearing nothing but a perplexed facial look, staring at the polished chrome trying to work out how to switch the damn thing on without getting scalded or inducing hypothermia or being blown backwards onto the shower wall through sheer nozzle force. Believe me but in some hostelries it has taken me a good few moments before I have cracked the ideal permutation of levers and dials. Sometimes it feels more like safe cracking than showering.
But there is another problem.
In every hotel bathroom you get a small array of bottles. Again the posher the hotel the more wee bottles you get-potions for this and that, shower gels, shampoos, conditioners, anti ageing cream and so on and so forth. I have not yet seen stuff for conditions like acne and other embarrassing conditions but am sure that somewhere out there some really posh hotel will offer that.
But my problem with these is that the writing on these wee bottles is so small that I live in dread that I am going to put something totally inappropriate on some part of my anatomy that I shouldn’t. To read the size of print that those who design these wee bottles put on their labels, either I need put on my Gregory Peck’s or practice my Braille. But who wears their Gregory’s in the shower?
Now it might only be me but I cannot be the only one who has eye sight problems and who requires a pince nez make the printed word legible. We are not all young, hip and trendy with 20:20 vision so could wee bottle makers please make their labels legible. We should start a campaign for legible labels on bottles in hotel bathrooms. I am convinced there is a gap market for these.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
Friday, 13 May 2011
After the gold rush.....
Greetings.
And of course welcome back-as always it’s good to see you.
Given that last week is the first full week many of us will have worked in a while, hopefully you paced yourself well to get yourself through the week.
This week’s words of wisdom are dedicated to Neil Young, a musical icon of the 1970s, whose album ‘After the gold rush’ inspired these thoughts. You have been told previously that Cicero seeks and obtains inspiration widely.
Now you might think that Cicero can at times be a wee bit behind the times. You would be wrong. Cicero can get down there with the kids, man, when it is needed. He does have his finger on the pulse of the zeitgeist. And he does understand the cultural mood of the nation.
To prove it he has been following with rapt interest the machinations of Cheryl Cole over the past few weeks-would the nation’s sweetheart follow her mentor Simon Cowell to become a judge on the American version of X factor or would she pledge her troth to ITV. Of course she went for the Yankee dollar. And who can blame her.
But there are interesting parallels here with the dot.com boom of the late 1990s and the Yukon Gold Rush of 1897. And few other learned authors could link those three events.
Can anyone remember who won the first ever version of X Factor? Nope thought not-for the record it was Steve Brookstein. And whatever happened to him? And whatever happened to Shane Ward or Leon Jackson, also winners of X Factor?
The point here is that it’s not the show winners who are the real winners. No the real winners are the likes of simian-like Simon Cowell, our Cheryl and even the Irish leprechaun, Louis Walsh.
Now think back to the dot.com boom.
In this it was not the dot.com entrepreneurs who made the money, with a couple of notable exceptions. Indeed most of the eye ball chasers with flawed business models and preposterous valuations soon crashed and burned. No the real winners were the IT firms who flogged them the servers and the networks and the consultancy services, or the lawyers, bankers and accountants drawing up IPOs, or the people who set up sandwich businesses servicing Silicon Valley, Glen or Vallee.
And what does this have to do with the Yukon Gold Rush in 1987, almost exactly 100 years previously?
As you will be aware the discovery of gold in the Klondike river in the Yukon sparked a frenzy of gold rush immigration and gold prospecting with thousands flooding into the area in the mad search for gold. A bit like X Factor in many ways but without the tears and telephone polls.
And just like X Factor most had their hopes for fame and fortune dashed and came away disappointed.
In the Yukon the real winners were not the gold diggers but the spade sellers, the bar owners and the hookers. In other words it was those servicing the prospectors who made the real money. The parallels are uncanny.
So what kind of business are you in? Are you a spade seller or a gold digger?
And so this week’s moral lesson for anyone in business, don’t try to be the next Alexandra Burke but aim to be Cheryl Cole. It is always more profitable and more sustainable for a business to be a spade seller than a gold digger. And if you are looking to establish an entrepreneurial business or if you spot the next economic bandwagon and want to jump onto it, look to do so as a spade seller. We cannot guarantee it will make your fortune but the odds will favour you.
Is it only me...but why do these people think they need more money just for doing their job?
Now you might have missed this piece of ground breaking news this week but Network Rail have reached agreement that their workers will be bribed to ensure industrial harmony with a pay rise around 10% over two years and extra shift payments during the Olympic Games. In addition no staff can be dismissed during the games period and disputes will be fast-tracked or suspended until September.
No wonder the T-Rex dinosaurs at the RMT called this ‘a good deal’. You reckon. If such behaviour was seen in the playground the pit bulls of the RMT would be disciplined for bullying.
And you know who is going to jump next onto this gravy train-the train drivers, the guards, the porters (do we still have porters or is that beneath us these days?) and of course the good old tube drivers. All will look to be bribed to do the jobs they are paid to do in any event lest they threaten to strike and cause untold disruption and misery.
And who at the end of the day will foot the bill for this level of bribery-us, the long suffering tax payer and commuter. Surely such munifence is against the Bribery Act.
Given this example by quasi Apparatchiks no doubt other Apparatchiks will threaten to withdraw their labour through the Olympics unless they are paid off. And meanwhile those of us charged with only growing the economy will continue to see incomes and living standards squeezed but will carry on uncomplaining. We know our jobs are not guaranteed and under-written by the State-or should that be the taxpayer.
Now it might only be me but could someone please explain why these Rail Terrorists think they should be paid significantly more for doing exactly the same job they were paid to do in the first place. Will they be undertaking increased responsibilities? No. Will they be taking steps to reduce costs? Course not, don’t be silly. Or will they be finding ways to increase income? Now you are just taking the Michael-income, what is that?
So why exactly are they being substantively more? I think we deserve to know.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
And of course welcome back-as always it’s good to see you.
Given that last week is the first full week many of us will have worked in a while, hopefully you paced yourself well to get yourself through the week.
This week’s words of wisdom are dedicated to Neil Young, a musical icon of the 1970s, whose album ‘After the gold rush’ inspired these thoughts. You have been told previously that Cicero seeks and obtains inspiration widely.
Now you might think that Cicero can at times be a wee bit behind the times. You would be wrong. Cicero can get down there with the kids, man, when it is needed. He does have his finger on the pulse of the zeitgeist. And he does understand the cultural mood of the nation.
To prove it he has been following with rapt interest the machinations of Cheryl Cole over the past few weeks-would the nation’s sweetheart follow her mentor Simon Cowell to become a judge on the American version of X factor or would she pledge her troth to ITV. Of course she went for the Yankee dollar. And who can blame her.
But there are interesting parallels here with the dot.com boom of the late 1990s and the Yukon Gold Rush of 1897. And few other learned authors could link those three events.
Can anyone remember who won the first ever version of X Factor? Nope thought not-for the record it was Steve Brookstein. And whatever happened to him? And whatever happened to Shane Ward or Leon Jackson, also winners of X Factor?
The point here is that it’s not the show winners who are the real winners. No the real winners are the likes of simian-like Simon Cowell, our Cheryl and even the Irish leprechaun, Louis Walsh.
Now think back to the dot.com boom.
In this it was not the dot.com entrepreneurs who made the money, with a couple of notable exceptions. Indeed most of the eye ball chasers with flawed business models and preposterous valuations soon crashed and burned. No the real winners were the IT firms who flogged them the servers and the networks and the consultancy services, or the lawyers, bankers and accountants drawing up IPOs, or the people who set up sandwich businesses servicing Silicon Valley, Glen or Vallee.
And what does this have to do with the Yukon Gold Rush in 1987, almost exactly 100 years previously?
As you will be aware the discovery of gold in the Klondike river in the Yukon sparked a frenzy of gold rush immigration and gold prospecting with thousands flooding into the area in the mad search for gold. A bit like X Factor in many ways but without the tears and telephone polls.
And just like X Factor most had their hopes for fame and fortune dashed and came away disappointed.
In the Yukon the real winners were not the gold diggers but the spade sellers, the bar owners and the hookers. In other words it was those servicing the prospectors who made the real money. The parallels are uncanny.
So what kind of business are you in? Are you a spade seller or a gold digger?
And so this week’s moral lesson for anyone in business, don’t try to be the next Alexandra Burke but aim to be Cheryl Cole. It is always more profitable and more sustainable for a business to be a spade seller than a gold digger. And if you are looking to establish an entrepreneurial business or if you spot the next economic bandwagon and want to jump onto it, look to do so as a spade seller. We cannot guarantee it will make your fortune but the odds will favour you.
Is it only me...but why do these people think they need more money just for doing their job?
Now you might have missed this piece of ground breaking news this week but Network Rail have reached agreement that their workers will be bribed to ensure industrial harmony with a pay rise around 10% over two years and extra shift payments during the Olympic Games. In addition no staff can be dismissed during the games period and disputes will be fast-tracked or suspended until September.
No wonder the T-Rex dinosaurs at the RMT called this ‘a good deal’. You reckon. If such behaviour was seen in the playground the pit bulls of the RMT would be disciplined for bullying.
And you know who is going to jump next onto this gravy train-the train drivers, the guards, the porters (do we still have porters or is that beneath us these days?) and of course the good old tube drivers. All will look to be bribed to do the jobs they are paid to do in any event lest they threaten to strike and cause untold disruption and misery.
And who at the end of the day will foot the bill for this level of bribery-us, the long suffering tax payer and commuter. Surely such munifence is against the Bribery Act.
Given this example by quasi Apparatchiks no doubt other Apparatchiks will threaten to withdraw their labour through the Olympics unless they are paid off. And meanwhile those of us charged with only growing the economy will continue to see incomes and living standards squeezed but will carry on uncomplaining. We know our jobs are not guaranteed and under-written by the State-or should that be the taxpayer.
Now it might only be me but could someone please explain why these Rail Terrorists think they should be paid significantly more for doing exactly the same job they were paid to do in the first place. Will they be undertaking increased responsibilities? No. Will they be taking steps to reduce costs? Course not, don’t be silly. Or will they be finding ways to increase income? Now you are just taking the Michael-income, what is that?
So why exactly are they being substantively more? I think we deserve to know.
Have a great week.
Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.
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