TomTom Syndrome

Amici, we have had a complaint.

It seems that you think that these thoughts might be losing their bite. It is no longer rant and rage but sweetness and light. Hopefully you will be pleased with the thoughts below but if not you will no doubt make your feelings known.

In the Cicero’s defence, this is not meant to be a refuge for grumpy old men (and women) to share thoughts and experiences. Instead we will explore together our response to the absurdities and quirky paradoxes of life as well as imparting wisdom and insight. As you can tell this is no easy task but we are on a journey of exploration together and ranting and raging will apply when it is deserved. Hope this satisfies.

And in response to the question following last week’s thoughts if Cicero had ever served in the Armed Forces. The answer is a firm no.

Now this is not a ‘no’ due to medical reasons or philosophical objections. Cicero is in awe of those who sign up to stand guard on hostile frontiers for us. It is a ‘no’ because can you imagine any branch of our Armed Forces, indeed any Armed Forces, accommodating a free thinking-libertarian-forever challenging-restlessly curious-constantly interrogating-repeatedly asking why-never accepting no for an answer-intellectual bully-logically eloquent-verbose-anti authoritarian-unreasonably maverick-lateral thinking character such as moi. It is said by those who know Cicero best that he has a problem with authority. They may be right.

Instead the insight into Armed Forces life comes from impeccable sources which is why they seem so authentic. And should anyone know of any Army, Navy, Air Force or Special Forces which might be suitable for this free thinking maverick, please do share.

And so to this week’s maverick thoughts…..

Have you ever been in a car with a man? More especially have you ever been in a car with a man who is lost?

It must be in the DNA but when a man gets lost he will not ever ask for directions. He will instead put faith in a map or his devoted TomTom and blame any woman sharing the car with him. Pathetic.

This condition is known as TomTom Syndrome. And TomTom Syndrome is an affliction which is prevalent in your office and in your business. But you can get help for it. Read on.

We all get stuck from time to time. We all need our thoughts stimulated, our creativity inspired and our problem solving skills challenged. And if we look hard enough we can find inspiration in the most unlikely places as a Heart Surgeon, an Operations Director and a Marketing Grand Fromage working in a VTSSB have discovered for themselves in past few weeks.

Let’s start with the heart surgeon who was wrestling with the problem that heart patients were at most vulnerable when being transferred from operating theatre to ICU as the patient had to be transferred to a new team and all the plugs and monitoring equipment had to be quickly re-connected. Watching the Grand Prix one weekend and the Ferrari pit stop a light bulb went on his head. What could he learn from a Formula 1 team? A few calls later the Ferrari pit team agreed to share with said doctor their secrets for a quick and efficient pit stop. The learning was invaluable and now heart patients are re-fuelled and re-tyred within seconds of leaving the operating theatre.

Similarly an Operations Director enjoying a Big Mac one day was trying to understand how he could develop a thoroughly comprehensive set of commercial agreements for a series of distribution partnerships he had to set up to ensure his business was properly protected and able to service its customers in a new and different way, at lower cost and improved quality. He had never done this before and did not know where to start. The answer was before his eyes and in his mouth and down his tie-ask McDonalds. They have been doing this for years with their franchisees with agreements covering everything from how much they pay for their burgers to how often the toilets should be cleaned. And so before you could say ‘Chicken McNugget Happy Meal with large fries’ our Operations Director had a set of commercial agreements drafted pdq inspired by McDonalds.

And what of the Marketing Grand Fromage in his VTSSB? Recently his excellent marketing was threatening to overwhelm the business’s ability to cope. They did not have the people in the front line to cope with demand. The answer was borrowed or stolen from Tesco’s and other customer-centric businesses-get those working well away from the front line in the marketing, finance and HR teams trained and transferred to the front line pronto to help out to ensure customer service did not suffer nor business opportunity lost.

Imagine what would have happened if any of these three had suffered from TomTom Syndrome. Heart patients would have died. Another major business might have gone to the wall. Our Marketing Grand Fromage would not be hailed as a genius.

And so innoculate yourself today from the ravaging effects of TomTom Syndrome. Your business depends on it. Never be afraid to ask for or look for help, sometimes in the most unlikely of places. The answer is out there. And remember-innovation is merely undiscovered plagiarism.

Is it only me……but is this not a total cop out?

Did you see that the Met Office, having failed spectacularly to predict a wet summer and freezing cold winter, no doubt too busy doctoring climate change records for their eco-mentalist pals, have decided that it is all too difficult to forecast the seasons so have decided not to. What a cop out?

Imagine if Robert Bruce had adopted this approach and had given up after losing a few battles and had not seen his spider persevere. The Celtic clans would to this day be subjugated and ruled by a foreign power instead of the other way round.

Imagine what might have happened if Abe Lincoln had not persevered in his attempts to get elected for something, anything, after numerous rejections. There would still be slavery in America.

And what would have happened if Edison had not persevered in trying to invent the light bulb after suffering umpteen failures, each time resolving that he had just found another way not to invent a light bulb. If he had adopted the Met Office approach we would be still be living in darkness.

Given this is it just me who thinks that the Met Office response to failure is totally pathetic. No doubt it is in keeping with the spirit of the age but it is not the kind of attitude that brought us an Empire, that allows us to have the lifestyle we lead today, that gave Cicero guru-like status.

Still not making up wrong forecast will give them more time to synthesise, aka make up, more implausible data to convince us that we are getting warmer. Keep at it lads, you will be right some day soon. Each failure takes you one step closer to success.

Have a great week.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.