The road to hell

This will surprise you but this week Cicero is going to be helpful and constructive though

hopefully still radical and thought provoking.

I happen to work close to one of this country’s very few toll roads, the M6 Toll. Now as someone who hails from the far north of this green and pleasant land, well beyond the Wall of Hadrian, from a tribe with an ill-deserved reputation for being careful with their bawbees, it is unlikely that I am going to pay to drive on a road when there is a perfectly good alternative which is free.

And it seems that many other people think in a like-minded way.

I have, I must admit, paid once to travel around Birmingham, albeit by accident, I missed the turn off to stay on the free road. And the road was empty and deserted. And when travelling on the free road very very few drivers seem to come onto the free road from the pay road, or leave the free road to go onto the pay road. In short methinks that this is the whitest of elephants, indeed you might describe the M6 Toll as an Albino Elephant.

And in the meantime the traffic grinds to a halt as it travels through the West Midlands on the M6, the road that is free, causing drivers to be late for their meetings; delivery deadlines being missed by the truckers; and giving the eco-and enviro-mentalists the heebie-jeebies when they stop to consider the damage being caused to the polar bears in the Arctic by the traffic gridlock through Walsall, Smethwick and Wolverhampton.

On really bad days the inside lane is wall to wall with Yorkie Man and their big trucks.

Now I have an idea to save us all from this road to hell. And it’s a good one. And more to the point it is constructive and helpful. Well at least Cicero thinks so.

If the aim of a road is to get those using it from A to B in the swiftest and most frictionless way possible then clearly the M6 is failing. And even though there is an even better alternative available, albeit at a price. So why not incentivise Yorkie Man to use the Albino Elephant especially at peak times.

{WILD APPLAUSE}

Thank you. You are too kind.

The logic is quite simple. At peak times especially Yorkie Man is parked up on the free road, clogging it up for everyone else. So why not allow Yorkie Man to take his truck on the Albino Elephant as peak times when everyone else is trying to get to their offices for free or even for a significantly reduced toll? That way Yorkie Man gets his truck and his deliveries through the Birmingham and West Midlands funnel quickly and efficiently. Those trying to get to their offices on time will do so. And even the polar bears will benefit to the relief and no doubt unbridled joy of the eco-mentalists.

Everyone a winner.

Now some of Cicero’s readers might carp and cavil that there will be a significant impact on the revenues of the Albino Elephant. Will there? No one is using it in the first place. And it might be well that by breaking the default of Yorkie Man to use the free road that he might even see the benefits of using it outwith the promotion periods.

And some might moan that if we can do this for Yorkie Man why can’t they do it for those driving cars? Because it is my guess that most cars on the road at that time want to go into and out of Birmingham not through it, even if most probably would like to by-pass the city entirely.

And by removing a large chunk of the road population in one fell swoop all the traffic will benefit. 

Considerably.

Anyone object to such a great idea?

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus. Semper.