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Friday 25 June 2010

Smart arse

Greetings

It has been made known to Cicero through private back channels that you have noticed that the sentiments, views and opinions expressed here are becoming increasingly populist. This is most certainly not the intention and while Cicero is keen that his words remain accessible to all it was not a conscious policy to dumb down or seek popularity. Instead these words are intended to stretch minds, challenge sacred cows and provoke thinking. An effort has been made this week to restore stature and gravitas. Please advise if this has succeeded.

And in keeping with this policy of refusing to court popular appeal or to seek mass adulation, Cicero will proffer no comment on recent events in South Africa. There are plenty of other outlets to cater for those seeking nationalistic news, OTT analysis and jingoistic hysteria on events in that region. Needless to say it looks like that chariots will continue to bear aloft flags for a wee while yet.

Last week’s big news in the VTSSBs and TSSBs and other places where the Apparatchiks gather, was the Caesars’ big plan to reduce the amount of our hard earned money they want to spend. For Marketing Grands and Petits Fromages, the biggest implication of said plan was the almost complete freeze on marketing investment. And please note that Cicero sees spend on marketing as an investment and not a cost. Many should see it this way too.

Now we could spend a lot of time and expend significant amounts of energy debating the wisdom of the Caesars’ policy but it will change nothing-marketing investment is to be minimised. End of.

This is not something to be feared but should be viewed as an opportunity for marketing Apparatchiks to step up to the plate, to think creatively and laterally, and develop low cost, and preferably no cost, marketing programmes. What an opportunity to prove how good we are at marketing as opposed to briefing others to do work on our behalf at cost of course. For the era of Smart Marketing has arrived.

By chance Cicero came across a thought the other day that might help those seeking to practise Smart Marketing. There are more thoughts out there on this, and we might re-visit this subject in the coming weeks, but here is something to get you going.

Too often little thought is really given to what we want our marketing communications programme to deliver. And too often when planning these programmes we pay limited attention to where we are today. Are we trying to build brand awareness? Or improve purchase propensity? Or close the sale?

But do you really understand how well you are converting awareness to purchase propensity to sales? Have you looked at your awareness, propensity and sales numbers recently and done the ratios? Do you really understand where the weaknesses in the buying chain are? Are you sure? Do you want to go 50:50 or phone a friend?

It might come as a surprise to some unenlightened folks out there but marketing is not just about logos and pantones and pictures. Real marketers do this but also need to think more strategically about what they do. And for this they need an abacus or a modern calculator.

Let us look at one example.

In high growth, low share markets with plenty of potential it might make great sense to spend large dollops of shareholder or taxpayer money on fancy pant, and expensive, advertising programmes to build brand awareness because it looks efficient when you divide cost by impact or prospect.

But think again.

If the brand is already well known why spend more on getting more people to know you or to get the market to know you better. Surely the challenge is to better understand why high levels of awareness are not translating into purchase propensity and sales. And with this knowledge design a marketing intervention programme to drive up the numbers in these areas. Perhaps investing in programmes to close the sale might improve growth and cost effectiveness.

Conversely in or low growth markets where it might look too costly to advertise to build awareness, no amount of investment in programmes to close the sale will be effective until awareness and consideration reached higher levels. Here you should think about investing in a fancy pants advertising programme to build awareness.

Think about it. It might sound obvious but no one is going to buy you unless they know you exist and you can give them strong reasons to buy you. You need the interventions in place that make you better or different to your competitors.

Smart Marketers understand the buying chain and can identify the barriers to growth in the chain and then choose the messages, vehicles and other interventions required to overcome these barriers. Simple really when you think about it. Smart Marketing is only common sense but sense is rarely common. So to do Smart Marketing don’t be afraid to be common. It does pay dividends. Trust me. And if you do you too can become a Marketing Smart Arse

Batty? Or Brilliant? Do tell.

Is it only me….but is there nothing else on the telly?

And no, on this occasion this is not more words on the World Cup though no doubt such sentiments are being expressed in households across the land.

Instead we are going to return to the environmental and business disaster that is the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.

As many have already pointed out this is also a PR disaster for Tony Hayward and the wider company with a series of insensitive and undiplomatic remarks from him and the other Grand Fromages at BP.

It is astonishing that throughout this episode BP has kept the camera running showing the black gold spewing forth and gushing from the broken pipe. As a result the news media, and no doubt You Tube, are able to beam a live feed of the disaster unfolding and continuing. It might not be riveting TV but it is highly damaging TV for BP, its managers and it shareholders, reminding all and sundry that the disaster remains un-fixed and worsening.

Now this might only be me but you would think that one of the first things BP would have done, and it is not too late, would have been to turn off the live video feed or even to switch channels to show the people of the world what a well functioning well head looks like. Why persist in showing you are still polluting? Why persist in showing the damage as it unfolds? Sure the BBC is similarly showing the disaster that is the England World Cup attempt unfold, but that is different. Lives and livelihoods and the fishes are not being damaged by this.

Would you still be showing the live feed if this was your business, and you were hated and reviled by the country you were polluting, and you had just been sliced, diced and skewered by its politicians?

Have a great week.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.

Friday 18 June 2010

We need to talk

It seems that Cicero is now attracting comment from poets. Great to know that we are now attracting the attention of the literarati. Happy to allow poems but no limericks. Deal?

However our amanuensis who pores over the taxonomy on your behalf each week to assure its quality has complained that Cicero is displaying evidence of sesquipedalianism or a propensity to use big words. It is only showing off.

Hopefully the use of big words does not inhibit your enjoyment of these thoughts. It is a legacy of working in a VTTSB with apparatchiks who too display this tendency. Why use three syllable words when you can use words of more than 5 or 6 or 7 syllables to make your point backed up by the frequent use of TLAs or three letter acronyms? No wonder the Apparatchiks think no one understands them.

You will be aware from previous words that Cicero is a big fan of using nudge as a marketing tool empowering consumers to make the right behavioural choice without a Nanny, or even an au pair, approach.

It seems that such tactics are becoming widespread and Cicero was made aware of the gents’ urinals at Schipol airport which now have a small fly painted or etched onto the bowl. Results show an 80% reduction in spillage. You can work how this impressive result was achieved.

And no we are not taking the p#$%.............................quickly moving on.

We need to talk. Four small words guaranteed to send a chill racing through the blood of any male. Yet ‘we need to talk’ can sometimes be a powerful marketing strategy.

Before Cicero become Grand Fromage to a marketing team of Apparatchiks, Cicero worked for a business whose business was to facilitate connections. Last week the Head Honcho here called Cicero in his VTSSB to ask if he should start to twitter.

‘Go for it’, yelled Cicero, ‘Your business is all about making connections and to do that you must learn to use all the means you have to make connections with your customers and to allow them to make connections with each other.

‘Twittering is a perfect medium for doing this. It shows you are keen to talk. It demonstrates that your business is modern and progressive and not just for male, stale and pale businesses allowing you to appeal to a different demographic.

‘Sure there are risks. But your customers are going to talk about you whether you twitter or not and I’m sure these are overstated. And make sure you use the language of the medium to allow your followers to join in your debates and not the dry wonk speak of your usual debates.

‘You must go for it. It is 100% on brand for your business.

‘Now be about your business while I attend to matters of State.’

This conversation, however, set Cicero thinking. He wanted to understand why people, why customers feel the need to want to talk.

Is it right for brands and for businesses to starting or create conversations or to break into other people’s conversation which seems to be the basis of most brands social marketing strategy? Is it not more about allowing your market to talk about you with each other, a practice that is as old as ….well Cicero himself if not older? And that is saying something.

Talking about brands is part of life’s social fabric. It goes on. You do it. We all do it. Take a count of the number of times you talk about a brand or a business today that is not your own to friends, relations and colleagues. You will need more than one hand. And you do not need the tools of the age to allow you to do this. Nor are you playing ball with any social marketing strategy. You are just doing it.

You don’t talk to your friends about brands to persuade people to buy said brand or go to said shop but to let others know what is important to you and who you are. It allows relationships to develop. It gives people something to talk about, something to share.

So how do you use this insight of human behaviour to inform your marketing strategy?

You make your brand as interesting as possible so people want to talk about you. Make it part of the self identity of your market so that it says something about them and the tribe they belong to. Innovate often so that it gives people little things to talk about and often and fresh reasons to make contact. And be great at what you do so that people want to talk about you.

Last week Cicero purchased a new fangled plasmatic TV screen to adorn his living quarters from a local electrical retailer as opposed to a megalithic electrical superstore. The service and attention to detail from this retailer was second to none. He had gone out of his way to make sure Cicero was seen an individual with special needs, albeit one with no understanding of new technologies. And ever since Cicero has praised this guy across as many media and to as many people as he can.

People want to talk, they need to talk, some more than others. So use your Twitter, My Space, Linked In, Facebook etc etc etc, channels carefully and sparingly and strategically. You don’t need to talk. If your brand is good enough and strong enough it will happen whether you want it or not.

Is it only me…….but what is so special about this relationship?

Cicero finds the American reaction to the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico very interesting. Sure it is an environmental tragedy and hard on all those whose livelihoods depend on fishing and tourism in the region but this is no excuse for the Brit bashing, populist, xenophobic, partisan, biased, jingoistic, error-strewn, blame-pointing, finger wagging, lecturn thumping, self indulgent, diversionary, arse covEring rhetoric being spouted by Obama and spewed forth by every other rabble rousing politician to the south of the 49th Parallel. It was an accident. It was not some sort of delayed response for Lexington and the War of Independence. Accidents do happen. Get over it.

It is sad that 11 people died and for the families of those oil workers who died it is indeed a tragedy but it is worth pointing out that America is no stranger to leaving behind a trail of death and destruction but they move on without even a glance back.

How much death and destruction was caused by the Yankee in Vietnam? Iraq? Afghanistan? And here we are not talking shrimps, guillemots and sea gulls but people. And let us not forget Bhopal where in an instant an American company, yes an American company, slaughtered 3000 people in an afternoon and left thousands more chronically ill. And yet here the victims only received a little over £300 in full and final settlement. No talk there of ring fencing billions to pay for the clean up, to compensate victims. Nor any talk about preventing dividends from being paid.

So unlike BP, which is promising to pay billions in costs for the damage it caused putting at risk its very existence. And, Mr Obama, it’s BP not ‘British pause for emphasis Petroleum’.

Now it might only be me but quite frankly I fail to see what is so special in the relationship we have with the US. Unless of course it is so special because we honour our obligations and commitments to the rest of the world. Compared to America that is not just special but unique.

So lay off us. Those in glass houses should not throw stones.

Have a great week.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.

Friday 11 June 2010

Mr Motivator

And so yet again the quadrennial soccer tournament has begun. This corner of literary excellence will aim to provide some relief from the hysteria and hoop-la but first a soccer-themed question.

What is it about the Angles and their flags?

The roads are full these days with flags fluttering from their chariots. You don’t see similar sights in Hibernia or Dalriada or across the Dyke of Offa. Sure these peoples are not represented in South Africa which might explain a lot but there is no record of flags on the streets when the Pictish tribes won the World Elephant Polio Championships. It is a tradition peculiar to the Angles. Soon no doubt they will quickly and silently disappear. Or be flown at half mast.

And why the constant chanting of the theme music from ‘The Great Escape’? How can we be talking escapes when the competition has barely begun? The Angles are a peculiar bunch. Maybe they might do better with some better tunes and triumphal songs. Constant repetition of the word ‘Eng-er-land’ is not a song. Read some Catullus for inspiration.

Soccer chat is now over.

The other day Cicero was perambulating through the corridors of power in the VTSSB heading for some important meeting or other called no doubt to ensure your safety and security were maintained in these troubled times.

By chance he came across a small assembly of Apparatchiks discussing leadership. Intrigued he broke off his purposeful peripateticism to see if he might obtain further enlightenment and wisdom. Cicero is not proud. He will seek and take learning and wisdom from anybody, anywhere.

It would seem that they were discussing the attributes of a great leader and one of the Petit Fromage Apparatchiks was overheard to say that his boss was ‘ a great leader because he was inspiring and a great motivator’.

At this point and with this description Cicero knew that the Petit Fromages were not talking about him. No one has ever described Cicero in these terms. And while there is always a first, this day was not going to be the day when it happened.

As often happens Cicero had something to say on this matter from his own observations and so without ceremony he muscled in on the conversation.

‘I say’, he said, by way of introduction, ‘I could not help but overhear your interesting comments and thoughts on leadership, and in particular what you said about your own Grand Fromage, and I wonder if I might be of some assistance. I have some views on this matter and I thought they might helpfully inform your discussions. I hope you don’t mind’.

‘Be our guest’, came the reply, ‘we know not who you are but you look wise and thoughtful and we would be interested in your thoughts and we are keen to learn more.’

‘Thank you for indulging me. I will try to be quick.

‘In my experience it is not your Grand Fromage or your Head Honcho who inspires and motivates you. It is you yourself who does that. No one can motivate you, but you.

‘I can see from the expressions on your visages that this is not the answer you were looking for. And you are no doubt thinking that you do not consider yourself motivating or inspiring. And wondering why Head Honchos and Grand Fromages reach such exalted positions if they are not seen as motivating or inspiring.

‘And so I crave your indulgence for a few more minutes to ease your troubled minds.

‘A leader cannot force you to be inspired or motivated. You choose to be and you exercise your free will when you make that choice. The leader should, however, do all in their power to set a direction and a course and identify a destination which is rationally sound and emotionally engaging. It is your choice if you want to believe it and be inspired by that thought.

‘Let me illustrate by reference to Martin Luther King’s ‘I have a dream speech’. A great speech powerfully delivered. Many blacks around the world were inspired by listening to these words. And many whites too. But some were frightened and fearful of it. Same words, same speaker, but different outcomes. Why?

‘Some chose to be inspired, some did not. Simple.

‘And the other key role of the leader and one which great leaders do very well, or so I am told, is to remove, minimise or marginalise those factors in the workplace or sporting field or wherever, that stop you being motivated.

‘You don’t wake up each morning and decide whether or not to be motivated. I work on principle that being motivated is our default setting and we become de-motivated by the stuff going on around us. Leaders try to stop or to make less visible this de-motivating stuff so that it does not get in way of you being motivated.

‘This can be big stuff like career prospects, whether or not you are going to have a job, or it can be trivial stuff like PCs that don’t work, wonky air con or, as in the TSSB, lifts that don’t work. Great leaders make this kind of stuff feel unimportant and help you stay focussed on the stuff that really does matter.

‘So leaders and leadership are important and they do do important work on our behalf but not in the way you might think. So treat your Head Honchos and Grand Fromages with respect. Show them love. They do a difficult job and a great leader is a rare and precious thing. If you have one of those, don’t lose him…or her.

‘And now, having put you on the road to true understanding, I must be about my business.

And with that Cicero resumed his perambulation and was off.

So as we sign off for yet another week, who inspires you? Who motivates you? Please do let us know. And if it is not the person you see in the mirror each and every day then you might want to re-read these find words.

Is it only me…….but this is enough to drive you to drink.

It seems that although we might have new Caesars running the country, we did not send the Nannys packing with the old Caesar.

Have you read the news that some State-sponsored Nanny has decided in its wisdom that we must set a minimum price for alcohol to save us from ourselves.

This is so wrong. And on so many levels.

Why should responsible drinkers like your good self have to pay more for their small tipple just because some people, and a minority probably, have a tendency to over indulge from time to time? Who gave this Nanny, probably unelected, the power to interfere with the market and to set prices for alcohol or any other goods for that matter? And once the Nannys get their hands on the price mechanism, what comes next-a minimum price for Mars bars and other sweeties on grounds it leads to obesity; no more discounts on electrical goods because it creates wonky weather? The list is endless.

And did it never occur to these people that the only people who will benefit from such a policy will be the people who make and the people who sell said refreshments. A minimum price means a minimum margin. Lovely jubblie. No wonder Tesco are in favour. Every little helps, indeed.

It might only be me but on the evidence of this proposal, it is time that our new Caesars, both of them, identified all the Nannys lurking in the long grass in Whitehall and told them to find a proper job and preferably one that is not taxpayer funded.

Once again, let us know who you think is right on this-Cicero or the Nanny.

Have a great week.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.

Friday 4 June 2010

In God we trust

Great to see you again.

It seems that some of you are determined to try to take Cicero down a peg or two. Last week we had the comments about Cicero’s antediluvian status and now it would seem that Cicero’s amanuensis, who checks these fine words each week for typographical errors, wants to get in on the act.

For on reading Cicero’s crafted and beautifully formed words and phrases last week and having been asked to critique these, reflected for a moment and then declaimed to Cicero through secret and most private back channels (and that does not mean what you might be thinking) that ‘it was all me, me me’. Though the ‘is it only me…..’ piece did meet with approbation.

This week Cicero will attempt to be ‘you, you, you’.

And now for the news you have all been waiting for-the winner of the most pointless app award which we will dub the Archimedes Award. This revered scientist will surely be spinning and gyrating in his grave that science and technology have developed to such pointless futility.

And the winner of the Aristotle Award for 2010 is ‘Panda Jumps’. ACDs can now relieve their suffering with this pointless app.

If Anonymous will forward his or her contact details, a prize will be winging its way to them.

Cicero has been commended. A most rare event.

It seems that you are surprised that he would publish a comment which let us say was not totally complimentary about Cicero, his age and his attitude to technology. Of course such comments get published, even if they are woefully wrong. There is no censorship or news management here. We have new Caesars now. This is not the old Caesar. Or even the one before him. It is a very different world.

And one last thought. Cicero is reportedly jumping with joy that so many of his enlightened devotees have registered their pride in the eyesore that is Parliament Square. It seems you are not ashamed by this spectacle but take pride that this is tolerated. Thank you.

And while on the subject of Parliament, Cicero is disheartened that once again the behaviours of our new lords and masters have in some people’s eyes damaged the trust and reputation of this institution. It is not for Cicero to pass judgment on the rights and wrongs of the latest episode but there is nothing more important than trust and reputation to individuals, to brands and businesses. You can’t buy it. You can’t claim it. You can only earn it. And once earnt over weeks, months, years, decades, it can be destroyed in a moment. Talk to the Head Honcho at BP if you want to know more.

But do you know how to build trust? It seems that it is no more than an arithmetical formula. Euclid and Pythagoras will both be pleased. Unlike our hard working and noble amanuensis, Cicero is not great at maths but even he gets this equation, so it can’t be too difficult.

Let me explain.

Now this is not Cicero’s own work but that of one whose brain is far more enlightened than his, but given that Cicero believes that innovation is only undiscovered plagiarism he is shameless in passing the learning on.

The Trust Formula starts with a sum.

We take Reliability-do you, your brand or your business do what you say you are going to do, what you promise to do, when and how you say you are going to do it? And do you do it every time? If you say you are going to do something and you do, then Trust starts to build.

To Reliability we add Expertise. The more you are expert in doing a job, the more special and unique you are then once again Trust builds. The expertise, the knowledge, the intellectual property, you, your business, your brand, is what you have to offer and what people buy. Protect it wisely.

And to Reliability plus Expertise we add Empathy. Do people like you? Can you get onto their wave length and think like them? Can you get close to people, your customers, and share their thoughts and values, their ambitions and aspirations.

We now have a sum. But this does not equal Trust.

To finalise the Trust Equation we divide the sum of Reliability plus Expertise plus Empathy by Self Interest. This is the killer. This is the thing that destroys Trust. The more you or your business or your brand is perceived to be acting in your own self interest, the less people will trust you.

Think MPs. Think banks. Think estate agents.

At the end of the day it is the perception that counts and if you, your business or your brand can convince your customers that you are acting in their interests and not the customer’s, the more Trust will build and you, your business and your brand will prosper. You might be racking in big profits, but if you are perceived to be acting in the customers’ interests, you will be rewarded.

Anyone who has ever watched ‘Miracle on 34th Street, a great film, will know that American dollar bills all contain the immortal strap line ‘In God we trust’. As strap lines go this is surely much better than ‘every little helps’. Clearly He has done the maths and no one could ever doubt that God ever acts out of self interest. Now surely that’s a target for all of us, all our businesses and all our brands to aspire to. You can trust me on this.

Is it only me…….but maybe some people are just not good enough?

Did you read the news a few days back that some Educational Apparatchik, heading up a quango that it is unlikely you or anyone on the Clapham Omnibus might have heard of even if we, the taxpayer, are subsidising his lifestyle, and no doubt lavishly, has announced that ‘young people from poorer backgrounds are still struggling to get into top universities’?

No doubt this man and his fellow quangocrats are well meaning and have the best intentions of us all at heart. No doubt he seriously wants to improve society and make us all equal. He claims that poorer kids fail to reach their potential because, and this is a direct quote, ‘poorer youngsters are more likely to underperform in exams than their better-off counterparts, which means they might miss out on the grades needed for the most competitive courses’.

And the solution proposed for this shocking state of affairs is that our unis need to make more effort to accommodate such dunderheads and relax their admission requirements. You do really have to wonder if we, the taxpayer, are getting value for money from this quangocrat.

Now maybe it is just me but as the learned Apparatchik has so rightly pointed out, maybe, just maybe, these kids are just too thick to get into university and equally important, stay in for the duration.

University is not for everyone and not everyone is good enough to go. It is a harsh truth but someone needs to say it. It is not a human right that you must get into university come what may. And we must stop using university admissions to social engineer society.

Maybe my learned friend instead of moaning how bad it is that poorer children cannot get into university, would offer more value for our taxes if he concentrated on lambasting those who have wrecked the educational system which has denied bright kids from poorer backgrounds the opportunity to realise their potential and to properly earn the right to get to uni.

Should our schools not be providing the brighter kids with the skills and the confidence to pass their exams and apply for the top unis.? This might be radical but instead of taking a pop at the unis Cicero suggests that this man has a right go at the educational establishment of this country who are failing those with the potential from all backgrounds to go as far as they can educationally. It is a right disgrace.

And one final thought on this. Not going to uni is not the end of the world. And people like Mr Quangocrat should not make people feel a failure if they don't go. Instead we should recognise and celebrate their achievements and contribution. Uni is not for everyone.

Who do you back on this? Mr Quango or Cicero? Let us know.

Have a great week.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.