Every little helps!

Last week Cicero broke the news of his recent epiphany. And that will have come as a shock to you. This week we open with yet another shock. This will be the last time you will read Cicero’s thoughts and opinions in 2009. There is no easy way of breaking this shocking and disturbing news but the good news is that we will be back in 2010 with more insight, wit and wisdom. Hopefully you will be able to hang on in there for a couple of weeks.

But with the Saturnalian and Bacchanalian revels and festivities fast approaching you need a break from the stimulation and thought provocation that Cicero provides you with each and every week. This is a time for fun, for enjoyment and for reflection. And with over a year’s worth of Ciceronic musings you will have plenty to reflect on and to chew over. You will be able to cope. And we will all soon be back together for more of Cicero’s finest. Now that is something to look forward to.

And of course we still have today’s fine words and mind blowing musings to entertain, enthuse and excite you.

And this week’s Thought for the Day starts with a quote and let’s see if you can guess who said it.

‘’what’s important is that you are loyal to your customers rather than your customers being loyal to you’’.

These are the words of Sir Terry Leahy, the Head Honcho at Tesco and Britain’s most admired leader for the umpteenth time, according to Management Today, a glossy mag for Head Honchos everywhere.

What an insight? Cicero is so jealous. And of course Tesco Tel is so right. Get the first part of the equation right and the rest will surely follow. All our businesses no doubt talk about customer loyalty but in many cases we mean customer apathy or indifference and do we really do a lot to earn that loyalty. We take it for granted at our peril.

Look at all the little things that Tesco does very well and you will see that the whole from a customer’s point of view is much better than the sum of the parts. Perhaps Tesco Tel has read these musings and as previously advocated has appointed a Director of Small Stuff.

It is no measure aided and abetted by the data generated by its Clubcard, less a loyalty card, more a data gathering machine. However it uses this data to identify trends, to isolate niches and to develop products and services that allow it to do the right things to demonstrate loyalty to generate loyalty.

Take Tesco Tel’s ‘Finest’ range of quality foods. This came about following the identification that regular shoppers changed habits at important holiday festivals such as Christmas. At these times of the year they would switch to more upmarket brands such as Waitrose or Marks & Spencer. And this insight begat a more upmarket sub-brand to capture increased share of wallet.

Now we might not like the Tescofication of our High Streets but you cannot quibble with the brilliance of Tesco Tel nor argue with his popularity among customers who every day of every week vote with their feet and their wallet and whose loyalty is earned each and every day. So unlike Cicero’s Lords and Masters.

You have to admit it is incredibly smart business.

And so this is your challenge for the New Year, whether you work in the public, private, third or fourth sector, how are you going to show loyalty to your customers? Your resolution for 2010 must be to demonstrate that every little helps and to show this to your people and to your customers. If we can deliver on this we will earn the loyalty and the commitment of all our people and our customers and business success will be delivered.

But one final tip-don’t use the line ‘every little helps’. Cicero cannot be sure about this but he thinks someone else is using it. Innovation might be undiscovered plagiarism but this might be a bit too obvious.

Is it only me?

Am I the only one who will be wondering what kind of Christmas Roger Federer is going to have. He might be the world’s greatest ever tennis player but his Christmas this year is set to be ruined. The poor guy must be on tenterhooks waiting for the other slipper to fall.

Now you might be no doubt thinking that Cicero has had too much mulled wine already and has lost it but think about it.

For past few months Roger has been the face and stubble of Gillette along with his mates Thierry Henry and Tiger Woods. Now you are with me.

First of all Monsieur Henri through careful handling helps the Gauls to the World Cup finals in South Africa. With so much gall, you have to hand it to them. It was almost a close shave but the chance to play at the World Cup Finals must be the best a man can get. But we should point out to M Henri that it is the football world cup. The clue is in the name. And as a consequence there are now more beards in the Erin Isle per head of population than in any other nation.

And then came Tiger, the world’s finest golfer, and never did someone have a more apt name if the news reports are to be believed, giving new meaning to the chants of ‘You’re the man’ and ‘In the hole’, which is of course exactly all Mr Woods was attempting to do. Again for many, though not for Cicero of course, Tiger’s antics (alleged) might be considered the best a man can get but with a net worth of £1billion (alleged) and with substantive pre-nups in place (alleged), it might of course be that Tiger is the best a woman can get.

And so Mr Federer must now be left wondering when and where the curse of Gillette is going to strike again. Cicero hears that Mrs Federer has been checking the pre-nups and the life insurance should lightening strike again.

Indeed so worried is old Cicero about the curse of Gillette that he is now re-considering how to maintain his own clean cut, smooth as a baby’s bum, hirsute-free look. If sponsorship is all about image associations, you can never be too careful. Mind you, shaving with Gillette never did much for Cicero’s football, golf or tennis skills so it might be alright.

Have a great week and see you in the New Year.

Felix dies Nativatis.

I'm not as clever as I thought I was!

This week Cicero has had an epiphany moment. Indeed it is more than a moment. It might not be quite on the scale of a Pauline Damascene-esque conversion but it is right up there with some of the best flip flops of all time. And before this is shared with you, please make sure you are seated with no sharp objects or warm liquids to hand.

And this week’s shocks news which will come as a surprise to you, especially if you are of a data manipulating eco-mentalist persuasion, Cicero now admits that global warming, climate change, wonky weather, or whatever this week’s fashionable term might be, might be happening. Are you still there?

Now news of this import requires explanation. Why the change the mind? Well, in the absence of hard data which as the eco-mentalists know is hard to come by since they destroyed it once they had sexed it up a bit, Cicero has used other climatic and meteorological indicators to reach this conclusion.

Now you might not know this but each and every day Cicero braves the wrath of the Capital’s bendy buses and cycles on his week bike across town to the TSSB where he plies his trade. Proof that Cicero is concerned about his carbon footprint.

Anyway it is now mid December and Cicero continues to be seen about town on his wee bike in shorts. Now this might not be a pretty sight but never have shorts been worn so late in year. Surely proof positive that we are in midst of wonky weather. And so Cicero is convinced.

And in case there is an eco-mentalist out there who thinks that Cicero will now move on to challenge other moronities, think again. This is a subject to which Cicero intends to return. The case for man made climate change is far from proven and after the wilful destruction and obscuring of objectivity on this matter, rest assured we will re-visit this topic in the coming weeks. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

And in other shocking news this week Cicero has learnt that he is not as clever as he thought he was.

Now this is difficult to believe and this revelation almost caused Ciceronic depression for it seems that there is more than one kind of intelligence and Cicero might have the wrong one. You probably didn’t even know that you could have the wrong kind of intelligence but seemingly just as trains can be affected by the wrong kind of snow and water companies by the wrong kind of rain, it is now possible to have the wrong kind of intelligence.

Up until now you might have thought that proof of Cicero’s intelligence and ability was based on an endless supply of good ideas, an incisive mind and well developed technical skills. Imagine the let down and disappointment when you learn that nowadays this is nowhere near good enough. This type of intelligence is only an entry level requirement to be able to meet the requirements of working in the Top Secret State Bunker and for doing the job of protecting you.

Are you as gutted as Cicero was when he discovered this devastating news. It seems that for anyone to do their job properly the right kind of intelligence to have these days is Emotional Intelligence.

What is it? And why is it important, why is it relevant to us and our businesses?

It seems that to become as intelligent emotionally as we like to think we are as a common or garden intelligent person we need to develop and learn, if not too late, new skills.

To succeed we need self awareness and to be in touch with our emotions, drives and moods and their effect on others. This is an easy one. Cicero is never moody.

Secondly, we need to have the ability to control or re-direct our disruptive impulses and moods. Cicero will skip that one.

Thirdly we need to have a strong desire and be well motivated to achieve. No problem.

And we are now required to have the social skills needed to manage relationships and build networks Got that one unless its time to buy a round..

Lastly, emotional intelligence requires us to understand the emotional make up of other people and to empathise with the needs and wants of others. Now it’s got real hard to be intelligent.

So to be intelligent in today’s workplace requires us to understand others and their feelings, and to understand ourselves, our goals, our moods and our behaviour. Whatever happened to the other kind of intelligence? Cicero was good at that one

However to be emotionally dumb is not an option. What kind of an organisation would you like to be a customer of? Where would you like to work?

To be the kind of human and creative business we want for our customers and for ourselves, we need to continue to develop and grow in emotional intelligence. We must continue to show self awareness, an ability to control our emotions, to demonstrate a passion to achieve for customers and colleagues, to empathise with people, and to build proficiency in managing relationships.

Consider two airlines-Virgin and Ryanair. Where would you prefer to work? With whom would you prefer to fly? Which has the higher level of emotional intelligence as a business, as a brand?

Cicero has come across few with emotional intelligence. It is a rare gift. And someone with it is to be loved, cherished and kept close. The world and your life is truly a better place for their presence in it. You can trust Cicero on this one. He has experience of EI people.

Is it only me?

And so to this week’s big question-should bankers get a bonus?

No doubt you will have been wondering all week through the media and political emotional knee jerk response to this issue, if Cicero had a view on such a topic. Of course Cicero has a view. And as is the wont of this column the Ciceronic opinion is not one to make Cicero popular. No matter. Truth as always will out though it often takes a week or two before public opinion catches up.

And before dispensing views and opinions on this matter, it is worth pointing out that prior to Cicero practising his marketing genius and alchemy on your behalf, such genius was previously applied to the financial services industry though the views formed on bankers’ bonuses are formed independently of these experiences. In any event Cicero never did benefit from such levels of largesse and generosity.

Over the past year we as taxpayers have sunk billions into our banks to ensure that when we went to a cash machine our money was there. And sure these bankers now us all a wee bit more than the price of a three bedrooms semi detached house. And we might no longer think of these people as masters of the universe and indeed we might even call them a word that rhymes with bankers.

Now it might only be me, and now given that the mission of this piece is to go boldly where no one has gone before, and to go there in a grammatically correct way, you will note, but I would like my money back at some point and if this means that a few pinstripes have to be paid a wee bit more to deliver so that I can get my money back, big deal.

Please can we stop all this hysteria which has all the similarities of a KKK lynch mob? Can we end the populist appeal to the base instincts of the mob? Can we cease the political posturing and futile political gestures? It is also worth remembering that screaming foul on bonuses is a handy diversion from the very fraudulent expense fiddles practiced by our MPs. No wonder they are keen to attack the pinstripe and red braces brigade.

So can we get back to sanity? Pay the bankers what is needed so we can get our loans back and let our banks perform. But let’s make sure that we more properly align the needs of bankers with those of the taxpayer and the shareholder.

All I want are my bawbees back. And I am sure you do too.

Have a great week.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.

A Chinese takeaway

Salvete.

Thank you once again for all your contributions to last week’s thoughts. Cicero would however like to correct the charge levelled at him by one of last week’s anonymous contributors that he is mean. This is a libellous and scurrilous accusation. Cicero is not mean. He is just careful with his bawbees.

Cicero has also been asked from where he gets the inspiration to write such thought provoking insight each and every week. Clearly you realise that though it is made to look easy, stimulus is required each and every week for such great thoughts to be written. The words inscribed on the tomb of Sir Christopher Wren are clearly apposite in response:

‘Lector, si monumentum requiris te circumspice’

Cicero will not insult your intelligence by translating this into the vernacular but needless to say inspiration is everywhere and nowhere.

Last week Cicero was musing for no apparent reason on the words and works of Chairman Mao. On this occasion he means the Great Helmsman, the Supreme Leader of the Chinese nation, and not the Chinese restaurant on Wigan High St.

In the 1960s this man urged the nation to let ‘a hundred flowers bloom’ to encourage radical and off the wall thinking. Now while this ended in the absurdity of the Cultural Revolution and mass murder of anyone thinking unorthodox thoughts, maybe just maybe there might be some lessons for us as marketers in this approach. And when Cicero says this he means the first bit about letting a hundred flowers bloom and not the mass murder bit even though it would open a few career paths.

Too often in business we employ people on vast-ish salaries who are under the impression that they must come up with vast-ish thoughts and equally vastishly expensive thinking to justify such vast-ish salaries. The result is often initiative after programme after project which expensively delivers outputs and rarely outcomes. Just look at the volume of initiatives pouring from TSSBs across Whitehall for proof of this thesis. The urge to do be seen to do things is like an itch and the bigger the scratch the better.

Now here’s a radical thought.

Maybe more could be achieved if businesses and its leaders focussed on doing the small things which can quite often deliver big results. And maybe if we as leaders encouraged ourselves and our people to light a hundred small fires, to let a hundred flowers bloom, we might achieve more. What do you think? Do you think Cicero is onto something here?

Many businesses will have tried to put in place comprehensive and full blown and no doubt expensive employee engagement programmes usually involving an expensive staff satisfaction survey or by chasing IIP accreditation. And no doubt a Director of Employee Engagement will be hired on a vasti-ish salary to think vast-ish thoughts.

Not necessarily wrong but taking the small fire approach much progress can be made to engage our people if we remember to take time out to show we appreciate their efforts; if we share business results and progress on a regular basis; and if we take time to listen to what they are doing and what they are feeling.

Easy. Cheap. Effective.

Maybe businesses of all shapes and sizes would do much better if they stopped hiring fancy Marketing Directors on fancy salaries who think they must develop expensive brand refresh programmes and expensive advertising campaigns to justify their fancy salaries.

And instead they employ a Director of Small Things to concentrate not on the big expensive stuff to drive business but on initiatives which cost the price of chips but deliver big results. A person whose job is to light loads of small fires around the business to improve business performance.

In the world of small fires where a hundreds of flowers a bloom, BT combined a telephone number and web address to boost response by a factor of 3 over a single call to action. Simple but brilliant.

Another example? One leading charity added a text response and immediately doubled donations especially from the young And

This even works for small businesses. One small shop Cicero knows boosted turnover by £60,000 simply by moving the fruit and veg from the rear to the front of the shop.

And in one town that employed a Director of Small Things the number of people who gave up their car and switched to walking was increased after they replaced signs showing distance to places as is the norm with signs showing time on assumption that people are short of time not miles. Again Cicero is in awe of such thinking, such an approach.

And so if this week you smell burning, you can be sure that Cicero has been lighting small fires across his TSSB and has been encouraging his team to do the same. Let’s not think about spending money on the big things but about how we can deliver big results by doing the small stuff better.

Let’s smell the flowers, let’s set our business alight, let a thousand thoughts contend. It will be good for us, for our people, for our business.

Is it only me?

Cicero is fed up. He is angered, annoyed and apoplectic. And, what you might ask, is the source of such apoplectic angst? Well it is the record industry. Why so, will be your next question?

For years the record industry has done nothing but moan about the threats posed to their business model by free downloading and the competitive threat of the internet. Indeed so loud has been their moaning that the conventional and usually broken approach is now to be followed. The government will intervene and do something. This is always a recipe for disaster. Governments of all shades are regularly implored to do something, just listen to the ‘Today’ programme for 15 minutes and count the number of times the government ‘must do something’. It rarely works.

Now it might only be me but I have never heard the manufacturers of Perrier, Evian or Buxton Spring asking the government to do something to help them compete with the threat to their business model posed by the free download of their major competitor, tap water. Even the mighty Coke, which regards tap water, not Pepsi, as its major competitor for share of throat, has raised no objection to competing with this free resource.

Unlike the record companies who just carp on and on about how unfair life is, these companies set out to build brands which better meet and satisfy consumer need than tap water does and for this they charge a premium. And it works. Indeed it works so well that the data manipulating eco-mentalist brigade are now muscling in on the act and moaning about the eco-mentalist impacts of these examples of great brand building. Stick to manipulating and hiding the climate change data, you are good at that, and leave the brand builders to do what they do best.

And so Cicero has this advice to the moaning minnies of the record industry. Get over it. Life is unfair. Deal with it. Stop moaning. And start thinking about how you can compete. You will find the answer on tap.

Have a great week. And see you again next week.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.

The end of the beginning

Greetings.

Something has happened. Cicero is not sure what it is but something has sparked you into life and each week more and more comments are being posted and sent through to this wee corner of the blogosphere. Some funny. Some serious. Some rude. All thought provoking. Thank you.

Tribute must be paid at the outset this week to the immense achievement of the men from Dalriada in overcoming the challenge last weekend from their antipodean cousins on the rugby field. This is more than their chariot loving Anglo-Saxon kith were able to do though heaven forbid that you might think this is a Ciceronic gloat. This was an inevitable victory for the Picts. It might have been a while since victory over the Aborigines was last achieved but remember that every defeat takes you one step closer to victory.

And so to this week’s lesson.

Last week Cicero was wending his weary way home on his wee bike after checking as usual before leaving his Top Secret State Bunker that as per normal the borders were safe and secure. Before long he bumped once again into his Marketing Professional Friend out enjoying the Capital’s sights and sounds with his team.

‘Out celebrating?’ asked Cicero to his MPF.

‘Yes. Our new marketing campaign starts tomorrow. It has been a hard road with many late nights to get the stuff out the door. And now our work is done we thought we would come out and let our hair down. Will you not join us for a wee dram’?

‘Not tonight but thanks anyway though I am surprised you think your work is now done. Surely it has only just started. Surely the hard work starts tomorrow. You have done the easy bit now the difficult stuff starts.’

‘You kidding me?’ queried MPF ‘What more can me and team do? It’s now down the business to handle the work my marketing is going to bring in. Our work is done. We can put our feet up, let our hair down and chill. You do know how to chill, don’t you, Cicero?’

‘There is lots more for you and your team still to do. What you have done to date is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. It is merely the end of the beginning’, said Cicero going all Churchill, not meaning the nodding dog.

‘Let me see what still needs to be done. Here are some examples in no particular order.

Firstly I assume you have a telephone number and a website linked to your campaign. And I presume that these are included all on your marketing material. Do they work? Do you really know they work? Sure a customer might ring and the phone answered but how knowledgeable is the person answering the phone? Do all the online links work? Will the search engines be ble to find you? Do you know all this for sure when the campaign breaks tomorrow? If I was you I would be testing your phone and internet links to destruction, fault finding and stress testing and finding and fixing anything that is broken before your customers do.

‘Secondly what are you doing about making sure the campaign works and does the business for the business. We have spoken before about the need to impress your Finance people but you will never be able to do this unless you can show, indeed prove, that the marketing investment will deliver. Can you do this? Will you, in say 3 months time, be able to show that you delivered a great return on marketing investment.

‘And thirdly, and more immediately, what will you be doing over the next few days to make sure that your online spend is optimised. Will you know what creative, what search terms, what sites are working for you, delivering customers cost effectively? Do you have processes set up to collect and disseminate this data? Have you got meetings in place to review what is happening out there?

‘Need I go on, my friend?’

‘Ok, party over, folks’, was the MPF's shocked response, putting away and locking up his wallet, much to Cicero’s approval ‘we have still got a wee bit of work to do.

‘Know what, Cicero. You might be a bit of a party pooper. Many might think of you as anti-social. But you are rarely wrong on matters marketing.’

And with that thought Cicero wobbled away into the night knowing that his work was done for the evening and that another marketing lesson had been delivered, heard and understood. Cicero went home a satisfied man.

And should you ever see a marketing team in chill mode with hair down and feet up, please do remind them of Churchill, not the nodding one, the other one, and make sure they are not confusing the end of the beginning with the beginning of the end or even the end.

Is it only me?

Last week you might have seen the news that rail fares were going to go up. And every year when this announcement is made some intrepid reporter will take up his post outside Waterloo station and many other enquiring and investigative journalists will take up similar positions outside other stations up and down and across this green and pleasant land. They will be there to gauge commuter reaction and response to this news.

And every year the answer is the same. ‘Appalling’, says one. ‘Outrageous’, says another. ‘Scandalous’, adds a third. And so on and so on.

What do you expect them to say? You must be as staggered as Cicero to think that there is a news editor out there who seriously thinks that he is going to find someone out there who is going to welcome the news that rail fares are going to rise. Cicero would love it if they found some member of the salatariat in favour of the extra cost of their journey to work because the extra cash was needed to improve the quality of the rail passenger experience and to ensure that the shareholders get a better selection of bubbly and nibbles at the shareholders’ meeting.

Is it only me who questions why every year this charade is played out across our railway termini and station concourses. The same thing is said year in, year out. It might be cheap television but it is hardly news, hardly the scoop of the millennium, is it? We have had Woodward and Bernstein reporting on Watergate: Kate Adie in Tiananmen Square; and even John Sargeant tripping over his feet to get an interview with Thatcher on the eve of her resignation. All great examples of dangerous and intrepid reporting designed to uncover truth and illuminate wrong doing. How does the standard of reporting on rises in rail fares compare?

Have a great week.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.

Learning to speak serbo croat

This week Cicero is happy, pleased and thrilled.

Happy that more and more people are engaging in debate through this medium on the big issues of the day. Pleased with the quality of the debate unleashed. And thrilled that even the enviro-mental and health and safety community, for so long silent in the debate, have at last been stimulated, or maybe provoked, to join in. Cicero believes that to this community he is fast becoming a cult, or at least he thinks that is what he is.

And a great big thank you to the third Chuckle Brother for his masterful critique and detailed de-construction of last week’s witterings. Initially sent through privately it is especially pleasing that this was re-written and submitted for others to enjoy. However sadly Cicero’s inability to use new fangled technology meant that this masterful thesis was accidentally deleted. Hopefully it has not been lost forever and it can be restored

It cannot be long now before ‘Cicero Speaks’ is being used in universities, colleges and business schools throughout the land though there is still probably more work to do to dumb down these thoughts before they might be suitable for such an audience.

In any event Cicero promises that all comment is read and gratefully received and the points made will be re-visited over the coming weeks once due consideration has been given to the issues raised and once a cogent, compelling and comprehensive response formulated. Cicero recognises that this is the least you can expect.

And so to this week’s intelligent insight.

One night last week Cicero joined a fellow Marketing Professional to imbibe a small alcoholic libation at a local hostelry.

At this point Cicero would like to stress that the borders, freedom and democracy were secure, and that your security was in no way compromised. In any event he was no more than a phone call away at all times from a swift return to work should there be any threat to liberty, security and democracy. It is important that this is pointed out.

In any event none of this came to pass. However said Marketing Professional Friend was in a highly emotional, distressed and agitated state.

‘ No one understands me and what I do’, he sobbed to Cicero, ‘ I strain every sinew to raise brand awareness and to produce advertising that really cuts through and then just when me and my team start to make some progress, that son-of-a bitch of a finance director cuts my budget. I am at my wit’s end; I see no point on going on.’

‘Pull yourself together, man,’ empathised Cicero, giving the MPF a few painful slaps on the cheeks to try to get some sense into the man, ‘this is not the time to let these people grind you down. How did your campaign perform?’

‘I told you, didn’t I? Have you not been listening to a word I have been saying, Cicero? I was driving up awareness and our ads were getting noticed. Even that pig of a Finance Director said he had noticed them.’

And therein lies the crux of the issue, Cicero’s MPF was speaking Serbo-Croat with a Bosnian accent while his Finance Director was speaking Polish with a just a trace of a Prussian dialect. It is no wonder they were never going to understand each other.

It is no use the marketing team wittering on and on about awareness, saliency and cut through when the rest of the business is concerned about ROI, NPV and P&L. Who cares about the kind of thing marketers talk about if it does not contribute to the bottom line or impact on financial performance at the end of the day somewhere along the line?

It is not the fault of the business if we are not understood it is ours. And all marketers serious about doing great marketing must learn how to present our wonderful discipline in a way that the board, the business, their colleagues can understand. We must learn to speak their language and to understand it and to talk our language in ways they understand and care about.

Cicero read recently that ‘marketers are trained to broadcast when in fact the key to success is listening’. Exactly. We must learn to listen to what the rest of the business is saying, how they say it and listen to what they are saying about what we do. Only then can we start to develop the arguments that we need to show how investment in marketing can help deliver business success. That is business success, not marketing success.

How does awareness contribute to the bottom line? Where does saliency fit? What is the ROI on marketing investment? And one final tip-stop talking about marketing spend or marketing costs. And start talking about marketing investment. It’s all about language.

3 hours later the MPF had pulled himself together and Cicero’s messages had been received and understood. If the IT boys can grasp simple business and financial concepts, for they get it more than us marketing folks do, it really can’t be too difficult. Can it?

And so the moral of today’s tale for all budding marketers - go bi-lingual and learn to speak the same language as every one else in the business, especially the finance people.

Is it only me?

Cicero has spoken before about the health and safety hazards posed by the proliferation of trolley dolly briefcases on our streets and pavements. Today Cicero would like to return to this subject and to raise a new danger posed by these weapons of mass destruction. Indeed Cicero would like to urge the enviro-mental health and safety person who got in touch last week for his view on these killers.

And before going on, and possibly on and on and on, there is a need to explain the origins of the term trolley dolly briefcases.

The term comes from air stewardesses, or trolley dollies, who were among the first to use these monsters. At the time this was ok. There were few in circulation and largely confined to aerodromes. Now they dominate our pavements posing unnecessary dangers on our crowded pavement to the health of other bi-peds. Has anyone ever calculated just how much extra room these things take up? It must be massive. And you don’t even need planning permission or a license to have one. It’s crazy.

And now I must point out a new hazard. And Cicero is sure that once you see this danger lurking in our midst that you too will be shocked and appalled.

Now one reason for the sales success of these beasts is that they make it easy for people to move around their office or wardrobe or, if you are a woman, the complete stock of an electrical retailer. This strength is also its greatest weakness. The wheels on these weapons make weight irrelevant. Until you reach steps. At which point teams of Sherpas are required to shift these missiles. Have you seen what happens when people wheeling around their worldly goods hit steps? You get a log jam. And as queues of unencumbered bi-peds build up behind those straining every sinew to lug their now highly immobile missiles up and down steps and stairs, the health and safety hazards too start to mount and become more and more risky and dangerous with every passing second.

And so is it only me who says that something must be done before these wheeled health and safety risks cause injury and death? And so today Cicero calls on like minded and sane and safety conscious people to join in a crusade to dis-encourage the sale of all trolley dolly briefcases. Ban them, we say. Get rid, we assert. Exterminate all, we cry.

Have a great week. But be careful out there. The pavements are a dangerous place.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.

It has to be you

It seems that last week Cicero awoke ‘a sleeping giant’. It is amazing how many of you saw fit to respond to my equality remarks. Some in favour. Some against. And it is amazing to how many of you are known as ‘anonymous’. Cicero is still not sure if all the remarks came from one ‘anonymous’ or several ‘anonymous’....or should that be ‘anonymii’? Now there’s an interesting question to start this week’s debate. Anyway Cicero would like to thank all those who took the time and trouble to respond to last week’s remarks. Cicero did enjoy reading the vies, comments and opinions expressed.

Now let’s see if we can be as controversial this week as last. As they used to say ‘it’s good to talk’.

The other night Cicero was watching the old flickering cathode ray tube in the corner of the room and caught an ad for Yahoo proclaiming its devotion to serving you. And there are other brands out there similarly communicating that you make it happen. Vodafone, for example, is talking about ‘Power to you’. There will be countless others talking about making you the centre piece of the brand.

Is this good or bad? Let me give you a point of view, I know you would expect no less.

Now it might be argued that brands which announce that they are all about you will be pledging their adherence to the false prophet of customer centricity, whatever that might mean. Well, yes, you could argue that but surely brands must be about more than that.

As consumers we want to love or hate it brands. We want them to stand for something real and specific, tangible and definite. We do not want wishy washy statements of intent, empowerment and affection.

Brands which talk about being whatever you want us to be is lazy marketing. Clever brands and intelligent marketing are about understanding what your customers want, showing that you understand this and delivering it. A brand cannot be all things to all people. As someone once said, and on this occasion I have no idea who said this, ‘great marketing is about making choices’. It is based on four principles: know your customer; segment accordingly; target sparingly; position specifically. A brand which says we will be whatever you want us to be does and cannot deliver against these principles.

Think of the easy going friend you have. The one with no ideas or suggestions of their own. The one who is always happy to go along with what you suggest. The one who lets you do whatever it is you want to do, whenever you want to do it. Now compare that friend with the one with interests, views and opinions. The one with whom you clash and argue.

Which friend bores you the most? Which friend stimulates you? Who do you want to spend time with?

And whatever is true of friends is also true of brands.

So should some acne ridden account executive come to you with self indulgent ideas of building a co-creative, self empowering and you based brand, talk to him ,or her, about boring and interesting friends. Your brand must have an identity that is clear, compelling and cogent. Just be yourself. Don’t be about you.

Is it only me?

Did you read recently that eco-mentalism is now deemed to be a religion which means you can’t be sacked for believing that the world is about to end unless we sit in the dark, unless we end all economic growth and unless we stop leaving the DVD on stand by? I kid you not. The world has now taken leave of its collective senses.

This has now been proved in court and a man has been told that he can take his employer to tribunal on the grounds he was unfairly dismissed because of his views on climate change. Have you ever heard such errant nonsense? This claim was made under regulations designed to cover any religion, religious or philosophical belief. Eco-mentalism, which in my view is more a medical condition than a belief system based on a philosophical idea, has the same status as Christianity, Judaism, Hindu, Islam or any of the other great religions on the planet. It is now faith.

I have a belief that Scotland will win the World Cup, that I am going to win the lottery, even that I am attractive to women, even though I am fast approaching my dotage. Yet I would not claim that any of these beliefs or faiths is in any way religious. Indeed many would think that such beliefs are more fantasy than faith.

And yet believing that global warming, or dodgy weather, will lead to the end of civilisation as we know it means you are now seen as having religious belief. Ye Gods. Of course if the eco-mentalists are now claiming religious belief surely the converse must be equally true and that those who consider climate change as natural and cyclical must also be considered religious. I bet that is not the case though.

I would also like to know what kind of a kooky lawyer when given the brief to sue for wrongful dismissal thought ‘I know, we will argue that eco-mentalism is a religion and you are therefore protected’. How do the minds of these people work? I swear they are wired up differently from you and me.

Now all I need to know is that health and safety adherents have been given religious protection and I will know the lunatics have taken over the asylum. It will not be too long now before Cicero’s thoughts on eco-mentalism, equality, health and safety, and other pc nonsense, will be deemed blasphemous. I see it coming.

Have a great week.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.

Thanks for the memory

Ave atque salve.

Well it seems that ‘The Diary of Anne Frank’ could not be bettered and so if Anonymous reveals his or her identity then a wee prize may be forthcoming unless Cicero’s recognition is reward in itself which Cicero is sure will probably suffice. It was an inspired selection and does go to prove that the young can write fitting, motivating and inspiring autobiographies. And for all I know perhaps Ms Lewis’s autobiography may also meet these criteria.

And now for the greatest philosophical question of all time.

A question so big that many businesses have given up trying to answer it. But for those who stick the course and who do answer it, they find the elixir to everlasting wealth and prosperity. And today Cicero is going to try to provide an answer to this one simple question……what is a brand?

For many the brand is about advertising and becoming well known. It’s about having ads during Coronation St. Wrong. Did you know that until recently Marks and Spencer did not spend a penny on advertising? True. And yet no one would deny that M&S is not a great brand. And what about Google, Starbucks, Amazon? Does anyone think that these are not great brands? And yet, and I think this is true, these businesses have become successful and well known without advertising their wares. And think too about Marlboro and Viagra, both can’t advertise and yet both are well known brands. Anybody got an issue with this thesis?

Another school of thought is that a brand is a logo or a mark or a strap line of some sort. Wrong again. A brand is much more than that and the logo or mark or strap line should be an outcome from the brand communicating what it stands for and its values. It is not the brand. Think of a brand as a great big iceberg of the sort that sunk Kate Winslet and Leonardo di Caprio and should have sunk Celine Dion but missed. Now if we are to believe what the eco-mentalists tell us, our brand iceberg will be much reduced in size due to global warming or climate change or whatever wonky weather is called this week. However the basic physics remain the same and no matter the size of your iceberg 90% remains below the water line. The same can be said of a true brand. The logos, the marks, the visual design stuff which many see as the brand are only the tip of the iceberg with the substance of the brand hidden from view.

So now that I have told you some of the things that a brand is not, you are probably waiting impatiently for Cicero to spill the beans and to share with you the elixir of business success. Well if we are patient Cicero will do exactly that.

Traditionally a brand is described as ‘a promise’. A promise that is unique, compelling and which delivers rational and emotional benefit to meet customer needs. And because this promise is unique and compelling it is able to charge a price premium.

And so Disney offers ‘entertaining fun’, Coke offers ‘refreshment’, Apple offers ‘innovative design’. Now should be the brand manger of any of these great brands be around you might take exception to these descriptions of your brands but for the purposes of my musings these descriptions will suffice.

But Cicero being Cicero believes that this definition of a brand is too simplistic and does not go far enough. Anyone can make a promise. The trick is to deliver against it, to deliver an experience that fulfils that promise. And so for me a brand is a promise and an experience, an experience that lives up to the promise across all touch points consistently, day in and day out.

And yet it is more than that. Great brands stay in the mind. They are not dismissed from the memory banks. The experience lives up to and even exceeds the expectations set by the promise that they linger around among the old grey matter influencing future brand choice and making sure the brand, its promise and its experience are talked about with friends and family, producing word of mouth marketing.

And there you have it. A brand is a promise. An experience. A memory. No mention of price and price premiums (or should that be premia?)

And from this flows things like logos, visual identity, photographic style, tone of voice and the like.

Finally here’s a thought to leave you with and indeed is this week’s homework-given what has been said about brands so far in this rambling monologue, is Ryanair a brand? Answer next week but your thoughts welcome.

Is it only me?

Cicero had occasion recently to visit an exhibition. It was very interesting but the amount of floor space given over to various kinds of equality and minority units would amaze you as it did Cicero. And should you be perusing the job pages of any of our national newspapers, and especially the Guardian, the house magazine for taxpayer funded busy bodies, (though Cicero is sure that if you read these words you are so unlikely to read this organ) take careful note of all the positions advertised to promote equality and engagement. This is an important phrase among the tax spending classes, though hands up if you know what it means.

I came across a workshop held recently by an organisation which will remain nameless which was, and I quote, ‘designed to support senior job applications and is open to the following staff:
• women
• black and minority ethnic staff
• staff with disabilities
• lesbian, gay, bi-sexual staff
• transgender/ transsexual staff. ‘

Can anyone spot who is missing from this list?

Now don’t get me wrong. I am strongly in favour of equality, equality of opportunity that is. And I passionately loathe discrimination or prejudice anywhere it occurs. However is it only me who thinks that it is now about time we had equality for white, middle aged, middle class males? I see no units being established or funding provided to help support and give a hand up to this endangered species which is lingering and soldiering on despite the barriers being put in place to stop this group becoming as extinct as the Amazonian green cross snake. Does this group not have the right to progress their careers? Do they not require similar levels of help and support when applying for senior level jobs?

Let me know what you think. Perhaps now is the time to man, or should that be person, the barricades.

Have a great week.

Sis felix. Et sis fortunatus.