In the swim of things

To keep Cicero’s body youthful and supple from time to time he takes to the water and will go for a wee swim.

Usually before he heads off to the place where he plies his trade, dispensing marketing wisdom to those who seek guidance and enlightenment.

It never ceases to amaze him the characteristics of the people who share the chlorinated waters with him.

Firstly we have the man unable to swim in a straight line and who corkscrews himself across the pool as he zigs and zags and zigs up and down, forcing the other Speedos to dive out his way.

The Corkscrew swims pretty straight when on his front but he alternates between swimming on his front for one length and then on his back for the return journey down the pool.

And this is where the fun starts as he thrashes away back up the pool in a mighty zig zag crushing all else against the sides as he does so.

And if you are in the pool at the same time as The Bulldozer and The Corkscrew there is certainly no room in the pool for you and your budgie smugglers.

The Bulldozer is like an unstoppable tsunami and no one, and we mean no one, is allowed to get in his way as he scythes through the water turning out length after length without hesitation, repetition or deviation.

And it is the lack of deviation that the Bulldozer’s problem.

He gives not an inch.

And should you be on the same tack, it will be up to you and blink first and give way.

This has not yet been spotted but it would be interesting to see what would happen should the Corkscrew and the Bulldozer ever meet in the same pool at the same time.

And finally we have the Ladies Who Swim.

And these types are invariably distaffs so we are not being sexist.

Like trawlers who trawl the ocean depths in pairs they go up and down in pairs chatting away, oblivious to the fact that they are holding up all who swim in their wake.

And once they get to the end of the lane they invariably stop and chat some more.

And if you are really unlucky these distaffs will come not in pairs but as a trio. Even a foursome.

For these people it is all about the chatting, the gossip, the tittle tattle.

It never seems to occur to these people that they are wet.

That their hair is dripping.

That they are scantily clad.

Surely they would be more comfortable, drier and warmer, catching up on each other's social lives and TV watching habits over a cup of coffee.

Or even on Facebook.

It is a wonder given the space these types take up that there is any room for anyone else.

Do you have similar types in your pool?

Please do tell.

Have a great week.

Have a great year.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus