Britannia rules the waves

Are you still there? Have you gone to sleep? Are you getting bored? Just wondering given paucity of comment and feedback last week.

In case you have been wondering, and no doubt you have, the move to the VTSSB went very well. And the lifts work. No doubt with all the interferences caused by the malfunctioning lifts now removed the performance of the state apparatchiks charged with guarding and preserving our security will be immediately and instantly enhanced.

This is a different world from the TSSB. There are eateries to spare. A gym to optimise and refresh our jaded bodies. There is even a beauty salon for those who need their mascara, lip gloss and Botox topped up during the course of the working day. But be assured none of this is in any way subsidised by your hard earned taxes. We pay our way.

And boy does this country need us to pay our way if reports coming from a well placed source in our Armed Forces is to be believed.

Now this might come up as a great surprise to you. But did you know that this proud island race now has more admirals in its navy than it has ships. It now appears we do not have enough bawbees to pay to give each admiral his own ship.

Amazing. Please don’t tell anyone though. Careless talks costs lives. And be like dad and keep mum. Now there’s a sexist remark if ever there’s a sexist remark. Should we tell Harriet Harperson?

And while we are on a naval theme………

Once upon a time four very young but very ambitious naval recruits as part of their training were learning how to make an amphibious landing. Never having done of these but having watched ‘Saving Private Ryan’ quite a few times, these are no easy things to do especially when under heavy fire.

One of the group was useless. We shall call him A to preserve his anonymity and to save him further embarrassment and ridicule. For the duration of the training and the exercise the other three teased and mocked his pathetic and puny efforts, leaving him to cope on his own which he singularly failed to do. His so called mates and team were more focused on impressing their tutors with their own great ability and on showing off. A duly floundered. And got into a right mess.

The last exercise A and the team had to do was to train to get off a nice sandy beach in a quiet secluded cove while all sorts of obstacles and challenges were fired at them, quite literally. All they had to was pretend to be Tom Hanks get off a boat, go for a wee paddle, hit the beach, storm through Normandy and win the war. Easy peasy.

A and his team failed and in the bar afterwards the recriminations began and A and his lack of ability were duly blamed.

End of story?

No, not by a long way.

The official report into the massacre on the beach of the four young naval recruits was scathing and is seared to this day into the marrow of these recruits. For it was made clear to the three supposed high fliers that they too had failed the exercise and that their culpability was greater than A’s.

Their ability and brilliance was known and recognised. Their tutors knew they were bright, were well qualified and would go far. But, and this is a great big but, it is a Methuselah of a but it is that big, their tutors wanted to know how good they were at bringing out the best in others who aren’t as good, who don’t feel they can win, who need to be inspired to get up and off the beach. And because this was not done the team had failed the objective. They had let A down as a member of the team.

There is a moral here for anyone charged with leading a team whether or not we are in the navy. For leaders are judged not just on their own ability but on how they get the best out of others. It is our job, and we are paid for this, to help those around us get off the beach. We are all leaders in some aspect of what we do. Now is the time to show it. Now is the time to stand up. To be counted.

If Tom Hanks can do it and get off his beach, so can we.

Is it only me………but we might be making progress?

Last weekend Cicero had the great fortune to spend some time with the clans folk across the wall which the Angles outsourced to Italian sub-contractors supervised by Hadrian. And it is reported from there that your Celtic cousins to the north are getting themselves fully prepared for the forthcoming football World Cup, even though, before you rush to point out, that this fine footballing nation will not be present in South Africa. One enterprising Celtic (hard C not soft C) entrepreneur has produced a supply of tops with the slogan ‘Anyone but England’.

Now it is not for Cicero to join in, condone or stoop to such pettiness. Heaven forbid. But as a Marketing Grand Fromage you have to admire the insight on which such entrepreneurialism is based and the market opportunity spotted and seized. Wouldn’t it be so ironic if the tops had been made in England?

But there is a wider point here which should give the few of us endowed with common sense, and that must include you or you would not be here week after week, some hope that world is coming our way.

The Equality and Human Rights Commission, Harriet Harperson’s government sponsored mullahs, were asked to opine on this. They duly did and produced a fatwa on the matter which decreed that this was not evidence of incitement to racial hatred but merely football banter. And more. The mullahs even decreed that they did not want to be seen as ‘po faced’. As if.

Stick together, lads and lassies, we are on our way. Common sense just a got a wee bit more common.

Have a great week.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.