Hellish weekend

Welcome.

And no the road has not yet been fixed. And yes it remains dug up and unsutured. But it is time to move on and so we are going to dwell no longer this week on the state of the roads around the Cicero Villa.

Time this week to consider what it means to be a customer. But first a wee story.

Once upon a time a man (it could have been a woman but let’s keep it simple) died and went to heaven. As is the norm he arrived at the Pearly Gates and was met by St Peter (or the Muslim, Sikh, Hindu equivalent) who made him a special offer.

‘For this weekend only we have a deal going with the Devil. You are expected in here but for the weekend you can sample Hell. For the next 2 days and 2 nights you can experience all that Hell has to offer but when you come back to these Gates, you must give me a decision and you will have to live with that decision for eternity.’

‘Sounds fair enough to me, in for a penny, in for a pound’, replied the former man, and off he went to try out all that Hell had to offer.

And he was pleasantly surprised. It was great. He met many of his old friends and colleagues, the weather was fantastic and every whim and need was catered for. It was a bit like a Club Med exclusive holiday.

After his 2 days were over he dragged himself off and went back to the Pearly Gates to give St Peter his answer.

‘Now you know the deal’, said St Peter, ‘you can either come in here or go back to Hell but whatever you decide, then you will have to live with the consequences forever.’

‘After much consideration’, replied the man, ‘Hell was not what I thought it would be like and all my mates are there and so I choose Hell’.

And with that the gates to Heaven slammed shut and the man was immediately dumped back in Hell. But this time it was so different-it was dark, very hot and totally soulless. In short it was hellish.

After a wee while in the place the man eventually spied the Devil and called him over.

‘Hey, I was here over the weekend for a couple of days and it was very different-it was like a holiday in paradise before. What happened? Where’s the fun? The great weather? The sea, the sun, the Sangria?’

‘Ah’, said the Devil, ‘yesterday you were a prospect, today you’re a customer’.

And for many of us this tale captures what it means to be a customer.

Think about it. Banks, phone companies, utility companies and many others reserve the best deal for new customers while existing customers have to pay the price. Many think this wrong.

But we only have ourselves to blame.

Companies offering their best deals to existing customers would soon go out of business and wouldn’t attract any new customers. We choose to buy insurance, a new mobile phone, our gas company, on the basis of price. And we stick there through thick and thin even though we know new customers are getting a better deal. What do we expect?

So what’s the answer?

Firstly we as consumers must learn that there is more than price to consider when shopping around. And we should shop around and move our business around more. Make it really painful for brands to take our custm for granted. Not enough of us are doing that at the moment.
And brand owners must not take the lazy way of winning business-cutting price. Instead they should try to build a brand and brand loyalty based on more than just price.

Until that happens we are all fated to spend together in Hell.

Is it only me..............but I can’t stay mum on this.

Last week in my capacity as a Head Honcho I was asked to sign off about 3 weeks holidays by one who has the pleasure and privilege of working with me on a daily basis.

Nothing unusual in that, you might think. Signing off and agreeing to holiday leave is a fairly regular and non-controversial occurrence in offices up and down the land. In this instance however the person in question has just returned from a year’s maternity leave and is now endeavouring to squeeze 3 weeks leave before the year end.

I was a wee bit amazed that my esteemed colleague had so much leave available given that she has not be seen in the office for the past 9 months so you can imagine my incredulity when informed that even though someone has been playing Mummy for the past few months they are still entitled to all the benefits and privileges of a worker even though they have not been present in the office.

And yes you have heard me right. Even if you have been away from the office for a year bringing up baby, you are still entitled to your ration of annual leave. Seemingly it’s the law.

Now let me say at the outset that my issue here is not with the person requesting leave but with the dumb Apparatchik and Politico who agreed to such a practice in the first instance. Methinks I detect the hand of Harry Harperson from the Last Lot behind this madness.

I would love to understand the rationale for this for I can see none.

Some people may go on about fairness and equality but what is fair and equal about this. I do believe it right and fair that Mummys, Yummy or otherwise, should be entitled to come back to work but is it fair that Mummys who have been away from their desk for a year should have the same rights and privileges as the Stakhanovites who have toiled long and hard at their desks and workstations to keep the business going through one of the toughest economic periods we have seen? These are the folks who need time away from work to refresh and re-charge batteries and who deserve every pat on the back and going.

And has anyone considered the unintended consequences of policies like this? Do Harry Harperson and her Guardianista equality advisers not see that small businesses in particular will find ways, lawful of course, to avoid giving employment opportunities to women of child bearing age?

Now maybe it’s only me who thinks this way but I really can’t stay mum on this issue. No doubt I will get letters from the Guradianista Sisterhood but someone has to speak up and point out that the Emperor has no clothes.

Have a great week....especially if you are having a baby.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.

Teachers have a lot to answer for

Greetings, amici.

You, loyal readers and devoted students of the works of Cicero, are owed an almighty apology for his enforced and prolonged absence from these pages for the past few weeks. Fortunately your patience is today rewarded and we are back with more words of wit and wisdom. Apologies.

And lest you were wondering, and you will find this difficult to believe, but since we were last together the Navvies who have been ‘working’, and we use this word advisedly as not one has been seen actually expending energy on the task in hand, on the Viae around Cicero’s humble abode, have made little progress to date on suturing said Viae. This is getting beyond a joke. Words have been said though as usual these have fallen on deaf ears with the usual cry of the indolent around these parts ‘nothing to do with me, guv, I’m only doing my job’. Shocking.

Now you don’t come here to hear Cicero moan so let’s see what goodies we have in store for you today.

When Cicero was young, and here we mean very young, He was always doing poorly in maths, a talent that still sadly eludes Him. His teacher would keep telling Cicero that He needed to show the workings to get top marks.

‘But why’ Cicero would repeatedly ask,’ am I not getting top marks even though my answer is right?’

‘Because’ replied the teacher, ‘you might just be guessing the answer unless I see how you got there. How else can I tell if your thinking process is right?’

This is nonsense.

No wonder as a nation we are lacking in creativity and imagination if we need to see the working outs all the time. There are some things that just can’t be worked out logically and with process.

Einstein once said, and you can’t get any greater endorsement than Einstein for a wacky idea, “First we make the intuitive leap then we use logic to build a bridge back to where we started.”

Now in Cicero’s school such an approach would only have got you half marks but this is the kind of thinking that breeds not stifles creativity.

In the world created by our schools we're really not that interested in the answer but much more interested in how you got there-if the thinking’s right, the answer must be right.

But that kind of thinking stops us going beyond logic. It stops the creative leap. It assumes logic is the be-all and end-all. The Dyson, the iPad and Google were invented not because of our school system but despite it.

In Cicero’s world of Marketing Luvvies and Marketing Head Honchos ideas are the fuel that gets us through the day. The traditional model says that great ideas should flow from the brief but why can’t the brief be retrospectively altered to suit a great idea.

Normally that would be heresy. Surely the brief is sacrosanct.

But if we look at it another way the brief is the working out in the margin, the process by which we get there, the brake on the creative leap.

At this point traditional Luvvies will be spluttering into their cocktails and designer beer. How will we know if we've got the right answer if it doesn’t fit the working-out in the margin? And what if you got the right answer by the wrong method? Then it can’t be valid. Better to have the wrong answer by the right method.

But consider this. 4% of advertising is remembered positively, 7% is remembered negatively, but a whopping 89% isn’t noticed or remembered. Probably because that 89% all looks the same. And maybe there is a reason for that.

Teachers have a lot to answer for.

Is it only me......but surely it’s now time to hit the road.

The brass neck of some people really does rile me.

It is with a mounting sense of frustration, incredulity and choleric rage that I, along with many other right minded people, have been following the attempts by Basildon Council to evict and move on a bunch of so called travellers who have flagrantly and blatantly broken planning law. For 10 years the Apparatchiks at Basildon Council, the heart of Essex-dom, have fought these people. I am sure that my council would not fight me for 10 years if I had built so much as a shed on my wee plot. I am sure that JCBs and Navvies with picks and shovels would be in before I was able to say ‘Council Tax’.

It goes without saying that Human Rights have been invoked, notwithstanding the Human Rights of those unfortunate to live in the vicinity of this so called peace camp. And it is amazing that even the United Nations has intervened. You would have thought that with its members at war with each other and others demonstrating genocidal tendencies, the UN might have bigger fish to fry.

We also have the claims of some of these people that the camp is full of children, old people and cancer sufferers and that it is so unfair of the Apparatchiks to throw them out onto the roadside, nearly ignoring the inconvenient fact that these Apparatchiks have offered each and every camp dweller a house, which is more than they deserve. We even have camp spokespeople saying stupid things like ‘"But we've got nowhere to go. We don't know what's going to happen to us’’. Poor you. You have had 10 years to get yourself organised.

Now I always like to be constructive in my criticism, always looking to be helpful and to offer some tips and advice. And even though I find the claims and behaviour of these people objectionable, I think it only fair that I still try to help.

If you really have nowhere to go, might I point out that you are a traveller and travellers, well, travel. If you and your chums at the UN are so determined to preserve your way of life as travellers, it might be better if you hit the road now before you lost the art of travelling. I know it might already be too late. After all you have now been static for at least 10 years but since you still claim traveller status and you think this might entitle you to be treated as if you have protected geographical status, like champagne, the Cornish pasty and the Arbroath Smokie, I would suggest you get travelling pronto and save everyone a whole heap of trouble and expense.

Have a great week, travelling or not.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.

And what do you do?

Greetings.

Hopefully you have coped well with the lack of musings from Cicero. Now He is back and the waiting for fresh insight and learning is over.

You may have noticed that clearly the Two Caesars, or at least one of them, have been reading our thoughts or conversations. You will recall that for some time now Cicero has been bemoaning the lack of urgency our navvies demonstrate when repairing our roads, well specifically Cicero’s road. Clearly this has struck a chord with our esteemed leaders and therefore while Cicero was away sunning and refreshing Himself, they announce that those digging up our highways and byways will be charged rent for the road. Now why didn’t Cicero think of that! And about time too-for Cicero was aghast to see that on his return from warmer climes, his local via had yet again been dug up and as we speak remains unsutured. This is fast becoming a farce.

Before Cicero left you to fend for yourself intellectually, He was fortunate to attend a dinner with a bunch of Head Honchos and Marketing Grands Fromages. It was mightily interesting with much swapping of business cards and exchanges of promises to get together and to swap business opportunities. Have you ever wondered just how many of these ever come to anything?

But there is one aspect of this ritual that habitually annoys Cicero-the need to have a meaningful and impressive sounding job title before you will be taken seriously.

Now it is Cicero’s custom never to have or use his job title. You will not find it on business cards, e-mail signatures or on letters. No matter the job or the organisation it has long been Cicero’s wont never to have his name associated with a job title unless absolutely necessary.

Indeed Cicero has often said that the only time he uses his job title is when he is writing to or speaking with a customer so that the customer might know that their concern is being taken seriously and is being listened to?

Is Cicero being his usual awkward self just to be contrary (as if!) or is there a point being made here?

Naturally there is a point to be made.

For in Cicero’s world a job title says nothing about you. It is a label that tells people what you are but not who you are and for Cicero the who is always the most important.

For who Cicero is and what he can be, is not defined by some arbitrary corporate job title but is shaped by education, experience and expertise and this is the basis on which Cicero will engage with people.

In many organisations leaders will not deal with people, no matter the potential and ability, simply because they did not have an impressive enough sounding job title. This is wrong with a capital W.

A common complaint from many of the people Cicero has led over the years has been ‘this place is so hierarchical’. No wonder if we judge each other by the label printed on our business cards. Wouldn’t it be better for us all if we learned to judge people by their ability rather than what we called each other?

For many of us, our labels are a status symbol, a badge of honour, which we might be loath to give up. But if we truly want to be seen for who we are rather than what we are; if we are serious about working in a non hierarchical business where the what doesn’t matter; where we don’t obsess and fuss about what we are called, then we need to surrender these baubles.

As someone far brighter than Cicero once said ‘it is your aptitude not your altitude that matters’. Beautifully put. Let us campaign from this point on to put an end to job titles and fancy labels. Do you agree?

Now it might only be me...............but who is my community leader?

You will note that I have refrained from passing any comment whatsoever on the recent outbreaks of madness, looting and violence that have occurred. I thought it wrong to add any more incendiary to an already well inflamed situation. But having held my peace for so long I now want to add my two penny worth.

In much of the reporting reference is frequently made to ‘community leaders’ but who exactly are these people? How do you become a community leader? What experience, skills and qualifications are required to become one of these? How do they get selected? Who pays them? How much do they earn? Any fringe benefits? Do they get a company car? A final salary pension? Health insurance? I think we should know.

Given that these are seen as key people with a considerable amount of influence and great skill whom everyone in any kind of authority wishes to speak with and listen to, I can only surmise that it takes years of education, training and working on the job to become of these privileged members of society.

Now it might only be me but given that I have never met a community leader and as I am not sure even if I have one in my community, I would love to find out more about these shadowy people, especially since the media seem to love them to bits. So if you know any community leaders, and if you know my community leader, we would love to hear from you and to find out a bit more about you, the role and how you got it. Now don’t be shy, you can come out of the closet. And given how important you are to stopping us from imploding, now is the time to stand up and be counted.

We look forward to meeting you.

Have a great week.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.

The woman on the Clapham omnibus

Greetings.

In case you were wondering, Cicero’s local Via remains dug up and unsutured. This is now getting silly. In the time since this Via was re-dug up Japanese Navvies would have re-built at least a couple of nuclear power stations. And given that yet again no Navvies, Japanese or otherwise, have been seen making an attempt to repair the Via, Cicero can only conclude that this job is being dragged out for as long as our taxes will permit. Hopefully, though doubtfully, the Apparatchik who negotiated this deal did so on a fixed price and not time basis. At least that way we have not given the Navvies a blank cheque. Really cannot understand why progress so snail like.

Cicero as you know is a man of the people and likes to share the everyday experiences of the Vulgate. While on a particularly jerky and bone jarring bus journey recently, with bodies being flung backwards and forwards and from side to side, the woman sitting next to Cicero turned to him and said ‘all bus drivers should travel as a passenger from time to time’.

And it’s not just bus drivers who need to take time out and look at the customer experience from the customer’s viewpoint. How many times do we really think about how customers consume and engage with our brand?

This is the point at which our brand becomes real for our customers and yet few marketing resources get devoted to this aspect of brand management. No doubt because ownership and accountability of the customer journey across many touchpoints is fragmented and scattered across the organisational hierarchy. And so Marketing Head Honchos prefer to stay out of this particular fray.

Somebody smarter than Cicero once pointed out that if everyone is responsible for customer service, no one is accountable. And so in Cicero’s book Marketing Head Honchos cannot duck this responsibility and accountability. They must roll up their sleeves and get dirt under their finger nails. Their brand needs them.

But when it comes to customer journeys which drive the customer experience, where does one start?

There are many customer journeys but most if not all can be mapped onto the following core generic processes:
• Pre-buying research
• Buy and on-boarding
• Post purchase service and maintenance
• Repeat buying
• Ending the relationship

Within each of these generic processes the customer will go through a series of journeys. Think of it like a London Tube Map with each core process represented by a start station and end station with a series of activities or stations along the way.

And at each stage of the customer journey, ask yourself these 7 questions:
• What do we want the customer to do now?
• What does the customer want to do?
• Is there any reason we can’t allow the customer to do this?
• What would make it easy for the customer to get through this stage?
• How can we explain this better to customer?
• What do we want customer to do next?
• Where is it painful for the customer?

Now in the ideal world we would have bucket loads of research to help us determine what the consumer wants from each stage of this process. You might be lucky and have this but more often than not, you won’t. But don’t despair. You are a consumer. You have common sense. Apply it and put yourself in the skin of the customer to determine how it could be improved. At end of day it is about ensuring you are easy to do business with. It’s simple.

It really is about time we saw our business from the customer’s viewpoint. The woman on the juddering and shuddering Clapham omnibus had it so right.

Is it only me.......but I don’t know you from Adam.

Last week I was wandering down the High St of one of our major cities, without a care in the world and for once totally minding my own business, and I was chugged. Not once, not twice but five times in the space of 20 minutes by representatives from three different charitable organisations.
Now for those of you unfamiliar with the term, chugging is when you are set upon by unnaturally friendly and hyper enthusiastic young people who take you hostage with their smiling bonhomie in manic conversation until you have handed over your bank details.

I find it galling and annoying that it is not possible to walk through our shopping thoroughfares these days without being set upon by assorted chuggers, Big Issue vendors and those with a slurred accent and wide staring eyes looking for 20p for a cup of coffee or help with their train fare though where you can get a cup of coffee or a train ticket in these inflationary times for 20p is beyond me. Believe me, our High Streets are rapidly becoming an assault course of outstretched hands to be negotiated.

My usual trick with Chuggers demanding charitable donations with menaces is to engage them in conversation about the aims and objectives of their cause and since most of them are students no doubt working on some kind of commission deal, like used car or double glazing salesmen, rather than being motivated by the cause or issue for which they are seeking to raise money, it is not too long before I have shown up their lack of knowledge about their cause and they decide to target some other hapless victim.
Like the junk mail that pours through our letter boxes or the spam mail offering to grow my body parts to unnaturally large proportions, this kind of approach to marketing and selling must work or they wouldn’t do it, though for the life of me I fail to understand how donation raising with menaces does provide a sustainable income stream but then there are people born every minute.

Now it might only be me but given that I don’t know my Chugger from Adam, or Eve, and given that these Chuggers believe that attacking me with an Eve works on my vanity and ego, I am more likely to get an Eve, why does anyone think that I am going to hand over my bank details to a complete stranger, even though she might look pretty.

Let me assure you that no matter how attractive, obsequiously friendly or enthusiastically manic, my Chugger might be, there is absolutely no way short of water boarding in the High Street, and there is no evidence that this has been tried yet, that my bank details will be prised away from me to support the provision of blind guide dogs to feed starving children in Somalia. I think that was the cause for which I was being chugged.

And finally Cicero will not now be around until September. He is off on a well deserved break and to stock up his reservoir of absurdities and knowledge. Be well and stay good.

Have a great week.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.

It was the chocs wot won it!

Someone has tried to accuse Cicero of historical inaccuracy. As if.

In last week’s thoughts a certain Mr Perry was linked to British naval stalwarts such as Drake, Raleigh and Nelson, and one correspondent tried to point out that the Perry who opened up Japan was an American naval officer. You are quite right but the Perry who was in Cicero’s thoughts is truly a present day British naval hero, fully deserving to be linked in the same sentence to historical Royal Navy legends.

You are not going to believe this.

You will recall a few weeks back Cicero’s rant (and yes, this was a rant) about length of time it was taking to fix a short stretch of road in his neighbourhood compared to speed at which Japanese Navvies worked. Well the self same bit of tarmac has been ripped up yet again and once more drivers are being inconvenienced by the traffic chaos. This takes publicly funded job creation programmes to a whole new level-dig a trench in the road, take ages to fix, dig it up again and then presumably take another age to fix. You will be kept posted on the latest developments though to Cicero’s untrained eye progress looks like it is going to be slow. To date not one Navvie, Japanese or otherwise, has been spotted working.

Cicero was communing last week with like minded marketing Head Honchos when he heard a great story. It was so good that he wanted to share it with you.

Once upon a time there was a block of offices where some suits worked for a major financial services business, not one owned by us the taxpayer, for the avoidance of doubt. Each evening an army of cleaners moved into this capitalist palace to make it all spick and span for the workers to do their stuff the next day.

Now all of us no doubt have a cleaning service which operates behind the scenes each and every night restoring cleanliness and hygiene to our workplace so we can give of our best in an environment which fully complies with the necessary hygiene standards.

Now how many times do you give a thought to your cleaning service and the cleaners who toil to clean up your mess? It is doubtful if you devote half a brain cell to this topic. You will only notice the cleaners if they are not there or don’t do their job.

Now back to the cleaners in the financial services office.

They knew and realised that they were not noticed or appreciated and they also knew that they were just a commodity which more often than not would be bought on price. And they determined to find a point of difference and so each night they would leave a chocolate on each desk they cleaned.

Now after a while their contract came round for renewal and the bean counting procurement people who bought these kinds of services with the same attention to detail that they bought pens, rubbers and elastic bands, decided not to renew their contract and went instead for a competitor.

There was uproar. Not because the offices were not being cleaned to the required standard but because people missed their chocs. So much uproar in fact that the original cleaning company was re-instated. It was the chocs wot won it!!!!

Now too often you will hear folk, and marketing folk are included in this, saying that they work in a commodity business. This is sloppy thinking. All businesses are commodities if you think of it-Coke is only fizzy brown water, Vodafone is just mobile telecommunications business like any other, Persil just a washing powder and there are plenty of these around. But does anyone want to bet that that they do not see themselves as a commodity?

As the cleaning company has shown with a little bit of creative understanding, any business can make itself distinctive and interesting in its market place. And that is the way to win and keep business.

Now this might only be me......but maybe we should all adopt this mentality.

Normally we end our weekly conversation with me pointing out some of the absurdities of the world in which we live. But now for something completely different. Today I want to leave you with a tale that should inspire you to live every day as if it is going to be your last.

Last week I came across the story of Alex Lewis who was diagnosed at 17 with bone cancer which had spread to his lungs but even while undergoing intensive treatment he was determined to cram as much life as possible into the time he had left. In three years he experienced what some people take a lifetime to achieve, including meeting and marrying the love of his life. He died shortly after his 22nd birthday.

Alex vowed to live each day with as much zest and energy as he could muster. He didn't want his life to be defined by his illness and crammed a lifetime of thrill and adventure into the time he had left. He went parachute jumping in New Zealand, dune buggy riding in Dubai and cliff diving in Cornwall. He took a spur of the moment trip to Australia, booking tickets just two days before he travelled to meet friends there for beach parties.

‘’It makes you realise just how precious life is. Life is actually amazing, but to make the most of every minute you do have to look at everything in a positive way," Alex said. "I'm having almost the time of my life in a way. I mean, imagine if you could feel like I do now, but just for your whole life - that would be incredible because you'd make the most of everything. You'd feel like I'm not wasting time."

Shortly before he died he told his family how incredible his life had been and how he felt like he had a complete life even though it had been cut short.

Now it might only be me but I think that this outlook is something we can all learn from.

Have a great week and hopefully we can all live it to the full.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.

Twittering on-The sequel

Sorry for absence from these pages last week-leaves on the line and all that. Did you even notice that Cicero was not here?

This week, as trailled when we were last together, we are going to continue to discuss the role of social media in effective brand building. Now you will know from previous discussions that Cicero is not a big fan of sequels but in this case we are hoping to produce another Toy Story 2 and not a Jaws 2 or even 3.

You will recall that when we last came together on these pages we discussed whether or not your brand was suited to appearing on Facebook or Twitter and we argued that only those brands with characteristics that lent themselves to being talked about should seek to acquire Twitter followers and Facebook friends. And given the number of brands out there trying to use social media but who are there in name only and just about clinging on, it would seem that that there are many brands using social media only because it is the latest bandwagon rather than really truly understanding how to use these new platforms for real marketing benefit.

But even if you have agreed that your brand fits the criteria of a talked about brand, please ask yourself these questions before jumping on the bandwagon. You can be assured that failure to ask and answer these questions can have serious consequences for your brand-at best you will look like you have no friends, a real Billy No Mate of a brand, but at worse those who are following you will be stabbing you in the back. Do you really want that?

And so the first question to ask, are you willing to engage in a public dialogue with your friends and followers? Think about it-up to now your communications with customers and prospects has been monologue but these new channels are designed to allow dialogue. This can be troubling for some.

A while back reporters on the Washington Post, the journal that gave a new word to the English language, ‘Watergate’, were banned from using Twitter accounts (personal or Post branded) to speak on behalf of the company, on this basis:

‘......when we write a story, our readers are free to respond and we provide them a venue to do so...... but once we enter a debate personally through social media, this would be equivalent to allowing a reader to write a letter to the editor–and then publishing a rebuttal by the reporter. It’s something we don’t do.’

And so we have an organisation, a great brand to boot, more than happy to embrace social media to promote content, but not so much when it comes to engaging and using the medium as intended. In other words they were using a dialogue medium with a monologue mindset.

Is your business like that? What kind of mindset do you have in your business?

Secondly, is your business geared up to engage in dialogue in real time? You might have the will to do so but do you have the capability? Too often there are businesses out there who either do not want to deal with customers by e-mail or when they do, promise to reply with something like 5 working days. You cannot do this with social media. You need to dedicate resources, and empowered resources at that, to monitor what is being said to you and about you, and to be able to respond in real time.

And thirdly, can you produce enough interesting, engaging and relevant content to keep your twitterati followers and friends satisfied? These media are content hungry and if you want your brand to offer something of value to customers and prospects alike, you need to be able to provide a constant stream of content. Go on Facebook or even visit some company websites and see when last updated. Out of date or non current material highlights that you don’t care. It’s like a shop with a broken light bulb.

Yes social media can be a great force for good for brand and can demonstrate modernity, trust and a willingness to engage but if you are going to put yourself on Facebook or Twitter, please get it right. Get it wrong and your brand will end up damaged. And there is no greater crime.

Is it only me..........but I doubt Nelson would have turned a blind eye to this.

Last week it was reported that a Navy medic had been court-martialled because he did not want to carry a gun and learn how to shoot it on ‘moral grounds’. I think he must have got his application forms mixed up and he thought he was joining the Boy Scouts rather than the Royal Navy.

What did he think was going to happen when he joined the Royal Navy? Maybe he just didn’t realise that the ships of Drake, Raleigh and Nelson were part of our Armed Forces. Look closely and you will see the word ‘Armed’, Mr Jack Tar. Is that not a bit of a hint to you? Or did you just think that it was for people with arms? And what did you think the great big metal tubes stuck onto that big grey boat where you slung your hammock, were for? Balance.

Now I can accept that you might not want to fight on ‘moral grounds’ and I take my hat off to anyone who refuses to fight for king and country on moral grounds but what you don’t do, if those are your sincerely held views, is join one of our Armed Forces. (There we go again, it is so obvious you can’t help mentioning it.)

Presumably if you take this stance and join an institution like the Royal Navy you don’t think it immoral for someone else to carry arms to cover your backside. And when we say arms here we mean the kind that can shoot ordnance over vast distances. Not the kind that contain fingers.

Now maybe it’s just me but when the likes of Drake, Raleigh, Nelson and Perry signed up, they did so in the full knowledge that at some point they might be required to fight. Indeed, for some of the aforementioned, fighting Johnny Foreigner was exactly why they signed up. It is surely not too much to ask that today’s successors to the aforementioned make at least some attempt to follow their lead.

As a taxpayer I pay for 24x7 armed guard security coverage so that I can go to my bed knowing that when I wake up this will still be a green and pleasant land where we, Britons, will never ever be slaves. I don’t want those providing the levels of security I pay for being able to pick and choose which enemy they are going to fight or even if they will turn up for duty looking armed and dangerous. You joined up, deal with it or quit and join the RAC.

Have a great week.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.

Twittering on

It seems that last weeks’ musings almost got too much for one devoted reader. Difficult to believe that Cicero’s words of wit and wisdom might have brought a tear to someone’s eyes. Another first for Cicero though it was probably grit.

It is unlikely that this week’s thoughts will provoke a similar emotional response but we will see.

In today’s world it seems that every business and every brand has or wants its own Facebook site, its own Twitter account, and almost on a daily basis Cicero is asked his thoughts on the relevance of these new media applications. This is of course rather strange given the generation to which Cicero belongs but I suppose it is a testament to the marketing genius of the Man that his advice is sought on a wide manner of marketing issues.

But should all brands have a Facebook site and tweet?

Now on the one hand Cicero would advise that for brands to be seen as modern and up to date being au fait with today’s manner of communications would help signify this. And it could be argued, as some have done, that by not employing these customer communication and engagement tools your brand might somehow be seen as untrustworthy and unwilling to talk directly to its customers.

But before we all get carried away and jump on this particular bandwagon Cicero would advise more considered thought. After all getting it wrong could be even more brand damaging.

It is clear from a cursory view of the social media horizon that some brands are better at brand building through social media than others, if the number of Facebook Friends and Twitter Followers some brands have is anything to go by and the level of engagement these Friends and Followers have with the brand.

But Cicero would contend that those brands which are successful on these media are those which offer extraordinary functional benefits, or where the brand offers fabulous social benefit such as charities or a cause, or where the brand is a powerful expression of self. In other words me too brands are unlikely to cut it and maybe only brands whose offering is truly innovative and differentiated should think about using social media to leverage innovative and differentiation.

To better understand this, walk down your High St and consider the brands on offer there, assuming of course they have not yet shut down. How many of these would you like to follow on Facebook or Twitter? How many of these would you like to engage in conversation with?

When Cicero was a young pup and long before anyone had even thought of something like Twitter, a very clever man identified four reasons for people to talk about brands. The first is because of product-involvement: the experience is so novel and pleasurable that it must be shared. The second is self-involvement: sharing knowledge or opinions is a way to gain attention, show connoisseurship, feel like a pioneer, have inside information, seek confirmation of a person's own judgment, or assert superiority. The third is other-involvement: the speaker wants to reach out and help to express neighbourliness, caring, and friendship. The fourth is message-involvement:the message is so humorous or informative that it deserves sharing.

Now these findings may come from a different era but Cicero fancies they might still apply to today’s brands.

And so before you start to twitter on, do you really know what kind of brand you might have? Does your brand fill any of the criteria above?

And next week Cicero will consider what your brand must do to make your twittering on effective. Don’t miss it.

Is it only me...............but why can’t people leave well alone.

Last week I bought a new mobile phone. My old one had been dropped on its head too many times and for reasons that no one could explain, some chip or other had got busted so that when the phone was in use, I could no longer hear the party at the other end of the call. And let me tell you that is a huge disadvantage in a phone given that it makes two way conversations a tad difficult.

And so I went looking for a new phone.

My requirements are simple-I want a phone to make and receive calls and I want a phone through which I might send the occasional text that friends and acquaintances might know that I am still alive. I do not want a camera, I do not want it to play music, I do not want to watch my favourite TV programmes on it and nor do I want it make me a cup of tea in the morning.

Do you know how difficult it is to find a phone that it is just a phone?

And then when you do find a phone that seems to meet even the most basic of requirements and you get it home and take it from the box, to use the instrument you have to learn a whole new language as the Graphical User Interface, or GUI for short (I can tell you impressed by that one) has changed out of all recognition in the name of ‘progress’. So far I have missed 5 calls because I can’t find the answer button.

Now this might only be me but why can’t technological companies leave well alone. Not all of us are digital natives, many of us of a certain age, and there are a lot of us out there as the pension and welfare industry are about to find out, are immigrants to this world.

Our needs are simple, basic and straightforward. We want a phone that is a phone. End of. And we want the buttons, GUIs and layout standardised. Life is too short for us to waste it learning new languages every time we buy a new phone. Hope you are all listening. Or should I send a text.

Have a great week.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.