Learning to speak serbo croat

This week Cicero is happy, pleased and thrilled.

Happy that more and more people are engaging in debate through this medium on the big issues of the day. Pleased with the quality of the debate unleashed. And thrilled that even the enviro-mental and health and safety community, for so long silent in the debate, have at last been stimulated, or maybe provoked, to join in. Cicero believes that to this community he is fast becoming a cult, or at least he thinks that is what he is.

And a great big thank you to the third Chuckle Brother for his masterful critique and detailed de-construction of last week’s witterings. Initially sent through privately it is especially pleasing that this was re-written and submitted for others to enjoy. However sadly Cicero’s inability to use new fangled technology meant that this masterful thesis was accidentally deleted. Hopefully it has not been lost forever and it can be restored

It cannot be long now before ‘Cicero Speaks’ is being used in universities, colleges and business schools throughout the land though there is still probably more work to do to dumb down these thoughts before they might be suitable for such an audience.

In any event Cicero promises that all comment is read and gratefully received and the points made will be re-visited over the coming weeks once due consideration has been given to the issues raised and once a cogent, compelling and comprehensive response formulated. Cicero recognises that this is the least you can expect.

And so to this week’s intelligent insight.

One night last week Cicero joined a fellow Marketing Professional to imbibe a small alcoholic libation at a local hostelry.

At this point Cicero would like to stress that the borders, freedom and democracy were secure, and that your security was in no way compromised. In any event he was no more than a phone call away at all times from a swift return to work should there be any threat to liberty, security and democracy. It is important that this is pointed out.

In any event none of this came to pass. However said Marketing Professional Friend was in a highly emotional, distressed and agitated state.

‘ No one understands me and what I do’, he sobbed to Cicero, ‘ I strain every sinew to raise brand awareness and to produce advertising that really cuts through and then just when me and my team start to make some progress, that son-of-a bitch of a finance director cuts my budget. I am at my wit’s end; I see no point on going on.’

‘Pull yourself together, man,’ empathised Cicero, giving the MPF a few painful slaps on the cheeks to try to get some sense into the man, ‘this is not the time to let these people grind you down. How did your campaign perform?’

‘I told you, didn’t I? Have you not been listening to a word I have been saying, Cicero? I was driving up awareness and our ads were getting noticed. Even that pig of a Finance Director said he had noticed them.’

And therein lies the crux of the issue, Cicero’s MPF was speaking Serbo-Croat with a Bosnian accent while his Finance Director was speaking Polish with a just a trace of a Prussian dialect. It is no wonder they were never going to understand each other.

It is no use the marketing team wittering on and on about awareness, saliency and cut through when the rest of the business is concerned about ROI, NPV and P&L. Who cares about the kind of thing marketers talk about if it does not contribute to the bottom line or impact on financial performance at the end of the day somewhere along the line?

It is not the fault of the business if we are not understood it is ours. And all marketers serious about doing great marketing must learn how to present our wonderful discipline in a way that the board, the business, their colleagues can understand. We must learn to speak their language and to understand it and to talk our language in ways they understand and care about.

Cicero read recently that ‘marketers are trained to broadcast when in fact the key to success is listening’. Exactly. We must learn to listen to what the rest of the business is saying, how they say it and listen to what they are saying about what we do. Only then can we start to develop the arguments that we need to show how investment in marketing can help deliver business success. That is business success, not marketing success.

How does awareness contribute to the bottom line? Where does saliency fit? What is the ROI on marketing investment? And one final tip-stop talking about marketing spend or marketing costs. And start talking about marketing investment. It’s all about language.

3 hours later the MPF had pulled himself together and Cicero’s messages had been received and understood. If the IT boys can grasp simple business and financial concepts, for they get it more than us marketing folks do, it really can’t be too difficult. Can it?

And so the moral of today’s tale for all budding marketers - go bi-lingual and learn to speak the same language as every one else in the business, especially the finance people.

Is it only me?

Cicero has spoken before about the health and safety hazards posed by the proliferation of trolley dolly briefcases on our streets and pavements. Today Cicero would like to return to this subject and to raise a new danger posed by these weapons of mass destruction. Indeed Cicero would like to urge the enviro-mental health and safety person who got in touch last week for his view on these killers.

And before going on, and possibly on and on and on, there is a need to explain the origins of the term trolley dolly briefcases.

The term comes from air stewardesses, or trolley dollies, who were among the first to use these monsters. At the time this was ok. There were few in circulation and largely confined to aerodromes. Now they dominate our pavements posing unnecessary dangers on our crowded pavement to the health of other bi-peds. Has anyone ever calculated just how much extra room these things take up? It must be massive. And you don’t even need planning permission or a license to have one. It’s crazy.

And now I must point out a new hazard. And Cicero is sure that once you see this danger lurking in our midst that you too will be shocked and appalled.

Now one reason for the sales success of these beasts is that they make it easy for people to move around their office or wardrobe or, if you are a woman, the complete stock of an electrical retailer. This strength is also its greatest weakness. The wheels on these weapons make weight irrelevant. Until you reach steps. At which point teams of Sherpas are required to shift these missiles. Have you seen what happens when people wheeling around their worldly goods hit steps? You get a log jam. And as queues of unencumbered bi-peds build up behind those straining every sinew to lug their now highly immobile missiles up and down steps and stairs, the health and safety hazards too start to mount and become more and more risky and dangerous with every passing second.

And so is it only me who says that something must be done before these wheeled health and safety risks cause injury and death? And so today Cicero calls on like minded and sane and safety conscious people to join in a crusade to dis-encourage the sale of all trolley dolly briefcases. Ban them, we say. Get rid, we assert. Exterminate all, we cry.

Have a great week. But be careful out there. The pavements are a dangerous place.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.