Geeza job

Cicero is pleased with you this week. I know that that will put a spring in your step, a smile on your face and bring joy to your heart. It is for Cicero great to see the increasing levels of interest and engagement and even sensible comment being left on this corner of the blogosphere.

And Cicero would like to thank in particular those correspondents adding to and developing ‘5 Why’ theory. Hopefully this week’s thoughts will inspire similar levels of interest.

Now I would like you to ponder on this.

Does your business routinely ignore its customers? Or does it employ third parties who might do same while acting in your name? Or does it refuse to justify decisions to its customer even though these decisions might have a significant effect on their lives?

I am hoping that as a devoted reader of this column and as a disciple of Cicero that the answer to all three questions might be no and if it’s not then I am ashamed of you and you ought to be too.

But do you know what happens when you recruit people to join your business?

I ask this because all too frequently in these hard economic times, and I’m sure the practice also went on in the times of plenty, I hear of businesses, either directly or through agencies, who don’t let applicants know the fate of applications; where applications disappear into black holes never to be heard of again; or where the feedback to rejected applicants is pitiful and derisory.

This is not on.

Now you may wonder why this is important. It is important because this is your brand we are talking about and your brand promise must be consistently delivered through your recruitment processes for staff as much as for customers. It must surely occur to you that people wanting to join you might be customers. That their friends and family might be customers too, And what kind of message does it send to existing staff when they see or hear how applicants are treated? Either way bringing people on board can, if done poorly, have a real effect on the reputation of your business and your brand. And brand reputation must be the most important thing to worry about.

I know that recruitment is normally the domain of HR people but do you know how it gets done? How do applicants get treated? Do you ask them?

And if these processes are not up to scratch your HR people need to be told in no uncertain terms that the way they do recruitment is seriously having an impact on the brand and reputation of the business. Tell them to get a grip. This is serious and for real.

Now it might surprise you that no matter how hard I might try Cicero is not always a solid gold exemplar of good management and marketing practice but on this I am passionate.

And so, should you be given the chance to work for Cicero, you can be assured that all applications will be acknowledged, that all people not interviewed will be communicated with, and should you not be offered the choice, an unlikely prospect, I know, you will be given the opportunity for full and frank feedback. And anyone recruiting in my team and any third parties will work to the same principles. Guaranteed.

It is the least we can do. It is not just a job. It is your career and life. It is my brand and its reputation. And I don’t want to damage any of it. Maybe, just maybe, we could all adopt similar principles if and when we recruit. And maybe just maybe, we can become the change we want to see in the world.

Thoughts? Comments? Ideas?

Is it only me?

Men hate shopping. I think I can say that with a fair degree of certainty and I would challenge anyone to question this. Men shop when they need to and they will shop for exactly what they need. To a man, shopping is a necessity to be endured.
Women on the other hand see shopping as a leisure activity to be enjoyed. For them it is a pleasure.

Now Cicero is a man. Ergo shopping is a chore. And the other day while perambulating along a major retail thoroughfare Cicero passed some major retail emporia and it was evident that in just about every one of these emporia women’s goods were always positioned at the front. No matter the shop women’s clothes, lingerie bits and bobs and make up were without fail the first things you saw.

Now it might only be me but surely this is wrong. A woman wanting to shop will investigate every nook and cranny to find what she wants or thinks she wants. Women need no temptations or bait to be seduced into shopping. Men on the other hand do. Men are not going to spend any more time than they need to shopping. Men are not going to make the effort to search out their stuff. It is men who need tempting inside not women.

So why is it that it is always women’s baubles at the front of the shop and not men’s must-have necessities? Think of it for a nano second. You know Cicero is right. Again. And I am sure that should this insight be adopted along the High St, retailing in this country will be transformed and will not just survive the recessionary onslaught but will prosper.

Have a great week.

Sit felix. Et sit fortunatus.

Tell me why

It will no doubt please you that this week Cicero is so full of energy and life that he is dangerous. So beware.

Cicero does however have some news that will shock you. Indeed the news that is about to be imparted will be so distressing to you that it will be best if you sit down and make yourself comfortable. Please make sure that there are no sharp objects or hot liquids near you. Cicero does not want yet another visit from the health and safety gauleiters. There is enough stress in Cicero’s life at the moment. Are you sitting comfortably? Are you ready for this devastating news? Are you prepared to be shocked?

It seems that Cicero is annoying.

Can you believe it? It is true. Cicero was informed by a colleague in his TSSB last week that by constantly asking ‘why?’, he had started to become annoying.

Although it is true that my favourite word is ‘why’ but in my defence I would argue that ‘why’ is the most powerful word in our language and it is my belief that the ‘why’ word offers all of us in any business the opportunity to create ever lasting change for our people, our customers and our business. Ok, you might want to choose to use it a wee bit more sparingly and less annoyingly than me but it is still a great word to use.

And one thing you will rapidly learn is just how many times you pose the question and how few times you will receive a positive and constructive answer. For the truth is that many people around us, and I include head honchos in this, do things because that is the way they have always been done without really understanding why they are being done that way in the first place.

And so today I want to introduce the 5 Why theory and encourage its use throughout your business.
There is a saying that "Knowledge means nothing without wisdom to profit by it." It's not who we are, who we know or what we know that is important but it's what we do with that knowledge. We all have tremendous power to do good or ill depending on how we put our knowledge to use. Our minds are constantly gathering knowledge of all kinds, both intentionally and subconsciously. If we understand, we can begin to use this knowledge. Too often we focus on collecting knowledge but we lack understanding. 5 Why is the pursuit of understanding. That is why asking "why?" is a most import habit for those of us concerned with making things better.

Sadly this theory is not mine but comes from a Toyota head honcho who introduced the theory to teach people to look beyond the obvious causes of problems and issues to the underlying systemic root causes

The 5 why process works not with asking only five times. Rather it is a practice of persistently asking "why?" until we peel away the layers of apparent reality to the true facts until we have uncovered the real root cause of a problem or have exposed the sheer stupidity and illogicality of the way we do things. Not asking why, and instead believing that we know the answer, causes us to solve the wrong problems or to persist in doing things badly to the detriment of our people, our customers and our business.

Leaders need to be curious, to question, to seek out the truth so they can take more effective action to solve problems and address issues rather than believe they are right and not ask why. Our brains are designed to filter out extra information, to ignore much of what goes on around us and to go with the path that feels right, rather than take time to question deeply. When this works it is called intuition, when it does not it is called confirmation bias. There may be developmental reasons for this related to a species' survival in the wild. Yet we can't afford to ignore evidence that lead us to false paths.

Cicero understands that it must be annoying to be constantly facing a barrage of ‘whys’ but surely it is better to ask why than be condemned to live in the Dark Ages. Why is it wrong to seek progress? Why is it wrong to want to drive change? Why don’t we accept that as leaders it is our duty to challenge our business? Why is…….sorry I am getting carried away, I can’t help myself. Apologies.

Let me finish by quoting Kipling

‘I . know a person small—
She keeps ten million serving-men,
Who get no rest at all!
She sends 'em abroad on her own affairs,
From the second she opens her eyes--
One million Hows, two million Wheres,
And seven million Whys’

Now that must be really annoying. Even I’m not that bad.

Is it only me?

Cicero is indebted this week to his most devoted and bestest subscriber for this update from the Royal Society for the Protection of the Incredibly Stupid.

It now appears that any business that offers any kind of liquid refreshment facility to its customers is supposed to, according to the health and safety gauleiters, install a dish washer so that said drinking bowls can be washed without risk of contamination to its employees. Note contamination to employees not customers.

Is it only me who thinks that is so wrong on a number of levels? Firstly such news will be a devastating blow to our eco-mentalist friends. For while they are going flat out to save the planet, they will not be best pleased that their friends in the RSPIS are equally going flat out to protect individuals from the non existent risk of customer contamination and thereby increasing global warming.

Also this is a ridiculous expense for a small company, and where's the sense in it? When we're at home, do we only ever wash our own crockery? Maybe the health and safety gauleiters should close down any business which serves customers just in case an employee picks up bad habits.

To whom are such people accountable?

Have a great week.

Sit felix. Et sit fortunatus.

Two little magic words

Well it seems that my question last week as to why accidents are now incidents stirred up a wee bit of a debate. And Cicero would like to thank those of you who wrote to explain the difference between an incident and an accident. Cicero is not fully convinced that the explanations are at all credible and remains committed to the thesis that someone had nothing better to do one day.

When Cicero was a wee laddie (yes, folks, Cicero was a wee laddie once), Cicero’s mater and pater would constantly chorus when he had been given something ‘what are the two little magic words?’. Now Cicero always was a quick learner and quickly discovered that people would be pleased when he said ‘thank you’. And so it came to pass that thank you became an automatic and well meant response when offered or given something. It was a matter of manners and Cicero always was well mannered, even to this day.

But it seems that like in our business life we have forgotten the two little magic words.

Research has recently been published which divides us is into ‘thankers’ and ‘thank nots’. In other words, those who recognise the importance of appreciating and recognising the effort of their people and those who don’t find this simple courtesy necessary. On which side of the divide are you?

A staggering 16% of people, our people, stated that they never receive a thank you from their line manager. And this figure has increased two-fold from the previous year! How can that be? Is the credit crunch making us less appreciative? Is it something do with health and safety? Or maybe its swine flu, it seems to be blamed for everything else.

Two words, which take approximately one second to speak and less than four seconds to write down, can mean so much to our people and yet so many business people seem to struggle with the concept. Why? Can you help explain this? Maybe those of you with views on the correct use of ‘accident’ and ‘incident’ can help explain why this might be?

Are we embarrassed? Are we ignorant? Are we afraid? And, should you be a ‘thank not’, don’t you dare use the excuse that no one thanks you. Cicero People don’t think like that. Cicero People pick up the napkin and lead. Always.

Think about the number of times during the course of a day we say thank you and for what. Yet it is obvious that there are people out there who find it so difficult to say thanks to those who are working hard to make life easy for customers or helping to make their bosses look good.

43% said that not feeling valued or appreciated contributed greatly to their decision to leave a job. Speaking those two little magic words could prove to be a cost effective solution for staff retention. But more importantly think how much extra effort could be got from our people if we just remember the two little magic words.

A simple ‘thank you’ has a significant effect on how people feel and perform at work so why not test drive my two little magic words today and see the positive effect you can share with the world. Cicero would like to ask you to commit that after reading this you write or say thank you to someone in your business for a job well done. Do it now. Do it today. And let me know how you get on. I look forward to hearing from you. Believe me this is far more important than accident or incident.

Thanks for reading this. It is really appreciated.

Is it only me?

It seems like I can no longer move tables. I don’t know when this happened or why but I am no longer qualified to move a table and if I want a table moved in my workplace I need to log a call and book in advance for a fully qualified table shifter to move my table on my behalf. I kid you not. It seems that only fully trained and certified table shifting operatives have the necessary skills and training and experience to move a table a few feet. I have no doubt that the State has battalions of table shifters waiting to be booked. We might not have enough helicopters for our brave Army boys but never fear we have enough table shifters for our bureaucratic classes. I bet you can sleep easy now you know that.

Of course this is the latest directive from the health and safety gauleiters and I can tell you I am not best pleased. It might only be me but sometimes I shift tables spontaneously. I don’t plan or diarise to shift a table so how am I supposed to pre-book my qualified table shifter.

Don’t worry though I am fighting back. Since the reason given for this policy is health and safety, I have exercised my Freedom of Information rights and have asked for details of all accidents, or incidents (see last week), caused by unplanned and inexperienced table shifting in past 5 years. And in meantime I will continue to shift tables spontaneously until the Health and Safety police take me in for water boarding.

Still good to know how seriously state employees take the protection of the incredibly stupid.

Have a great week.

Sit felix. Et sit fortunatus.

Nudge nudge wink wink!

Greetings. And welcome back. .

I would like to apologise in advance if you were tempted to read this by my title because you thought that this week Cicero might be a wee bit naughty. You are going to be sorely disappointed.

I bought a book last week. I am sure that this will not come as a great surprise to you. There must be some source for my great wisdom and enlightenment. I bought it online and before you could say Ovid’s ‘Metamorphoses’ I was being presented with a list of other books I might like to read given the subject of my initial purchase. Brilliant.

And then I went on to the music section of said dotcom survivor and having purchased my recording of the latest beat combo, I was presented with another list of recommended titles I might like to acquire. Again brilliant.

A day or two later I was induced to make a donation to some charity or other in support of some person or other who was undertaking some totally pointless, daft or dangerous activity to raise money Still it was in a good cause. I knew how many bawbees I wanted to invest but was then shown a list of donors who had donated substantial sums, and not wishing to be thought mean (heaven forbid,) I invested a few more bawbees in this charity. Now that is not bad going for a Scotsman. It was interesting that I was not shown the details of those who had made nickel and dime donations

Whether buying books or CDs or making donations, I had just become a serial victim of nudge marketing and damn clever it is too.

So what exactly is ‘nudge marketing’ and how does it work? Well I am now going to tell you.
None of us want to be very different from those around us. Instead we want to belong to our social norm. We want to be on the side of the good guys so if we can provide proper information to consumers about the acceptable norm plus a gentle push in the right direction then they will be persuaded to change their behaviour. Just like me and my donation. I wanted to belong to on the side of the rich donors. I did not want to be seen as a Scots meanie even if I am one of those. I wanted to belong and to be seen as belonging. And by the way I like to think that my social norm is Brad Pitt.
We are all strongly influenced by those around us, even though we may think we are not. To prove it there is an experiment in which people are shown a number of lines and asked to identify the two that are the same length. The answer is clear, and on their own, people make the right choice. However, if people are told that a majority before them has made another choice, in many cases they will give the same wrong answer. Now that is really worrying.
Let me give you a practical example from another sector of nudge marketing at work. In an effort to satisfy the eco- and enviro-mentalist, the people who put mental into the environment, one American utility company introduced smiley faces on customers’ bills if they used less energy than the norm and a sad face if they used more. The result-high users reduced their consumption by even more and low users kept their consumption down.
Even supermarkets are getting in on the act. I got an extra reward point the other day for eschewing my free plastic bag. Seemingly my eco-mentalist friends have persuaded the supermarkets that plastic bags are bad for us. I’m not complaining for an extra reward point I was nudged to change my behaviour.
And perhaps if the EU adopted similar practices we might still have 100 watt light bulbs. Instead we have to grope around in the dark, our eyesight fading fast, just so we save enough energy to allow one or two eco- or enviro-mentalist to have two baths a years. I always think that if a government has to ban something it is because they don’t have enough good arguments to persuade.
I am sure that in your business with a little bit of thought you can find ways to nudge your customers to buy more or to behave as you would like. But there is a downside and our marketing nudges must be used sparingly and with caution. We are not trying to be pinball wizards here and too many nudges will leave customers feeling manipulated and second-guessed, in the same way that I now want to say “nudge off” when Amazon dares to presume what books it thinks I will like. Get it right and the world can be your lobster.

So let’s get nudging.

Is it only me?

I was talking last week with a health worker. I don’t mean the kind of health worker you go to when you are ill but the kind of health worker in a suit who manages and measures the people we go to when we are ill.

Anyway it now seems that we no longer have accidents as in road traffic but incidents. I guess that means that when you accidentally drop or spill something or bump into someone you incidentally do it. I don’t know why this has been changed or who changed it but I bet it was some state employee with too much time on his or hands who woke up one morning and thought ‘I know what I will do today. I will abolish accidents and replace them all with incidents. Should keep me busy for a day or two’.

It might only be me but I know what they mean when they say accident. We all do. So why change the meaning of a perfectly good word. Unless of course it was an incident and the change was a typo.

If anyone can enlighten me and explain this change or come up with a theory for the change, please do share. Sounds to me like another example of regulation gone mad.

Have a great week.

Sit felix. Et sit fortunatus.

Columbus and the Statue of Liberty

Welcome back.

I cannot tell you how pleasing it is to see that once again you have navigated your way safely through the communications super highway to see what insight, drivel and bile has been spewed forth this week. Cicero shall of course not let you down and shall make your visit and efforts worthwhile.

No update from my TSSB this week.

And following on from last week’s discourse on ASBO kids with photofit features, most of the feedback received tends to be around what kind of grapes Cicero likes. Cicero has also been informed that this topic has become the subject of an active Twitter debate….whatever that might be. I do not understand why this topic should be of such concern to bird watchers. Anyway, no matter. For the record Cicero likes his grapes green and peeled.

Is your business customer centric? Course it is. Your Chief Executive tells you it is and your marketing chief will tell you that it is their role to make your business customer centric. How do I know this? Just a hunch and years of cynicism.

But has anyone ever stopped and thought what exactly it means to be customer centric. I only ask because I heard some head honcho say this recently and I asked him what he meant and what he was doing. The panic on his face and the bluster in his voice revealed so much. And it set Cicero thinking. What exactly is customer centricity? And how do we know when we are customer centric?

Cicero is reminded at this point of Columbus when he poses such a question. When Columbus set out for America he did not know where he was going. When he got there he did not know where he was. And when he got back he did not know where he had been. Is the same true for customer centricity? Although I don’t understand Columbus for surely the Statue of Liberty was a bit of a clue to where he was.

Anyway back to the meaning of customer centricity.

For some it’s about making products and services that customers want to buy based on meeting a real need. Sorry but that’s what marketing is all about. Surely customer centricity means more than that.

For some businesses, customer centricity is about leadership and culture where staff are motivated to go the extra mile for customers. So now we have two definitions.

For others it’s about data and they would argue that by gathering as much data as you can about and from your customers and then employing people with brains the size of planets, so unlike me, to analyse this to the precision and depth of circumcising gnats, they can develop offers driven by this data. Others will re-design processes so that these fit around the customer rather than making the customer fit around their processes.

And as the Irish comedian said, come here, there’s more.

Yet another school will define customer centricity in terms of customisation and personalisation. Every customer is different so we need to organise products, services and communications to fit individual preferences and priorities.

So what is it? Is it about products or culture or process design or data or customisation? Now do you see the problem? Might I suggest you ask in your business and see how many definitions you get.

Now you could answer that maybe it’s the whole lot. And you might be right but no business could face in so many directions at once. Where is the priority? Where is the focus? And if there is no clarity around which everyone in your business can agree and if the same words are being used but to mean different things, well that is just a recipe for chaos.

Maybe there is no standard definition of customer centricity; maybe as a phrase it’s too glib. Maybe the flavour of customer centricity your business chooses is dependent on the business model, the market category, the strengths and capabilities of your business.

I know many of you will by now be waiting with bated breath for Cicero’s well thought out analysis and definition. As someone far more eloquent than even I once so succinctly put it, it's time to ‘stop doing dumb things to our customers’. Maybe it is that simple. Maybe true customer centricity comes from a top to bottom focus on fixing things that drive customers away. Or as Cicero has said many times before, it’s all about making it easy for customers to do business with us.

Is it only me?

Cicero had to travel at the weekend on Britain’s fine railway network and I must report that it was a surprisingly pleasant experience. Apart from one thing-the dreaded engineering works which turned a normal one hour trip into a three hour slog involving extra changes and buses.

Now I do understand why our Victorian railway system must be maintained and I do applaud the efforts of the train companies to let me know in advance that my journey was going to be extended and their creativity in getting me to my final destination, but I do think that they have got the engineering works thing the wrong way round. And so in an effort to be helpful Cicero has looked at the problem commercially.

It is traditional for engineering works to be done at the weekend to minimise disruption. But weekend travel is largely for leisure traffic and the spend discretionary. Weekday travel is largely commuter based and the journeys necessary. Ergo for train companies to maximise revenue engineering works should be done through the working week hitting commuters who are going to travel by train anyway rather than at weekends where the leisure traffic will find alternative ways to get from A to B.

What do you think? I suspect that this week it is only me thinking like this.

Have a great week

Sit felix. Et sit fortunatus.

Soldier, Soldier

Greetings, amici.

And, yes, our TSSB lift problem persists. Indeed they worsen. And in past week your State workers have been reduced to one lift. I know you worry about these things.

However since Cicero is here yet again this week, no doubt to your dismay, you can rest assured that this news does not seem to breach some State secrecy rule. It must be covered by Freedom of Information.

Cicero would like to thank those of you taking advantage of the capability to post comments. It is good to know you are awake and thinking. Cicero would however like to point out that when he mentioned last week that he was using the facilities to relieve himself, it was a totally natural bodily function of which he spoke.

Moving swiftly on.

Last week Cicero had an MBA lesson from a chat with a soldier and I felt this was so enlightening that I thought I should immediately share and disseminate the insight and learning with my devoted followers.

This soldier had just returned from Afghanistan, fortunately with all his limbs intact, where he led a troop of our finest warriors. As all real warriors do he was reluctant to speak about what was going on out there and what it was like, and in any event could someone like me ever really comprehend where the worst wound I am ever going to get is a paper cut and even public servants don’t get medals for that. But I digress.

I was talking to my soldier friend about leadership and the applicability of leadership under fire to my environment, and yours too I would guess, where the only fire we are ever likely to be under will come from the health and safety gauleiters.

And then he said something that struck me.

In a mere 7 words, in nearly as many steps as I was taught last week to wash my hands, he said everything you need to know about leadership-‘it’s about your men and the mission’.

And there you have it. Look after your people and keep yourself and those around you focused on the mission, the task you have been given, and success will surely follow.

Now Cicero has done an MBA. He has done leadership development courses. He has built rafts from sticky back plastic and washing up liquid bottles and ferried colleagues across lakes and shark infested lawns. All designed o teach me leadership skills. I need not have bothered. I could have saved myself a whole lot of time and money. All I needed was the price of a cup of coffee and 5 minutes with Colonel Blimp and I would have learnt everything I need to know about effective leadership.

Looking after you men, and I guess might even include women, does not mean being nice to them. It means making sure that they have everything they need to do their job to the best of their ability. It means working with them to identify and remove their interferences. It means listening to them and their input. Looking after them when wounded from a paper cut or staple wound. And most of all it means ensuring you show that you appreciate their efforts.

And by being clear about your mission you and your people know exactly what they have to do, where they are heading, and the measures of success. Take your mission, your objectives, break these down and ensure your people know what their mission is, where they fit in the bigger scheme of things.

‘It’s about your mission and your men’ is this week’s mantra. If it works in the searing and parched heat of Afghanistan and when under fire, why can’t it work where we fight our battles? I doubt we will win any medals but our jobs have just become a whole lot easier.

Is it only me?

I was travelling home the other night from my TSSB for a well deserved rest after another day of toil protecting the citizenry that they might sleep easy in their beds. On train were four youths with ASBO-esque tendencies and with photo-fit features creating all kind of anti social mayhem and disruption while the decent folk on the train, and they outnumbered the ASBO-ites, cowered behind papers, books or somehow found something interesting to look at out of the window.

The last straw for Cicero was when one of the photo-fits lit up a cigarette. Cicero decided to challenge and confront. After a brief confrontation the photo fit backed down, no doubt baffled by my use of Latin, exquisite sentence construction and finely honed rhetoric.

Now it might only be me but I was astounded by the lack of support offered to Cicero by those suited and booted around me. We must remember that we are the majority, silent or otherwise, and if we look away the ASBO-ites win. There is safety in numbers and that applies to us too. And so the next time you see someone in rhetorical and reasoned debate with an ASBO, please don’t look away, please render help and support and back up, it might just be Cicero.

And let me know. Did Cicero do the right thing? Was he reckless? What would you do?

Have a great week.

Sit felix. Et sit fortunatus.

The condemned man

Welcome back.

And a great big Cicero Speaks welcome to my new follower. Cicero is mightily obliged that that you have taken the time and trouble to join this particular cult.

I know you want an update on this week’s news from my TSSB. It will come as no surprise to those of you who have been following my words of wit and wisdom for some time now that yet again a lift is out of order. It seems that the State has trouble keeping its quota of 3 lifts in full working order for more than 5 consecutive days It does make you wonder if any other parts of the State machine are only able to work at 2/3 capacity at any one time. No wonder things are not going well.

I hope that by discussing the status of the lifts Cicero is not breaching some state secrets act or other. If Cicero does not appear next week, you will know I have.

Last week Cicero had occasion to try to do business with the State in a private citizen capacity. The only way it was possible to do business with this particular arm of the State apparatus was via its website.

Except you couldn’t.

For just like the lifts in my TSSB, and maybe this website was maintained by the same people charged with maintaining the lifts, the website was not functioning. There is a pattern beginning to emerge here.

For 6 days this website was not functioning. Think about this. The only way the citizenry could do its business with this corner of the State’s empire was online and for 6 days this was not possible. Could you imagine eBay or Amazon or Google allowing its online presence to be unavailable for 6 days? That is the road to ruin.

On seventh day, unlike God when creating the world, Cicero sprang into action and resolved to action. After scything through layer after layer after layer of state bureaucrats, pointing out the error of their ways, Cicero eventually reached the inner sanctum of the head honcho’s office only to be told by the praetorian guard that kept the head honcho away from the citizenry that the head honcho did not speak to mere mortals like myself. I have previously pointed out that this kind of response from a head honcho sets a poor example and is really not good business or marketing practice. You do not engage with your customers through bullet proof windows. A lesson learnt from the bad lands of Iraq and Afghanistan.

To her immense credit the head honcho, who must be a devoted reader of my words, did call back quite unexpectedly. The discussion was cordial and constructive and quite quickly she came to accept the cogency of Cicero’s viewpoint and the matter was resolved.

Now maybe there are loads of lessons for all of us and for all our businesses in this case study. There are certainly a lot of behaviours which contradicts Cicero’s principles of a customer led organisation. But let me leave you with one thought this week.

Cicero often gets asked by those seeking the path of enlightenment, why when confronted with examples of appalling ineptitude like that experienced above, must he make a fuss, a very non British trait? The reason, amici, is simple. Cicero works on principle that to accept bad customer service is to condemn the next customer to experience the same

And that is why Cicero will never accept or tolerate or put up with a poor customer experience. And that is why Cicero persists in pointing out to head honchos, their praetorian guard and their foot soldiers, the error of their ways. Remember I do it for you.

Is it just me?

More news from the Royal Institute for Incredibly Stupid People, an organisation devoted to alleviating the suffering of people lacking common sense and to making Britain a safer place for the incredibly stupid.

I went the other day to relieve myself in one of my TSSB’s well appointed toilets. I know this is more information than you might want to know but it is important to provide context. And in this wee room was one of the State’s finest engineers applying some very important news for harassed state employees to all the mirrors. I could just about see myself in the looking glass which was a great relief but only just. For this was indeed very important news and did indeed warrant a large poster to ensure we did not miss the message and to ensure that it made an impact on us.

By this time you will no doubt be breathless with anticipation. What was this very important news that had to be communicated with such dire urgency to your ruling elite? It was…….wait for it…….are you ready for this……an 8 step guide to washing your hands.

Brilliant news. I have been waiting all my life for someone to teach me to wash my hands. And in only 8 steps too.

Is it only me who thinks that this is surely one of the dumbest pieces of communication ever? I find it difficult to believe that there can even be as many as 8 steps to hand washing. Hands up anyone who does not know how to wash their hands, or any other part of their anatomy. Still good to know that the incredibly stupid can now wash their hands properly. That’s a relief to know. I can sleep easy now.

And on that bombshell, have a great week.

Sit Felix. Et sit fortunatus.