The man on the Clapham omnibus

Welcome back.

Cicero must be doing something right for you that each week you give me a few more minutes of your time.

For past few weeks something has been missing from these words. Have you noticed? Yes you got it-we have had no more conversations about lifts and as a consequence you will have read more uplifting words, more elevated thoughts, more ascending wisdom. No longer have we plumbed the depths or descended to cheap shots or gone down to the basement to ponder.

You will be glad that we have moved on and that no longer must we spend time being updated on the crumbling infrastructure of a decaying TSSB. VTSSBs are far more enjoyable places from which to strive and toil to ensure your safety and security.

A few weeks back Cicero was asked by a Marketing Petit Fromage aspiring to be a Marketing Grand Fromage how he planned his career to reach the exalted status of a Marketing Grand Fromage working in a VTSSB. Flattered that his career was of such interest to these young whipper snappers, Cicero told the tale of the man on the Clapham omnibus.

Once upon a time there was a young blade who arrived in Londinium from the Northern provinces seeking to find his fame and fortune but on discovering that the pavements of Londinium were not paved with gold, decided to make his name by joining the ranks of the salatariat.

Londinium was a mystery to the young man. It was big and it was busy and getting around it looked confusing and difficult. But our young man about town was determined to master the intricacies of the transport system and get to know the routes around and across the capital. And so he quite literally became the man on the Clapham omnibus and the Camden omnibus and those going to West Ham, Kensington, Tulse Hill and all points north, south, east and west.

Weekend after weekend our hero of this tale would go everywhere by omnibus and as he determined whether or not the omnibus would take him forwards to his destination or sideways or even away from his destination, he would jump on and off the omnibus at will, this of course was the time when it was possible to do this before the buses decided that they needed to accommodate prams as big as boats so the morning child abusers could get their kids to kiddie farms before they start work. And all the time this Bright Young Thing was observing and taking note of how the road and street system joined up and how to get from A to B and C to D and even S to K.

Now it would have been possible for this Man of the People to traverse the city by underground train but much knowledge would have been lost if he had chosen this mode of transport.

In any event as a consequence of omnibus hopping our Poster Boy now has a knowledge of the street grid of Londinium to rival that of the A to Z. Yes, it is that good.

Now you might be asking why that is relevant to answering the question posed by the Marketing Petit Fromage which hopefully you can still recall.

Cicero did not reach the giddy heights of a Marketing Grand Fromage working in a VTSSB through planning his career to get there. He got there by seizing the opportunities as they come along and when he had worked out whether this was taking him forwards, sideways or backwards like being on an omnibus, he would either stay for the ride or look for new opportunities that would stretch, challenge and develop; that would provide new experiences; that would provide and test new capabilities and competencies.

And so should you be a keen, thrusting and ambitious Petit Fromage with dreams of becoming a Grand Fromage or even a Head Honcho, it is not about planning your career down to the last detail. This will only lead to disappointment. Instead have a rough destination in mind and seize whatever opportunities come along and determine how far these are going to take you towards to your destination before you need to jump off and find another opportunity that will grow, stretch and develop your talents.

In other words join the man (and woman, of course) on the Clapham omnibus. It worked for Cicero. He was, as you will have guessed, that Man on the Clapham omnibus.

Is it just me…………………..but since when has M&S gone eco-mentalist?

It has been a while since we berated the enviro- and eco-mentalists for their false assertions, aka lies, and ludicrous theories. If you are one of these, which is very doubtful, you might want to skip the next bit. Yes, we are about to have words again.

In this instance though the target for Cicero’s ire is Marks and Spencer who seems to have been seduced by the false blandishments of the eco-mentalists and has decided to foist the views of these peddlers of half truths and wacko scientific theories onto us. As usual, we the people, have no say in the matter.

For it transpires that M&S will no longer provide you with a free carrier bag to transport home not just any food but M&S food. It might only be a token amount but as always it’s the principle.

And it’s a ludicrous policy. It is possible to get a free carrier bag if you buy a pair of socks. And in an effort to single-handedly defeat this policy Cicero’s sock drawer is now bulging.

It is also possible to get as many of their wee carrier pokes as you like. But heaven forbid that you should be given a free decent sized carrier bag for your M&S food shopping. This is premium priced enough so why should we pay more just so we can get this home and closer to the Aga. And all on the spurious basis that using an M&S bag to get M&S food back home will stop wonky weather from ever happening again.

Is it just me who thinks that M&S, or any other shopping emporium, should stick to what it does best and stay well away from eco-mentalism and not try to foist such cultist philosophies on its customers?

If M&S really wanted to make a difference it could stop selling beef as it is the gas emitted when cows fart that is the biggest polluter of our atmosphere. Did you know that?

Alternatively if it really wants to cut costs by limiting the number of carrier bags it dishes out, follow Tesco’s lead and reward us for not taking a bag. Don’t penalise us for exercising our right to choose a carrier bag.

Hopefully St Michael is listening.

Have a great week.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.