The First One

Hello. And welcome. Is there anybody there? Hello. I hope you are there. Otherwise I am going to feel a right Charlie. So unless I hear to the contrary I will assume you are there and that you are reading this.

Shall we get the introductions over with and out the way? Well I am actually quite shy but if you want to know more about me, read my profile on this site but other than what you see here I am going to stick to the principle of no names, no pack drill. For the moment you need to know I am a member of society’s most endangered species, a middle-aged, middle-class male. I now like to think of myself as a marketing philosopher, even if no one else does.. You can make your own mind up on that one as we get to know each other better.

So what will you find here that might interest you enough to want to come back? Cicero Speaks will speak on a number of hugely topical and relevant issues and I want to kick of a Great Big Conversation with you. I want to give you some insight into my mind and marketing philosophies and discuss with you some key marketing insights. And at times I will want to converse with you about some of life’s absurdities and stupidities, of which there are many and bound to be many more.

This will not be a place to rant and rage though it might come close to that sometimes. This is a place to come for cool reflection, rational insight and deep learning, leavened by warm wit and wisdom.

So why have I decided to write this? Why does Cicero want to speak and to have a Great Big Conversation? Because I have nothing else to do between marketing lunches? Well that could be one reason. To satisfy my ego? I am deeply hurt that anyone might think that. To pad out the internet? Most certainly. There is absolutely nothing of any interest or value whatsoever on the internet.

The real reason for me is I want to make the weird and wacky world of marketing interesting and accessible to a wider audience. We philosophers and marketers are very misunderstood and through Cicero Speaks I want to share insight and absurdities with you all. And of course I want to bring my philosophical wit and wisdom to a wider, more global audience.

And I truly want this to be a conversation with you. Please feel free to highlight and pinpoint absurdities and stupidities. Please feel free to voice your thoughts and opinions. Please feel free to disagree with me, though I would prefer it if you agreed.

And the good news, and this really does appeal to me as a Scot, is that access to my philosophical wit and wisdom is free, gratis, complimentary. Now you can’t say fairer than that. All I ask is your time, your mind and your opinions. I know, I am so generous.

And maybe, just maybe, if enough of us take part in my Great Big Conversation, we might become the future we want. We can but dream.

So every Monday it is my intention to let you have my thoughts and marketing philosophy on a new and hopefully topical issue. Come back each week and hear Cicero Speaks.

Let me help you get the hang of Cicero Speaks with a topical worked example.

If you are a regular driver you will have seen parked in lay-bys across the length and breadth of this country trailers and caravans serving up hot, nutritious and cheap food to truckers, white van drivers and motorists of all shapes and sizes, though I must admit the shape is usually round and tubby and the size XXL. The ambience of these lay by dining establishments varies hugely. I have seen some with top of the range patio furniture. And with others you get nothing more than a bottle of brown sauce and some salt. But what you get at all of them is hot, cheap and clean comfort food usually served up with good banter. You don’t go there if you want muesli, yoghurt or any other rabbit food. You do go there if you want bacon, sausage, a beef burger and to indulge your primeval carnivoristic instincts.

And the people who run these establishments, while they are not going to win many Michelin stars, though maybe there is an opportunity to produce a guide to these places, are in my humble opinion some of the greatest retail entrepreneurs in the land. They understand the principles of retail marketing as well as Mr Tesco, Mr Marks and Mr Spencer.

They have great insight into their customer. They have an offer which is engaging and relevant. They are single minded in meeting the needs of market. They understand the importance of location, And every day they retail a product that is well priced and well manufactured. The only difference between Big Al’s Trucker Stop on the A44 outside Wyre Piddle (yes there really is such a place) and Mr Gordon f**$!*g Ramsay is price point. Ok, there might be a few other differences but you get the point.

But now the nanny state has decided to intervene. It is not enough that these guys, and women of course, are hugely successful. Nor is it sufficient that these people are marketing gurus. None of that amounts to a hill of beans if they are not contributing to the healthy well being of our nation. And so it is now being proposed that unless they serve up healthy options alongside their traditional fare, environmental health officers will be given the power to close these eateries down. Because we all know Joe the Plumber, Joe the Trucker and Joe the White Van Man like nothing more than a mango smoothie, a peach yoghurt and a cereal bar to see them through the day. Can you name me a single environmental health officer who has built up a sound business based on solid marketing principles? Nope, neither can I.

And here is my top tip for the week. Let environmental health concentrate on finding mouse droppings in the kitchens, salmonella in the food and soap in the toilet, and let Big Al and his mates focus on being great retail marketers by giving their market what it wants.

Time to go. Thanks for dropping by and for reading this. I hope you enjoyed it enough to want to come back next week and listen again to Cicero Speaks. And if you enjoyed reading this tell your friends. If you have no friends, tell everybody you know. And if you don’t know anybody, then write to me.

Have a great week. Et este felix.