It has to be you

It seems that last week Cicero awoke ‘a sleeping giant’. It is amazing how many of you saw fit to respond to my equality remarks. Some in favour. Some against. And it is amazing to how many of you are known as ‘anonymous’. Cicero is still not sure if all the remarks came from one ‘anonymous’ or several ‘anonymous’....or should that be ‘anonymii’? Now there’s an interesting question to start this week’s debate. Anyway Cicero would like to thank all those who took the time and trouble to respond to last week’s remarks. Cicero did enjoy reading the vies, comments and opinions expressed.

Now let’s see if we can be as controversial this week as last. As they used to say ‘it’s good to talk’.

The other night Cicero was watching the old flickering cathode ray tube in the corner of the room and caught an ad for Yahoo proclaiming its devotion to serving you. And there are other brands out there similarly communicating that you make it happen. Vodafone, for example, is talking about ‘Power to you’. There will be countless others talking about making you the centre piece of the brand.

Is this good or bad? Let me give you a point of view, I know you would expect no less.

Now it might be argued that brands which announce that they are all about you will be pledging their adherence to the false prophet of customer centricity, whatever that might mean. Well, yes, you could argue that but surely brands must be about more than that.

As consumers we want to love or hate it brands. We want them to stand for something real and specific, tangible and definite. We do not want wishy washy statements of intent, empowerment and affection.

Brands which talk about being whatever you want us to be is lazy marketing. Clever brands and intelligent marketing are about understanding what your customers want, showing that you understand this and delivering it. A brand cannot be all things to all people. As someone once said, and on this occasion I have no idea who said this, ‘great marketing is about making choices’. It is based on four principles: know your customer; segment accordingly; target sparingly; position specifically. A brand which says we will be whatever you want us to be does and cannot deliver against these principles.

Think of the easy going friend you have. The one with no ideas or suggestions of their own. The one who is always happy to go along with what you suggest. The one who lets you do whatever it is you want to do, whenever you want to do it. Now compare that friend with the one with interests, views and opinions. The one with whom you clash and argue.

Which friend bores you the most? Which friend stimulates you? Who do you want to spend time with?

And whatever is true of friends is also true of brands.

So should some acne ridden account executive come to you with self indulgent ideas of building a co-creative, self empowering and you based brand, talk to him ,or her, about boring and interesting friends. Your brand must have an identity that is clear, compelling and cogent. Just be yourself. Don’t be about you.

Is it only me?

Did you read recently that eco-mentalism is now deemed to be a religion which means you can’t be sacked for believing that the world is about to end unless we sit in the dark, unless we end all economic growth and unless we stop leaving the DVD on stand by? I kid you not. The world has now taken leave of its collective senses.

This has now been proved in court and a man has been told that he can take his employer to tribunal on the grounds he was unfairly dismissed because of his views on climate change. Have you ever heard such errant nonsense? This claim was made under regulations designed to cover any religion, religious or philosophical belief. Eco-mentalism, which in my view is more a medical condition than a belief system based on a philosophical idea, has the same status as Christianity, Judaism, Hindu, Islam or any of the other great religions on the planet. It is now faith.

I have a belief that Scotland will win the World Cup, that I am going to win the lottery, even that I am attractive to women, even though I am fast approaching my dotage. Yet I would not claim that any of these beliefs or faiths is in any way religious. Indeed many would think that such beliefs are more fantasy than faith.

And yet believing that global warming, or dodgy weather, will lead to the end of civilisation as we know it means you are now seen as having religious belief. Ye Gods. Of course if the eco-mentalists are now claiming religious belief surely the converse must be equally true and that those who consider climate change as natural and cyclical must also be considered religious. I bet that is not the case though.

I would also like to know what kind of a kooky lawyer when given the brief to sue for wrongful dismissal thought ‘I know, we will argue that eco-mentalism is a religion and you are therefore protected’. How do the minds of these people work? I swear they are wired up differently from you and me.

Now all I need to know is that health and safety adherents have been given religious protection and I will know the lunatics have taken over the asylum. It will not be too long now before Cicero’s thoughts on eco-mentalism, equality, health and safety, and other pc nonsense, will be deemed blasphemous. I see it coming.

Have a great week.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.