Drilled to bits

It seems like that there now a few more avid readers of these words of wit and wisdom. If you are new to these pages, welcome and hopefully like the rest of this wee community you will go about your business wiser and more informed. You never know but stick in, laddie, and soon you might become a Marketing Grand Fromage.

You might also like to know that Cicero has become a Twitter phenomenon. One of you has been tweeting about these fine words. It feels great to be a tweet. Thank you.

You can’t say you were not warned but last week Cicero announced the return of summer and resorted once more to wearing shorts on his daily trip to Londinium and his VTSSB. At this early stage of the season these legs are more likely to share the characteristics of two sticks of celery but be assured it will not be too long before these long streaks of lanky legs will be tanned, weather worn and toned. Steady now. Hopefully you can contain your excitement.

From time to time Cicero will leave the confines of his VTSSB to take a break from the stresses and strains of defending the country and its borders and to meet up with fellow Marketing Grand Fromages and friends to share and discuss wit and wisdom. Last week, and for one night only, was one such occasion.

As it is spring the conversation turned to matters DIY. A subject in which Cicero has no interest whatsoever. Cicero and tools do not get on. Cicero’s hands were designed to hold a pen to enable his wit and wisdom to be captured and disseminated. These soft finely sculpted hands and digits were not brought into this world to do manual labour with tools. That is a skill for others.

At this point it should be pointed out that not all Cicero’s friends talk about DIY. Cicero does have some very interesting friends better able to discuss more interesting, stimulating and exciting material. Should you be one of these friends, you can therefore rest assured that Cicero considers you interesting and intellectual and beyond such sterile and vacuous chat as DIY. Hopefully that will keep a few of you from sending in indignant comment.

But back to matters DIY…………………….

The conversation rambled on for a wee bit, with the Ciceronic boredom levels rising and attention wandering, with each participant trying to outdo each other with the degree of difficulty of their latest DIY project. At this level DIY takes on the characteristics of an Olympic sport with individual and team performances.

Finally Cicero spoke, to the amazement of the group who had long given up on Cicero showing any interest whatsoever in discussing the best way to fit something called an RSJ; or how quickly a new bathroom could be installed when working on own; or whether an IKEA or MFI fitted kitchen came with less screws missing.

‘What do Black and Decker make?’ asked Cicero to the group.

‘Eh? Surely even you know that’, said one of the friends, ‘They make a lot of things but mainly things like drills and stuff like that. If you not got anything sensible to add to our chat on raw plugs, could you stay quiet please.’

‘Ah but what do Black and Decker say they make?’ was Cicero’s response.

That stunned the group into silence. They knew that Cicero was now about to share an insight and a wisdom that would help them become better people. They knew that the DIY chatter was now over until Cicero, like Elvis, had left the building. And Cicero knew the floor was now his. He had their attention.

‘’You might be right. I do know very little about the subject of DIY but I do believe that Black & Decker is principally a maker of drills and drill bits’’, opined Cicero, ‘’ But surely any business, any brand, is defined by more than what it does for such descriptions lack soul, are devoid of emotion, are non descript.

‘’ And it is for this reason that Black & Decker don’t say they make drills. Instead they say that they are in the business of making the best holes in the world. Customers don’t buy a drill. They buy a hole and that is what Black and Decker set out to make.’’

‘’Similarly let us consider Revlon.

‘’ I am sure that you will have seen the ads for Revlon products and conclude that what they make and what they sell is lipstick, mascara and other types of stuff that women buy and which we men don’t at all understand. But according to Revlon they make and sell beauty and that is what women want to buy.

‘’ You can play this game for any business you care to mention. The things you make, the services you provide, define what you are but not who you are and as I say it is always the who which is the more important and interesting.

‘’ And by defining yourselves by what your customers want to buy and the emotionality of their purchase, you start to define yourself in customer terms and send a powerful signal to your people.

‘’ In my VTSSB I do not define what we do by what we produce but the role we perform in ensuring that the rights and privileges of citizenship are defended and protected for that is why my customers pay their taxes and why they choose to select our incremental services.

‘’ I hope that all makes sense. And now I’m off. Never knew DIY, drills and bits could be so interesting’’.

And with that Cicero drained the dregs from his glass and strode off into the night. His work done.

So what is your business about? How can you better define what and who you are in a way consistent with what your customers want to buy? Let us know. Get it right and you, your customers and your business will be drilled-er I mean thrilled-to bits.

Is it only me………………….. but is it not time to improve democracy?

Now it cannot have escaped your attention that we are on the cusp of an election. Now Cicero as you know is apolitical and will not be joining in the feverish partisan shilly shallying that is bound to go on for the next few weeks. You can be assured that this corner of the blogosphere will not be corrupted by the stench of the electoral battlefield. However, there is one thing about our democratic system that should worry us.

If you are right minded you will see the flaw in the one person, one vote approach that is inherent in most democracies. No matter how intelligent you are, how well informed you think you might be, how close an interest you take in current affairs, your vote is worth exactly the same as someone who believes newspapers are for wrapping chips, who thinks that the news is the ideal time to make a cup of tea or eat supper, or who is convinced that the Cabinet is something you get at Ikea, normally with a screw loose. Well nearly right on the last point.

Is it only me but are you also thinking that this is patently wrong?

Now some would advocate that all you need to do is pass a literacy and numeracy test to get vote. This does not go far enough and here is a much better idea which would provide votes in proportion to your ability to buy and read a newspaper and the right sort of well informed newspaper at that.

In this democracy newspapers would print vouchers the moment an election called. Broadsheets would offer more vote coupons per issue than tabloids, naturally, though a special exemption would need to be made for the one quality tabloid. Odd shaped sized newspapers, of which there is one, would be barred from this exercise. They are odd sized and think oddly too. Ergo the more newspapers you read over the length of the election period the more well informed you would be and the more votes you would get. Quod erat demonstrandum, as they say on the Via Appia.

A vote winner if ever there was one.

Have a great week.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.