Mr Motivator

And so yet again the quadrennial soccer tournament has begun. This corner of literary excellence will aim to provide some relief from the hysteria and hoop-la but first a soccer-themed question.

What is it about the Angles and their flags?

The roads are full these days with flags fluttering from their chariots. You don’t see similar sights in Hibernia or Dalriada or across the Dyke of Offa. Sure these peoples are not represented in South Africa which might explain a lot but there is no record of flags on the streets when the Pictish tribes won the World Elephant Polio Championships. It is a tradition peculiar to the Angles. Soon no doubt they will quickly and silently disappear. Or be flown at half mast.

And why the constant chanting of the theme music from ‘The Great Escape’? How can we be talking escapes when the competition has barely begun? The Angles are a peculiar bunch. Maybe they might do better with some better tunes and triumphal songs. Constant repetition of the word ‘Eng-er-land’ is not a song. Read some Catullus for inspiration.

Soccer chat is now over.

The other day Cicero was perambulating through the corridors of power in the VTSSB heading for some important meeting or other called no doubt to ensure your safety and security were maintained in these troubled times.

By chance he came across a small assembly of Apparatchiks discussing leadership. Intrigued he broke off his purposeful peripateticism to see if he might obtain further enlightenment and wisdom. Cicero is not proud. He will seek and take learning and wisdom from anybody, anywhere.

It would seem that they were discussing the attributes of a great leader and one of the Petit Fromage Apparatchiks was overheard to say that his boss was ‘ a great leader because he was inspiring and a great motivator’.

At this point and with this description Cicero knew that the Petit Fromages were not talking about him. No one has ever described Cicero in these terms. And while there is always a first, this day was not going to be the day when it happened.

As often happens Cicero had something to say on this matter from his own observations and so without ceremony he muscled in on the conversation.

‘I say’, he said, by way of introduction, ‘I could not help but overhear your interesting comments and thoughts on leadership, and in particular what you said about your own Grand Fromage, and I wonder if I might be of some assistance. I have some views on this matter and I thought they might helpfully inform your discussions. I hope you don’t mind’.

‘Be our guest’, came the reply, ‘we know not who you are but you look wise and thoughtful and we would be interested in your thoughts and we are keen to learn more.’

‘Thank you for indulging me. I will try to be quick.

‘In my experience it is not your Grand Fromage or your Head Honcho who inspires and motivates you. It is you yourself who does that. No one can motivate you, but you.

‘I can see from the expressions on your visages that this is not the answer you were looking for. And you are no doubt thinking that you do not consider yourself motivating or inspiring. And wondering why Head Honchos and Grand Fromages reach such exalted positions if they are not seen as motivating or inspiring.

‘And so I crave your indulgence for a few more minutes to ease your troubled minds.

‘A leader cannot force you to be inspired or motivated. You choose to be and you exercise your free will when you make that choice. The leader should, however, do all in their power to set a direction and a course and identify a destination which is rationally sound and emotionally engaging. It is your choice if you want to believe it and be inspired by that thought.

‘Let me illustrate by reference to Martin Luther King’s ‘I have a dream speech’. A great speech powerfully delivered. Many blacks around the world were inspired by listening to these words. And many whites too. But some were frightened and fearful of it. Same words, same speaker, but different outcomes. Why?

‘Some chose to be inspired, some did not. Simple.

‘And the other key role of the leader and one which great leaders do very well, or so I am told, is to remove, minimise or marginalise those factors in the workplace or sporting field or wherever, that stop you being motivated.

‘You don’t wake up each morning and decide whether or not to be motivated. I work on principle that being motivated is our default setting and we become de-motivated by the stuff going on around us. Leaders try to stop or to make less visible this de-motivating stuff so that it does not get in way of you being motivated.

‘This can be big stuff like career prospects, whether or not you are going to have a job, or it can be trivial stuff like PCs that don’t work, wonky air con or, as in the TSSB, lifts that don’t work. Great leaders make this kind of stuff feel unimportant and help you stay focussed on the stuff that really does matter.

‘So leaders and leadership are important and they do do important work on our behalf but not in the way you might think. So treat your Head Honchos and Grand Fromages with respect. Show them love. They do a difficult job and a great leader is a rare and precious thing. If you have one of those, don’t lose him…or her.

‘And now, having put you on the road to true understanding, I must be about my business.

And with that Cicero resumed his perambulation and was off.

So as we sign off for yet another week, who inspires you? Who motivates you? Please do let us know. And if it is not the person you see in the mirror each and every day then you might want to re-read these find words.

Is it only me…….but this is enough to drive you to drink.

It seems that although we might have new Caesars running the country, we did not send the Nannys packing with the old Caesar.

Have you read the news that some State-sponsored Nanny has decided in its wisdom that we must set a minimum price for alcohol to save us from ourselves.

This is so wrong. And on so many levels.

Why should responsible drinkers like your good self have to pay more for their small tipple just because some people, and a minority probably, have a tendency to over indulge from time to time? Who gave this Nanny, probably unelected, the power to interfere with the market and to set prices for alcohol or any other goods for that matter? And once the Nannys get their hands on the price mechanism, what comes next-a minimum price for Mars bars and other sweeties on grounds it leads to obesity; no more discounts on electrical goods because it creates wonky weather? The list is endless.

And did it never occur to these people that the only people who will benefit from such a policy will be the people who make and the people who sell said refreshments. A minimum price means a minimum margin. Lovely jubblie. No wonder Tesco are in favour. Every little helps, indeed.

It might only be me but on the evidence of this proposal, it is time that our new Caesars, both of them, identified all the Nannys lurking in the long grass in Whitehall and told them to find a proper job and preferably one that is not taxpayer funded.

Once again, let us know who you think is right on this-Cicero or the Nanny.

Have a great week.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.