Full English

On an almost daily basis the lack of common sense, the absence of empowerment and the excellence in jobs-worthiness that many seem to possess and demonstrate daily, all conspire to bring Cicero to the depths of despair and hopelessness. Today’s tale made Cicero weep. And it should do you too.

From time to time Cicero has the custom of clogging up his arteries with a high cholesterol, totally high calorie and full diet breakfast with all the trimmings. Traditionally such fare is known in the Land of the Angles, for obvious reasons,  as a Full English. It is however interesting to note that in the land beyond the Wall of Hadrian it is known as a Full Scottish and in Hibernia it is known as a full Irish, albeit with minor variances in the foodstuffs.

But Cicero does not like eggs.

And so it is his habit to order said plate of cholesterol sans egg. You would have thought that this would be easy

.

No.

This morning on ordering his breakfast sans egg he was told that it could not be ordered without an egg. A Full English required eggs. And it was just not possible for eggs to be left off the plate.

‘It's ok’, huffed Cicero, 'I will pay full price but I don’t want eggs’.

Such a request was clearly above the pay grade of the minimum wage serving elf who scurried off to seek instructions from a slightly more highly paid serving elf, presumably her supervisor. Surely it is not beyond anyone’s wit to accede to such a simple request, no matter how much or little he or she is paid. Have we as a nation really sunk so low?

After much debate it was accepted that yes it would be possible for Cicero to receive his Full English without an egg but the egg must be served. And it was-it came on a separate plate and sat alone while the rest of the fare was gobbled and digested and was left untouched and orphaned when the table was abandoned.

Why is this? Why is it not possible to leave an egg off the plate?

Is this some nonsense rule brought in by the Health and Safety Gualeiters? Does it breach the Human Rights Act? Or has Europe decreed that just like a Mr Kipling Bakewell tart must be made in Bakewell, it is a breach of the Lisbon Treaty to omit the egg from a Full English? I wonder what Monsieur Farage might make of this should it be true.

Has anyone worked out how many hens are being put through physiological torture to lay unwanted eggs to satisfy some arcane and idiotic piece of legislative nonsense?

Or perhaps and more rationally we are creating a generation unable and unwilling to think for themselves and do what is right.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.